Do you find playing hard to get attractive?

Question

This older guy at my job has been playing hard to get with me. His ways of playing hard to get is flirting with girls all the girls in front of me, acting like he's cooler than everyone, and talking to everyone while ignoring me.

He stops playing it when I stop giving him attention. He knows ill ignore him again if he continues. He still plays hard to get but not as much as before. He doesn't ignore me anymore. In fact, he always the one to say hey to me first.

Still he flirts with women in front of me and tries to act cooler than everyone else. I don't like when he flirts with girls in front of me because it makes him look gross. He makes me feel like im some nerd. I do get a lot of attention from men without doing anything unlike him who has to flirt with the girl.

LesterJester · Accepted Answer

What a choud.

People like that I don't have time for. Relationships aren't a fk'n game and most smart people simply don't have time for that childish high school petty crap.

If you like someone and want to try a relationship, then straight up say so and get it over with. Why spend months on end playing these stupid games and guessing what the other wants, when you could be spending those months actually doing stuff together?

If that was me in this situation, I would have lost interest the very first time someone pulled this crap.

I got more important things to do and there's billions of other people on the plent to choose from without having to play hard to get or do the whole petty chase routine.

Consider this important tid bit...

If you guys aren't even dating right now and he's doing this whole flirting routine crap with other girls with the sole purpose of getting your attention and riling you up, think what that sort of relationship would be like? If you guys were together, he'd probably still pull this flirting crap with other girls because that's how you guys got together. He would think that's the only way to keep you interested, by making himself seem interesting to other girls (so he thinks) and making you feel like he's a flight risk if you don't give him enough attention.

He would use this against you to manipulate the relationship and before you know it, you're mentally exhausted from playing these stupid games and second guessing his loyalty. It then backfires on his childish ass because you've had enough and dumped him.

Do you really want to go down that road?

Someone, whom you say, is desperate for attention, is going to constantly crave that attention. It doesn't matter if it's positive or negative attention, he just wants to be in the centre and will no doubt cause drama to keep it all about him.

Why? Because if he's not getting the attention from others, including yourself and nobody's talking about him, then he's got nothing else going for him. That's why he craves it. It makes him feel special and boosts his self esteem.

Its not about you or anyone else, it's all about him and his selfish needs. That's why he gets so upset when you pull the same shit on him and acts all jealous. That's why he tries and co tacts you after you drop him for a while.

Maybe he does like you, but he's clearly not mature enough for a serious relationship and you're going to be constantly struggling to feed his ego and jump through these games while constantly questioning whether he's going to leave for some other girl.

Again, I wouldn't waste my time. Even if I'm completely wrong, I don't have the patience anymore to deal with that crap. Say what's on your mind, tell me if you're interested in a relationship... Or go piss off somewhere.

bigtex88 · Accepted Answer

If he's playing that hard to get, he's not all that intrested. He likes the fact that he's gets attention from all the women not just you. If he were really interested in you he wouldn't be doing that

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It's an immature mind game. I lose interest if a guy plays hard to get. He either wants me, or he doesn't. If he gives mixed signals by playing hard to get, i just forget about him and move on from him.

I've never played hard to get with a guy. If I like a guy, I'll make it known. I want a guy to know where he stands with me. I dont want him to be confused and full of doubt about how I feel about him.

If I was you, I'd stop giving him attention and move on from him. Find a guy who likes you enough to make you feel wanted by him. A guy who will show interest in only you, not in other women.

Playing hard to get is a manipulative tactic used by people who are insecure deep down. Don't let him control you that way. He knows when he ignores you, you pretend not to care, then once he shows interest and gives you attention again, you you show him attention too. He's in total control. I'd take that control away from him

Can_I_Get_a_Do-Over · Accepted Answer

No, playing hard to get is not attractive. That kind of game playing only serves to frustrate people. It takes some living to finally stop it. Young people are given all kinds of unhelpful dating advice on the internet. You see it perpetuated because the advisors repeat what they’ve read.

More of the same misinformation doesn’t make it accurate or reliable.

—> Be yourself. Find someone who is attracted to your genuine self.

aWes0MeNeSs · Accepted Answer

Not at all. I actually find it to be extremely childish. I always assume people's intentions are what they show them to be, and if someone ignores me or acts disinterested, I assume they're not interested and move on. I don't play silly games and I absolutely refuse to chase after anyone.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

The thing you describe is not attractive and is abusive and cruel. My definition of playing hard to get is to be hard to get - a top student with good athletic skill who treats people with kindness and respect and is totally devoted to his family and God is super attractive - and has tons of options - that guys is desirable on his own merit and not due to his manipulation tactics.

