Why do unattractive men approach me?

[Anonymous]

I'm writing this because recently one of my friends decided to play match maker and hook me up with one of her friends who thinks i'm attractive. Sadly, the feeling isn't mutual, I'm not attracted to him at all. Lately, a lot of guys have been hitting on me and most of them have been unattractive. This confuses me because I see attractive guys checking me out all the time, but they never approach me, only unattractive guys do. The guy my friend tried to hook me up really took me by surprise because he's not my type at all. He's very sweet but i'd never consider dating him and the fact that she tried to hook us up makes me second guess myself. He's bald, sort of chubby, has a weird sense of humor and smokes weed on a regular basis. I like my guys to be athletic, tall, have hair, and no smoking. I'm skinny, I have some curves, I dance, I don't smoke (PERIOD) and I rarely drink. I don't mean to sound shallow, I'm not a perfect 10 but I do think I look good enough to pull attractive men. So what do you think is the problem, why don't they approach me as much?

[yct6502]

You are young. I use to think like you. your expectations are sky high for looks,

I am 100% your expectation will lower as you get older and you will know that personally is way more important than looks. I am not saying looks will not be a factor at all. But you will see that personally will become more and more important.

and dont be mad or dis pointed guys that not your type go after you. Would you rather NO GUYS go after you?

To be honest, this may hurt but you maybe not as pretty as you think. That maybe why the better looking guys are not hitting on you.

[yct6502]

also a lot of the time people will go after people they think they have a chance with. Also people will match friends with people around the same level.

[yct6502]

ok last post.

I am not saying go out with people you dont find attractive but dont hold yourself so high up. athletic, tall, with hair, non smokers? your expectations is really high.

[Asker]

Personality is important to me now, I wouldn't date an attractive douche bag. Actually, my expectations use to be lower, but over time they increased. Also, that doesn't my feeling at all :) I actually believe i'm on the prettier side of average.

[Asker]

By tall I mean taller than me, I'm 5ft so I feel like a lot of guys are taller than me. Now, I am athletic, I have hair, and I don't smoke, so I don't feel like that's asking for much, especially at my age.

[Ihav2fart]

Why don't you go approach "attractive" men then?

[Asker]

I'm shy :/

[Ihav2fart]

So are the attractive guys. :(

[mutedaisy]

That disrupts the system :o

[Ihav2fart]

@mutedaisy the system is a lie!

[mutedaisy]

It truly is, but try telling that to some girls lol Guys want to be asked out too, it might make their day.

[Ihav2fart]

@mutedaisy No one makes my day. :o

[Asker]

Is it?

[Ihav2fart]

Thanks

[LittleSally]

Completely agree with @albundyfan...
If you don't make a move on the supposed 'hot guys' you see checking you out, and you keep refusing the 'not so hot, but brave enough to approach a girl guys' you might be looking at a very lonely future.

I often find that being 'shy' is more of an excuse for cowardliness than a real feeling...

[albundyfan]

im shy= My ego can't handle rejection

[LittleSally]

What I wrote still goes...
Shy is a choice, not a clinical diagnosis.
(are you shy with everyone everywhere - if so then it is a clinical diagnosis)

[LittleSally]

I am 'shy' too, but I choose to overcome it and do things that make me uneasy.

[Asker]

For me it's both. I'm very shy and reserved, whether it be with men or women. I'm only open with family and close friends.

[Asker]

Shy is a choice. I don't trust people so I tend to shy away.

[risu28]

well considering he smoke, i also hate guys who smoke. but calling them unattractive like that makes you look like the worst person here. my neighbor also once hit on me but i still try to make them feel like they're attractive anyway.
be a better person to get an attractive person to hit on you. i mean your personality as well, dear.

[Asker]

Maybe I shouldn't say unattractive , simply I'm not attracted to them.

[Hannah591]

Because they find you attractive but you find them unattractive. It sounds like you're just being really picky and you expect a hot prince charming to whip you up, but that's not how the world works. You get what you want, don't wait for it.

[Asker]

It's not like I said anything unrealistic. Athletic, none smoker, has hair, tall as in taller than me I'm 5ft. I'm athletic, a non smoker, and I have hair. If a guy said he wanted that in woman, is he looking for a princess no?

