What will be the best way to turn a guy's feelings down?

[Anonymous]

So I have this guy, we were working for the same company but we only met for once and since then he kept calling and texting me, for some time I stopped texting him back because he made something that annoyed me but he didn't stop sending msgs for a couple of months so I texted him back. He told me that he loves me and that he's even ready to marry me. But I'm not really interested in him so what do you guys think is the best way to tell him that?

Updates

1 y

I texted him and told him honestly that I'm not interested in him and he accepted my answer without any problems. Thank you everyone!

[SteveSmith1985]

Ok. So this guy is super inappropriate.

Like... waaaaaaaaay over the boundaries of appropriate. He met you ONCE.

So he continued to send you messages for months after you stopped replying. That's not ok. That's not normal. That's not fucking appropriate! That would be true if you didn't work for the same company. Since you do. This guy has clearly got ZERO grasp of appropriate boundaries and appropriate behaviour.

He says he loves you and wants to marry you? That's legitimately a little scary. That should scare you. A lot. Because this guy doesn't know you. This guy didn't take the hint that you stopped replying for months. This guy is messed up. Seriously messed up. This is not normal behavior. At all.

This is not a normal situation. So I'm not going to treat it like one, and tell you ways to let guys down easy. That's not what you need to do here. You need to let this guy down VERY CLEARLY AND DIRECTLY.

This is essentially a partial stalker here. You do realize that right?

It's at least somebody who has no idea what "normal" "appropriate" or "acceptable" mean when it comes to his behavior towards you. Any guy who is that untethered from social expectations becomes unpredictable (for me. hard to read I mean).

Usually, you can predict how most people are likely to react to you saying some specific "easy let-down". But this guy is not usual. He doesn't think and act like other guys. His mind thinks it made sense to keep messaging you for months after you stopped. In his mind he thinks he's in love with you and wants to marry you (the dude doesn't know you. That's insane).

So you need to be clear. You don't need to worry about his feelings. That's not what's most important. If you try and protect his feelings he won't get it. How can he. He didn't "get" what it meant that you stopped replying! He's on his own mental wavelength here. He won't believe you or understand, or at any rate he won't stop unless you're super clear about this. This is not a regular case where feelings WOULD be the most important consideration in what you choose to say. Not here. Here you need to be clear, direct, and leave no room for misunderstandings.

I feel like you're way too nonchalant in the tone of this question. This is not just some guy whose interested. He's a guy who is super-unhealthily interested in you. It probably will go fine. But... he's gone into "slightly scary" territory here. Just so you know...

So you're going to want to say something like: I need you to stop messaging me. I don't have an interest in interacting with you (aside from whatever you need to do for work if any). I stopped replying months ago, but you didn't seem to take the hint. I'm sorry. You do not love me, because you don't know me. This is an inapropriate way to behave to anyone, and it's particularily inapropriate to a work-collegue. Please stop contacting me.

No joke. You gotta be cold and direct and clear. This guy has trouble "getting it" when a woman is clearly not interested. He thinks he wants to marry you... what "softer" approach is going to work with THAT guy. They won't work.

[Asker]

I don't work there anymore and I actually told him before that I'm not interested in dating and to stop calling me but he doesn't seem to quit and started texting me on different social media platforms.
I was actually scared and creeped out at some point.
I told him that we only met for like 2 hours and you don't know me well, how did you get so attached to me?
He said that the moment he saw me he knew I'm the one and those kinda stuff and that his mind is in war because of me.
And I wasn't really comfortable so I told him I'll give you my answer later.
A few years ago, someone confessed to me and I turned him down coldly because that's my personality but people around me said that I was mean and that I should have went easy on him, that's why I was hesitant to do the same this time.

[SteveSmith1985]

In a way I'm glad that you're sufficiently creeped-out. I didn't think you were at all before, which is why that reply had that tone.

And, honestly, good for you for trying to take people's advice to not be so cold when rejecting people. Generally that's good advice. But not for this situation. This situation is way beyound giving a fuck at all about his feelings. Don't even consider them. They don't matter.

This guy needs to be out of your life. Completely and permanently. THAT is the primary focus. That's the goal. Fuck his feelings.

So it sucks that you no longer work there insofar as... that would have been an easy (and fully justified) way to go about getting him to stop. But oh well, that's not what's happening.

So this comes down to you saying however you feel is best. VERY CLEARLY.

"I do not want you to contact me again. "

"your contact has been inapropriate and is scaring me"

"I do not love you. I never will."

"I need you to respect my decision here, or I'm going to have to go to the police"

Those are the kinds of points you want to hit. No fucking around. If you've got a cold personality or way of being. NOW is when you need that. You need to be the ice queen.

You need to be clear, direct, cold, and make clear that you don't want a reply. This is the last message. Tell him if he cares about you he will respect your decision.

So this is all over text messaging? If so. If he does reply when you tell him not to. Block him. It's done. You're not asking him to leave you alone. You're telling him.

[Asker]

Ok thank you for your advice, I'll do that.

[SteveSmith1985]

You're quite welcome. This guy's gotta go. Don't worry about how he feels. If he doesn't leave you alone after this. Get the police involved. Treat this seriously. You got this. 🙂

[Guy13]

Be honest and succinct on your feelings as it relates to him and the possibility of intimate relationship.

[Emiliamazing]

So I wholeheartedly agree with Steve, this individual seems like a stalker. If he doesn't get the point through text messaging, you may need to bring an authority figure with you in person and tell him face-to-face to get the point across. I would hope it doesn't come to that though, seeing you could further fuel his insistence/desire.

[Asker]

I texted him, everything is fine now, thank you!

[Emiliamazing]

Good!

[Emiliamazing]

Thank you for including me for MHO!

[MLGbreezy]

Be honest

[Asker]

Ok thank you.