The less of a man comment is bullshit that scared women tell other women. I’ve never seen a man turn down a girl who asked him out because he feels like less of a man because of it. He might say no for a large variety of other reasons but not because he feels like less of a man. I’m not sure where this myth started but it definitely never came from the average man. Second, ask don’t invite yourself. I’ve had girls ask me out because I never asked them out for whatever reason. When they say something along the lines of “I’d really like to go to (insert thing) sometime but I feel like It’d be awkward to go by myself” most shy but interested guys will get the clue eventually. Some won’t. Others will purposefully avoid it. Often it helps to ask for a little clarification if he agrees to take you like “just to make sure is this a date or us just hanging out? I’m fine either way.” This slightly ups the pressure on a guy but he’ll probably say one or the other. Don’t take just hanging out as a bad sign, he’s still going with you. Often times a guy who really likes you will still say just hanging out because he’s afraid you won’t want to go if he says it’s a date. Saying something playful and coy after he says just hanging out like “it’ll still be fun” leaves things kinda mysterious but still makes it pretty clear that you wish it were more. The biggest problem comes when he’s not shy but just not as interested as you think. Some guys like me aren’t scared away by a girl being more interested in them than they are in her and will give it a shot anyways. The problem with that is this guy can easily begin to take you for granted and might not work as hard for the relationship as you’d like. This isn’t really a problem once you change your expectations a little. If you run on a traditional Disney/romcom kinda ideology where one person tries hard to win the affection of another or they randomly fall madly for one another this all may feel weird. But if you see things more realistically and remember that movies, plays, and books are written to feel idealized and not real reflections of normal life (because that wouldn’t be an interesting story) things will be easier. You’re not a prize to be won or game to be hunted, you’re so much more and the only thing holding you back from the relationship you want are these other people telling you to accept this passive dating role because they’re afraid of getting hurt.
Are you sure the person who told you that is right?
I'm a shy guy. Sure I want to be and feel like a man, and being shy isn't helping that. But being asked out just confirms I am a man, since women want to go out with me. As long as I can still be a man on the date, I don't mind being asked out.
I would also recommend being incredibly obvious. Lay it on really thick til he asks u. 'boy would sure be nice for a girl like me to go out with a guy like me.' stuff like that. If it doesn't work just ask: why haven't you asked me out? Let's see him not make a move on you after that.
Just go ahead and ask him out, he might be a little embarassed but he'll get over it. You could approach it like; "you know what? I've been waiting for you to ask me out like forever, would you like to maybe go out sometime?" "Maybe we could see a movie... Or..." Then let him kind of let you know, let him ask you to go out to whatever he would like to do together. You sound much like my Guy's buds who used to ask me/us "girl" advice when we were in high school. Everyone has the same kinds of fears, guys and girls it's a big step allowing yourself to be so vulnerable. Good luck, show him you're a girl who goes for what she wants!
I'm currently in the same situation ahaha. It's not fun. Anyways, I told him how I felt the other day, I just told him that I have a thing for him. Then a few days later he asked if I wanted to hang out and yeah. We went out to lunch and walked around the mall. I think if you tell him how you feel, it'll boost his confidence in asking you out or making the first move because then he's for sure that you'll say yes to him. I think a lot of times the guy is scared because he's afraid of rejection. Good luck!
It might be easier if you just ask him out, you can't really get him to do anything. If you don't wanna ask him out, tell him that you like him, I'm sure that'll make him feel more confident in asking you out and he might go for it, that's all you can do. You have to be the one to put yourself out there because the chances of him doing that are kinda slim
The people who tell you that are idiots. I’m going to assume you’re less shy than he is. Ask him out. He’s probably having a lot of anxiety trying to figure out how to ask you out
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258Opinion
The more outgoing person should generally ask the less outgoing person out or the more interested/motivated party.
If you are insistent that he ask you out, flirt with him constantly to make yourself obvious or, if you have a common friend/trusted potential intermediary, you can have them indicate to him that you're anxiously awaiting him asking you out.
