How do you deal with a jealous friend?

[Anonymous]

My friend and I stopped talking because we discovered she lied about her entire life. She lied about her teaching job and much more. There was a guy who always treated her like crap and always said he didn’t want her. He kept telling her that they are friends. For 14 years, she’s basically been buying him. She went after his wife and kept following her around. She was using my social media pages to watch his wife. She buys herself flowers and a ring telling us they were engaged. She had us making plans for a bachelorette party for the both of them. The girl showed us messages, cash apps, PayPal receipts. He was trying to be friendly with her because he thinks something mentally was wrong with her. She was spending so much money on him it was crazy. She knew he was married already and the situation with his wife. However, we she kept telling us another thing. 14 years later he still telling her the same thing. He now has 8 kids with his wife and all kids are his. She keep trying to send him money because he’s ignoring her. He blocked her and she made a new page. His wife told us that she knew she was mentally ill and never was bothered by her. Everything he did for his wife, she got even more jealous. She traded her paid off car in for a car payment. The husband bought the wife a car and she called us crying about it. She convinced herself and everyone for years that they were in a relationship together. She was paying him for sex. I remember she invited us to events and his family didn’t want her there. I remember she would call us about a different woman he was messing around with. That other woman also knew he was married. 14 years later she’s still following his wife around and they have 8 kids together. She watching his wife Facebook and always text me screenshots of his page and hers. She watch all their family members Facebook pages and deleted them if they were talking to her. 14 years later we found out she a fake and everything she told us was a lie

[Oliverlogan263]

Man, that's crazy about your friend lying all these years. I can't believe she made up that whole fake relationship with that guy and actually convinced everyone they were engaged and stuff when he was really married with a family the whole time! That must have been really hard to find out the truth about everything she told you guys being lies.

I feel bad for your friend too though, cuz it seems like she has some real issues if she's been obsessed with this dude for 14 years even though he clearly never really wanted anything to do with her other than using her for money sometimes. And the fact that she was stalking his wife on social media and getting jealous of their family is just weird. No one deserves to be treated like that.

As for dealing with her being jealous now that you know the truth, I'd say you definitely need to distance yourself for a while. I wouldn't outright cut her off since she's still your friend, but don't hang out one on one or reply right away if she starts complaining about the guy and his wife again. Maybe try inviting some other mutual friends along too so it's not just you she vents to. And if she keeps lying or doing creepy stalker stuff, you'll have to be straight up and tell her she needs help before you can be close again.

It probably won't be easy for her to deal with, but maybe losing your friendship will make her realize she went too far with all the lies and stalking. Hopefully over time she'll get help and won't treat people that way in the future. But you gotta put yourself first too and not let her jealously bring you down after everything you found out. Just be there if she wants to really change, but set boundaries for now. That's what I'd do at least!

[Asker]

Thanks so much for your response! We had to leave her alone! That girl is mentally not well. She still convinced that this man want her. We tried to talk with her about leaving the girl alone. She was married before for 10 years and he had to leave her. He married a nurse. After a divorce, somehow she managed to use a different name to get a teaching job at a school. We kept asking these questions and she kept pushing stuff off. She has started to drive to people houses unannounced

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow, that's crazy scary stuff! I can't believe she's that far gone to show up at people's houses unannounced. Definitely time to cut all ties for good.

It's good you guys confronted her, but clearly she's not gonna listen to reason if she's still delusional about that dude after all these years. I'd make sure all your friends are warned and don't give her any info on where you live etc. The last thing you need is for her to start stalking you guys too!

And I'd even consider tipping off the school she works at. She clearly lied to get that job and is not mentally stable. Who knows what she could do around kids in that state.

This girl needs serious professional help, but clearly she's not willing to face reality yet. At this point just gotta protect yourselves. Maybe someday down the line she gets the help she needs, but for now gotta distance yourselves for your own safety. Hope it all works out and she gets the wake up call she desperately needs! Stay safe out there.

[StarWarGirl]

I don't feel this is simply "jealousy". But it feels more like mental problem. I'm not professional so I'm not eligible to give it any name but I have read much about such things. It's definitely not just jealousy but a mental disorder where person tend to lie, they tend to believe something and unable to accept the reality. It's like they do live a life inside their head what they believe is true so whatever they say they feel like they are actually telling truth but it's not. They can't face the reality so lives in the world of lies.

[Asker]

Exactly! Then she was having us out here looking for cakes and throwing bachelorette party ideas. We even had a group chat for it smh

[Asker]

She was using us basically to get information on people she didn’t like. We found out today that she been involved with illegal activities. She had all these jobs including a coach which turned out to be fake. She was basically trying to be him and his wife. The guy who didn’t want her is a coach. she even tried to get a job as a cna just like she was

[StarWarGirl]

She needs help but we ordinary people can't help them. Only thing we can do is keeping distance with such kind person. Because they are harmful for us. It's like a person having some kind of deadly viruses in them. We do love them still keeping them closer to us can kill us. Because their lies we can't control, their imagination world we can't control and if in their craziness they do something we will also become parter in crime because we were supporting them. It's like they are already in dirty mud and if we try to have closeness with then it can make us dirty too.

[strateguy632]

that was a shocking story!

[SolitarySolace]

I’ve never dealt with a jealous friend