I’m 18 years old and I just started dating this amazing guy! He is 24, so of course our promotion is not the same. But the problem is that.. well. He have 3 close male friends and one of their band is a girl. She is the same age as him, and I noticed that she always act bad with me. For example she always chose a topic about something I don’t get, when we discuss like their subjects about economy (because they take the same classes). I’m very friendly and I’m not jealous, since I allow my boyfriend to be close with her, and I even tried to befriend her but she seems to reject me. I don’t want to act like the clingy possessive girlfriend but I think it’s offensive, when she cuddle him, and doesn’t even approach me. I know she is not jealous or in love with him, because she is doing the same thing with the other girlfriend of her another male friend. She always claim that we are too girly, and that she can’t stand our girly attitude, because we are sassy! She look like a good person, but with me and the other girls she tend to reject us! She can’t be in love with all her guy friends, so why is she like that? I wanted to punch her in the face during this morning because she proposed to the guys to do a rugby, while I was wearing high stilettos, and when I said that I couldn’t play with them, she laughed and told me that, I should let them play in peace, between friends! I really love my boyfriend, but I don’t want to fight with one of his friends... why does she hate me? Or us since I’m not the only one...
I'm going to go a different route on this and say you're probably reading her right that it's not jealousy. She sounds like she has a protective sister complex going on along with some fear that you're about to upset the balance of a friend group she clearly values. Guys get like this about our guy friend's girls too, we just know better than to get between him and a girl he's sexually attracted to. Try approaching this like she's a guy in the friend group that has a girl brain, i. e. she's worried you're going to pin him down with girly dating b. s. and she's never going to get to hang with him like before... But she knows just how to use all the bitchy female weapons in your gender's arsenal to try and tear you down as inferior.
Take a step back and think about how you would reassure his theoretical best guy friend that you didn't intend to end guy fun time, but that you did want to have some time with him just to yourself... Then add in the factor that you do have to consider that their anatomy would fit together in the same fashion as yours and his would. I don't even know what I'd suggest you do to pull that off, but that's how I'd try to approach it.
To understand this behaviour, you need to consider hand as animals. This one female band member considers all the men in that band to be her territory, and she doesn't want to share them with anyone. You are the challenger entering her territory and threatening her control. I believe it's also known as Queen Bee Syndrome. By the way, she's probably not having sex with any of them, which is why she's threatened so easily. Without sex, her grip on men is extremely weak, so she has to keep other women away of she'll loss her men.
Ugh I used to be this girl. Hated girly girls and was weirdly possessive of my guy friends because I didn't want to lose them. I've also been on the other side as the girlfriend battling the bitchy girl friend. It sounds to me like she 1. doesn't want to lose her guy friends to their girlfriends and 2. She sounds really insecure. she's probably jealous.. not just because you're dating her friend but because she envies who you are or your looks or your attitude. It might seem unlikely but I have been there and done that. And 3. she's immature and probably not good at making friends. Her group of guy friends are probably all she has. Personally, if I were you I wouldn't be dating this guy. I dont have the time or patience for petty girls getting in my way. But if you're fine with it... just keep in mind this girl probably thinks highly of you and that's why she's so insecure.
But why does she need to be your friend? So long as she’s courteous and respectful of the boundaries why does there have to be more? They talk about economics because that’s what they have in common, they’re friends. Friends do that and it shouldn’t have to completely change to fit around you just because you’ve started dating her friend. Laugh it off, as long as he’s trying to include you in some aspects and she’s respectful of not crossing that line who cares what she does
That's sad that you can't see the problem.. She's a pick me.. She love male validation.. She's doing those things on purpose. She's trying to make the girlfriend feel outsider and that's awful.. She's crossing a lot of lines and not respectful at all
Or at least, she wants him to want her and not you.
He's probably her "back-up man," or in other words, he's good enough but she thinks she might be able to do better, so she's playing the whole "just friends" thing for right now, but eventually if she can't find a hotter guy, she wants to be able to have him at her beck and call.
She'll be all like, "Oh Alejandro, (or whatever his name is) I don't know what was wrong with me, for so long I was blind, but at last I truly see, we were always meant to be together, NOW TAKE ME, YOU STALLION! PUT YOUR CUBS IN MY CAVE!"
She's one of the guys which means as the only girl in the group, she gets all their attention. Girlfriends bring the acknowledgement to her that she's not someone the guys would want anything with more than being a friend which (even though she doesn't want that per se you say) is a hard things to accept. She's not "girlie", or sassy which the guys want in girlfriends; ie she's not "all they want".
Girls/women are the worst in judgement of new partners to their friends. Especially if being the only female friend in the group from the start.
It's not jealousy per se, however it seems to me that it is possession still. This won't change until she meets someone, and have her own relationship. It has nothing to do with you or the other girlfriend as individuals, but more the realization that she can't have them all for her self (attention).
Get you and your boyfriend's other friend's girlfriend who she also does this with and the two of you should confront your boyfriend and your friend's boyfriend to explain that you think she might be jealous of you guys. I think for her - she might be upset you are closer to him then she is since she has been in his life longer - she might feel like, she earned the right to be close to him - while you did nothing to win his favour and are only in his life because he finds you attractive. That isn't necessarily true - but that might be how she feels.
