When I'm 'friendzoning' then because I just don't feel it, then I understand why they're insulted. I get that. When I'm 'friendzoning' them because I simply don't want to be in a relationship, I don't get why they are insulted and I don't know why they are taking it personally. It's not. In this situation, annoyed is prob a better word then insulted. @Bluemax
Well, what I'm driving at in asking that question, asker, is that if you understand why a person would feel insulted, then doesn't it stand to reason that it is indeed personal? People generally don't get insulted over things that are not personal. I believe rejection is personal, but that doesn't make it bad.
Yeh, it makes it bad when they start calling me a bitch and getting angry. They have to get over it. I can't sit and empathize with every guy that asks me out and I say no. Rejection is part of life, learn to deal with it without acting like a child. It's unfair if you think about it. Should I go out with a guy I don't feel attracted to? Or should I go out with a guy, when I know I'm not ready to be in a relationship (because if personal reasons)? I did that once I'm not doing it again. @Bluemax
@asker No one should go out with someone they aren't attracted to. I wish people would see that in many cases rejection is actually the right thing to do, given the hell you would be dragging another person into in getting into a relationship.
"I can't sit and empathize with every guy that asks me out and I say no." Could you elaborate on that? I have empathized with every single woman I've said no to.
I was attracted to him, I just didn't want to be in a relationship. I don't think it's possible for me to be in a relationship with a guy I'm not attracted to.
Yes, if I reject a guy, he needs to understand and respect my decision. I'm not gonna sit and apologize 10 times. I explain to them my reasoning, it's usually legit after that they just gotta fuck off. Seriously sometimes they push and push or get angry and start calling me names or they make me feel guilty about my decision. That's wrong.
Well, you've explained that you tell them your reasons and that you don't need to apologize, but I'm curious why you feel no need to empathize with people in pain (empathize was the term you chose). I agree that those who call you a bitch need to express themselves either to someone else or in a better way, but what about those who don't call you a bitch? Should they fuck off too?
What do you mean, "usually legit?" When were your reasons ever not legit?
You're analyzing each word I say. I do say I'm sorry but, I'm not doing that more then once. There are hundreds of girls out there they don't need to be in pain because I said no especially if they just wanna fuck. Yes, if you keep pushing me or playing the guilt trip. I don't care how nice you are, you need to just fuck off. They obviously have no respect for me. It's all about their feelings.
No I'm usually honest. Unless I just feel really bad so I'll say 'I have a bf' or something. @Bluemax
Correct, I am analyzing each word you say because that's all I have to go on.
I think we can agree that men ought not to push the issue (repeatedly asking someone out again and again), though when you use language like "fuck off," you are very likely just to make them very defensive and that you have no sympathy for people's pain. For all we know, someone might be reading this interchange between us who is in a friend zone situation. I would hope that this person would learn something, but when you use language indicating you cannot empathize with this person, or worse, he or she should simply fuck off, it's more likely just to push this person away.
But I understand you might be very frustrated right now and this question seems more like a vent than a question. By the way, you never answered the question I posed at the end of my opinion. I am curious what you have to say.
Oh lord... Okay. I don't actually say 'fuck off' I think it. If I'm not physically attracted to the guy, I'll say 'I don't see you that way, maybe we can be friends' <--- usually backfires cuz' after a week or two, they're pushing for more. Sometimes when I feel really bad I'll say 'I have a bf' If I'm in the situation where I can't be in a relationship like now, simply because I'm just not interested now I'll say 'I'm not looking for a relationship' then they say 'I just wanna be friends' - bullshit. Some guys get angry and call me a bitch and others keep pushing to a point where I wanna say 'fuck off' but, I don't simply because I just can't. I feel bad which is stupid because it's not like they give a fuck about me anyways. Yeh, I'm frustrated, that these guys can't just act like adults and understand that when I say no I mean no. It's unfair that I have to get myself into a situation I don't want because some other guys feeling will be hurt. @Bluemax
Also a guy shouldn't be angry at me because I don't feel what he does. How can I feel attracted to someone if I simply just don't? I don't expect every guy to find me attractive neither should guys expect that. @Bluemax
@asker I didn't think you actually say "fuck off" to them. I would be surprised, however, if the attitude didn't come across in your tone of voice, body posture, and facial expression.
To be clear, I agree with most of what you are saying. I believe no person has any good cause to insult, harass, or be mean to someone who has rejected him or her. At the same time, and this is where we might differ (please note I said "might"), I do have empathy for people who are rejected who do not insult, harass or be mean to their rejector. I never say or think or feel "fuck off" for these people. I also believe people have a right to express their hurt in ways that are not insulting, not harassing, and not mean, though I think it's unwise to express that hurt to the person who rejected them because it serves no useful purpose.
Now I posed a question in my opinion which you haven't answered and I'm most curious to know what you think about it. I'll pose it here. You can either answer it here, in my opinion, or choose not to answer it at all (though I think choosing not to answer it might be telling... please note I said "might").
Since you acknowledge rejection is hurtful, how do you think this hurt should be expressed, asker?
By the way, I've NEVER ever ever personally met a man who expressed the thought, "I expect all women to be attracted to me," or even "I expect all or even most women I'm attracted to to be attracted to me."
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
38Opinion
I've never been in that zone before
I know right!!! Ahhh it's so annoying
Because it means rejection
Because they're f**k boys.
Why do girls get angry when we friendzone them?
I don't know, I can't answer that, it's never happened to me. I don't see why anyone gets angry, insulted I get but, just get over it.
