If you're natural in starting a conversation with anyone, that means you're extroverted and quite social.
And if the person to whom you're texting or chatting with tend to be more introverted, then they'll surely appreciate your move. They believe in honesty and speaking transparently. But don't lead them ( especially guys) into wrong notions by talking exaggeratedly.
However, take note of two things to avoid giving vibes of a desperate person:
1) Make conversations special and unique rather than just casual. Introverts are usually those people who feel insecure in interacting with people believing that people might leave them, because they're not good at expressing. Show that you're interested in talking to them. Your conversations should make the other person open up more and more and feel confident and free around you. That is the key to forge a good bond with introverts.
2) Don't text bomb. Allow them to speak up. They might take time to reply. So have patience. Don't just randomly move over subjects. But don't stick around to one issue either. Ask how they feel about a particular thing rather than stomping around your views on the first occasion. Text bombing can annoy as they might find it difficult to answer so much at one go. There are exceptions to this part though. That's for you to find.
Hope that solves your dilemma.
Healthy tip: Keep it cool and chilled.
There’s a short answer, long answer, and a true answer.
The short answer: no, not really
Long answer: it really depends on the guy. I personally wouldn’t think twice about it. A good friend of mine has a very old fashioned sense of having certain duties as a man, and while he’s not an extreme enough example to decline a girl for texting first, I imagine that there are guys out there who really would care that much.
The true answer: text first if that’s the kind of girl you are. If he doesn’t like it, you didn’t need him anyways. I believe in compromise in a relationship but not for something as trivial as this.
So... initially, definitely text first because good riddance to any man put off or intimidated by you taking the time to start a convo.
But temper this same mentality by making sure that you're allowing the connection to be organic and mutual. Give him time to initiate some convos to make sure you're on the same page.
It's great to initiate and it only becomes a problem when it's clear that you're the only one ever invested enough in the mutual relationship to start a convo. If you don't talk to him and it makes you two fade it's for the better.
Wait, girls actually text first? I've never had that happen to me! Maybe i'm just unattractive?
If your guy is a more introverted person, I'd think he likes you texting him first, as many introverts want to be cared about a feel more loved than extroverts. Not that extroverts don't need love, but because they are more social, they often have friends that could comfort them. Introverts need the care and love coming from you, his special person. That being said, I do think texting him first is alright, however just not constantly bombing his messages as he would find you annoying. Tip: Keep it cool :)
No, it does not make girls seem desperate at all. Just confident in yourself which is good. Men have too much pressure put on them to always be the forward one and make the first move. If you like a guy, don't be afraid to text him. Especially an introverted guy. As long as you don't overdo it and get super angry when they might take a while to text back, you're good.
T H I S
THANK YOU SO FREAKING MUCH FOR UNDERSTANDING!
I'd say depends on how you're trying to start a conversation with that person, talking about different things in order to gets ones opinion and get them talking so you can get to know them slowly ain't nothing desperate about that, but if it's something off topic and depending how you make yourself heard can either look desperate or not at all.
Depends on the flow
Opinion
709Opinion
Good luck to you. Being older than most here when you met someone you were interested in, the only option was to say what you wanted to say there and then or ask for a home telephone number. If the former you would get an answer straight away usually with a "can I bring my friend" or "have you got a friend to go with mine?". You'd then have to try and pick a time when your or her parents were not around, how would you know?
Just be careful and don't look too keen is what I'd say. The fact you started it will make the boy feel good and he'd probably try harder to make a good impression if he liked you from the start.
My daughter recently married, her husband actually got his father to get her phone number as he was that shy to ask at the time. Takes all sorts. If you don't get the result you want then maybe it wasn't to be anyway. Take care if you arrange to meet someone alone on the strength of one text message, make sure you get to know him and trust him while you are chatting first.
