Guys, a guy touched my butt on first date. Did I ruin my chances by responding this way?

[Anonymous]

I went on a first date with a guy on Saturday. He was nice and funny, was a pretty cool guy. At one point, he kinda touched my butt, not grabbed, but he did touch it (knowlingly) for a second. Then after we kissed, he tapped it. Not slapped it but tapped it with his hand. At the time i didn't say anytjing because I didn't know what to say in that moment.

After dropping me off, he texted me that night saying he had an awesome time with me and during the date he even mentioned wanting to one day take me to this other restaurant he thinks I might like.
Anyways, I texted back saying that I also had a great time with him. I then sent a text saying that I noticed he touched my butt a few times, and that if he is just looking for a hookup, I'm not interested in that.
He said that he was sorry and that he sometimes just gets touchy feely. I then said this, and Pleasssee let me know if it sounds mean. I don't know if I blew it with him:
Ok it kinda was too soon for me, that's why; i never really had a guy do that, so I kinda felt weird. If you're looking for a quick hookup, i'd like to know so i dont waste my time. If so, there's other chicks for that, I'm not one of em, you know?
He replied with I appreciate u being upfront about it and I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm not looking for just a hook up either. I guess I just got a little comfortable too soon.

I then said thanks for understanding. He hasn't reached out since and Im worried that maybe I ruined my chances because I left a negative emotion in him or something. Do you think if he really liked me, he would come back around?

[ak666]

Kissing, to me at least (can't speak for every single guy in the world) is actually more sexually-related than touching a girl's bum. It's not detached that way for me like kissing is one thing and sex and getting frisky is another. Kiss to me makes me think about sex. There's no way I would kiss a girl if I wasn't interested in having sex with her. That doesn't mean it's the only thing I'm interested in, however.

Basically just because a guy shows signs that he's sexually interested doesn't mean he's only interested sexually. It is hard to tell the difference because there seem to be so many guys out there (at least according to what I'm reading on GaG) who are the "hit it and move on right after" types, but some guys will want to "hit it and hit it again" if they're into you.

It's such a subtle difference and I can imagine the hardship that presents a woman in choosing her suitors, but I can't imagine a guy not wanting to have sex with a woman he's dating and kissing intimately. He might also feel like testing whether you're really interested in him by the responses you have to his more intimate motions, like getting frisky and reaching for the bum.

Damn! I just realized it's almost impossible to tell the difference between a guy interested in something more and a player type, unless the guy is simply reserved. I don't know what to suggest, I just wanted to point out that a guy who gets a bit frisky during kissing and can't keep his hands off of you during that time is perfectly natural even if he's in love with you and wants you to be the mother of his children.

[TwistedLogic]

You could have been a little more playful about it, or maybe should've commented on it when it happened (something like "WOW, a little too soon for that *laugh* "). Here is what I conclude from your messages: Sex is a big deal for her and she doesn't like sexual stuff unless we have been together for a long time, and if I make any sexual comment or move in the future she might be upset and break up over that.

But, the way he responded suggests that he was cool with it (as any decent guy would) and he got the memo. I don't really think you blew it off.

[normalice]

Hm. Personally, I would interpret this as though you basically weren't available. I can understand not rushing into sex, sort of, but making a thing of ruling it out seems a little strange. I would start to question your sex drive and ultimately conclude that you don't really have one that is compatible with my own, and we would end up being miserable. I might take you out on another date just to try to determine if you had any sexual attraction to me whatsoever, but if I found no solid evidence of this, that would probably be the last date..

So, my guess is if he takes you out on two more dates, he's actually interested.

[Anonymous]

That would have definitely made me reconsider asking you on another date.

" I noticed he touched my butt a few times, and that if he is just looking for a hookup, I'm not interested in that."

was okay. A little awkward, but i'd be okay letting her know what i'm looking for. Most guys i know looking to hookup, don't go out on a date, period. It's 'my place or yours' date 1. Sometimes dates turn into a hookup because it didn't work out as more, but that's a little different. If you're going out on dates and going no further than patting her ass, you're in it to date.

"Ok it kinda was too soon for me, that's why"

Makes me think we'd be on wildly different timelines, with wildly different sex drives. Her being into it but worrying i was only interested in physical, fine. Her thinking it's too soon to touch her ass through clothes, i think we're just too different.

[tupperware]

Sounds to me like you handled it perfectly - set your boundaries, made it clear that wasn't ok, didn't fly off the handle at him. And see what happens when you bring it up? He said he appreciated your forwardness. If anything, he probably hasn't talked to you because he's embarassed. He got too familiar too soon and you called him on it.

If any chance of a relationship there is ruined from this, it's not on you. Never blame yourself for having boundaries and holding to them.

[WalterRadio]

The correct response would have been to put his hand (s) flat on it, or down the back of your pants.

I have sex on the first date with about 1/3rd of the women I date, and about 1/3rd on the second. The other 1/3rd doesn't get a third date.

Tell him you were caught off guard and next time, he can touch you anywhere.

[Anonymous]

I think that may put a little bit of unnecessary pressure on the relationship and he'll certainly think twice about trying to move any physical aspect of the relationship forward. It's really hard to say how he would react to that, he seems like a nice guy who wasn't looking for just sex and now your paranoia has made things awkward. In the end I guess time will tell.

[xan1488]

if he really likes u he will surely come. as whatever u have highlighted to him is a proof that u r a girl with high morals and dignity. so if he also have high morals and dignity you will be his first choice. but if he doesn't come that means he did not have positive intentions for u. so dont panic either way as u only deserve best like yourself.
gud luck :)

[Rufus335]

you sound pretty aggressive. you should have done it in a flirtatious manner. you shouldn't have mentioned the butt touching as the reason.

[Loon309]

You didn't ruin your chances he's just giving you control of what happens next cuz he doesn't want to make you feel uncomfortable again. He's probably thinking he ruined it.

[AlphaAussie]

Yep, ya killed it stone dead.

[Anonymous]

I would not date you.