He always stared at me but now he ignores me?

[Anonymous]

There's a cute guy in one of my college lectures and for a few weeks I've noticed him looking at me during class, he would glance over and stare. I always sat in different places too and sometimes he would turn sideways or look back at me when he thought I couldn't see. A few times I look over at him and his head snapped in another direction or his eyes shot up to the ceiling. So I thought it was pretty obvious he at least thinks I'm attractive and is interested enough to keep looking at me? He seems very shy.

I caught him looking over at me and looked away smiling which I think he saw, then I turned back and he was looking at me and I shyly smiled at him and he just looked surprised/bewildered then I turned back. I think the next class he was trying to look at me and shyly smile as I walked up to my seat but I only looked at him for a second before stupidly/shyly looking away. I think he took it as a rejection. Since then he hasn't been looking at me at all and when I'm near he looks straight ahead refusing to look near me. I've tried looking at him so he'll notice, but he isn't looking anywhere near me now so I don't think he's noticed!

Anyway I saw him out a few nights ago and I was sitting down when he was nearby and I think saw me and then avoided looking towards where I was all night. He passed by me twice and at one point was behind my friend talking to someone when I was talking to my friend, but he just absolutely didn't look in my direction or at anything anywhere near where ever I was. He kept a very low profile and I barely even saw him around the bar. If he was interested wouldn't he not avoid me and not avoid being seen?

I'm so confused. Is he interested? Has he realised I know he was looking and is now trying to show me he actually isn't interested but was just looking? Does he think I'm a creep and wants to avoid me?

What can I do? I never have a chance to talk to him and I'm terrible at that anyway, but as class is ending I would get up the guts to do it I guess. If he won't look anywhere near me, how can I show him I'm interested?

Should I write my number on a bit of paper and give it to him or his friend who I'm sure knows about this?

Or should I sit near the front so I can turn back and look at him very obviously? But then that seems weird. It's impossible to talk to him!

Updates

+1 y

What the hell is going on with him?

[jdcpa]

Oh, on a semi-related note, this reminds me of a Robert Redford movie

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8ot57DROX4

Anyway..

People need people. Without other people, you would have to do everything yourself. You would have to grow your own food, cook your own food, clean up, fix things around the house, build your own house, defend your own house, well, actually you wouldn't exist, because if everyone would be by themselves, the whole human population would die off in just one generation.

People need to mate, to create children. And besides mating, people need to socialize, to exchange "benefits of trade". For example, if there's an accountant in your family, and you are a dentist; you both work out a system where you don't "charge each other money". You would rather have "favor IOUs" than "financial IOUs". Why? Simply because the favor IOUs are more valuable. If he helps you with your taxes, that'll only save you $300. And if you "pay him", you're no longer indebted. But if you owe him a favor, and he needs a root canal, he's saved "$1,200". The reason you both do this is because the "favors" you're both exchanging have very little to minimal cost to both of you. So you both get hundreds of dollars in value, for only less than $50 in cost.

When two people meet, they assess the value that the other has to offer them very quickly. If you saw Donal Trump, or Oprah; you would WANT to associate with them. They have value you want. But they don't want to associate with you. So what do you continue to do? Do you continue to try and be their friend, and be nice to them, and clean their home, and do favors for them, and ask them out to dinner, or to a party? Or do you just go on with your life?

Here is how people meet:

1. Awareness: people become aware of each other

2. Assessment: people assess the other person's value

3. Interest: people are happy with the initial assessment & curious about the WHOLE package

4. Initiation: people initiate contact or an interaction

5. Acceptance/Rejection: if both people feel that there is mutual benefit/gain to be realized, they accept the initiation & reciprocate. if both people don't feel that there is a mutual benefit/gain to be realized, they reject the initiation & do not reciprocate.

6. Aftermath: Following an acceptance, the two people look to establish attraction, connection and closeness so that they can continue to enjoy the benefits/gain of the other person for a long-period of time. Following rejection, two people go their own separate ways & do not waste any more time or resources on a non-mutually wanted relationship.

(you can imagine how tragic mixed messages from shyness "low-self-esteem" and playing hard-to-get "insecurity" are for two people who WOULD have a mutually beneficial/gainful relationship together)

When he looked at you and you looked away, it seems like he felt that was a rejection on your part, and that you weren't interested in you (and TELLING HIM) in a tactful way.

[Duncan_from_London]

I think he thinks that you've busted him for staring at you, so he is trying to not look at you. Why is it impossible to talk to him? Ask him the time. Ask him if he knows where you can buy wire wool. Something simple and where he can give an easy answer while he recovered from the shock of you talking to him. Do you know what he likes? Maybe tell him you want to find out more about it.