Absolutly not.. Its totally normal and actually it makes it easier for a guy who doesn't talk much or doesn't know how to start a conversation.. Personally if a girl texts me first i give her instant respect cause she didn't "play hard to get" or do any of that nonsense.. It makes everything easier and totally simple.. Both of you would be in the same page if you like each other and it would definitely helps make the relationship stronger
I dont text girls first.. Not because im a show off.. Not because it makes me look desperate.. And not because i dont know how to talk (though i hate small talk and trying to get someones attention to focus with me).. No but only because most of the girls dont take the first step in these stuff and they leave all on the guy to do his thing just to say how good is that guy in getting her.. Some girl i talk to instantly if they are worth it but others i prefer to let them make the first move just to see how much they are able to make things simple and take it easy..
So dont worry about you starting a chat and just keep it simple.. You like that guy so why hold back and not talk or start a conversation?
I am so sick of hearing about things like this. I can't believe people can label innocent nice people as desperate because maybe their style of messaging is more than one. I have to play some stupid game to maybe get a date, what has our world come to. I honestly believe due to all these rules, I hate and refuse to play, that I will be single forever. I haven't had a date in 3 years already.
I carefully text once, I wait 1-2 days patiently, maybe get one message in that time. I delay my response due to some stupid game?
This is stating we live in a world where we are told to just be ourselves, but then we are told we can't be ourselves because we will look creepy, desperate, and tons of other titles. We aren't any of these things, yet we get labeled like it.
I just got ghosted a couple days ago. Probably for playing "The Game" wrong somehow.
I say be yourself, text the way you want, and fuck "The Game" and everyone else. You might be alone forever like me, but at least you aren't lying to anyone and yourself.
Women tend to overthink here. How could it possibly imply desperation? It's rather nice when a women isn't afraid to show interest. It's irritating as hell when they play games and make you wait x amount of time before replying to a text or call or whatever else. Just be you. Don't concern yourself with how something might make you look. You'll find you'll enjoy your life more and that you'll be more attractive to others, and you'll also find you have less complications with an "I am who I am" attitude.
Absolutely not. There are many factors though that can determine the "hidden message" in the actual message. It also depends on the person and how comfortable they are with strangers. If I was texted first my initial reaction would to feel like I must be pretty damn good looking or have that inviting aura in order to influence her enough to take a few seconds out of her day to think of whether or not she should text me and then decide to do so and text me with some icebreaker. Depending on the woman's popularity though, if she received a message first she could feel the exact opposite and be annoyed.
This not only applies to girls. Guys too. Only with different side effects. When girls do this they seem very easy, and you know it's bad thing in all cases, but favorable to guys who will take advantage of you and leave or worse making you the other woman. In guys, I guess, it's okay if a girl thinks he is kinda cute, but she will lose interest a bit or more regardless I think. Also depends on the text. Seriously, depends on the text. "You have time?" is different from "Can we meet?". So its in the text too I think.
I had a female best friend who does that all the time when ever she fancies a guy. My advice is that do not over text or send the message on your end, let the guy respond as well and also observe how he respond. Don’t allow yourself to be the only one making the effort. It takes 2 hands to clap for this game. I can understand that most guys don’t like to open up their feelings at first. So you are doing alright, it doesn’t matter which gender texts first, if you like that person, you gotta go get it of not loose it.
I think it would be refreshing for a girl to text back first. I know that when I last went on dates years ago, there was the expectation that the guy messaged or texted back first. Which didn't make much sense, since occasionally the girl I went on a date with was either chilling out watching TV or making a snack when they received the message and told me what they were doing at that time.
While on my side I was spending an hour trying think of something witty to say and not sound overly nervous. But than again, back then I was a nervous wreck and the girls I dated were generally aloof. (I have no idea why I dated aloof girls 15 years ago)
Anyway simply put, it's fine and actually rather awesome if a girl sends the first text ahead of the guy. And don't be like me back then, just be relaxed and be yourself in your text message.
No, it does not make a woman seem to be desperate.
Rather, it shows her to be a mature adult who is prepared to work for what she wants.
Once women (as a collective) are on the wrong side of 30, they become much less reluctant to make the first move.
