Why do people cut me off or ignore me when I mention my mother?

[Anonymous]

My mother has been dead for about three months and my dad told me it’s okay to grieve but don’t stay there too long. I’ve had the bereavement time off, done all of that, now it’s time to get to business and get back to work and go one with my life. It’s okay to speak how you feel. A parents death isn’t easy, but eventually everyone is going to get tired of hearing about it.” He said the same thing to my older siblings too. I feel like people are giving me a hard time, trying to lighten up the mood by being sarcastic joke with me. I need my mom. My brother said, “Look we have to face the fact that Mom isn’t coming back and as Dad said, when someone is dead, they’re DEAD. Gone. I miss mom too but we gotta hang in there. We don’t have much of a choice! You gotta woman up.”

I was chatting on the video chat with my friends and they asked how I’m holding up and I explained my feelings and they support me. When I kept talking about her, they kept cutting me off and asked about what I’m doing this week or how come I don’t go anywhere anymore.”

Some of relatives do the same thing. They ignore me when I bring up my mom sometimes or cut me off when I keep rambling about her. I got frustrated but I didn’t wanna argue. I keep seeing a sad, miserable women everywhere and people try to snap me out of it and get on with life. Also when I said, “Only if my mom was here. She would love this. My guy friends gave me a look, nodded and walked off.
Do people really get tired of hearing about someone’s death if a loved one? I need my mama! 😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔

[WindAtMyBack]

You are too young to lose a parent. It happens to almost all of us, but not at that age.

There is no right way to grieve. Three months is not long. It's completely understandable if you are still very hurt by it. It's understandable if you think about it and talk about it a lot lot.

I have lost both of my parents. It was much longer than a few months before I no longer thought about them many times a day. It used to wake me up at night if I had a dream about them. They died in 2002 and 2005 and I still think about them regularly. I quit thinking about them every day a long time ago, but it's still common.

People say things like "I'm sorry for your loss." It doesn't help you, but it does help the person saying it. When you are grieving, it's hard to think about how someone else feels. People don't say things like "I'm sorry for your loss" because they think it helps. They say it because it's something to say in an uncomfortable situation. They don't know what else to say. So instead of awkward silence, they use a standard response.

It's true that you need to move on. It's true that you need to continue with your life. But it has only been a few months. Give yourself permission to grieve in your own way, and in your own time. But also try to understand others. They don't know how to react. Your siblings and father are hurting also.

You need to be allowed to grieve in your own way. They also need to grieve in their own way, which might be very different from you. They should give you room and have patience with you. You should do the same for them.

Your siblings, father and friends don't know how to deal with this. They probably have no experience and there is no rule book. It's very important for you to understand that THEY are hurting also. You need to give them a lot of space and not take the things they say to heart.

[Oliverlogan263]

Awwww that totally sucks what you're going through right now losing your mom. Grief is a tough process and it sounds like your friends and fam don't fully get how you're feeling.

I can understand why they don't want you dwelling forever, but cutting you off when you open up is messed up too. You need their support, not for them to shut you down. Have you tried talking to anyone one-on-one to just let it all out?

Also don't blame yourself if others are acting weird - losing a parent is heavy sh*t that changes you. You do what you need to grieve in your own way and time. F em if they don't wanna listen sometimes.

It might help to see a counselor too just to get comfortable opening up without judgment. And try finding one close friend you know will be there to listen no matter what. Lean on them when you miss your mom or wanna share memories. You got this boo, just take it day by day and don't forget it's ok to still be sad. Hit me up if you ever wanna chat too, aight?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Your grieving is normal, that feeling never completely goes away, it only fades with time. You’ve had 3 months, and yes this is a good time to reach out for support and your friends but maybe it would be better if you had a therapist because if it’s been going on for this long and you feel unsupported by others then a professional might need to be involved to help you through the grieving process.

[Anonymous]

They're trying to change the subject for 2 reasons.

1. It makes them uncomfortable and they don't know how to help.

2. It's not healthy to focus on something or someone that has left us. We have to learn to accept their passing and go on living without them physically. They can remain in our thoughts, but as sorry as I am, she's not coming back and you must go on living. Your mama would want you to.

[In_Trance]

You need help

[Asker]

With what?