[Anonymous]

He's like me. I'm a girl and I'll tell you why. The game's over, you caught him, he's too shy to make the first move and now embarrassed that he got caught so he tried not to look at you anymore and it might seem that he outright ignore you. He may still harbor his feelings for you and he's struggling to fight the thought of you, that you're there and he still has to see you. If you don't like him that much, just ignore him. If you do, I suggest that you get him alone and tell him that you feel the same. My crush talks to every other female friend, but he ignores me. But that's okay because coming to think of it, you two haven't been involved in anything serious, so with time and the 'out of sight, out of mind' factor, this crush shall pass. I hope though because I will begin the next semester without seeing him in my class, and we won't have classes on the same days.

[Epiphanies]

There are about a million things that could be going on in his head but basically it looks like he's not in any shape or form going to approach you. In turn, you have a couple of options.

A) Smile widely at him next time you see him. Play with your hair, always keep a smile on your lips. Sit up straight and point your legs in his direction. This will give him some serious GO signals. If he isn't into you, he may think it's a bit creepy but that's a risk you have to be willing to take.

B) Bump into him as you're leaving class and apologize. Drop your binder too and see if he picks it up. Segue into talking about class and homework. Pick up his body language and go from there.

C) Leave it alone and forget about it. Maybe he's not into you at all or maybe he's trying to get his game together before he figures out another tactic.

[Puremilan]

Most guys don't try to analyze subtle clues. Don't play with your hair or point your legs at him -- go up to him, say 'hi', and give him your number. If he's really that shy, he may be too awkward to say much, otherwise he may strike up a conversation. Go for it -- what do you have to lose?

[currannaaach]

Don't listen to the other answer.

This guy said it plainly and simply. Confront him if he's that shy. Few guys pick up on small hints (I had to read a couple body language books to even realize that there were so many signs that women give that I had originally thought of as natural behavior).

[jdcpa]

Lmao.. that reminds me of Chris Rock.. "you know when women started f-ing up? when they started taking advice about men.. from other women.. their mother.. their girlfriends.. magazines.. 101 ways to please your man! 101? what are the other 100?"

I think girls are afraid that guys are like girl. Like when you ask girls for advice about girls. They're like, pay for the date, tell her how you feel, just be completely vulnerable and let her decide what she wants to do.

[jdcpa]

When you ask guys for dating advice on guys, no guy turns around and tells you.. "unzip his pants, stroke his meat, give him a BJ, then go home and see if you calls you the next day"

The only thing guys tell you is the truth. You want to be subtle? That's awesome! If you want to let a woman know that you're interested in her. But trying to let a guy know you're interested in him by being subtle, is like trying to talk to a blind bat by using sign language.

[jdcpa]

And then coming online or to your girlfriends and complaining.. "ugh, I was playing with my hair, and sitting closer to him, and bumping into him, and touching him, and smiling at him, and LOOKING at him! I f-ing LOOKED at him and he didn't profess his undying love for me! ugh! I give up! men are so stupid! When someone f-ing LOOKS at you, they're obviously interested in you! It's not like people LOOK at each other or SMILE at each other! duh!"

[jdcpa]

On top of looking, smiling, bumping into, and touching being NORMAL (non-romantic, non-interest-conveying) behavior that guys are used to from girl they are just friends with; they also want to protect themselves from high-school heartbreak repeats. The girl who teased him, pretended she was interested in him, just to have a prom date, or a boyfriend, or to get a date, or go to nice places, or get nice presents for valentine's day or x-mas.

[jdcpa]

It's takes MORE than just a "hi, I'm interested in you" to let a guy KNOW that you're really interested in him. And if it takes more than just that, and you're sitting there smiling & looking; you're not exactly helping your cause.

Guys are afraid of manipulative & dishonest girls. They don't go out in the world thinking every girl is an angel of all that is holy & goodness. So unless he's just looking for @ss, no normal guy exposes himself emotionally like that just because he got a look or smile

[Asker]

So do you think that he did take my looking away as a rejection? I think I should try and smile and look at him very obvious in class and give him a big smile, and then after class try and get the chance to say 'hi, were you at blah that night? I think I saw you' and start a convo then give him a bit of paper with my number already written on it. Agreed?

[Asker]

He seems very much the shy, sensitive, quiet type. Still masculine, just not all macho about it, I think that's why I'm so intrigued. So I guess he wouldn't reject me badly, just might be a bit awkward. I've been told tho that shy guys can sometimes get a number they want but be too afraid to call or text? Guess I don't have a chance and just have to do something!

[coolmaaz]

try to find sum way to talk to him,in break or after college..!

[dered693]

Ask him to become a study partner for the course you are both in

[Anonymous]

He want to break up with you but he don't want to hurt you feeling.

[immamust13]

You're very ignorant.

Phahahaha!