I have been a MGTOW monk for 16 years, so I have not tried to initiate anything with a woman for a long time.
Instead, women make moves on me in all sorts of ways in all sorts of places.
They become perplexed when I pretend to not notice what they are throwing at my feet.
It seems that displaying a complete lack of interest draws female attention.
No I text my guy friend first all the time at the beginning, for 4 months and he was sometimes annoyed of me I would still text first just because he was annoyed lol now the tables has turned he initiate mostly now and he is a pain in my ass but I love him and it doesn’t make u look desperate at all.
My friend confidence was low
My mother and father when they were 19,20 my mom purpose to my dad because she know his confidence was a bit low or shy they knew each other since 16/17 been together 30 years now. Nothing is wrong and my mom initiated contact most of the time.
I love it when I get to take a break from starting the text conversation. I like when a girl texts me first. It takes the pressure off a bit since I can over think it sometimes. Really, I love talking on the phone. Listening to your voice is so much better than trying to imagine it while reading your text. There is something about just knowing your on the other end even if no one is saying anything. Seems like a lost pass time. Anyway, people need to stop making all of these stupid nit-picky rules about texting and just be happy someone is texting because they think you are worth their time.
If you want to text first then text first don't hold back. That way you won't have any regrets. However, if you are always the one texting first then the guy is most likely uninterested.
From my experience, the men who are the most interested text first and text back fast which to me is appealing.
Considering the shit that girls have to deal with on any dating site it's kind of hard sometimes for a genuinely interested guy to say something knowing it could possibly be ignored for no other reason than the girl is sick of crappy messages from idiots. Also doing all the chasing makes you seem more interested or desperate, if a girl can get over the stigma of the guy having to send the first message and actually be able to hold a decent conversation, that's way more attractive than any picture for me
If they do i am extremely desperate since i will text first, i personally like to take stuff in turns, i don't see why it should have to be the guys job to always text first.
To me its only desperate if you keep messaging when someone isn't replying back to you.
No, texting first is fine and even expected. But if he doesn't really engage in the conversation, then after a couple of tries, you can forget it and move on. Don't be that girl who texts 50 times and hour when he's not responding. That's where it all goes bad.
You know that's the thing... There's this girl who just randomly texted me, got to know me and kept on texting. She obviously has a crush on me which I do find very illogical and suspicious by the way - anyway, I would've never ever texted her or even thought about being together and all...
On the other hand, if you like him and he likes you and you already spend a lot of time together, go ahead. Text. He'll be over the moon. You can, of course, ask some test questions to see if he's into you the way you're into him. That's what the girl I was talking about didn't do. We talked like 5 sentences with each other...
So, if you like him and he likes you, go ahead.
I say no, I have often text first. But it has been my experience that older men tend to be put off by women Texting first, old fashioned, the man should make the first move. Younger men have said they were glad I texted first then they knew they read our interaction right. Takes the the pressure off.
No shame in a woman texting first love it
I agree, it's 2018 Year of the Woman taking Charge of her Life 😉
I always wait for my guy to initiate our text conversations but he does every morning as soon as he gets up he tells me good morning. But throughout the day I will say random things if I want to tell him something or just say I miss him etc. seems to be working fine for us.
No, shows you are a human being and are actually interested in getting to know us, rather than treat us like we are there to feed your ego. Dont expect mature men to play this game, they will just ignore you... No wonder why so many women are single and boring as fuck.
I think its common for young men to want what they cannot have, so if you make yourself more unavailable by not being the person to always start the conversation then you might have more luck getting him interested than if you text him 5 times a day.
I think you should be able to tell out of his responses if he thinks you are being desperate or if he enjoys the texts though, if you both enjoy talking to eachother it doesn't matter who started the conversation, but if you just send him 10 messages a day asking " whats up?" than thats gonna be a different story
Depends on the type of text in my case. In general, no. If to start a regular, friendly conversation, definitely not. If you are clear in your intent (i. e. asking him out or saying you find him attractive in a flirty way etc...) probably not. Being elusive or getting me to try and guess if you like me or not... definitely so.