If you really don't want to ask him out, I would just try flirting with him. Tell him about things you like to do in your spare time. Places you like to go, activities, things that he can relate to and maybe give him the idea of asking you on a date.
If he hasn't even approached you yet, then there is no reason not to be friendly with him. Just act like a friend to him. Do the first approach, and ask him questions. "Say, did you see that new movie that came out last week?" "Have you seen any good concerts lately?" "What music are you into?"
Basically, give him hints that you want to do something with him. And try not to be turned off if he is shaky about making set plans. It is an attractive trait for a guy to have plans set and ready to go, but since this guy is shy, he probably won't have the foresight to think about it.
As a shy guy, I can tell you, he is a work in progress. That is one of the most attractive parts about a shy guy. He has so much potential and with the right people behind him, he could grow, come right out of his shell, and shine. That doesn't mean he is dependent, it just means that he has the ability to grow into something special, and you never know what he has locked away in there. Of course, that is also the case with a lot of people, not just shy ones, but with shy guys, I think they are more open to positive change as long as they see the path before them.
I would drop hints or just ask him if he wants a coffee. Asking for a coffee is not taking him out, it simply means wanting to spend more time with him. Then after the coffee time, you can say "this was nice/fun, maybe we can do it again or do something else next time?" Maybe you can ask him what he would like to do and put the ball back in his court. I know a guy that is a deep thinker. It can be frustrating but simply having no action is not a good action. I think it would be good to be his muse, to inspire him to ask you out. I will say, some guys are dense. I will admit I would be the first guy to not notice many girl signals. I think that taking some form of verbal iinitiative would be the way to go. You can try subtle comments but it might be worth just making assertive ones, like the ones metioned above. Sometimes it takes a different type of bait to catch a fish, if you catch my drift. thumb1.shutterstock.com/.../...arrow-495530377.jpg
Shy guy here (although perhaps not quite as shy as I used to be).
Here’s my advice:
1.) If I were you, I’d ask him out. It sounds like you’re pretty sure he likes you. If you were able to tell he likes you, chances are he really likes you. (Most shy people tend to try and “hide” their feelings to no avail.) Hence, if you asked him out, he would almost certainly say yes. If I was in his position and the girl I liked asked me out to a date or whatever, I’d be screaming for joy internally. When you’re really shy, you also often. second guess yourself on interpreting other people’s feelings towards you. This is also why it makes it hard for shy people to ask others out. They want to know with high certainty that they aren’t just imagining things.
2.) This leads me to my next point— if you absolutely refuse to ask him out, I would then suggest you make it painfully obvious you like him. Now, I’m not saying to smother him, but I am saying to drop pretty obvious hints. Flirt with him to where any numbskull could tell, “hey this person likes me.” Shy dudes often resign themselves to thinking, “oh she doesn’t like me— I’m just imagining it. She’s just being friendly” Hence, you need to make him aware you are flirting, not being friendly. After this point, you drop a hint that you wish he would ask you out.
Now there is a saying, “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.” With this in mind, there is no guarantee he’ll ask you out. He could be either completely oblivious, or he could just not want to date, who knows. There are more variables.
Hence, I would strongly suggest option 1. Whoever told you guys feel “less of a man” being asked out is very much mistaken. That’s more a myth/stereotype than truth. Only a small subsection of guys I would say actually feel that way. Likewise, from what I’ve seen, the guys that do feel that way are not the shy type (but rather quite the opposite).
whoever told you not to ask him out is full of shit. Sorry, but it is more then past time that women start taking the initiative. You WON'T get him to ask you out. You need to ask him out.
If you are not someone that can just talk to people (which I don't get since women control everything at the beginning of a relationship so why would you be worried about it)... just put your number on a piece of paper. Walk up to him and hand it to him and just say "I hope to hear from you", then walk away. if he is interested he will text or call you. Since young people don't seem to know how to dial a phone, probably text...
Who told you you shouldn't ask him out? My guess is it was female. If you had asked that question on here you would have found guys in general, shy guys especially desperately want girls to make the first move.
