Why did my boyfriend sleep with an ugly girl during our break?

[Bella-Jordan]

My boyfriend and I broke up in mid-December. We were apart for only a few weeks, after which time we were able to reconcile our differences. On our first day of contact after the break, he told me that he had slept with another woman "several times" after we split up. The girl that he had sex with is a friend of a friend (of his) and has had a thing for him ever since we began dating last year. Then, last night, I found out that he has since seen this woman - specifically, he was at a party that she was also attending, and he did not tell me. When I confronted him about it, he said that it just didn't cross his mind to tell me and that nothing had happened between them since we got back together.

At the risk of sounding terribly shallow, this girl is also HIGHLY unattractive and overweight while I'm an attractive, thin woman that gets hit on A LOT. I guess I'm just having trouble understanding why he would sleep with her, of all people. Is it a self-esteem issue?

[NotSoBad]

She probably chases him, while in your relationship, he is always chasing you. This girl might have possibly made him feel wanted and important. Many people in relationships eventually forget to make their significant other feel important. In the long relationship people get lazy and stop chasing. Eventually, while still in the relationship, they meet someone else. (friend, co-worker, the woman at the coffee shop) who makes them feel wanted. They flirt and build tension. Eventually the tension gets to tight for some people and the grass begins to look much greener on the other side.

He might not have self-esteem issues he might just miss you chasing him. He may feel unwanted. The fact that you get "hit on A LOT" probably makes him a little insecure. When you get hit on he probably needs reassurance that he is your man. there is nothing more unattractive then a women who thinks she is the shit. My ex use to get hit on and would love to rub it in my face, like "look at me. I can have anyone" I, on the other hand, always looked at it like she was the insecure one that needed to act that way. I realized she was always trying to make me jealous. That is such a HUGE mistake that she made. It didn't make me want her more it made me think less of her.

Now that being the case.. imagine I was still in that relationship and I met someone else who was always excited to see me. What if I met someone who laughed at all my jokes and always smiled. What if that someone gave me their undivided attention and made me feel like I was the most important person in the room?

As a man, I know it is important to chase a woman, but it gets tiresome/boring after awhile. It's nice to know that a woman will chase a man too.

[MaxPrime]

look as Ross would say on "Friends"..."We were on a BREAK." You said you guys broke up so he can do that. He was trying to get over you or get you out of his mind for a bit. We do this by having sex. It's our way of coping sometimes...I know it's different form a girls perspective...like eating chocolate..but that's how SOME guys deal with break ups or "breaks".

[HaggardDiva]

Okay, well first of all, as much as girls want to say sleeping with someone to get over someone else and wrong and horrible, we need to somewhat understand that that is what guys do. In there heads they aren't being disgusting and horrible. They are consoling themselves and preserving their self worth. It seems crazy to us, but they are just wired differently.

As far as the girl he was with thing goes, I don't know how I would feel about the way he is still talking to her now. I would maybe sit down with him and tell him that that hurts. And as far as her being unattractive and whatever goes, I know what you mean. When my boyfriend of 6 years and I broke up he started sleeping with a bunch of girls that physically were not comparable to myself. It frustrated me and made me feel really bad, I felt very ugly myself and also very shallow for feeling that way, which I didn't like, because normally I don't judge. But when it's with someone you care about and that was with you for so long it's really easy to see the bad in other people. I did, in time, come to realize that after the break up these girls were making him feel really good about himself, and frankly when it comes down to it, I don't think guys are as shallow as girls are. Strange concept, but I've seen it so many times.

[jovotua]

I wanted to let you all know of the results of the spell casting of [e-mail], even though its only been 3days! Joshua called me up today wanting to know when I was going to meet with him as he was wanting to speak with me about something, but wouldn't tell me over the phone. I went to meet him and you would not believe the change in him! Its like night and day. We talked about our relationship and how much he could not stand to be away from me and how he wanted to be in a relationship with me. He even said the 3 words to me that I wanted to hear "I LOVE YOU"! I have to tell you [e-mail], this I would never have believed if I had not seen it for myself. I am so happy God lead me to you. Thank you again for everything!

[luckybreeze]

NO, most men would have sex with anything that walks. It has nothing to do with self esteem. I had a friend who had a gorgeous boyfriend and she was good looking herself. She found out he was sleeping with a fat and I'm talking 300 lb lady. It was very confusing, but yeah it doesn't matter that she is gross. Anyway, he's probably still sleeping with that girl otherwise he wouldn't be lying.