SpacedCharr · Answer

Playing hard to get is just a cowards way of trying to get with someone they know is above them.

Ignore. Move on. Repeat.

The only playing hard to get that humans should find attractive is the playing hard to get you face when you really want to cuddle your cat but he decides he is done with you.

Be more like a cat, ladies. Fuck this "playing hard to get" coward act.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Playing hard to get is one variety of playing games and I don't find any of it attractive.

coachTanthony · Answer

Well aren't you just the smart "cookie" to know when he is playing hard to get and not. That is one unbelievable awesome gift I must say!

SydneySentinel · Answer

No way. It's an attempt to manipulate your responses into you giving him the attention he wants.

Anonymous · Answer

It’s human nature to believe that something that is hard to obtain is more valuable. Which may or may not be true. But all the anticipation building up to it makes it feel “worth while”.

With that said some people go way overboard on this crap. And no offense ladies, but I think you are WORSE at falling for this paradox than guys are. Because women are more cat like in general They usually are most interested in the guy who gives them the least attention (after he says hello). It’s one of the reasons women are more attracted to assholes than men are too bitches. It does go both ways but still.

I just watch a guy blatantly so this crap over the weekend. I just attended a singles meetup with no agenda, but he had one and it worked very well for him. It was depressing. Here’s the story.

Single again, do I really have to “play the game” to be more attractive in group settings? ↗

Dongtai · Answer

Have you two been on an actual date? I wouldn’t read too heavily into it if not. Some guys just like to flirt.

I personally don’t find playing hard to get attractive because it tells me the girl’s personality isn’t attractive enough to pull me in any other way. If you need to play mind games to keep me chasing you, you’re probably a boring person behind the front, hence, needing to play a game in the first place.

I like a challenge but be an actual challenge. Make my brain tick and walk away leaving me wondering about you. Make me laugh in a way no girl ever has to the point where I look forward to your presence because I know I’ll be smiling again. Be the girl who makes me blind to other girls.

I would bring my A game for that type of girl. Playing hard to get is easy. Being hard to get is rare.

Investigator · Answer

Some people play "hard to get", others play "hard to keep". I play "hard to be interested", on account that these "I don't care" games bore me. If look like I'm "playing" hard to get, it's because I honestly couldn't care less. Women used to be a priority in my life, but not anymore. I just straight-up don't flirt with women these days; between engaging in suggestive teasing that is constantly walking right up the line between flirtation and sexual harassment, "whoever cares less wins" and acting aloof just to keep the other person interested and on the prowl, modern mind games and the "dating arena" they lead to are exhausting and my energy is better spent elsewhere.

Been there, done that.

LaVillaStrangiato · Answer

Hey girl. I'm that older guy, but I don't play games.
If a girl I'm interested in starts playing games, I'll get legs and run the other way.
But in your case, if you want something with this guy, just give into him and get it over with.

You might find the man of your dreams, or you could be disappointed, then you can give it back to him. hahaha

Stop playing games!

ThisIsMyOpinion · Answer

Stuff like this makes my head hurt.
Are you children? No! Are you soap opera actors? No! Do you get a rush on leaving the other wanting you? You both probably do. Still do you want him? Tell him! I would give the same advice to that idiot.
He gets upset when you talk to other guys and yet he flirts with girls all the time, ya he is an idiot. And so are you for keeping this up and continue to humor him.
He know you don't like when he flirts with others girls, that's why he does it, stop caring. Besides he sounds like that jealous and controlling type.

Anonymous · Answer

Its funny cause i never really play hard to get, but because of my fear of intimacy and sarcastic form of humor (they might go hand in hand) somehow every situation turns into a hard to get like pursuit of me

Cause im very obvious if i like a girl, i can flirt but as soon as i realize or notice thr feelings are mutual, i just freeze mentally

I can't believe what just happened, so all the sudden this ice cold posture starts to break, not literally but deep inside and im unable to move naturally again
So this is when i start running in circles with myself, but she doesn't know, she thinks i play hard to get

Some girls leave, others keep trying cause they like the game they think im playing, others then again just make the first move themselves

But yes its hurting me and also those i try to commit with
Cause each time i notice she opens up or i need to open up on a more intimate level i completely block and shelter, i try to deflect it or run from it, neglect it...

