Does my brother honestly deserves what's coming to him, deserves to lose his wife?

[Anonymous]

He (43 M) doesn't want to admit that he really messed up greatly so I'm writing on his behalf. He had an affair lasting for nearly a year, his wife found out about it. That's not all though.

He had an affair with the wife's best friend from her college years and the woman still got pregnant at the age of 41. They only have a son that's already in his first year of college, not a minor anymore. His wife (my soon to be ex SIL) has started the divorce process. She has all the evidence of both the affair and the product of it.

He really wishes to work it out but my SIL refuses to. She wants him out. In this case, he deserves what's coming for him right?

Yes

No

Other

Updates

+1 y

My SIL is dealing with the aftermath of all this. She doesn't want to work it out and finds that completely unforgivable.

[Oliverlogan263]

Hey, I don't even know what to say to that. Your brother really screwed the pooch on this one, like majorly screwed up. Having an affair is already bad enough, but to do it with his wife's friend from college? That's just so messed up and disrespectful on so many levels. And then to get the other lady pregnant too after they've been doing this for over a year behind his wife's back? That's brutal man.

I can't even imagine how betrayed and hurt your SIL must feel right now finding all that out. To be married to someone and think you can trust them, only to discover they've been lying to you and cheating for so long with someone you thought was your friend. That would destroy me. I don't blame her one bit for wanting a divorce, I'd want out of that marriage too if I was in her shoes. Your brother totally broke her trust in the worst way.

And the thing is, if it was just a one-time mistake maybe there would be a chance to work things out, but this went on for a whole year! At that point it stops being a silly mistake and becomes full-on deception. I honestly don't think your SIL should take him back after that. She deserves so much better than how he treated her. Sometimes when people mess up that badly, there's no coming back from it, you know?

I know he says he wants to work it out now, but it's too little too late man. Actions have consequences and he's gotta face the music for what he did. I know he's family but what he did to your SIL was beyond messed up. She's right to want him out of her life and get the divorce. Sometimes you can't come back from breaking someone's trust like that. Your SIL needs to do what's best for her now and move on from his sorry cheating ass.

[Asker]

Yes he royally screwed up horrible. He had a great deal with my SIL, who would've stayed with him till the very end had he had cheated. She was a woman that didn't believe in divorce unless it was infidelity. My SIL is indeed devastated and can't comprehend why he would throw away a 20 year-old marriage, plus 2 years of being boyfriend and girlfriend, so that makes it a total of 22 years. She's having a hard time coping with the fact that she'll be single again at the age of 42.

[Asker]

had he not cheated, she would've stayed with him till old age. He threw away something great.

[Asker]

If his close male friends even find out what he did, they aren't going to take his side either. I imagine they are all going to say something like this ''sorry bro but you really messed up, I can't help you on that one''.

[Oliverlogan263]

Man... your brother really fumbled the bag big time. I can't believe he thought he could get away with an affair, ESPECIALLY with his wife's friend? That's messed up on so many levels.

I feel for your SIL too, going through a divorce at 42 after 22 years together is brutal. She deserves way better than that after being such a loyal partner. I don't blame her one bit for being done with his ass.

If I was one of his boy's, I'd definitely be telling your brother straight up that he royally screwed the pooch on this one. No way could I take his side knowing how badly he hurt his wife like that. Some things just can't be gotten past, you know?

I feel bad saying it but he's gonna have to take the L on this one. Maybe in time she'll forgive him somewhat, but getting back together? No way, not after screwing over her trust that bad. Dude had it made and threw it all away, that's on him now.

All you can do is be there for your SIL through the divorce. Your brother is on his own to deal with the mess he created. Harsh, but he brought it on himself 100%. Hopefully he learns from this major mistake going forward.

[Imsmurter1]

I think sex is human and so I'm not going to blame anyone just for having sex. I wonder the bigger issue of why he wanted to go cheat and what is missing in the marriage. Maybe it was in trouble even without the affair. Time for your brother to really examine himself and reflect why he did it and if it was worth it etc.

[Asker]

From the little I know of the reason (he didn't go too much in details of how it started nor why), he found himself kind of bored with the same routine for years and wasn't feeling the sparks. Then my SIL's best friend came to a family reunion and they've been in contact since.. and the affair began.

[Asker]

He really has full remorse of what he did but my SIL wants nothing to do with him. She has already started the process and is contacting a lawyer. She doesn't want anything to do with her ex best friend either nor the other woman's child. She wants them all out of her life.

[Imsmurter1]

Well i guess it was going to happen anyway if he was bored with the marriage. Affairs like these are usually just signs of deeper problems. If they can’t be fixed then might as well move on, no blame to anyone.

[Imsmurter1]

Thanks for mho

[Jamie05rhs]

He deserves everything and more. He deserves to die! (No offense.)

[Asker]

yeah given how things between the gender are nowadays, he really had the best deal with a loyal woman. Had he not cheated, she would've been with him till the end. Not even his close male friends know it. If they find out, they are going to get very disappointed with him. If a man's close male friends won't take his side then that's when he really messed up horribly.

[Asker]

He had it all and threw it in the garbage.

[Jamie05rhs]

Exactly. What a fucking moron.
(Again, no offense.)