Imagine what it's like for a guy: a guy asking a girl out is going to face a far higher rejection rate than a girl asking a guy. He's going to be rejected most, more than half the time. A girl will only have about a 10% chance of rejection. It's a much bigger thing for a guy, and many guys never actually have the nerve to ask a girl ever.
On top of that, a guy has feminism constantly telling him girls want to be treated like equals and threatening sexual harassment and assault charges if he bumbles his way through making a first move badly.
This guy wants nothing more than for you to ask him out. Believe me.
I'm a shy guy and I guarantee that it will not make him feel any less of a man. He will be relieved if he actually likes you. Don't play games. Just approach, start a friendly conversation about something you can relate to, and finally ask if he wants to go out. Start with something more open activity rather than strictly 1-on-1. It will make him feel more comfortable. And next time, something more personal or private.
Don't believe what other people say about 'less of a man'. A genuine shy guy, if he likes you, would be relieved if you directly asked him out. If he doesn't in that way at the least he'd be flattered and may start to see you as possibly more.
If you don't have it in you for understandable reasons you don't have to be overly direct: ask him to hang out as friends, try to do a common interest together (movie, games, sport), get lunch, don't paint it as a 'date'. If you're comfortable spend time alone at a house or park. Show genuine interest. Talk, be open. If there's a spark it will develop and progress naturally without any formal 'asking'. Plus side is you get to know one another better in the process and if you might work.
My relationships developed the same way, tv/movies work magic.
Spend time with him alone as much as you can. That means try having study sessions with him, or drive to get some dutch/coffee together, something that is not really a date, it's just casually hanging out. You'll make him feel special this way, plus you'll get to know him better and see if you actually like him. Try making an excuse for him to go do something with you. Like talk about a movie you really want to see, or a place you want to go eat, or something you want to do in general. This way he has an idea and men like it when ideas come easy to them. Make sure to flirt with him and tease him. It might take some time for him to build up some courage, but if you really do like him this is all you can do.
Asking him out should still be on the table. I would give you advice, but when I like a girl, I am oblivious AS FUCK to signs / signals / hints. I almost choose not to listen to them because I feel like it's just me over analyzing the situation.
The best advice I can give you is maybe to look him in the eyes with a subtle "Ask me out idiot" look. And stay close to him by your choice, so that way he thinks you want to be with him.
That guy's like me... And i was known to creep people with my shyness...
The first thing you need to know is that if he is comfortable with you.
Even if he is or not, make him come out with you and not call it a date.
Let him know that you treat him different and you like him. This can be done by showing a fine line between sharing things and talking to him better than your friends.
And then just act as if you're out of your mind and tell him how your dream date should be.
Make it clear that if a guy like him asked you out, you'd gladly go because this was the barrier between me and my ex.
Once you do all these, you'll see that he'll be firmer at asking things😉
Shy guys can be a tough nut to crack. But honestly, if you like someone in any situation, girls or guys, you need to pursue it yourself. There's no specific thing you can do to get someone to ask you out or suddenly become interested, if you want them bad enough you need to be willing to put yourself out there. Guys don't often get asked out by women, and I can tell you that it's not degrading or emasculating to ask them out. Usually they will be pretty flattered, especially if they like you as well.
Huh... Whom ever told you that you shouldn't ask a guy out, is still reading from a stone tablet, I bet. That is some archaic BS they feed you. There's no logic behind that. If you want it... go for it. No one is ever offended by some one you like, says they like you back. Regardless of your sex. If you must give him a hint. Figure out one of his five love languages he response to and use the hell out of it. For example. If he is physical, like me. I know if someone likes me by them touching my hand on a joke or their body faces towards me when we talk or they are making strong eye contact or resting their head on my shoulder. Physical gestures would equals, signs of like for those type of people. It’s what they notice the most. That might build him the confidence he needs to ask. But really, you're not doing anyone any service by not asking him, but your grandpa. Plus, four months of sitting there not popping the question is almost a half a year of wasted time.
