Guys, Does it mean anything if a guy responds INSTANTLY?

[Hulkette86]

Ie, messages, friend requests, phone calls etc. Guys would you respond immediately to any of those things? If yes why? Is there a chance you were just bored or lonely or could you like a girl or? Just out of curiousity. Thanks in advance!

[lightbulb27]

someone needs to write a book on social communication because there are so many questions on how to interpret communication via text, social media.

Trying to interpret what someone means by how fast they respond, whether they take a day or two to respond, if the text is 1 word or 5 paragraphs, is quite a challenge.

honestly, if I see something and I can answer it easiy at the time and I have time, then I answer it. For example, if I'm at a stop light while driving, and I can respond yes, to a text, I will. Otherwise, it may be a whole day until I see the message again, remember I didn't respond, and reply.

If we are dating/great friends/family, I may have different rules.
If I don't know whta to say or what my plans are etc or I'm not interested, I may not reply.

In general, I may respond immediately if I'm interested, and I may wait if I'm not quite ready to answer.

There are just too many variables to be able to interpret if there isn't a relationship.

"May we live in interesting times:" Chinese proverb (wisdom).

[Hulkette86]

I agree someone needs to write that book! I was honestly curious of guys responses. Its just interesting to see how you all respond to even this. Yes non personal interaction is hard to read. But in today's world where everything is at our fingertips, yet sometimes we choose to be busy or we actually are, depending on the situation, it can speak volumes!

Having said that, I come from relationships/marriage where the guy always thinks I'm never going to leave so he in return thinks he never has to try to keep the relationship going. I have finally figure out why: because I am loyal, loving & completely & totally committed when in a relationship. So the guy thinks hey she's not goin anywhere, I can stop chasing her... That's where they're WRONG.

This just made sense because when a man makes times for you, he definitely thinks something of you. And if he continues to do so well I don't know how that feels but I imagine it to be wonderful :)

[lightbulb27]

there's some interesting psychology here. I'm not sure that is the whole picture, but maybe a piece of it.

But if you are suggesting there has to be a threat of leaving to make him stay (corollary), that isn't right. There does need to be some tensions, connection... some reason to be together.

I was totally committed, loving and loyal and prior relationship was an emotional mess. It was so due to things I did that lit up her insecurities, her existing wounds. So problems may be deeper than you convey (on one or both sides).

I agree if the guy is interested, he will make time and is thinking of you.

[Hulkette86]

No no no I don't mean to sound like its a threat that I would leave. But a guy has to understand that if he isn't putting forth the effort on his end then how can he expect a girl to stay? He can't.

I'm sorry that happened to you. It isn't fair. Trust me I've been there obviously. My last guy was somewhat affectionate & I was blinded by his ability to lie his way into my life. He was so good at making you believe things.

If your ex was dealing with "old wounds" then in my opinion it meant she wasn't over her exes. That's just from a female perspective. You are right we don't know the whole picture. But I can tell you from my last guy, he had the same excuses. I went on to find out he was still in love with his ex wife & he was still "sexting" her & calling her every chance he got. Yet he wanted to marry me... I figured out he hates being alone. Cause I wondered why anyone would do that to someone. I think if you're not over your ex you shouldn't begin another relationship until you are. Its

[lightbulb27]

sounds like he was narcissistic.
People can harbor some substantial emotional wounds. She was over ex-BF but not over childhood wounds from her father and that is what set off a lot of problems. She knew it and was in counseling, but it was too hard. I stayed in it and went to counseling and counselor said get out as it was killing me.

If I was a stronger person at the time, maybe I could have handled it better, but it was a very difficult scenario... to handle someone elses deep seated love wounds.

[lightbulb27]

I agree, both need to put effort in. It can't be too needy, and space needs to be provided all the while both peoples needs for time and affection met. If you get people with conflicting needs, issues can arise. sounds like you've learned a lot...

[Hulkette86]

Yes you are correct he is. You know I have been there in a slightly different position. With him, same guy as stated above, I stayed by his side to try to help his alcoholism. But as you said, all it did was kill me too. He wasn't getting better. And NO to the "maybe if I were a stronger person at the time" do not blame yourself, you are right none of us are in the know of how to handle other peoples problems like that. You tried. I tried. Sometimes that's enough. Sometimes it isn't. In the end if the other side is dead then we have to move on. You don't continue to water a wilted flower. You throw it out & buy a new one. Its a sad reality but it is life.

[Hulkette86]

I really have. That's the thing though, to learn we must suffer first. It builds us up or builds walls. I learned to let go a long time ago & maybe that's a flaw? I don't know for sure but life is too short to keep beating a dead horse.

[lightbulb27]

you are right on all counts, especially the "suffering" part. I do think if I was wiser and stronger I could have done better, but not sure it would have changed the end result.

Great analogy, ugh, I just so don't like it. A flaw of mine is I want everyone to get along and be friends, but doesn't work that way. I had to completely let her go else the wounds would inflame again and again and the risk of re-bonding.

Thus your flaw (letting go) can be a strength where I have a weakness. I'm learned to let go sooner, that is a lesson I learned.

