I can't help feeling resentful of others because I feel like I worked hard and I still don't have the things they do?

[Anonymous]

I am autistic, and had to work hard for many years to get over the challenges associated with it. I now have decent social skills, I'm married and I have a job.

I just keep thinking that if I didn't have autism to deal with, all my hard work could have gone into becoming a doctor, lawyer, pharmacist, or some other high earner. After I pay bills and cover my expenses, I don't have a whole lot left over. And I work hard in my job as a kitchen assistant, it's 10, 11 sometimes 12 hour shifts. I don't have any friends now because my luck was such that all the ones who truly understand me migrated.

My old friend who is like a brother is a helicopter pilot, got the chance to migrate and work overseas, makes a load of money, has no shortage of friends where he works, and gets to travel all over the world and it's paid for by the company. My sister is a doctor and also gets paid a load of money, never had to sacrifice friends or relationships to get where she is (there are doctors who sacrificed that), and has no shortage of friends now. She even has children while my wife has cystic ovaries so it's not in the cards for us.

Both of them have spent less time praying than me, but their lives still look like I would have liked mine to look at age 36. And they also put in less work than me. It makes no sense. How much longer do I have to fight for something other people put in considerably less work for?

[Oliverlogan263]

Hey man, I get why you'd feel resentful in your situation. That shit isn't fair at all. You worked your ass off to overcome way more than most, yet are still struggling more. Totally sucks.

But try not to judge your bro or sis too harshly. Maybe they had other advantages in life you don't see, like natural talent or connections or just plain luck. Doesn't mean they worked less.

Either way, comparing won't change anything. Easier said than done, I know. But you gotta focus on being proud of how far YOU'VE come rather than what others have. Shit cards you were dealt ain't your fault.

And 36 ain't old - you can still turn things around. Maybe look for a new job or side hustle with more potential. Take some risks and see where they lead.

Most important thing is the family you've built and that you keep your head up. Happiness comes from within, man. Keep grinding and your time will come too. Don't lose that fighter spirit - you got this bro!

[Flatmanlewis]

I get where you are coming from. You have my sympathy for your pain and respect for your hard work. Truth is, I’ve hard to work a lot harder than many others I know. It was painful to see people, seemingly with little effort, achieve goals I wanted so badly. Yet, I stayed in the fight and achieved my goals. There were time when self-pity and anger could creep into my mind and I had to just push it out. Destroy it. Do not abide it. It’s addictive and toxic.


If you want a different scenario then just charge after it. Heck, my sister is 47yrs old and just started a whole new career. She did it after nearly losing a ugly fight with cancer. Now she’s half way through training to do the career she never knew she wanted but now always wishes she had done before.


Chase a dream and accept that ALL people face defeat and obstacles. It’s the ones who get up that win in the end.

[bededazzle]

generally speaking, it will just poison you to compare yourself to others. they may have problems in their lives anyhow you’re not aware of. you were born with a burden, but you have come so far. please just focus on that. if you find yourself comparing yourself to other, think of what you can be grateful for instead. you will feel better and notice the small, nice things that happen around you every day.

[bededazzle]

also, as someone semi functional from depression, i’ve found my disease gives me more compassion for others. your autism may have actually given you strengths. after all, do you appreciate things more the harder you work for them?

[Asker]

I do appreciate them, but the resentment is still there

[bededazzle]

to be honest, based on the few autistic friends i know, i think resentment may be a challenging issue? resentment is a poison that slowly kills only you. some people do seem to have an Easter lot in life, but i think those who have hardships also have wisdom. you have overcome some serious challenges to autism already. you can overcome this too. your life is about you, not them. you can’t start your life over and not have autism. so what can you do to feel better? at the same time, i understand your resentment. it’s just, it kills you slowly and helps nothing.

[bededazzle]

do you find friendships rewarding? you sound very busy, but i recommend meetup. com, or perhaps you could volunteer somewhere. you need something to make your mind more positive

[HappyWoman34]

Therapy.