I thought she wasn't interested?

[AlphaAssault]

This is one of those dime-a-dozen 'does she like me' questions, though there is some interesting background to this one. Several months ago, I asked a young woman no less than four times over the course of a semester if she would like to do something some time. each time I was met by an "I'm busy." or some such response. not long after my fourth attempt, I am informed by someone else that she is going through a pretty bad relationship, something the girl I was interested never told me. don't know why, she just didn't So, naturally, I stopped trying to ask her out. clearly this was a situation I didn't want to get involved in.

fast forward 6 months to the present. I have attended a number of school-hosted functions this semester, and both events the same girl that shot me down all those times last semester, comes over to where me and a few other are standing and started talking to me. didn't talk to me about anything specific. she asks why I don't dance, if I've got anything planned for Halloween, etc etc. our conversations easily stray into flirting territory, and though they are generally short, they at least go well.

I suppose this brings me to my question/s. I don't know weather or not she's still in a relationship, but I would make an educated guess that she's not. basically, should I ask her out again? I don't know why she's being friendly all of a sudden, but surely she can understand why I don't jump at the chance to ask her out. basically, I would like some insight so I don't simply repeat everything that happened 6 months ago. I would like to ask her out again, but given her previous track record, I am going to approach this situation more cautiously. insight welcome.

[Annette83]

I would go for it.

But at some point early on, mention to her that you're glad to find that she enjoys your company after all, because you weren't sure after she refused your invitations in the past. This is an opportunity for her to tell you that she is no longer in a relationship.

I'm guessing that the chilly demeanor you faced in the past was not directed at you. She was probably trying to be a good girlfriend and not mess around behind her then-boyfriend's back. She would have picked up on your interest and not wanted to lead you on. You should be happy about this!

One last point is that she really might have been too busy to see you those other times and have had no idea you were interested. I can't tell you how often guys have been offended with me for doing the same thing. Sometimes guys are too subtle. So she might be nicer than you think!

[AlphaAssault]

Allow me, then, to ask you this: at an event last night, she asked me if I was doing anything for halloween. I told her that I wasn't. she replied telling me that she wasn't doing anything either. as with most things said by the opposite gender, this can be interpreted one of two ways: she's either being nice or she is subtly saying that she's is open to do something. I would like some insight on this. Seeing as how it is Halloween today, though, doing anything is probably out of the question.

[Annette83]

Even if you don't have a costume, you still have time to call her and go out. Get a drink somewhere and watch the partiers! In this case, I think she was definitely giving you an opening to ask her out. Girls who are trying to put a guy off are smart enough to say that they are doing something already. Call her! It's a great opportunity for you because being a holiday night, it's a little more special. Don't be discouraged if she does have something planned by now though. Ask again if so.

[AlphaAssault]

Well, I read you comment, but could do no such thing. I don't have her phone number. every time weve talked, it has been in person. I guess it will have to wait until I see her again. however, given the fact that this situation is similar to my past encounters with her, why couldn't I simply wait for her to ask me out for a change? one would think that, if she were truly interested, and she knew that I were interested, wouldn't she ask? if she doesnt, then I guess I know how she feel, correct?

[Annette83]

Yes, I think you are totally right about waiting for her this time. I only suggested calling her for Halloween because you were short on time to organize that yesterday. The only case in which I would call her would be if you think she is very shy. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't give it another try unless she shows some real interest. You showed your interest already and now its her turn. A lot of girls will go back to the guys that were pursuing them after a bad relationship in order to fill a void or get an ego boost out of it. If she were that interested she would have told you from the get go what the deal was, but she didn't, and only went on to tell you that she was busy. I'm busy in girl terms normally means I'm not interested. No girl I know who is interested in a guy would say that, and if it was because of a 'bad relationship', I am sure she would have used the halloween thing as a way in starting things up with you again..if the convo never went on further than she's obv not that interested..just let this one go, she's obv a game player..

[AlphaAssault]

A couple of things: 1) How would you define "real interest"? what should I be looking for to determine if she's really interested? 2) I'm not sure what you mean by saying "and if it was because of a 'bad relationship'". she was in a bad relationship at the time when I asked her out, I just didn't know it then because she never told me. if she wanted me to leave her alone, saying that she already has a Boyfriend seems like a good deterrent, correct? why didn't she do this instead of saying she was busy?

[Jack-Poole]

I think she's just being friendly or just making conversation (my opinion doesn't mean I'm right lol), there's a reason why she may have rejected you 4 times already and I think you should move on I know its hard I've been there and honestly.. when someone says something encouraging it gives you hope and it makes you feel like a new person all of a sudden but it will end badly from past experiences... your choice though, if you think you have a shot then just ask good luck mate!

[EddyMetal]

Give it one last try.

[AlphaAssault]

Why do you say that?

[EddyMetal]

Because.

...or don't. I don't really care. It's just what I'd do.

BTW sorry for the late reply, my computer was busted.