[Camilus]

because she was an EASY lay.

you women have to stop analyzing stuff like this so hard, she was around him (esp when he was probably drinking) and she wanted to get in his pants...so he slept with her because it's better than jerking off alone at home

for what it's worth I am a guy who has his shit together and I even get good looking women hitting on me at the clubs, and even I have went home with a 300# rolly polly of a woman before just because she was there when I was drunk and horny (and then I got my friends to make up a story to get her to leave, lol)

[Bella-Jordan]

So why does he continue to respond to her when she calls/texts him. My friends all say I'm being paranoid - the girl is NOT cute and definitely has the desperation act going on. He SWEARS he hasn't slept with her since we got back together, and he's told me when he's seen her, but I just found out that while he was sick at home, she came over and brought him some meds when he REFUSED to see me because he was embarrassed and didn't want me to see him in such a state. I WANT to trust him.

[dark-fox]

Because he doesn't want to make her feel bad =P

[xemilyonfirex]

Thats so stupid. 'Some people deal with break ups by f***ing other people" Only disgusting people think that is okay. Yes people do that to forget someone, but that does not make it alright. That's really unforgivable and a total blow to someones selfesteem. I'm sorry that this happened to you but you need someone who misses you so much he can't even look at someone else not break up and f*** someone that night.

[ashroro1508]

he needed a fix and that's it... if he says nothing else has happened then it probly hasn't (only saying this because he told you before).. and just because she is "HIGHLY unattractive and overweight" does not mean she does not need someone to take care of her needs either... and maybe he seen something in her that no one else has seen... big girls need just as much love as the skinny ones and looks are not everything

[Littletad]

If you want to continue being with this guy, your going to have to get over his recent past. I do think this should tell you something however, for he slept with her rather quickly. It shocks me that you are more concerned that he slept with an "ugly" chick, rather than how quickly he did it.

[kaylee]

If you CAN'T trust him you shouldn't be with him. Sorry but that's my opinion. Maybe he slept with her because she was easy but if he's still paying attention to her then I think there's something else there. And your and your friend's opinions of "cute" could be very different than his.

[elizabethcorpse]

you do sound terribly shallow by the way. maybe she made him feel good about himself, maybe she was funnier, maybe she was easier, maybe it could have been that she was smarter, doesn't matter... pretty... ugly... point is, you were on a break... get over it because it doesn't matter why he did it. it basically doesn't count. thinkin about will only hurt you and probably your relationship if you bring it up. let it go, girl.

[Anonymous]

When my boyfriend and I were broken up, I made out with a guy WAY less attractive than him. Why? because my standards for looks weren't that high to begin with, and I was drunk. My boyfriend went way above and beyond what I usually look for in a guy, so I couldn't expect to keep those standards up without him. I was also just mainly trying to get over my boyfriend...I didn't even like the other guy. I thought he was a decent person, but I didn't have any real feelings for him.

[Anonymous]

you were broking up- and he was JUST satisfying his need, it is just simple like that !

just be more confident, guys don't think about who they are having sex with, they just want to jack off !

and that you being pretty attractive and in shape, doesn't mean anything !, look out and you would find many girls who are great looking but don't have a boyfriend, and those ugly are the ones that have !...

believe what your boyfriend, what he said until the opposite would be proved if he is lying.

[cheerangelcharity]

She was just his rebound and it usually doesn't matter who the "rebound" is as long as they're there for the person.

[Reeses-pieces777]

he probably drugged her or manipulated her into doing it with him and might have been misleading her during the break. she may have been rebound, he may have taken advantage of her if she has low self-esteem.

[SeaCadet]

Its alright, he wanted a p**** and he got it. Guys don't sleep with ugly girls, they like hot girls and he won't go back to her now that he's with you.

[kaycakes]

honestly he probably was picturing you while he was banging this girl. Once your loved one is gone, you want something to take its place. Well obviously he was blind when he picked who.

[Anonymous]

yuck I'd totally lose my self esteem if my boyfriend totally downgraded.

it seems as if looks aren't a major concern to your man and he'll take whatever floats his boat.

[BlueGender]

Because it was easy, he didn't want another girl he who needed a relationship and a lot of wooing just some, cheap pussy.

[Depressed-Dude]

Maybe he was drunk and that's why he did it?

[MrSchneider]

Horny as hell?