"I've been told..." Forget that. Probably he's one of those shy guys who just can't imagine that someone would find him attractive. Either ask him out yourself, or be a little more subtle and say something like "It's obvious you like me. I like you too. Why haven't you asked me out?"
Just ask him out. Ignore anyone telling you to send signals and play games and all of that crap.
He probably doesn't have any "game", which is fine, So he's never going pick up on or take advantage of any of these signs and signals or whatever. Eventually you'll get tired of this or someone else with more confidence will catch your attention or ask you out and you'll move on from him and he'll be yet another shy dude turned bitter complaining online about how girls don't like shy/quiet/"nice" guys.
Do us all a favor and ask the guy out please.
Of course there are ways for you to indicate that you like him and try to get him to ask you himself. However if he's already shy and you start flirting with them it could actually make things worse. Guys who are shy tend to be far more serious about matters. So it's more of a business venture so to speak. Just find a way to talk to him alone. Ask him if he wants to go get something to eat. Or go for coffee. Just talk. That way he will have a chance to ease into it without anyone else around.
Shy people have a tenancy to think themselves out of anything and everything. They see a sign and think "is she trying to show that she likes me or is this just how she acts around everyone?" or something along those lines, its the uncertainty that makes them shy. The most certain way is to ask them out, but since that is out of the question i would say be blatantly obvious to the point where there's no denying that you like him. The trick part is being obvious but not seeming overbearing or whorish. You've gotta find the equilibrium on your own by testing what he is comfortable with.
Well, it depends on the circumstances. In my case, if I was a little nervous while trying to ask a girl out, I would still want to do the asking, even if it creeps me out doing so, but unless if I was extremely nervous or shy, then I would prefer the girl to ask me out. Though it is up to either the girl or guy, depending on their preferences. After all, self determination is the right of all sentient beings. So, ask him out. It will help ease his tension a bit.
Sorry girl, but us shy folk are hard to budge sometimes. If you want him, then you might just have to go and get him yourself. If he gets turn off by you asking him out, then well it's his problem then.. off to the next one.
Shy guys, usually respond awkwardly but well on girls initiative. Just ask him out your self, cause you may end up waiting and hinting long enough to get frustrated. I need to warn you though, if he likes you but don't have the courage to ask you out he is most probably fresh in relationship business. So you are going to have some interesting ride.
you have a right to simplicity you should not have to do back flips and lower yourself as a person just so he does not feel like you are doing it... . asking him out is not offensive. if he can't handle and appreciate that you have the confidence to go after what you want, he should not be dating.
Its like a game of catch and he's going to copy your level of interest. Always look for ways to step closer and if he steps back take a half step forward, in talking or physically. Its going to be a bit of a long con if you really want him. That will be the best way to pry his shell on his own.
If the guy desires you, he will disregard his shyness. Another way of making comfortable with you would be perhaps do group study, homework, sit with him in lunch, just something that breaks that barrier between you two. Another thing would be to make him feel like you need of him. DO NOT PLAY GAMES. BE SURE THAT HE IS THE ONE YOU WANT AND MAKE A MOVE.
i once liked a shy guy. i'm not the forward type of chick coz of my own insecurities. but with the way we spent so much time together he never made a move and he would put in an effort to hang out. but he suddenly freaked out and i just realised that shy guys were not for me. i can't ask a guy out; it's just not who i am and shy guys want chicks to ask them out first. so if he never makes a move; it's not you... he just isn't confident enough to do it.
I am fairly shy but I don’t think I like the idea of my crush asking me first it’s sets the wrong dynamics from the get go. I might be shy by I still like to be leading things. Just opinion though but something to consider he might react badly if you do as well out of the blue.
I have been there in this situation. I was a shy guy, and it was the first time fir me to take the step. Although we were good friends, but never talked about each other's (I hesitated).
As a person who is shy, the boy will think much and try to know your opinion indirectly either by indirect chats or from mutual friends.
But he will find it very hard to approach you since he likes you and won't risk the friendship bond that easily.
