Boyfriends clingy female friend.

[Anonymous]

I'm just wondering why my boyfriend hangs out with his best female friend and never invites me. I feel like if it is truly innocent then there should be no problem with me coming along. I asked him about this and it just results in a fight with him saying I don't trust him. My argument is that after dating him for 2 1/2 years that I feel like my feelings as his girlfriend should come before some other girls (non family members) because I am his woman. If she wanted to talk to him about something private (which I don't know what that could be but whatever) then that is the beauty of texting/calling. He always says she just wants it to be her and him but that makes me weary of her even though I know my boyfriend wouldn't cheat on me like I feel like I could gain a friend if she just let me in. All of my friends said it is obvious she likes him as more then a friend otherwise my presence wouldn't be an issue. What are your thoughts is she out of line to demand alone time with someone else's man or am I being unreasonable to expect my boyfriend to put his foot down and put my feelings first?

[Reynier]

This isn't about justification. Feeling some way isn't something you need to have reasons for, it's just there and it should be dealt with. As your boyfriend, he should be understanding of your feelings and make an effort to help you deal with them instead of starting a fight.

Also, I find it all very suspicious. that after 2.5 years you, as his girlfriend, still don't really know one of his best friends all that well, especially because this friend of his wants to spend time alone with him. It's not even a matter of trust, it's a matter of respect. Spending alone time with someone else's boyfriend on a regular basis in this way is incredibly disrespectful, and something the boyfriend shouldn't be condoning.

To avoid your boyfriend playing the trust-card (which is an unfair move by the way, as I explained above), consider voicing your concern by asking whether his friend doesn't want you there because doesn't like you, and if so why she would since you two don't really know each other all that well. It's unfair for you to be denied the chance to get to know your boyfriends friends, especially the ones he's closest to.

[Asker]

That's exactly what I told my Boyfriend almost word for word that it isn't about trust it's about respect and if he respects my feelings then he will always invite me along unless I'm working or not available. I have met her quite a few times and he said it's nothing personal against me as to why I'm not invited that she just feels that since they have been friends for so long (10 years) that she has a right to spend alone time with her best friend.

[Reynier]

Well I don't see a problem with them spending time alone together per se. I mean, perhaps she has personal things she needs to talk about. However, even if that is the case (and tbh I think it's more likely that she just likes him), your boyfriend should be EXCUSING himself for the fact that he's spending so much time alone with another girl. He shouldn't have to ask for your permission, but he should definitely be considerate and respectful of your position in this.

[Asker]

If she wants to discuss personal things with him that's fine but she can call/text him they don't need to be meeting up alone all the time to do that besides some other girl should not be using my boyfriend as her therapist that is usually the role of the girlfriend. Again once in a while to discuss an issue is fine but that is the beauty of the phone.

[RauLaCreuset]

If a man loves his woman he won't let himself be alone with any woman other than family of course. Because its all about respect.

[Asker]

Exactly and as is best friend she should respect her friend's relationship and that he is going to put the feelings of his Girlfriend first.

[Christina132]

I kind of think it is a little disrespectful for her to demand time alone with him like that without anyone else around. When my best friend HAD a girlfriend, I had that in mind and invited my sister along so everyone was on the same page about the situation.

I don't think you're being unreasonable. He should have your feelings in mind and make sure to keep them in mind. Since I'm assuming you don't know this girl, I feel as if that he should have at least done something for you to meet her so you would trust him a little more.

Depending on how long he's known this girl, you also can't expect him to drop one of his best friends for you. I know that sounds kind of harsh but I'm pretty sure that's the truth of the matter. Friends, especially best friends, usually come first before relationships. I don't know if that's how his personality is so that might not be true. Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear and good luck!

[Asker]

Well I never told his he had to drop her as his friend just to hang out in groups or invite me along I don't think it is too much to ask. I would never ask a boyfriend to drop a friend unless they were abusive or something. After being with him for 2 1/2 years I expect to be put before any other girl (I mean non family members)because he is dating me and looking to have a future with me not this other girl . I would agree with putting her first say if we have been dating like a few months

[Christina132]

I totally agree with what you're saying. Are you both trying to pursue a future together and on the same page about it?