Girls, How would you like to be approached if you're trying to attract a guy?

[Anonymous]

Girl: [Why won't he say something!]. Guy: [I need your consent to speak]

Now more than ever, this an answer we need. Many feel that making the first move nowadays is like stepping on eggshells barefoot, but for shy young men who want to make the best first impression... it's paralysing.

ouch

The reason I'm asking this question Now is because it's finally happened... Women are showing interest in me. Now they have in the past, but those were only co-workers, these are women in the street and on the train... which makes it... Worse... They aren't people I know, and whilst stroking their hair is flattering... it's not exactly conversational.

My Inside Voice:

The reason I haven't noticed this before is because A) I used to only go out to work and gym, and B) I've moved to a new area where there are young people. Oh and C) I'm now going out of my way to look and dress good. I'm planning to continue going to a Yoga class at my new Gym too, though that's mainly for stretching (Gym offers no regular stretching classes).

l've never been with someone because of my inability to approach people [this affects making friendships too. I'm working on it]. Ironically, I'm now approached by people all the time when I travel; mostly for directions, but it's interesting that they're actively choosing me.

So Girls, what do I do?

[Goopawn]

Be yourself, and do it authentically. You can very well ask girls and play the part of the sweetest, most attentive and unique boy with an eye for detail and anything else "a girl wants" if you want, but once you are successful, you're gonna falter on the act and be yourself anyways, it would only be a matter of time, and there's no real way to tell how she might react to the real you unless you see for yourself.

Be nice for sure, don't be rude, but if you think you need a basic 101 on how to be yourself to get a girl, you're over-thinking it. How do you act around friends and close family naturally, without any outside factors or experiences affecting you? When a nice old lady at the grocery store starts chatting you up out of nowhere waiting in line for the register, how do you respond? Give everyone you want to meet a trial run of what you're really like up front. You'll miss a few gals that aren't right for you along the way, and they might seem like big losses at first, but the genuine people you meet will make up for any loss you take along the way.

Advice for the journey though, be slow to speak, and quick to listen. Not only do you learn more about who you're talking to, but you're faster to notice when disaster is approaching.

Good luck!

[Asker]

"When a nice old lady at the grocery store starts chatting you up out of nowhere waiting in line for the register, how do you respond?"

I respond as politely and as helpfully as I can, but I can't START the conversation unless they look like they need help or directions. At least two women showed interest in me today when I was out, one sat right next to me on the bus after I offered to take her to the station she needed (I was going there myself) - but in all these cases I cannot bring myself to make small talk, especially when they just look at you whilst messing with their clothes or hair.

[Asker]

I can only talk business: e. g. how long the bus ride will take, and how far from the last stop to the station. The entire rest of the ride was awkward silence until we briefly chatted on the way to the station.

[Goopawn]

A good way to combat transactional small talk is to force yourself out of that comfort bubble. I call it a comfort bubble here because the set script for helpful responses keeps you in a comfortable position with responses you can predict, but improvising, while uncomfortable at first because you don't know what you're doing, almost always leads to positive social improvement. The old lady probably start with something like a question about you or something pertaining to you, maybe something about their kids or grandkids that might indirectly lead to you, or for help with something, in which case they ask you something to break the ice while you help. Be an old lady, my friend. Sitting next to a girl on public transport? What are they doing, and how does it relate to anything in your world? "Do you go to school around here?" or "Are you from around here?" is an easy in to begin the process. Small talk is the precursor to real conversation. She tells you she's from around, talk to her about something in the area you know or have experienced, maybe even want to experience (with someone else). What kind of music does she listen to? Got any hobbies? Got anything going on today? What do you do for fun? Are you overtly offended by the sight of a kiwi fruit? You just have to think of something and go for it. Failed? Keep going for it until you find something to talk about, or until she starts asking you things. 9 times out of 10, they are just as nervous and awkward as you are with the opposite sex. Don't over-think it

[Asker]

I'm almost as old as you, just had a lonely childhood. The reason I posted this question Now is because I've been getting a surprising amount of attention lately as a result of going out more; people seem to see me as approachable and "the guy to ask" essentially; be it directions or information, sometimes they just want to vent - I put this down to the Halo Effect.

If I wasn't so paralysed when it came to speaking to people I don't know (men and women), without a comfortable explanation, I'd probably have had a girlfriend by now. I'm relatively fit, I dress well and I try to look my best nowadays; but I don't think I'm entirely baked yet.

Thanks for the advice

[Goopawn]

Everyone moves at their own pace, my friend. I had a rocky social start myself, but we all go through it sometime, don't let anyone rush you. When you're comfortable and it feels natural, just go for it, don't wait for yourself to find a reason not to. 👍🏽 The cause for your dissatisfaction is lack of action lol

[Nikki1989]

It is not complicated, just be friendly and polite. It's not difficult.

[Asker]

It really is nowadays. I need more specifics, being polite was always the plan, but that's a descriptor not an action.

E. g. what should I do that is polite and doesn't turn her off?

[Pinay_ako]

Omg just say hi and be nice.