Girls, Girlfriend of two and a half years asked for a break and some space but is slowly deleting my family members of her facebook?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend of 2 1/2 years asked for a break and some space. But since it started she has been slowly changing things. I’ve noticed that on One day she changed her profile pictures from the both of us to her alone. Then she unfriended one of my family members the next day. And the next day she unfriended another, and another the next day. And it still says we’re in a relationship on Facebook and all our photos are still there. I have not had contact with her for days and as far as I know we are on the break so she can thinks things over… I don’t know how long this break is going to be and it’s starting to not really sound like a break but I do not want to assume. I need some opinions on what this may mean. I feel very stuck in constant worry because it seems like I’m getting red flags but then again I’m still unsure because nothing like this has ever happened before and we have never had a break in the 2 1/2 years we’ve been together.

[PrettyPriya]

Honestly, that does seem to be some red flags. If she is removing photos of both of you and unfriending family, those are not great signs. Taking a break in a relationship doesn’t mean deleting what you had. It means putting it on hold.

There is no reason to make drastic changes, especially to something as trivial as social media content. She is either doing this because it is over in her mind or she is being completely petty and trying to make you worry on purpose.

Either way, it is immature. If she doesn’t want a relationship, this isn’t a break then. Even if she wants to call it that, it isn’t. If she is doing it so you worry and come begging, she is just acting childish.

It is up to you how to proceed. You can give her the space and see what happens or simply ask for some sort of communication why a break is needed. You didn’t give that in your details as to the “why” there is a break. Communication is key, even when taking a break in a relationship. There needs to be a clear reason why so you both can address the problem and better yourselves.

[Asker]

She told me that she loves me but feels trapped and suffocated with my love due to my over protectiveness. When she told me this I apologizes and told her I didn’t know she was feeling that way. Then she told me she’s been feeling like that for a long time and when asked why she hasn’t said anything. She said “I didn’t want to upset you”. I continued to apologize and told her I will change this and during this break I’ve signed up for therapy for insecurity, anxiety, and overprotectiveness to better our relationship. But now I’m unsure if that’s even going to be an option.

[PrettyPriya]

This is the communication that I mentioned. She failed on that end. She needed to be able to tell you this was bothering her and she didn’t. That doesn’t mean you don’t have your own issues to address, but this is exactly what I mentioned.

It is good that you are seeking ways to correct your own behaviours that bother her. You are making a clear effort for the sake of the relationship. Good on you for that. However, she needs to make some changes too. Is there any chance you can’t sit down and really put it all out on the table?

That might do a couple of things. One, there may be other things she hasn’t said. She needs to feel comfortable opening up to help the relationship, not hurt it. The second thing is it will really help you both feel a bit more comfortable and understand where you are at.

It seems like she let this go for too long without saying anything and now it has come to a head. That is partially on her. I think doing what you are doing and giving her some space is your only option. You are trying to better yourself and that is the best thing that YOU can do.

If she doesn’t realize the efforts and also understand that she has some faults in the situation, you may both be doomed to fail. Only she can understand this. You can point it out, but she has to get why her inaction was a big part in the whole thing. I wish you nothing but the best of luck…. both of you.

[Asker]

I understand that especially considering I’ve known she always struggles with communicating her thoughts and feelings. A lot of the times I would ask her when I feel something is up and I’d get a “I don’t know” or “nothing”. But over all we always had a great loving relationship. And have great relationships with each others families to a point that I asked her aunt for some advice and she was giving it to me because “they all expect us to get married”. She also mentioned that when we are together she feels like the happiest person alive, but she is unhappy when we aren’t because of my over protectiveness and that at times “my love suffocates her”. And I understood that as no one should feel that way with their significant other.

The last thing she told me is that “You haven’t even started to give me space yet. I can’t have space when you are calling and texting me. I can’t have space when you are involving my family in this by calling, texting and going to their houses. I need you to give me full space to breathe. I love you but this is the kind of the thing that makes me feel suffocated. I want you to think about how I feel, feeling like I can’t go anywhere or do anything without feeling like I have to live up to your expectations. Always feeling guilty for doing nothing wrong. Having to go up and beyond to make you feel loved. I know you are insecure and have anxiety, but making you feel better is always at the cost of my own happiness. I will text you when I’m ready to talk”.

