He misses me but still doesn't love me anymore?

[Anonymous]

So, my ex broke up with me a month and a half ago. He doesn't love me anymore. He said so, and has shown it.

But the last night he contacted me. He wanted to know how I was doing and if it was getting easier for me. He said nobody understands him like I do, and he misses that. He said "i know that I have problems with how I felt and pretty much the reason I broke up with you. but that doesn't change the fact that you knew me and that no one else knows me like you and I'm really sorry for what I put you through"

He called his reasons for breaking up with me "his own personal problems." He thinks they're problems?

BUT he is physically and emotionally attracted to ANOTHER GIRL (who likes him but refuses to date him for her own personal reasons). He said he still doesn't love me and we are never getting back together.

So what was up with all the apologizing and everything?

[Anonymous]

From what you put, I wouldn't take what he said as a way of asking for you back and regretting what he's done. Right now, he continues to say you are never getting back and he doesn't love you anymore. The reason why he is apoligizing was because he misses the COMFORT ZONE, that you two had. I know how hard it is to get on that level with someone else again. I called my ex one time and said exactly what he said to you but I had no intention of ever getting back with him. It was almost a way of clearing my head, so just he knew how I felt, and that I was sorry. As for the whole "his own personal problems", I don't think he actaully meant there problems, I think he used the wrong words. I notcied that during break ups, guys don't know how to phrase things properly, and most of the time sugar coat them to make it sound like its something serious, like a "problem".

I think you should continue to do no contact, if he is physically and emotionally attracted to ANOTHER GIRLL, than you should not even be entertaining him when he calls. I'm sure one day after he gets kicked to the curb, he will realize the grass isn't greener on the other side and want you back. But by than I hope you realize, that he obviously has no respect for your relationship if he dumped you for another girl (aka his "PROBLEMS"). For now let him have her, its only a matter of time before you hear from him. But if I were you I would never take him back because you will never know his true intentions!

[Asker]

He didn't dump me for her. He is using her to get over me. At least that's what it seems like.

Do you still think I should never take him back?

[lenaejw]

you know this guy is confused girl but note! do accept the apology but if he does not love you then move on but you guys can still have a open relationship and be friends I mean he feels like you know him very well so just be his friend but girl don't be fool this man is confused but you know what be lucky at least he is telling you how he feels it may hurt the way he says it but at least he is not jumping around from gril to girl when he was with you he told you how he honestly felt and you know what as hard as it may sound you have no choice but to move on and learn but do know you guys can always be friends if you need advice hit me up girl chow.

[enlightenment]

Exactly what he said. Don't try and find a different meaning from exactly what he is telling you. He is sorry he hurt you and never ment to. But he doesn't love you. You can still care about how a person feels if you aren't in love with them right? So what is the surprise. It's that you are looking for him to feel it was a mistake and come back still. Don't. he told you, he is done. Any contact you have with him now is purely platonic and don't read into what he says or you will just drive yourself crazy.

[Asker]

Don't you think its weird he was thinking all this still though? It's been a month and a half. And he already has another girl he likes. Shouldn't he be moved on?

[enlightenment]

He IS moved on though, he just feels bad for hurting you. You will feel better as soon as you stop looking for him to love you again. These are not hidden signs they are direct ones. And unfortunetly they are pointing away from what you want them to be. You may be better off just cutting all contact, because if not you are just going to try and analyze every breath and eye-bat to see if he is thinking of you. You have to move on for you own good.

[Asker]

Well, it's just so hard for me because we were together a year and a half. And he thought he was going to marry me. Everything was great and then I came up to school 2 weeks after him, he was distant and irritable. He just broke up, wasn't even willing to work through it.

At first he thought it was a commitment thing, but he still loved me. 2 weeks later he likes another girl and doesn't love me. She likes him too, but won't date him.

How can a love as deep, open, honest as ours go so easily?

[enlightenment]

The timing just seems to much of a coincdence. Its likely that it is a comitment thing. He got to school saw all of the other possibilities and got scared at the thought he was going to be with just one girl. Its his immaturity really. Be glad he showed his true colors when he did. He could have cheated on you, or just strung you along for the shchool year. It's not easy on him either, and if he wants you back, just remember how he left you for a maybe girl. That's not a real man.

