Can a man sleep with a woman for a year and have no feelings for her?

[Anonymous]

You meet up just for sex and that is the agreement from both parties this happens once every week or two. You also work in the same building and he will pop in to the girls office to talk to some guys there once or twice a week. He says he doesn't fall in love and doesn't want to commit. This is all fine, but when they meet each other and the first kiss of the meeting is always slightly open mouth lips pressing against each other for what seems like eternity and he makes hmmmm sound while having a hand placed on her neck. Is this just a kiss or does it mean something? It just feels like he is holding some feelings back. What do you guys think? He is not touchy feely at all and usually plays hard to get plus he would never admit to a romantic bone in his body. So this first kiss gets the girl confused every time.

[jdcpa]

first of all.. the chances of a MAN playing hard-to-get are like 0.0001%

the other 99.9999% of the time you think HE is playing hard-to-get.. I'm sorry.. but he's just not interested.. it's as simple as that..

now.. can a guy have sex with a woman for a year and have no feelings for her?

why not.. I know a man whose done it for three years and counting..

google maslow.. specifically his herachy of needs..

way down on the bottom is stuff like takind a dump.. eating.. peeing.. sleep.. water.. and sex (sexual release).. those are the most primal physiological urges..

above that is a category you might be more familiar with..

but the one you're probably most interested in is the one that applies to men.. which would be the third block in the pyramid.. (loving and belonging)

a man doesn't need a woman for sexual release.. he can do that himself.. but sexual intimacy on the other hand.. REQUIRES a second person by its very nature.. and if he's heterosexual.. that person can ONLY be a woman..

sexual intimacy however holds a different definition for men and women..

for men.. the third block is a little less layed.. but layed nonetheless.. they want to feel like they have someone they are helping.. taking care of.. and protecting.. this is how a man develops romantic interest.. much how a child develops feelings of affection and love for a puppy.. and when those feelings are developed.. the way a man feels the urge to express them is through sex.. the physical act of having sex with the object of his affection.. if it was a watermelon.. or a shoe.. believe me.. he would have sex with it.. (read BMW's psychology research on men & their cars)

but that is just one layer of the block.. the (loving) part..

the other part (belonging) has to do with his masculine identity.. this is why men seek out multiple women.. even though their sex drive isn't telling them to.. and even though they don't even want multiple women.. it's "manly" to have multiple women.. it's more psychological than physical.. and it's in order to FEEL that he has the emotional/sexual intimacy/relationship with a woman.. without REALLY having it..

(to emotionally translate)

most likely he has found someone in his past that has abused or violated the nature of that relationship and trust.. when he was emotionally and sexually exclusive with just her.. she may have used it against him.. and so.. now.. in an effort to not be emotionally or sexually codependent on someone else (out of fear of being hurt or used again).. he remains guarded to maintain his independence.. this defensive mechanism takes the form of "fear" to fully commit (emotionally & sexually) to one person..

so the emotions and sex he enjoys with you is REAL.. he just doesn't allow it to go to the MAX.. he WANTS that intimacy.. but he wants emotional/sexual independence MORE..

[Asker]

All that you said is just brilliant.Thank you, the best insight ever.When I said hard to get, I meant when she sends him a text saying she wants to meet up (not those exact words) He says OK, or whould say if you are here at this time I might. However he hasn't said No to her, unless he was somewhere else, like holiday etc. Also she is the one that always initiates the meetings, because she just came out of a difficult divorce and doesn't want to get hurt again, trying to keep it at sex only.

[jdcpa]

https://www.girlsaskguys.com/Dating-Questions/126207-is-he-losing-interest-or-just-doesnt-know-what-to.html

insecure people NEED one thing to comfort their insecurity.. CONTROL over the relationship.. they NEED to FEEL like they have the UPPER-HAND.. being CHASED.. giving PERMISSION.. giving the OKAY.. ALWAYS being in the position to REJECT.. but NEVER in the position to be REJECTED.. NEVER INITIATING because it's EASY on their ego

this sounds like him.. and it's obviously not fair to her..

[Asker]

Very insightful. Thank you. She just had a bad divorce, so doesn't really want to get hurt again and the sex is good. You are righth about him being hurt before.What about this: Recently they worked on small project together, he is more senior, different departments. He helped her with the work, gave her pointers and compliments. This is the most time they spent together and it was good, easy and fun. Do you think it has anything to do with Maslow and the protective/taking care of thing?