I have not said anything since or talked to her or any family members because I realized no matter how close we are it was a mistake as that is her space even though we shared it together for more than 2 years.

My biggest fear right now is that one day she will text me breaking up without actually even talking to me or communicating about this. But I am starting to accept it because I do love her, and I know I can’t force anything on her that she doesn’t wish to do.

[PrettyPriya]

Ok, we’ll give her what she wishes. Space. See where that takes the two of you. If she gets her space and wants to talk, then that is the time you need to bring up that communication bit.

Show her it is safe to discuss her feelings with you, even if negative. That is what any good relationship survives on. She has to do better in that respect so this doesn’t happen again.

[Asker]

You’re right. Thank you for all your advice and taking the time out of your day to read all I had to say.

[PrettyPriya]

You are most welcome and I really do hope this sorts itself out in time. I think you are taking good steps and positive ones.

I really wish you all the best and hope maybe you can return here in a short time with some good news. Take care!

[Asker]

So we are back in a way… mostly cause she left on a lie. One of her family members told her somethings that was not true which made me seem like a creepy stalker and I had proof that it wasn’t true which I showed her. we went on date and everything has been changing for the better. In the last two weeks I’ve felt more confident and did a lot to show her things would be different including facing my own fears. For the first time in my life I wasn’t afraid of heights and went on a roller coaster with her, I learned how to swim in two days and started doing laps in the pool without any previous experience because she always told me how she wants to go on these water adventures with me that she tells she can’t because I couldn’t swim. And everything seems better except when she pulls away. She still pulls away from time to time and it’s weird cause one minute for a few hours she would be super lovey and happy with how things are. And the next she would pull away and be so cold towards me. She even invited me over to her place for a few days and I am next to her as I type this. Our communication has been a lot better but the slightest thing brings her down.

[Asker]

Like her father calling her and telling her that he thinks “she’s being manipulated by me” or controlled and to be careful. I didn’t force her to get back? Or invite myself here.. or anything. I’m just fixing and trying to move forward. She even told me that when we are together she feels safe and happy with how things are now but when we are apart she gets confused and starts to wonder if there is someone else out there that could be better for her considering I didn’t treat her how I should have for a year. She keeps telling me that she has not forgiven me yet and I keep telling her that I don’t expect her to right away. But I don’t even know.. I asked yesterday if she would like me to leave since we had that conversation and she kept saying she doesn’t know and when I got up to get my things she told me not to or that she doesn’t want me to. I have never been more confused in my life. Does she love me or not.. she keeps saying she does, but then she tells me she isn’t sure if she is in love with me anymore.

[PrettyPriya]

It sounds like there is some positive steps. You can't change everything at once, so I would look at this as good, concrete steps for the better. Sure, there will be setbacks but it is how you both deal with them and proceed that is important.

If you can both learn from each other and take these instances as exactly that, learning experiences, then I think you are on the right path. It certainly sounds like things are going (for the most part) smoother.

[Asker]

Kind of but not really when everyone is interfering making me seem like some sort of devil trying to manipulate her. She keeps telling me that she lost a lot of faith and trust in me and that’s what’s keeps her guard up pulling away from me. I just don’t know how to earn that back when she won’t really give me the chance to cause she keeps pulling away

[PrettyPriya]

I was referring to the progress the two of you made, not so much the outside interference. That is something she needs to address with her family. If she truly loves you and has these feelings, she needs to tell them to back off so you can properly see if this can continue.

It sounds to me like that is the problem with the hot and cold constantly. She is being influenced and why the sudden changes. Even really quick change in mood may be her remembering what her family is doing. You know what I mean? Like as you go through the day, you randomly think about stuff.

Those thoughts might creep in when you are together because that is a reminder of it. She needs to be the one to put a stop to it.

[LazerBean]

If they want a break, it's because they feel something isn't working. Just move on.

[Wild_princess]

You should talk to her abd clear all your doubts

[Asker]

That’s all I want to do believe me. But I don’t want to be pushing her boundaries. I remember asking her in the middle of it all if she wants me to still at least text her good morning and goodnight or cut all contact and never received a reply. I feel if I message her again then I would just be making her feel trapped or that I’m trying to influence her decision when all I want is just to know where her headspace is at.

[Wild_princess]

Then give her some time and space to figure out things😊

[Anonymous]

It's a break up.