She's saying "there's no chemistry", after we were clearly VERY into each other.

[aa12andE]

OK so I had been dating this girl for about a month. And things were going absolutely perfect, I had never been this sure right from the start that it was the start of something good. We met in a crazy twist of fate thing, after having talked to each other online at a dating site 6 months earlier (and not talking since then). We have very similar personalities, likes/dislikes, and made each other laugh very often.

She had told me she was scared of getting into a relationship because she has a LOT going on in her life and didn't want to feel like she was short-changing someone in a relationship. I got carried away with how well things were going and lightly pushed the relationship issue (and I really mean lightly). After that she became distant and told me "she doesn't think it's going to work, because I'm so ready to jump into a relationship and I'm not at all".

I tried for about 1.5 weeks to get to talk to her and prove to her that I was sorry for pushing it, and really wanted to take things slow. Now, 2 weeks after initially pushing the relationship thing, she tells me that there is no chemistry and it's not going to work. What does that mean? I had never been so sure that a girl wanted to see me and be with me before.

For example, we were sharing a lot of thoughts and stuff while lying down in her bed, about 2-3 weeks into dating her. I told her that I was worried about not being able to take her out too often, because I know girls want to feel important...but I'm searching for a job and don't have much money right now. And she told me "I don't care about that, I just want to spend time with you" ..and even offered that we should go out to dinner at her expense. ...And now just like that there's no chemistry? We're about as perfect of a match personality wise as you can get, and she clearly liked me.

I just don't know...any advice on what to do or what this means?

[thetheme]

Women often do this when a man is too good for her. You gave her all the attention that she needed, treated her with respect, and chased her. She knows how you feel about her and it was a bid mistake telling her, you didn't give her a challenge... You gave her total control and she's playing you. You have to leave her alone totally. Let her chase you for a change. Just move forward without her and be too busy for her. You have out yourself in the "nice guy" catagory so she knows that you will always be there. She sees you as needy and desperate to be in a relationship, trust me. She will try to put you in the friend zone, don't allow that no matter what. She doesn't see herself with you. Don't call, don't text, and don't see her. This will lead you to saying things to try to convience her to be with you, and it won't work since many women don't understand logic. Just because you are matched personality wise means nothing. You are matched with your friends personality wise too but you will never have sex with your friends. Have more self respect and don't chase her. She's saying there's no "chemistry", she's talking about sexually, and your qualities as a man. There's more to it than just getting along with each other all the time...

[aa12andE]

I agree that it may have came off as too attached by trying to get her to talk about things. Which was a false impression to give, because if I had felt she just didn't want anything to do with me I would have left it alone. I tried to fix things because I felt like I had let her down by pushing her when she had told me she was scared. It's her loss ultimately, but it just sucks cause I know something was there. And for what it matters, there was definitely no problem sexually.

[thetheme]

It is her loss. Just take this as a learning experience on how to treat women in the future. In other words... Whatever your instincts are telling you what to do for her, do the opposite. Trust me that works.

[PeaceHere]

This is a really good answer and prob very true.

[Anonymous]

There's something there but, not enough for a relationship. Also, people have to feel like they have found each other not really trying. You can't let things get unbalanced or one-sided. If she is not responding to your cues then stop. You have to "match" or mirror her actions. She has to feel like she needs you, you know? ...not the other way around. Anyway just learn from every situation like this. You will be better prepared the next time, and the next time, etc..

Hope that helps. Good luck.

[band_caffeine]

Unfortunately - I've been in the situation being the girl that had to turn the guy down. We had everything in common and I thought he was perfect... but as much as I really tried, I just wasn't physically attracted to him. :( I felt like such an ass, but I couldn't help it. It just wasn't there... and you HAVE to be attracted to have a relationship. Other than that... the only thing I can think of is that money really does matter to her and she's shallow and wants to be spoiled. If that's the case, you can find someone better. One last thing... I have noticed in the past that a LOT of people that do online dating are VERY VERY FLAKY. So I hope that things work out next time for you if this doesn't pan out. On a more encouraging note, I met my current boyfriend of almost a year now online. :) Try plentyoffish . com - it's free and you can email directly without all the hassle of matching stuff up like some other sites do. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Something is going on in her life that was happening when you started talking to her. I suspect maybe she just got out of a relationship and what she told you, " I'm scared of getting in a realtionship because I have a lot going on right now," to me, equates to "I just got out of a relationship, and I don't want to hurt you by getting into another one if I'm not over this one." This is exactly what I would tell a guy in your situation.

Or, unfortunately, she might have be a " gold digger" and was looking for someone to take her out who had a lot of money. And unfortunately, you are down on your luck at the moment. You seem like a real caring young man who deserves a woman who is not like that.

[aa12andE]

Thanks for the kind words about me. But I'm as close to certain as can be that she's not the gold digging type. I've met plenty of bad people in my life, and she is just a really nice person. And..she had me over to dinner at her grandparents house (her only relatives that live in the area) a few weeks ago. You don't invite someone you're using into your life like that. It's just not something that I see as a possibility.

[Opinion Owner]

I see, well then she seems to have some factors happening as to why she did not want to be in a relationship. Perhaps, if you are always calling her now in order to get back with her, you might opt not to call her for about a week or two, throw her off guard, since she is prob expecting for you to call her, and see if it turns her around.

[Jackie7]

Dude! You don't show someone you're sorry for pushing a relationship, you just don't bring it up again (then again, maybe that's what you meant). Wait for a girl who wants a relationship with you! I KNOW the place you are in, believe me. I'm in it right now with my best friend. I swear he is my male counterpart. I think it would work out in the long run, he doesn't, and maybe he's right. Yet he still gets what he wants which is a friendship. The good thing is that she's been clear and she knows what she can handle and what she can't, so now it's up to you to decide what to do with yourself.

[Yeahhbro]

she really wants to know how much you like her, annoying but hey, girls never know what they want. I don't think you should have apologize you are doing nothing wrong. Just give her time and keep pursuing. I still likes you but she doesn't know what she wants. Being there done that.

[mormongirlmichl]

Give it time... she's a bit freaked out... but she still likes you... the whole no chemistry thing, is probably just to get you to back off...

[Xenophobia]

Typical immature girls who don't know what they want.

[Reeses-pieces777]

yeah some people after you date them turn a complete 180 and there might not even be a reason.