[cavmanier]

Most men aren't the combination of athletic, tall, with hair, non smokers. Plus I imagine those guys are more likely to be already seeing someone or even use to being pursued. The other guys want women too and there's probably just more men you aren't attracted to available.

[Summeroflove]

Because frankly the men who are attractive either already have girlfriends and the ones who are single don’t need to approach especially not random women unless they’re players or fuck boys.

People who only wait limit their options because attractive men are hit on… They also have women around them that they start to fancy then eventually become something more with. It’s not to say that these men NEVER approach…. But when they do they eventually become successful lock down a relationship. So play the odds you’re one of millions… Chances of being approached randomly by someone who for one is attractive and two wants something serious. Chances aren’t super high…

That’s just the honest truth. Men who are either just wanting sex and/or are simply desperate will be the ones chasing after women they don’t know. While the men who are attractive and want something serious frankly don’t need to do that.

[trnochsr]

Shit, you sound amazing to me. I from what you've said, I ought to qualify haha (5'11, no smoke/drink, in shape, I have my hair, and just joined the military). My take is that I would love to have a girl come up to me and ask me out. I'm what is considered an outgoing introvert, so to others, I seem really outgoing, but I'm really shy, and I think a lot of guys are as well, that could very well be why they don't approach you. Where are the girls like you around me?

[Asker]

Thanks :) and yes I'm likely be attracted to you if I saw you in person. Though, I wouldn't approach you for the exact same reasons. Lol, so the girls around you are probably feeling the same way.

[JustChris]

Same thing the attractive men are thinking, why do unattractive women approach them but the attractive women they see just look at them and not approach.

[Anonymous]

Every time an unattractive guy hits on me, it lowers my self esteem. Every Time a hot guy hits on me it boosts my self esteem. Every time a hot guy rejects me it lowers my self esteem. Its a very odd trilogy

[Asker]

Let's say guys we are not attracted to because apparently calling a guy unattractive means we have bad personalities.

[Opinion Owner]

Lol a shame hahaha

[RationalMale]

It's life. It's like posting your resume, hoping for a good job.

The crappy sales jobs will contact you. In your case, the guys you find attractive probably have enough girls going up and initiating to them they don't need to bother, or they see your lack of approach as disinterest.

Ugly guys--and ugly gals--do more approaching, because they need the numbers.

[Screenwriter]

Unattractive guys try harder. Attractive guys don't have to do as much. And maybe you're in the wrong places. Where are you hanging out? How are you meeting men?

Did you tell your friend what type of guy you're looking for and ask her why she set you up with someone you'd not be attracted to? Ask for what you want.

And if you're not meeting the men you want, it means you're likely not in the right places. Change it up.

[mutedaisy]

Maybe you aren't as attractive as you think or those attractive guys checking you out have someone they are dating. Looking, but not touching is what they are doing.

[Asker]

Certainly possible :)

[Anonymous]

You want something then it usually pays to go get it instead of waiting for it to come to you.

[Asker]

Yes true.

[GlassHeart]

Just because they are unnattractive to you doesn't mean they aren't nice guys give them a chance

[Asker]

I never said they aren't nice, the guy I mentioned above is very nice. However, for me attraction is somewhat important. For example, I said he smokes weed on a regular basis, that's not something I'm okay with and that's not something I find attractive, never will.

[GlassHeart]

Ahh i see. Well maybe attractive men are thinking the same thing " why isn't that attractive girl flocking to me" i get what you mean why waste your time on someone your not physically attracted to. I think you just have do it yourself and break the ice with the hot guy that keeps staring because trust me if you dont there will be another who is just as pretty as you all over that guy. Sorry i wish i could help more but best of luck

[Asker]

No your opinion was plenty helpful :) you're completely right, thank you.

[albundyfan]

unattractive men may feel that if they dont approach, they will get nowhere. The above average guys just kinda step outside their doors and usually get female attention, so maybe they dont feel the need to try as hard.

[Diego9O]

OK, if you want something look for it don´t wait on a miracle. Your expectations are shallow but my advice for you would be: do the first move, make a sacrifice: set a part your shyness and go after what you want.