As it happened to me, when I took a step forward risking the friendship bond, I eventually found she also liked me very much. If girl had talked to me first then it works have been perfect as per condition during that time, but it didn't happened.
I don't know why girls wait for boys to approach.
If girls also started taking steps its no harm. Everything's gonna be ok.
Go for it, may be you could gain the best relation ship any one can have.
My best wishes
#justdoit
Well just ask him for coffee or something casual. You don't have to ask him out like bf/gf. Keep the approach casual and make it so that he feels like he's doing most of the work, even though you are. You're a smart woman, and smart women are usually good at making men feel like they are doing the manly whatever when they are really helping them out.
Invite him somewhere, don't make it a date, something small. Go for a little walk, go bowling, something with some interaction. Make sure he knows you enjoy it, maybe ask him to take you somewhere again sometime if he doesn't mind. Compliment him as an individual, go out of your way to do little things with him.
Right don't ask home out, but you can drop hints like telling him you like him or you think he'd make some girl happy and you'd feel luck if that girl was you if he wants to date you he'd probably take that as a chance to get in clean and not get burn shy guys are paranoid of pain
Some males thinks so, like if a girl asks me out I’m not a man and things like that but honestly, I think that doing that only means that she likes him and specially for shy people it could work.
Another option is to the the normal things like expending time as friends, touching her hand, coffee and all those things but to a shy person, probably taking the first step would work the best just make sure you do it without his friends knowing cause they may push him out of the group a little
women should think twice before asking a guy out. In his mind she is temporary/second choice as she picked him. Way better if she makes herself irresistible so he is compelled to do something... and even shy guys will when they meet the right woman. But as a woman you will never know if you are ‘right’ for the guy or not. Only he knows.
That’s extremely dumb. So the woman just has to wait around until the guy has the nerve to ask her out?
Ps. Women usually have more options than men do.
Ok fair enough
I'm a shy guy myself.
But if a girl liked me, I'd prefer her to approach me/ ask me out if she knew I liked her as well and knew I was too nervous to do it myself.
Wouldn't make less of a man.
Its just that way, I'd defently knows she's intrested insread of it coming across as mixed signals.
I have to say i am a shy guy myself and i have been in his place before it took me only 1 text cause i said i was such an idiot she repleid with your my idiot so just let him know with a text or personal not straight tell him you like him but say something so he knows you do
If you plan to wait for a shy man to 1st know you're interested in him and 2nd to gather the courage to ask you out, you could wait for a LOOONG time.
It's better to be straightforward and tell him "would you go out with me" or something like that. If he says yes, he's interested.
As look at some opnions I see many so called men who need to grow up, there's nothing wrong with a girl asking a guy out, of course then certain things are reversed in that situation, feeling... excetea, excetea, but I've met very few guys who went through such a situation, and everyone was happy about it.
Unfortunately this is one of those situations where you will have more balls than him and ask him out.
A guy with anxiety can go from asking out to tripping and stabbing her inthe wrong parts pretty quickly in he's head.
That's what anxiety is. Unnecessary negative thought on a big scale
@BlueDream no I'm not speaking from experience. I'm speaking as a guy who's only ever made the first move once in my life, after several years of agonising self doubt.
I get annoyed easily I'm sorry.
It's one area in which women have a massive advantage and when they don't acknowledge the fact it kind of just seems rude. I don't know. I'm old and bitter.
why is it 'unfortunate' for her if she has courage.
@analinda if you read her question it sounds like she didn't want to be the one to have to ask him out, didn't want to make him feel less of a man. It's pretty unfortunate to me that its not going her way.
@Chiral, your cranky old ass is looking for ANOTHER reason to disagree with my comment. I got it the first time, you disagree.
You basically need to tell him that you think he's cute and would love to go out sometime. Boys, regardless of if they are shy or not, don't take hints well. Be bold. It's scary but do it.
I'm more reserved myself, but I will work up the courage to ask girls to hang out.
He might be wondering if you really like him vs. just being "nice" and looking to friend zone him. Try complimenting him about something and make EYE contact. Give him a stronger hint.