If, as you say, asker, it's not personal, why then do you get that they feel insulted?
When I'm 'friendzoning' then because I just don't feel it, then I understand why they're insulted. I get that.
When I'm 'friendzoning' them because I simply don't want to be in a relationship, I don't get why they are insulted and I don't know why they are taking it personally. It's not. In this situation, annoyed is prob a better word then insulted.
@Bluemax
Well, what I'm driving at in asking that question, asker, is that if you understand why a person would feel insulted, then doesn't it stand to reason that it is indeed personal? People generally don't get insulted over things that are not personal. I believe rejection is personal, but that doesn't make it bad.
@asker
Yeh, it makes it bad when they start calling me a bitch and getting angry. They have to get over it. I can't sit and empathize with every guy that asks me out and I say no. Rejection is part of life, learn to deal with it without acting like a child. It's unfair if you think about it.
Should I go out with a guy I don't feel attracted to?
Or should I go out with a guy, when I know I'm not ready to be in a relationship (because if personal reasons)? I did that once I'm not doing it again.
@Bluemax
@asker
No one should go out with someone they aren't attracted to. I wish people would see that in many cases rejection is actually the right thing to do, given the hell you would be dragging another person into in getting into a relationship.
"I can't sit and empathize with every guy that asks me out and I say no."
Could you elaborate on that? I have empathized with every single woman I've said no to.
I was attracted to him, I just didn't want to be in a relationship. I don't think it's possible for me to be in a relationship with a guy I'm not attracted to.
Yes, if I reject a guy, he needs to understand and respect my decision. I'm not gonna sit and apologize 10 times. I explain to them my reasoning, it's usually legit after that they just gotta fuck off. Seriously sometimes they push and push or get angry and start calling me names or they make me feel guilty about my decision. That's wrong.
@Bluemax
Well, you've explained that you tell them your reasons and that you don't need to apologize, but I'm curious why you feel no need to empathize with people in pain (empathize was the term you chose). I agree that those who call you a bitch need to express themselves either to someone else or in a better way, but what about those who don't call you a bitch? Should they fuck off too?
What do you mean, "usually legit?" When were your reasons ever not legit?
You're analyzing each word I say. I do say I'm sorry but, I'm not doing that more then once. There are hundreds of girls out there they don't need to be in pain because I said no especially if they just wanna fuck.
Yes, if you keep pushing me or playing the guilt trip. I don't care how nice you are, you need to just fuck off. They obviously have no respect for me. It's all about their feelings.
No I'm usually honest. Unless I just feel really bad so I'll say 'I have a bf' or something.
@Bluemax
Correct, I am analyzing each word you say because that's all I have to go on.
I think we can agree that men ought not to push the issue (repeatedly asking someone out again and again), though when you use language like "fuck off," you are very likely just to make them very defensive and that you have no sympathy for people's pain. For all we know, someone might be reading this interchange between us who is in a friend zone situation. I would hope that this person would learn something, but when you use language indicating you cannot empathize with this person, or worse, he or she should simply fuck off, it's more likely just to push this person away.
But I understand you might be very frustrated right now and this question seems more like a vent than a question. By the way, you never answered the question I posed at the end of my opinion. I am curious what you have to say.
@asker
(sorry I forgot that)
guys sorry but can you discuss this in PMs?
Oh lord... Okay. I don't actually say 'fuck off' I think it.
If I'm not physically attracted to the guy, I'll say 'I don't see you that way, maybe we can be friends' <--- usually backfires cuz' after a week or two, they're pushing for more.
Sometimes when I feel really bad I'll say 'I have a bf'
If I'm in the situation where I can't be in a relationship like now, simply because I'm just not interested now I'll say 'I'm not looking for a relationship' then they say 'I just wanna be friends' - bullshit.
Some guys get angry and call me a bitch and others keep pushing to a point where I wanna say 'fuck off' but, I don't simply because I just can't. I feel bad which is stupid because it's not like they give a fuck about me anyways.
Yeh, I'm frustrated, that these guys can't just act like adults and understand that when I say no I mean no. It's unfair that I have to get myself into a situation I don't want because some other guys feeling will be hurt.
@Bluemax
Also a guy shouldn't be angry at me because I don't feel what he does. How can I feel attracted to someone if I simply just don't?
I don't expect every guy to find me attractive neither should guys expect that.
@Bluemax
@asker
I didn't think you actually say "fuck off" to them. I would be surprised, however, if the attitude didn't come across in your tone of voice, body posture, and facial expression.
To be clear, I agree with most of what you are saying. I believe no person has any good cause to insult, harass, or be mean to someone who has rejected him or her. At the same time, and this is where we might differ (please note I said "might"), I do have empathy for people who are rejected who do not insult, harass or be mean to their rejector. I never say or think or feel "fuck off" for these people. I also believe people have a right to express their hurt in ways that are not insulting, not harassing, and not mean, though I think it's unwise to express that hurt to the person who rejected them because it serves no useful purpose.
Now I posed a question in my opinion which you haven't answered and I'm most curious to know what you think about it. I'll pose it here. You can either answer it here, in my opinion, or choose not to answer it at all (though I think choosing not to answer it might be telling... please note I said "might").
Since you acknowledge rejection is hurtful, how do you think this hurt should be expressed, asker?
By the way, I've NEVER ever ever personally met a man who expressed the thought, "I expect all women to be attracted to me," or even "I expect all or even most women I'm attracted to to be attracted to me."
Because theyre insecure?
Bc we probably really like u