She clearly has some type of possivness over her male friends and the girlfriends seem to get in the way of that. Have you ever brought this up to your boyfriend in a gentle way or asked him if she likes you? She sounds awful and I’m sorry you’re dealing with that
A big thing is to not let her see it get to you. I'm a teacher, and I see this often. Especially among girls more than boys. (Boys are pretty straight up with it. Bad at hiding emotions, and it normally comes out physically. Then they're either good or not. Not a whole lot of guessing there unless trauma is the source of anger).
As someone who's played in bands, we've never let girlfriends at practices because it's too distracting, but whatever your guys dynamic is, go for it. There could also be some underlying insecurity if she's sees you and another girlfriend being feminine, and she has animosity towards that. Be respectful, and don't force friendship. It never works when you do that. You got this! My parents are 14 years apart so the age difference there shouldn't matter as long as you're both consenting adults.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
She probably doesn’t think you are good enough for her friend and is trying to make her friend (your guy) look at you as a lesser. She probably is very happy being the only female, and doesn’t want you in the picture. It’s absolutely jealousy, but that may or may not be a romantic attachment. Only way to take care of that is to tell your man that she is kind of a bitch. If he sets her straight, great. Problem solved. She might even be more welcoming after a confrontation. But maybe not. She could look at you like the annoying little kid bothering the adults. That’s possibly why she brings up topics that you wouldn’t get.
Well most my friens are females and whenever I take interest in a girl and she likes me they don't like her. Even though my best friend is married she is very jealous and protective of me. She knows my history with women and whenever she feels a girl is a slut or is no good for me she starts getting bitchy to her.
She liked my ex at first but then when she saw certain red flags She started hating her and just wanting to do nothing with.
Since you said "stilettos" It kinda seems like you might look basic"no offense" so maybe that is throwing her flags that or maybe she is inlove with him
Ahh, she's "one of the guys." One of those girls who likes being around men and likes attention, but refuses to ever try to be anything more with them.
It's all about attention. She'll never like you because you take away the amount of attention she's getting from a desirable guy.
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Anonymous
(18-24)
+1 y
Omg she sounds honestly annoying! Argh she probably does feel somewhat jealous or just threatened. Why does she even cuddle your boyfriend? She sounds like one of those girls who're constantly touching taken guys 🙄 she sounds terrible... sounds like she hates you all because she is bitter, maybe she can't get any boyfriend so she is jealous or whatever... I dunno.
Because you are new. She is a friend which means regardless of who your friend will be dating, she'll be there for him. So before she starts accepting you as a real part of his life, you need to prove yourself to her. This might take some time though. Once she sees you are not some dumb chick who is using her friend she will probably change her attitude toward you. But until then you'll be treated like this.
She doesn't just hate you, she hates ALL women. She's one of those women that perceive any other woman they encounter a threat or an enemy and act like a total bitch towards their target (s). This is a rare species in the wild, but they do exist. by the way, why isn't your boyfriend sticking up for you with this bitch?
Who gives a rat's ass tell your boyfriend to step up and put it into it. Tell him you are uncomfortable with what's happening and he needs to stop at one way or another he's her friend and it's his job to do so also reason for this is your younger and women are very catty about age I think cuz if I understood women I would probably be the smartest man on the planet and I surely am not yes this made my girlfriend laugh
I don't think she is in love with him, or either of them. I think she enjoys being the most important female figure of their life and she enjoys the attention it can get her. Maybe for her you are stopping the attention. Either way, I don't know what exactly you should do but I definitely think you shouldn't just suffer her in silence.
I dated a guy years ago who had a female friend like that, but I also found out later that she hated other females and that before I came a long she was the only girl in their group of friends. By dating him I supposedly took that away from her. Basically she sees other girls as competition. Ignore her
Where is this lame ass boyfriend when they are making a laughing stock out of his girlfriend? I would say they probably do that to all his GF's because they like the status quo of their relationship together and don't want to lose that to an outsider. If I were you, I would get out because I don't think it's gonna change unless you were some way able to be accepted in their little clique. You know how jealous girls can be of each other.
She was the only girl in the room (group) and now a prettier / younger female has joined. Its nothing personal but she probably resents you. Maybe in time she starts viewing you as part of the group but for now she wants you out.
That happens a lot, actually. She's probably afraid of losing her friend. I know it sounds dum. And I'm not saying she loves him. But she can be jealous of the attention you're recieving from one of her bestfriend's. Attention that she used to recieve before you started dating him. It will pass tho. Don't worry
Either she likes him herself or she likes the attention of being the sole female of the group and you're intruding on her "territory" and by doing these actions she's making a statement. Did you talk to your boyfriend about it and did you talk to her? Be nice and respectful but dont be a pushover or she will take advantage of that.
She's not a girly girl so she doesn't like girly girls as she stated. There is obviously more to it though. Maybe she is jealous she doesn't get the same male attention or maybe she resents girls like you. It could be anything really. Maybe ask her straight up what the problem is or continue to play it cool.
She most likely wanted to use that man as a backup plan.. she's 24, wich means she doesn't want him right now, but id bet she wanted to keep him till she reaches 29-33. She sees competition in u, u are younger than her, you are already there for him, age difference is perfect between you two... dont mind it. you got the upper hand.
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