As a shy guy my best advice is to approach him by telling him how you feel, because that takes the pressure off of him questioning if you like him. I disagree with him feeling like less of a man. It's a compliment to get asked out regardless of gender. If he hasn't done anything yet hints and signs will wear you out and won't get you anywhere
Honestly if he's a shy guy, you should ask him out yourself. Some guys really dig it when girls lead too. I kissed my boyfriend first and he loved it!
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The people have spoken!
Hey you shy girl, don't think much yar, just ask him directly else some other girl will take him away. Ask him politely for coffee or tea. You are courageous , when you can ask here then you need a little more courage to ask him directly.
Wish you good luck 😊
Who told you asking him out would make him feel like less of a man?
Just ask him out or constantly hint at things the two of you can do.
By nature a shy person won't ask you out right away, he's going to have to be absolutely sure that you would say yes in the first place
Lmao, first of all, who TF told u that it would make him feel less of a man? LOOOOL That person needs to stfu, Go ask him out, he's shy, He won't do it, I'm shy, I've liked this girl for the entire high school, She liked me as well, she tried even tried to get with me but ohh well, I was shy, I really wanted her but i pushed her away unintentionally. THEREFORE GO ASK HIM OUTAND DON't give up
Ask if he wants to hang out with you. He won't feel less of a man but will think of you as a girl who's not afraid of going for whatever she wants. Saying it as a guy who used to be really introverted and shy and been asked out by girls several times.
I am very much an Introvert. I had so much trouble talking to women I was interested in, I knew they liked me too but my silence caused me to settle for less than my heart desired. How I prayed that they would break the ice.
I'm a shy guy myself and it would not make me feel like any less of a man of a girl asked me out. I prefer forward girls. Pretty sure that would be the same for most guys.
Well the part about it making him feeling like less of a man is a load of shit. Just ask him out, he isn't going to ask you if he hasn't already
Who heck told you not to ask you him out for coffee or lunch don't mean it's a date it's mean your being nice if he shy away he scared but don't give up (I don't know how asked a women out myself ) so if she wanted coffee I say yes
if he’s shy he probably would prefer you asking him out, he won’t feel less of a man and re assure him a lot and make sure he feels as comfortable as possible
I don't think you can make him ask you out. If he is genuinely shy then he will definitely not take the first step to ask you out. You will have to take that initiative.
As a "shy guy" (not even that shy in general, but shy when it comes to THAT) who has pretty much never asked a girl out in his 42 years of living on this planet (been in relationships for the last 20 years so it's not a big deal now), ASK THE GUY OUT! Basically, by waiting for him to ask you out, you are setting yourself up for failure. If you sense that he likes you just ask him out.
Or you could just start a conversation with him in the social media, like facebook.
Probable it won't be a good idea if your first message will be "i like you" instead start just ordinary conversation, and after couple of days type him first if he doesn't. That's a good sign.
If you do not want to ask him out, ask him “hey, would you take me out on a date?” Make it hypothetical.
I'm not sure why it becomes "a man " thing. Both man or woman should be able to ask out the other. I'm also shish, if a woman asked me out (that I liked) , it would be a huge turn on. That's a woman that knows what she wants, instead of playing guessing games.
I don't know where you got the part of making him feel "less of a man" by you opening up your feelings for him, but I guess you can give out signals like hinting to go on dates, giving out more reasons to hang out with him, etc. Honestly, nothing beats saying what you feel straight to his face.
Just ask him out. I doubt he'd think that far into it.
Tell him you like him and that you'd like him to ask you out? In a sense you are already doing the asking, but the fact that he'll be in charge of planning the date and will still actually have to ask you to go may make him feel more comfortable.
Ask him out. Us guys aren't terrible at hints; we're just worried about misreading potential signals.
Help the poor guy out by making the first move
"we should go out together someday"
"It would be good if we can go there together"
Etc.
You don't directly ask him this way but it's more than obvious that you want him to ask you out if you say that.
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