Cherokeehp · Answer

It’s dumb and counterproductive. Personally I just prefer to be direct and straightforward. The people I like will always know for sure that I like them and I only ever seriously pursue people that I’m sure like me back. People who play hard to get aren’t usually worth the effort in my opinion.

Vegasguyshawn · Answer

Okay so in my Opinion you need to stop playing games and communicate with him look I like you and its obvious that you feel the same so instead of wasting time and effort on this let just lay our cards on the table and say what we want if we dont both agree we want to be with the other then it's out in the open and either way the games stop to me the sexiest thing a women can do is come to me show me you want to be with me show me why my attention should never be on anyone else that this girl really wants me and how much that will grow once we are together I love a women that is proud they are with me not one that is going to play childish games like that

MzAsh · Answer

How long has this been going on? If he’s not asking you out then he’s not interested and is acting that way out of narcissism, not game playing. Avoid.

Truthatanycost · Answer

When you have strict boundaries, do not put up with any crap, are careful with who, and why you give attention to, respect yourself, and hold others accountable, and have high standards, you may come across as hard to get... because you are. But it's not a game... it just is.

cheapshotbob · Answer

i dont i am no model but i have been with a few girls that looked it
they liked the game know it annoyed me. they could get any guy they want lol.

they would talk to them for a good while till i just walked away for a coffee and they would ask me what i was feeling lol like they didn't know haha

it was fun but i dont go for the model types anymore there all games when it comes to playing hard to get. lol

Moonchild714 · Answer

Why do you even want him? Maybe he's just being his Flirtatious self and you're jealous for no reason. You really gave nothing to indicate he's interested in you it sounds more like you're interested in him and want him to Notice and Flirt only with you and no one else. From what you've described this is a guy that has a need to be liked by everyone so when you ignore him he has to get your attention for his Ego not for You!!!

Alpha09 · Answer

Ugh. For a short time it can be exciting. But guys who do that don't keep me interested, I just move on. Games aren't fun when there's no reason to play. I'll play if we are clearly gonna hook up, but if his idea of fun is to just tease and play around for weeks I don't have the time or patience.

Tyladron · Answer

I myself am not completely sure what exactly hard to get entails, and sometimes it seems people will confuse hard to get with other things that aren't quite that. That is a strange guy though, I don't understand why people act like that. To me he just sounds like he isn't the most intelligent lol 😁

Gods_Gift · Answer

I'm not clear if you're actually interested in this guy, or just think he's into you and trying reverse psychology to make you jealous and come after him.

If you want him and he just keeps being a jerk you might have to write him off. If you just think he wants you but is playing games you may be wrong but even if right it shouldn't bother you too much if you're not interested.

ocelotz · Answer

This is why I try to avoid hooking up with people I work with, lol.
With all due respect, he may just not be interested, at least not as interested in you as you are in him. Guys don’t normally flirt with girls in front of a girl he likes.
Then again some guys are kinda oblivious to girls liking them. If it’s bothering you should tell him how you feel, flat out, in plain and simple terms, if nothing else he’ll be a little more conscientious about flirting with girls in front of you.

logik11 · Answer

No, it's not attractive and he's acting like child. It won't get any better unless he sees a reason to change on his own and it doesn't sound like he's ready for that. It's best to let this one go and find someone that's not afraid to show you that they want you.

Giggletr0n · Answer

No it's annoying as shit! I am the kind of person that NEEDS a clear cut yes or no answer, it's not gonna hurt my feelings.

NearlyNapping · Answer

Playing hard to get is stupid game playing. However, this is a case that I'd like to hear the other side of the story. Not sure if he is being a jerk, or you are imagining things.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I think he's immature. But I also think you shouldn't play games either. I don't think anyone should play games, men or women. How about stop with this passive-aggressive shit and just be straight with one another.

Doodabeat · Answer

No. Playing hard to get is one of the most unattractive behaviors.

Anonymous · Answer

do I think it is attractive? No. however he could not view it the same way you do, what you call 'hard to get' another could call 'not seeming to desperate but doing just enough and waiting for reciprocation'.

being open and honest with your intentions can put some people off. such as, let's be friends first before we try anything more, whereas other prefer to jump straight into dating.

ImSparkly · Answer

I don't find it attractive and have better things to do than to continue playing the same games from High School.