[Asker]

I don't think my expectations are shallow. How in the world is it shallow to want an athletic man, with hair who doesn't smoke and is tall (TALLER THAN ME) i'm freaking short? I don't smoke, I work out, and I have hair, would it be shallow for a man to want me? -_- I'll make the sacrifice and approach men I find attractive but screw lowering my expectations even if that makes me shallow.

[Diego9O]

It´s shallow because you are not willing to have a relationship with someone that don´t cover all your expectations that are related to how you are. Would you rather someone who covers all your expectations and end up using you and treating you like trash or you rather someone that covers maybe a part of it and that treat with love and respect?

[Asker]

Of course I'd rather have some one who will treat me with love as well as respect, but I also want to have some type of attraction to that person. If there is even an ounce of attraction, I'd defiantly consider getting to know a guy as more than friends. I'm willing to compromise a few things, because i'm not perfect, nor do I expect my man to be. However, I'm sure there are women you're not attracted to and who you wouldn't want to date as well, be realistic.

[I_M_LEGEND]

attractive men want to be the star of the realtionship and they are often conditioned to wait it out and see who has the most to offer him.

[Bluemax]

Why don't you try approaching the men you find attractive? Have you done this? What happened when you did?

[StickStickity13]

Probably because you're ugly too. Attractive guys don't want you.

[Asker]

True true :)

[Rick-Lewis]

Would you reject a guy because of his race? just asking.

[Asker]

No, race doesn't matter to me at all.

[GreenTiger]

Hi! Wanna date? lol. Have you thought of going out more?

[Asker]

I go out 5 days a week, to class. :)

[GreenTiger]

Well, you could still go out to a club or any college parties (You're in college right?) with a couple of girlfriends on Friday or Saturday nights. You might find attractive guys hitting on you the fastest there lol.

[Asker]

I'm not really a party girl, I do party from time to time though. Also, that's generally where guys I don't find attractive hit one me, at parties. Apparently, I'm just to bitchy and need to loosen up.

[GreenTiger]

Aw, well, I don't know, try joining some club or an activity group that you're interested in. You might find a guy who likes what you do too.
And no actually, I kinda understand you, so you're not a bitch. I actually feel similarly in a lot of ways with unattractive girls looking at me, but I'm always polite about not returning the feelings back. I wish the girls I'm attracted to look at me like that too, but it's super hard.

[Asker]

I'm not in a rush to find a guy, because when I do I want it to be the right one. I just don't get why the attractive guys who check me out don't approach me. Also, I don't feel like i'm a bitch either, it's not like i'm saying F*** off. If find a guy unattractive, i'll be polite and take their number, I just let them know I'm only interested in being friends. I feel like life is to short to be wasting my time on people or things I don't want it to be wasted on. If that makes me a bitch i'm sorry...

[GreenTiger]

Yeah, I know how you feel. The only advice I can give is one I follow. I know that in the end of it all, I'm the only one who can make myself happy and I'm the only one who will be there for me. So I focus on developing myself. If you feel unhappy with your body, then hit the gym or save money for a nose job or something. Feel dumb? Read more books or solve puzzles. Gather whatever it is you think is lacking in you and make yourself the best you can. It's what I do, and everyone will start appreciating you and you'll find everything you need.

[Asker]

I love it, although I don't believe in plastic surgery. I will defiantly take your advice because there are somethings I need to work on, thank you.

[GreenTiger]

Of course :) but this road of self development is a lifestyle. Usually if one wants to grow one needs to push themselves or of their comfort zone. You may suck at the gym for a couple of weeks or not understand puzzles to develop your mind. But don't give up. Don't do what everyone does by sitting and complaining and watching tv. With self dev you will become an attractive woman that attractive men won't ever ignore and you'll feel so good about yourself too if you put the effort! Good luck!

[Asker]

:) Thank you.

[James687]

if u think ur attractive put a pic of urself up il judge

[Asker]

I don't some little 16 year old to judge me. No thank you.

[Asker]

No? Should I be?

[Dєѕιвσу]

I hope unattractive guys keep approaching you.