Desparate is certainly not the word i would usse. Confident is more like it. Non conformist. It may freak some ghys out, though. Think about it, girls spend their whole lives learning how to back guys off and guys still get bent when theyre told no. A guy might face a similar issue. But on the bright side a girl you hardly notice comes up and asks you to hang out, you are gonna look at her differently from then on. Then of course, you say no cuz yer so cool and she ends up with some guy hate and then your all green with envy and wish ill upon their relationship.
It's always good when women text/call first, then at least we know nobody is wasting anyone's time. Just because you make first contact just means that you know what you want and aren't afraid to go get it, and even put forth some effort for it. The problem for both sexes in this case is nobody can actually talk to and converse with anyone else unless it's online, or texting, or snapping. So honestly if you are that woman that can start a conversation (bonus if actually in person), then do it. If you wait for one of these beta males these days to approach you... you may die alone.
I don't play games. I keep it simple. If i want to talk to you, I'll talk to you. Although sometimes you have to understand your partner too. My boyfriend is not a texter, he's never going to send little sweet nothings during the day. So I accept that and work around it. Thankfully I see him so often I don't really miss him.
Not at all! I myself and probably a lot of other guys actually like when the girl texts first or shows interest in starting a conversation. I mean, if you're interested in a guy, even if it's just for the conversation, you should go after it, I'm pretty sure we all like a girl that shows that kind of attitude.
Women are full of shit, seriously. Women have too much time to think about the meaningless things.
So basically here's what happens: women think they can be seen as hoes because:
1. They text first
2. If they initiate an approach
3. If they ask for a date
4. If they look at a man first
5. If they like sex
6. If they sleep with many men
Geez, you women are so full of shit nowadays. When did all this start rolling? In the late 80's? 90's?
No wonder you're all single when you hit your late 30's.
I agree in part and disagree in part on this comment but it has a lot of facts in it
@TekkenTagBattle4 thanks for agreeing in part.
Yeah not at all. It's really nice to show that initiative. Especially for people who are introverted, it's a huge thing when someone reaches out and shows their interested
If they think you're easy cuz you text first then that just shows you a big red flag and you can safely dip
So keep doing what you're doing, there's nothing wrong with it
see i call these games and in my opinion.
Leave the games to microsoft and EA sports and other gaming companies
We are humanoids.
Just be straight up and talk to him ! Texts eachother when y'all can ! If he opens the door for you then greaaat! Do it back. Slap is butt while your at it.
Just
Dont
Play
Games !
( sorry im super hyped on red bull)
It's not desperate to say "hi, how've you been?" lol. Try not to overthink it.
Some of these girls make me wonder if they hide in a corner at every social event until someone lures them out with reassurance and validation.
What would seem desperate, is if you texted a guy like 10 times in 1 day and he hasn't responded.
You're doing the right thing, and it in no way makes you look desperate. In fact, I respect a woman that does it, because it shows she is confident and knows what she wants rather than just sitting around passively waiting to be contacted.
Women who are good in conversation are a turn-on, especially for introverted guys. You relax them with your ability to communicate, which is often a challenge for them to do initially.
That's tough... really just depends on what you say, how you say it, and how quickly you respond to future texts. I've felt the desparate vibe before from women that seem too eager to please. However, I'm never turned off to a girl that messages me first. It says she is independent.
So sad these still a question, if the guy doesn't like you back or looks a you different for something so trivial as you testing first is not even worth your time after all dating is putting yourself out there so just do you and that's how you'll find someone that likes you for who you are and no for who you portrait to others
There is a 1 in 2 chance someone will text first. to say The someone is desperate for messaging first is to say that no one should text anyone if they dont want to look desperate. Anyone should just go for it when they want to talk to someone. if you feel you're being too pushy or needy, straight up ask what the person thinks. If thats not easy, start practicing. That skill can make or break a relationship when you start out lol.