BadAnswers · Answer

uuuhm depends to what degree, i think there's a fastly crossed line between hard to get and just being an asshole if im honest.

Ripper_E · Answer

No. If a woman is going to play hard to get I will move on. She is either interested or she's not. I don't have time for those games.

Mädchen · Answer

No, I wouldn't chase anyone. If they aren't interested I won't pursue it further. No Matter If it was all just an act or not

angecandy · Answer

Have you ever confessed your feelings for him? Or has he ever said straight to you that he likes you?

ashiakaleo · Answer

I dont purposely try to play hard to get, im just shy at first. But every guy I've talked to so far has been into that.

dragonfruitA · Answer

Personally, I get turned off when a guy is all over me, so a certain extent of distancing works for me. Just not too much, or I get bored or offended.

fonduegirl · Answer

The only reason I appreciate it is the fact I'm no chaser. Distance works for me, relationships don't. When I play hard to get, I'm usually not interested and the other person doesn't take a hint.

red324 · Answer

I don't know when they're playing hard to get and when they just aren't interested. They usually just piss me off and I start to call everyday once or twice a day until I get of doing it. It's more for their annoyance than mine. lol

crazy8000 · Answer

Why are you proclaimed that he must take initiative because his a man instead of taking initiative yourself since you obviously are interested in him since you put interest in caring that he does this?

lernulo · Answer

I won't find attractive a girl who flirts with all men except with me, in fact I would tend to ignore her, or if she comes to me, I would assume she only wants friendship.
To me playing hard is come to my place and say, do you have time for a coffee?

Lliam · Answer

No. Not at all. I don't like people who play mind games.

stardust101 · Answer

Stay away from him. There are so many red flags just in your few senfences!

MindYourEyes · Answer

No. It’s stupid and immature. It’s a complete turn off. I need someone straight honest.

cavmanier · Answer

If a girl acted that way, I'd lose all interest. He seems like a kid.

Unit1 · Answer

Play hard to get on me and you'll have a harder time getting me back. I suggest you return his favor like i said i do and let karma unfold. Good luck. See how he likes his own medicine.

Hawk4225 · Answer

Playing hard to get is unattractive no matter who you are, guy or girl. Just be honest and upfront with your feelings instead of playing ring around the rosy

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

Playing "hard to get" is for immature boys. BEING someone worth KEEPING... is a man's game.

talltom94 · Answer

Nope, complete turn off, I lose interest because I cba for those mind games, I've had them before and people who do those type of things tend to be manipulative, I'd much rather we both just be honest about where we stand

basicallybasic · Answer

It's seriously stupid, if you want something just got for it. Communication is always good

sweetcocoa_ · Answer

NO. If I wanna play games, I'll go to the arcade clown ass fool 🤡 but yea fr it's a huge turn off.

Taylor_C · Answer

No, rather the contrary. To me it´s very off putting.

5_AM_Oracle · Answer

I find it stupid, childish and a waste of my time. As soon as I see it, I just go bye

Nik1hil · Answer

See.. You gotta kidnap him.. And bang his brains out..  With his brain gone.. He won't be able to think or play hard to get..

arabgoddess · Answer

That is such a turn off for me.. I'd purposely snob guys like these

spartan55 · Answer

The first sign of crap like that I'm out, for good.

ZELLxoxo · Answer

Why would you even want someone like that? Put him out of your mind.

Anonymous · Answer

I am not a fan of playing head games like that. If I get the sense that a girl is playing hard to get, I'm out. I have no place in my life for a girl who plays games.

JohnAlaska43 · Answer

nope I find it a bit foolish. And very childish. Id never do it.

Anonymous · Answer

A lot of girls still do it for some reason and wonder why they are not finding anyone. For us guys that is so unattractive and makes a girl look like a bitch.

WhistleForTheChoir · Answer

Note: All the women saying they don't appreciate the "hard to get" act, only date men who play hard to get.

JamesRandiDebates · Answer

No. Not a bit. If I decide I want a bitch, I expect her to reciprocate. If she doesn't, I will move on to a bitch who will. I got no time for games.   PS: That picture is disgusting.

SemiWizard · Answer

The behavior associated with "playing hard to get" is indistinguishable from lack of interest. If he really cared about you, he'd signal that. You'd be wise to attribute his behavior lack of interest and look elsewhere.

Do you find playing hard to get attractive?

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