Did I miss his signals? Is he into me?

[bicoastalSURF]

I had a great first date with a great guy and think I may have missed some signals he was sending. We met for drinks and stayed at the bar for around 3 hours. He then asked me back to his apartment where we watched a movie on his bed. We didn't cuddle but our bodies were touching. I would never move away from him but he kept readjusting his body (moved his arm, turned his body toward me, rested his head on my shoulder) and he looked at me for periods of time. I wasn't fending off the contact but I think I may have given the "friend" vibe. I wanted to move closer and hold his hand many times but never did. We ended up hanging out for 6 hours total until I thought it was late and told him I should go. He walked me to the door but made no attempt to kiss or hug me (touched my back and arm as I was leaving).

I texted him after the date joking about how he should come to my neighborhood and he texted back the next morning. Would he bother responding if he wasn't into me? Did he think I was rejecting him? Or was he not interested at all?

What is the next step if he IS interested and felt rejected? Can I ask him out for a second date or should I wait for him to do that. I don't want to chase him but felt like we had a great time and I definitely want to see him again. Does no physical contact (no kiss, hug) signal no second date?

[markml]

I don't know if you missed a specific signal per-say, but from what you've told me, it does sound like he is interested in you. If he wasn't, he would have ended the date at the bar.

I certainly hope no physical contact does NOT mean no second date.

I personally think if he's really interested in you, and you're interested in him, then you both would have had a good time together. And that's what matters. I don't think that physical contact should be absolutely necessary for a first date, although it does give reassurance.

Also, if he's the kind of guy who would insist on physical contact for a first date, then I suspect he would have made a more overt move regardless of the vibes he got from you.

Now, that said, I do think it is quite likely that he got the "friend" vibe from you, and if he's a guy who worries about these things, he may be worried that you'd reject him. I don't think you did anything that would make him certain that he was being rejected, but he might still feel like he was rejected.

My advice is to make sure you keep in contact with him. If you stop talking to him, then he's more likely to think you're not interested. Don't setup a second date just yet...wait for him to do that. But ask him to call you, and try to do whatever else you can do to show him you're interested. Do tell him you had a great time (even if you already said so, a little redundancy is not a bad thing, because the first time you said that, he may have just thought you were being polite).

[mz4568]

Okay, if I were on a first date and invited a girl back to my place, and she accepted the invitation, I would be thinking 100% in my mind I'm getting laid.

I think he threw it out there and probably couldn't believe you accepted the invite. He sounds like he froze and didn't know how to make a move when he got you back to his place.

I mean, first date, back to his place, you're on his bed and nothing happens?!

I'm speechless!

[bicoastalSURF]

Ok. Yes, I see that. I was kind of shocked he didn't do anything. So my question is: what do I do now? Do I ask him out? Or is that too much?

[mz4568]

If you like him, yes, ask him out.

I have to say, as a man, I wouldn't have that much respect for a woman who was willing to come back to my place right after the first date. I would think she was easy. He might have it in his mind you're that kind of girl and might have lost interest.

[Phoenix52]

When a girl agrees to come back home with you on the first date, it's a sign that she's still interested in the date/interaction continuing. It DOES NOT mean it's an easy lay - some girls put up resistance when the guy gets aggressive with the seduction. So if you lose respect for a girl who's willing to come back to your place so quick, BUDDY, get over it. Don't look down on her.

[mz4568]

Phoenix - a chick agrees to go back to your place on the first date, and you expect the guy not to be so quick? You're way off. After a first date you bring a lady home, walk her to the door and if you're lucky you get a kiss good night.

[Anonymous]

I think you are too easy. He might be testing you to see that! If you did not agree to go home with him, he might be more into you and chasing you right now. But since you've agreed, that shows him that you're too easy and probably not the kind of girl that he wants. The reason that he did not make a move on you is probably because he thought you're not the girl he wanted anymore and probably he wasn't looking to get laid or he's religious or something.

[markml]

That's a bit cynical. I mean, I suppose it's possible, but I'm a conservative guy and I wouldn't make stupid tests like that.

In general, guys don't do things like that. I think that wasting time on theses tests is something that only girls do...

[Opinion Owner]

Markml. please look at mz4568's comment on his own answer. He just confirmed my point. I'm not saying that I was positive about him testing her like that but what I am trying to convey is that he sees her as too easy, which makes him lose interest at this point.

[31Ross]

Honestly, I agree with markml. Guys don't make tests not saying we don't thin k about what your moves mean. If a guy asks you back to his place he wanted to get laid. I would never ask girl back to my place on the first date.

[markml]

I believe that mz4568 is coming from the perspective of a guy who wants to get laid on the first date, but that does not seem to be the case with this guy. If it was, he would have made at least some move on her while he was still at the bar.

Not all guys only think about sex. I've invited girls back to my place without intending to have sex. Don't make primitive assumptions. I'd take the story on face value -- the bar closed and they weren't ready to end the night, so they went to his place.

[markml]

Furthermore, if the guy was really looking for a one-night stand, he has the absolutely worst worst WORST game in the whole wide world. So I don't think that's what this was about.

But the most important thing for a girls to realize is that normal guys aren't fickle! We're not like girls. We don't play games or do silly tests to decide if we like you, and the guy knows from the very beginning whether he's only interested in sex or wants more than that.

[Anonymous]

wait wait wait

date...dinner...BED...no sex...

That's a first!

[markml]

No, it's not really that peculiar.