[Asker]

So, I found out that one of the things (maybe the reason) that lead to the break up was that certain things that he didn't want to do (like time commitments) he did anyway (like hanging out with me and my friends, even when he didn't want to) because the thought that's what a good boyfriend should do.

And I guess it got to the point where he just wanted to be alone. And instead of working through those things, he just broke it off because he thinks if he loved me he wouldn't feel that way.

[enlightenment]

Yeah...nice excuse. That is just a way for him to feel better about his leaving you. That is just a way to make it seem like it was sort of your fault too. When in reality, he just was too lame to say "no, I wanna do my own thing tonight." He is trying to put it on you and our friends because he wasn't doing what he wanted. You can't make him do what he wants, he choose that. Don't let him try and put this off on you. he made the decision, and he has to live with how he made you feel about it

[DoggyDude]

He will have regrets even if he made the right choices. You have to stop him behaving this way because if he no longer loves you its not healthy to allow him to keep talking in such ways (for you or for him).

If you want him back, then you can support his thinking and say how this other person will never be worth him.

Otherwise, tell him to grow up and move on, that your not his emotional crutch whilst he chases other girls. Tell him your happy to be his friend but he has to cut out these "excuses" about his "own personal problems" and accept the facts that he's chosen not to be with you.

Once that's established, if you care, you can just offer him sympathy as a friend.

[stktder]

Wow...You got him on a rope and he does not know it yet. For right now, just be his friend, nothing more. He is going to have to do some growing up and realize his feelings for you. If he did not care for you, he would not have contacted you. He is obviously wanting to stay in touch with you, not only for you but for himself. If he sees you are not seeing anyone else, he will probably come back to you. Only time will tell. You are both young but your hearts are racing. Don't worry about the other girl, he is just attracted to her because she does not want him. If she sees you want him, she might make a run at him to make you feel lower than her. DON'T DO IT

[efstuck]

When a relationship ends, in general -

The girl wants nothing to do with the guy. She wants him erased out of her life, doesn't want contact or to hear him care about her. She sees it as a waste of time.

The guy still cares about his exgf - he misses her and he is genuinely sorry for hurting someone he cares about so he contacts her and expresses it to her to hope he can make her feel a little better. A guy during a relationship opens up and expresses his feelings to show he cares..and he is doing the same post-relationship to show you he still cares about you and isn't just dropping you like a rock (which you would complain about too). A guy doesn't want to forget about you - you were a part of his life and always will be..and he'll always care about you in some way.

[sthete]

This advice helped me with my own situation. He dumped me, but says he misses me and thinks about me. I was going crazy wondering whether he'd end up asking me out again, but I realized that he's the kind of person who cares deeply about people in his life, always thinks the best of people, and keeps fond memories even when the relationship is in the past. This is what attracted me to him in the first place. Now I realize that he's not behaving unusually, he's behaving the way he always has.

[nurseTeddy]

Hum, he said he doesn tlove u, you broke up then he tried to call and said he misses u? But he's not worth, don't let him make you feel down 1 more time just because his "personal problems, personal reason...". Find a simple guy, not too hard to understand.

[InquisitiveMale]

It's a comfort thing. Most people I know always do things similar when going threw a brake-up. It’s all too common. When things get rough people go where there most comfortable, for him, that’s you.

The best thing to do is cut the connection. He made his choice and should not be allowed to come crawling back when he is unhappy. He's looking for physiological reinforcement. Don’t give it to him.

MY opinion, not yours.

Cheers.

[nice_guy7]

he feels bad for hurting someone even if he felt it needed ot be done. plain and simple. he felt it was his problem and that you didn;t do anything wrong and so he feels guilty about it. that or he is just faking it to make you feel better.

[britt_britt09]

Hmm well maybe he wants to apologize to you for hurting you. And assuring you that it was strictly all him as for the reason he left you. Maybe, if you are ready, there is a healthy friendship lurking in his apology. But I could be wrong... The best of luck

-Brittany

[forever]

He felt bad, seems to me he wants to remain friends with you.