He wants me to open up to him emotionally?

[Anonymous]

Nothing official. We were on and off for about a year because of us going to different colleges..about 5hours apart. He lived in a different city and he would only come see me on the holidays and the summer. During this time span, I was a bit guarded,and in fear of getting attached to someone I could never possibly have a stable relationship with. Like having false hope...its a scary situation. Thus that being so, I was always cautious about my feelings towards him. Now..recently...He comes back for spring break..and the trivial how are you..what's been going on with your life, is life going well, turns into a confrontational phone call. " I don't know if something is wrong with you, but I feel you are hiding something from me.The last time I was with you, I felt you were a bit neurotic and just not enjoying your time with me. What is causing this in you? I want you to open up..and I'm just trying to figure you out, for myself...I want you to open up to me..emotionally." My reaction was..whoa! This guy is nuts! I was expecting a hi, how's everything, lets hang out. Why is he acting like this?

[livelifelively]

since you are posting things, you must be thinking (unless you like posting), you appear to like the guy...

Whats your doubt at the core is FEAR OF LETTING OTHERS CLOSE AND GETTING DEPENDENT. It is a genuine fear and infact the damages are intense. But you have to choose either live alone in fear or take chance and may and may not succeed. You will learn a lot about yourself if nothing else.

Since you were scared of false hopes and all you like the guy and would like to have things going further. The guy may be just curious also but may be also interested in you. I would say he likes you. But when you start to open up, tell what you are doing, tell him you started to like him and thought he dint like back and dint wanted false hopes and all... if you two were to stay frens, you should keep the line...

yes all these things may sound desperate but... I don't think we need to play games in the relations we want to be closest to ourself... being honest cuts lots of crap and saves lots of time and emotional pain... he wants you to open up, open up... if its not going to be love, you 2 might not stay good frens for long if you don't speak up... imagine if you just let things pass and the guy gets some other gal, I don't think you will be able to continue "normal"...

[Asker]

There is no way we could ever JUST be friends..we've been sexually involved way too much for that to be possible. This guy likes me..like, wink wink ..likes me. THAT I am 100% sure about. This isn't high school anymore...its not the typical" I like you...do you like me?" type of crap. What I'm worried about is if he likes me further more than just the physical..I want an emotional connection rather than just lustful stuff. And my fear is deeply rooted if THAT is not being mutually shared ...

[livelifelively]

well you said nothing about sex part... then I think its all on you. guys don't think much, well mostly... if the guy had the physical satisfaction and still hung upon u, the liking has more that just physical content. Now its about you, do you like the guy...? you clearly do, but there is always a threshold to cross in starting relationship... and there is risk involved. but the more you know the other person, lesser is the risk... if the guy is asking you about opening yourself up, take chances

[Asker]

I really do appreciate your intake...I guess I'll have to be a bit more explicit. But during that unexpected phone call ..he also mentioned, " we've slept together several times and we've done everything sexual except vaginal sex, and that really bothers me..I've known you for a year now and each time you seem colder and more distant. What is going through your mind?The last time it almost seemed like you were doing me a favor. I need you to trust me..I want you to open up to me, emotionally."

[Asker]

By sexually involve..I meant oral sex, him going down on me, me giving blowjobs and handjobs, and ...we also had anal sex..everything BUT vaginal sex. The thing is...I'm still a virgin. not purely innocent ..which is why I like to consider my virginity to be technical..because I've done other stuff...just not with my vagina. Its something I value..and I would think he would have given up by NOW. It's already been a year..this guy now wants me to be open emotionally to him? Its a risky matter..

[livelifelively]

well as the sex has come in picture, the guy as in these lines, wants things sexually intense than earlier... a step up... and he knows where the key is... your emotions... thing is may be he is trying to finish the kill (if you know what I mean)...

when it comes to a guy... never trust what they say... trust what they do... make him do what you want in answers (like creating situations where has no choice but act in accordance to the real instincts)

[livelifelively]

well in that case, this can be a confidence building statement as well... means guy trying to say that we had it all, and now lets open up more... infact after the anal sex part, I think this is more of a situation...

being open emotionally is being vulnerable, its risky but worth it... you can be very luck for being with a guy who is looking for an emotional involvement because for many just physical milestone is enough...

as for my efforts... I like doing this :)

[Asker]

I'm sorry for not responding earlier..just busy..but I've been thinking about what you've said all along..I would like to think I'm lucky to find a guy that wants this type of involvement. I guess this is something very new to me & the feelings I hav ar of a depth I never thought could even exist. I guess I'm afraid..because for the first time in my love life..I feel that my emotions are out of control, I find that psychotic..like I'm falling from a 100 story building, but I don't hit the ground.

[Asker]

As for your efforts..I know it can be just anyone that can log on and make commentary..but you really have helped someone here and I don't think you know how thankful I actually am. This has been afflicting me for some time now and It's amazing what a stranger can do to help develop some clarity of mind. Thank you..You . Are. AWESOME. take care..

[livelifelively]

:) it happens... you know its strange how we handle guys-girls relations differently in cultures... you guys are easy with physical thing but find it quite difficult with emotional... in our culture, we neither open up physically (its sort of taboo) nor emotionally (which is obvious)...

what you are going through is different and new, but an emotion every human is expected to have... you are scared because you want to capture things and want them to stay like this (or like you want them to be)

[livelifelively]

... forever. but its truth of life that nothing stays as it is... it will never stay like this... because it can't and it shouldnt... point is, open up... the best relation that can be is when two people become one, and there is no you and me, no bars of ego... I know it is quite scary but trust me... its worth it. All you have to loose is you might need to start over again... but if you don't go for it or do it with fears, you will loose something really good...

[livelifelively]

what your future would be like will depend on how you tackle the situation in hand... and you don't need to think all now and here... I know its difficult to NOT THINK but don't try to NOT THINK... involve deeply in your present and make it a memory worth remembering before you die...

m not awesome, just that I have been through something you guys are going through, because life is something so intimate yet so shared... how you are feeling is felt by so many... and yet your own experience is urs.

[Asker]

Well, you are from India:) I can see how the culture CAN differ. I live in America but my family is from South America, Colombia. So..I was brought up a bit differently than most American children, My father is a strict Catholic and I was never really allowed to go out and party while I was schooling in high school..I never felt any affection for men at the time...I was more into myself and what made me happy & my friends. I didn't really like the attention..and I've always been somewhat reserved

[Anonymous]

link

[Asker]

lol you can now see how much I REALLY like this guy now;)