[Asker]

Why?

[Evan_aa]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, don't be so judgmental is not like she called anyone ugly don't act like in your 24 years of life you have never considered a girl to be unattractive or "ugly". we all have different types. different strokes for different folks just because she finds someone unattractive does not make her an ugly or mean spirited person

[mei0313]

You can approach them first :)

[xCutesyLolitax]

Shallowness overload!!!
*brain explodes*

[Asker]

Gomennasi

[xCutesyLolitax]

...
Skaste malakas.

[Asker]

... sayonara.

[xCutesyLolitax]

I forgive you.

[TheSpartan]

You sound like a total bitch.

[Asker]

Sorry?

[TheSpartan]

Sorry, honey, but it seems like you have some weird sense of entitlement when it comes to guys.

Plus, why do you feel like you need to go out with tall guys? I can understand everything else, but i'm not understanding the height thing. It seems like you could be overlooking a 5'6 dude whom happens to be your prince charming, not to mention only like 15% of dudes in the USA are taller than 6'0.

[Asker]

My parents taught me to have expectations and to me that means expect nothing less than who I am. I'm not saying I am the most attractive woman in the world, and I'm not saying i'm not unattractive, because to someone else I may very well be unattractive.
I don't smoke, so I don't want a man who smokes. I have hair, so I want someone with hair. I'm athletic, so I want someone whose athletic. Also, by tall, I mean taller than me, I am 5ft, so someone whose 5'6 is defiantly okay with me.

[TheSpartan]

Ok, sorry for misjudging you. I thought you were another one of those self-entitled women who wanted this fantastical prince charming that doesn't exist.

Unattractive men hit on you because they think you are attractive; you are best off letting them down easy. Don't try to "be friends" unless you are absolutely 100% sure that they are ok with just being friends.

[Asker]

I would also like to say, when I look for a man I want someone I can bring home to my parents. My father is very strict man, he's honest, and religious. He doesn't smoke or drink, he's super fit, and very intelligent. My dad is a former Army Sargent, imagine my dilemma.

[TheSpartan]

That sounds almost exactly like my father, except he was in the Marine Corps. All that sounds reasonable for a guy (especially since I now know that you are dating within your league).

[Asker]

No, I know nobody's perfect, even I have flaws. I do appreciate the honesty, thank you.

[TheSpartan]

welcome, and sorry. Do you live in 'Merica, btw?

[Asker]

Yes, I live in America :)

[TheSpartan]

lol I'm guessing you're relatively young?

[Asker]

Yes lol, I'm 21

[TheSpartan]

18 here. Yeah, I was guessing you were pretty young lol

[Asker]

Yes, it should say 18-24 , any older and this post would seem a little questionable lol.

[TheSpartan]

I'm guessing you're a college student? Most high-caliber guys are going to be in some form of higher education.

[Asker]

Yes, I'm in college lol.

[TheSpartan]

I'm in a physics undergrad program. The best types of guys you're going to find are going to be the engineers or other science dudes, trust me lol

[Asker]

Good thing i'm transferring to a school with a huge engineering program lol :)).
I do know a really attractive guy who is a Physics major, though.

[TheSpartan]

It's probably me lol. Where do you go to school?

[Asker]

Lol, probably not, I got to University in Texas, i'm not going to say which one.

[TheSpartan]

lol yeah, I go to a school in Ohio (not saying which one XD). What's your major?

[Asker]

Lol, i'm majoring in Technology Communication but I'm changing schools to do Comm. Tech.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they think you are intimidating? That you are the type of girl that is not easy to get?

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's because you're a total bitch.

[Asker]

I don't think any guys would approach me if that were true :).

[Anonymous]

Not everything is in the looks though...

[Asker]

Of course but looks are a factor to a certain extent. A guy can be very sweet but I still may not be attracted to him. I want there to be some type of attraction to the guy I am with.

[Anonymous]

maybe you have unrealistic standards?

[Asker]

Maybe.

[Gooseman]

Because they have nothing to lose.

[Keyspirits]

Im here to pull u in ANON cutie. Whaddya' say ;3

[Cowboy6666]

Because you are attractive in their eyes!!!