My boyfriend spends the night at another girls house and I don't know what to do!

[melewis0]

My boyfriend and I have been dating long distance for over a year and he has this good friend that is a girl. When I met her, she was really rude to me and I could tell she had feelings for him. He occasionally (like once every couple weeks) spends the night at her place. He reassures me that he sleeps on the couch, but I can't help but feel uncomfortable. I tried to bring it up and he said I should trust him, they're just good friends and he's not doing anything. Can anyone give me any advice, or is this even acceptable in the first place. I don't want to be the girlfriend to tell him to stop hanging out with his friends, I just feel really uncomfortable around her. What should I do?

[cbirnell]

If she has feelings for him you have every right not to be comfortable and okay with it. It's obvious nothing he says will change that. You've already tried talking it through and that didn't work. What you need to do is establish your relationship boundaries and stick to them. Tell him what he's doing is perfectly fine, nothing wrong with it. You never tell him to change himself. But also you need to be prepared to leave him for your own relationship boundaries. You trust him, not her. He should be more mindful of your feelings if he's truly mature. And also, he probably knows better. He probably knows she likes him... and so he gets attention and affirmation from her... and you. Every time you express your concerns you make him feel more valuable. I hope this helps, good luck :)

[pr3ttybr0wn]

your long distance boyfriend is spending nights over @ a female friend who has feelings for him? and you really believe nothing is going on? I have oceanfront property to sell you in kansas

[sephora]

Personally I would be pissed if a guy did that. What is his reasoning for sleeping over at a girls house? I don't think that is necessary.

[melewis0]

Well he lives like a couple hours (like one and a half) away and they've been friends for like 6 years and he says he's not attracted to her. Like one night a group of friends went to a sporting event and he just crashed at her place cause it ended late.

[sephora]

is this only a one time thing?

[melewis0]

This is the second time its happened in like 2 ish months. The first time, he and a guy friend went diving the whole day and then went to her place that night and he said they were too tired to drive home.

[sephora]

well he needs to understand you don't feel comfortable sleeping over at a girls house, especially since she is in to him. I am sure he has guy friends, that have a place that he can crash at.

[melewis0]

He knows it makes me uncomfortable and he feels guilty when he does. A lot of his friends are spread out in the area. He assures me though that if he wanted to date her he would have, he has only been in one other relationship and that lasted 4 years, so he's not the type to just date someone just because. I mean I think part of it is jealousy because he can't (not that he won't) spend the night at my place and I wish he could