Absolutely not. You can’t come up with conclusions like that, when girls text message me first, my first intuition is (1) she isn’t playing by anyone’s rules but her own (2) she knows what she wants or interested in (3) she is strong and has the courage to put her own wants over assuming/speculating and fear of being judged and (4) it makes me realized she is special for all of the above and not like most girls.
In fact, dare I say, it makes me feel a bit intimidated
For me I always felt trying to play hard to get is fake. So if I want to talk to a guy I'm not gonna wait 2 days. I would think guys eould be more attracted to a woman who doesn't play dating games with them.
Bravo👌
Don't applaud me yet. In my current relationship I just learned I have to stop being so sexually available to my man because I think he gets board if he doesn't chase me. But only sexually. Because I'm not a game player and I'm a very sexual woman I come onto him when I want too. But it seems he took my wanting him that way a lot for granted. He no longer felt he needed to initiate anything and would reject me unless he wanted too. He wouldn't even try to like kiss to see if he would get in the mood. So I recently backed off and have turned him down for the first time ever. Suddenly he's calling me sexy again and flirting with me. I guess some guys need the thrill of the chase.
We seem to live in a world where it shouldn’t matter Don’t be concerned if he feels your easy or desperate It’s only one Text If they Judge you in this way Remind them your up bringing is to not be on a plate You want. It then work for it boy I don’t put out to no man x
Great it’s rare to hear this from a girl that she wants to text first. Wish you were my girlfriend :)
Ok jokes apart I don’t think that bad idea. But make sure you know anything access will lead to desperation or show case as if you don’t have any other work in world or no real life ;)
No offense just my prospective from the experience I had from my show (long distance relation and dating )
Girls are so easily bothered by concepts like 'looking desperate' (which turns them off of men) that they don't realize that that isn't something men care about all that much.
You want to start a conversation, start a conversation. It shouldn't be a one sided thing anyways.
No, they don't. It saddens me deeply that this is even an issue because of gender stereotypes and our shitty culture. Personally, I prefer if the girl texts me first and chases after me a bit, so to speak, that way I know she is genuinely interested and wants a relationship and I'm not a side bro or stuck in the friend zone.
I think it depends on the guy. Sometimes guys act like a girl is being clingy from doing the simplest things. I think it's good for her to text first because someone needs to start it, especially if he's introverted. Usually introvert just need you to step up so they can open up.
It is not perceived as desperate but again back to basic social norms which taught not to do it so they do not.
Like one of the person said she waited.
Logically if both wait , deadlock and then why potential relationship and beautiful couples just end beforr started.
Logically and statistically it will not and never changed no matter as girl do tend to believe what they feel is right and safer for them. They do not like to do great effort job.
That depends on the guy - I think it might show the guy you appreciate him. I once had a guy become angry at me because I didn't call him for 2 days after the date and he thought I was just using him for money and didn't like him at all. That was not true. I didn't call him cause he didn't call me.
No... seriously text first. Guys don't like seeming "too forward." I don't want to feel like a cocky asshole who just assumes a girl will want to talk to him again. I feel like a girl will assume that if I text first. Asking for her number, or giving her mine is saying "if you're interested in hanging out or being friends let me know via text or phone call." So please text first. It relieves a whole load of anxiety for me.
No not at all. I recently talked to my girl about this because I felt like I was the one always reaching out. I told her it would be nice if she incited conversations. It gets tiring always being the one to reach out and talk. When a lady reaches out it shows us guys that we are missed and they're thinking abut us.
Being an introvert myself I can honestly say that I prefer women that will message me whenever they want to instead of worrying about what to say or when. Everyone has different preferences but I don't see it as desperate. I see it more as being confident in yourself.
Every person is different and as you mentioned and introvert might see this as something really good as this makes things easy but an extrovert might see this as an opportunity to take advantage.
Personally I think that it doesn't matter especially if the guy likes you back. But some people might think they have the higher ground because of this, so just be careful as how the talk talk to you and have fun.
I think the notion that a guy always has to text first is ridiculous. Sometimes a guy may feel a certain level of apprehension to text first due to the prospect of rejection. If a girl texts first, we at least know that she's not uninterested which makes things a whole lot less complicated.
No your showing interest something that a lot of guys have a hard time sensing or noticing right away when they conversate with a girl they like. Since it is very common for women to start conversations with guys its much easier for a man to pick up and know that the woman is interested in them and as long as your not blowing up their phone your good. 😂
100% No. It just sends a signal of potential of interest from her! Just don't keep texting multiple times, 2 is your limit for engaging in a convo. When a girl texts more than 3 times it starts to look desperate especially if the guy isn't that interested. If a guy is interested this can be a god send or a turn off depending on where they are at. So don't spam just keep it minimal and you should get a reply if they are interested.
No not in my opinion for it would be cool if someone messaged me first sometimes like i have an anxiety disorder (ik its fairly common) and its hard to build up the courage also it shows you are willing to take at least some of the power in the relationship whuch for me is very attractive I personally want an even relationship you know? I don't know im just tired of feeling like im a caretaker rather than a partner
To be honest, I appreciate women who text me first. It lets me know that they appreciate our conversations and I tend to prioritise replying them first. A woman who can start or hold a conversation is a plus for me.
Oh ya. Big time. Makes you look uber desperate. Even if you text back second... you should let him text first, wait a week for him to text back again... and keep waiting some more after that before you finally text him. The less you text him, the more It creates anticipation and it shows you're actually interested in him
No it means she is interested in talking to the guy. I don’t see how it makes the girl look desperate. Unless like she keeps texting the guy when the guy Doesn’t reply. Same goes for the guy. If the guy keeps texting without the girl replying then he will probably be seen as desperate.
Nah not at all
I love when girls do that
it boost the confidence that you like us too and you are confident
just make sure you dont text 100 times a day
then you would look desperate and a total turn off...
Once a guy is comfortable he will be the first to text dont worry
In my eyes, no. Someone has to text first, male or female. I've never really seen the act of texting someone first as desperate. If you're worried abou this personally, consider what you're typing instead. Wording and punctuation plays a big part in how you come off to people.
I don't understand why young ladies say 16 to 24 have these gender role question still.
Be yourself, do things, when you think they should be done, as needed and to get things done.
Each intelligent person has not only the ability but the right to get things done and to do what needs to be done. You can do what you want to do. I would just add what my grandfather's told me everything in moderation.
Nah, I don't think so. I have no problem with girls initiating conversations online through texting, though I would want to do it myself. So girls who text first don't bother me, I don't have a problem with that as I feel it as girls who aren't afraid or aren't hesitant to go after what they want.
9 times out of ten I wait for her to text first. It comforts me to know she's interested, and I can get a general feel for how confident she is and what she wants based on the content of the text. It also never goes unnoticed because I know it breaks social norms to a degree, so if we vibe well I'll make an extra effort for her in return in some other area.
I really enjoyed reading this answer. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
No prob :)
I sometimes start the conversation if i know i have something to say. I think text who you want, i dont like making it complicated with the waiting game.
We like it better if you pick up the phone and call us. Texting is too informal and you can't get a feel about what we are feeling in our reaction. Calling is more person and u can get more of what we you looking for instead of beating around the bush with texting. You can learn more about person through a more personal interaction then behind a computer screen.
You can also add your opinion below!
Girl's Behavior 
Guy's Behavior 
Flirting 
Dating 
Relationships 
Fashion & Beauty 
Health & Fitness 
Marriage & Weddings 
Shopping & Gifts 
Technology & Internet 
Break Up & Divorce 
Education & Career 
Entertainment & Arts 
Family & Friends 
Food & Beverage 
Hobbies & Leisure 
Other 
Religion & Spirituality 
Society & Politics 
Sports 
Travel 
Trending & News 
Most Helpful Opinions