[Hulkette86]

Agreed. I also have that mentality of I want everyone to get along & be friends. I hate it when something upsets the apple cart. I felt so guilty through my separation & divorce because I left him. I don't think thats really a weakness but I'm unsure. I stayed way too long & I felt like THAT was a weakness...

[lightbulb27]

we may have some similarities and experienced similar issues. very interesting.
yes, I stayed too long as well, but if I had bailed out early (like 1st month when I saw problems), I wouldn't have learned so much. There is a part of me that says the suffering was the value in the whole thing... because it produced growth for at least me, and I think for her as well. Kinda like in order to heal a wound, inflamation must occur.

Great stuff, this is why I love GAG!

[Hulkette86]

Yes, yes and more yes! Haha seriously though I couldn't have explain it better! For it to happen, we gotta go through it. To learn! So right on! And me too, this place has helped me so much and so have you & many others!!! :)

[mwin2030]

Personally, in my view, if a girl messages you then you should have the common courtesy to message her back instantly, especially if you don't have a legitimate reason for making her wait. I mean, we should treat others as we would want ourselves to be treated. If I was to message a girl, no matter how I was doing it and she wan't busy with something else equally important, then I'd expect her to respond, especially if she liked me and I would do the same for any girl in return. If someone doesn't message you back instantly then they either perhaps in my opinion don't like you or they feel you are not important enough to respond instantly to, or maybe they just have bad manners. End of story.

[godfatherfan]

why do women want to find a meaning in everything?
I reply quickly because if I don't, I will forget someone texted. and the fact that it is just polite. There is no reason to see you received a text, and just leave it there til later. That is asshole behavior.

[Hulkette86]

You are right sir! Unfortunately there are not many men like you who give a fuck. They are those assholes you speak of

[Sinister]

Not sure if you're complaining about a guy who actually responded to your text... most guys don't. I ONLY responded back in a timely manner if it's a girl I'm pursuing or if it's work related. But if I cannot get to it or deem it not that important right now, then it can definitely wait.

[Hulkette86]

I am definitely not complaining! :) I was just curious as to whether it means a guy was just bored at that moment or could he really like said girl or what else it could mean. Just trying to understand the male mind a bit more. Thanks for your reply!

[ManOnFire]

Generally if the girl has said something to really catch my interest I will respond instantly. Asking me questions is what makes me respond pretty quickly, because it's interesting to see that someone wants to know something about me.

[Hulkette86]

Thanks for your reply, that is good to know! :)

[bloodmountain1990]

He's available, interested, etc. I don't know there could be many reasons.

I mean it goes both ways, does it mean anything when a girl responds instantly?

[Hulkette86]

Yes most usually. If I respond instantly it means hell yes I like you or we are best friends. The latter I will have already expressed though. Example being if a guy mentions he likes me but I don't feel the same way I will tell him straight up

[bloodmountain1990]

Gotcha. Some are straightforward, some play games. There's this one girl I met a few weeks ago that I feel a strong connection with. She's been busy the past 2 weekends but she'll still send snap chats and like my Instagram stuff. Sometimes when I text her she'll respond instantly.

I've just been getting mixed signals because she revealed to me she just got out of a 5 year relationship recently.

[Hulkette86]

Ah ok yeah well it sounds like she likes you but might be afraid of getting hurt again. Give her time. Be there for her. If she likes you she will come around. But you have got to tell her you're interested. Nothing worse than a girl wondering. Cause trust me, I've been doing a LOT of that myself lately! A guy shows interest only to shoot me down when I ask him to hangout... Made no sense to me! So yeah women or at least me, want to know whether you are interested or not.

[bloodmountain1990]

Yeah that's the thing. I wanna let her know I'm interested without coming off too strong and scare her off as we only had one date.

The thing that makes this complicated is we have so much in common and our conversations flowed so well that it was unreal. We even made out to some of my favorite obscure bands, which she put on.

Not to put her on a pedestal, but this was a rare occurrence for sure.

[bloodmountain1990]

Having been rebounded a few couple years ago though, the last thing I want is a repeat of that. The one time I was a rebound, the girl was showing a lot of interest and moving fast and as soon as I showed interest back, she backed off and completely ghosted me.

I was pretty much tossed aside like a sack of garbage as if nothing happened. I'd hate to be just an ego boost for the current one and then ditched once she got what she needs.

[TheTruthHurtsImSorry]

If he's responding to you instantly it means he's serious about you and has nothing else to do.

This is pretty funny, most women complain because "he doesn't message fast enough.".

[Hulkette86]

Haha yeah he was bored and interested. Hmm. I'm fine with this! Seriously though you're right, most of our complaints is he never replies or not fast enough! All the more reason I find instant responses/actions intriguing...

[ImDeadpoolBaby]

Um. If I have my phone on me I will respond near instantly, if I don't or get side tracked things can backlog for few days until I get back to people be it via call, text or email.

So nope. Doesn't mean anything.

[Sayanpaul]

Yes it means a lot
It proves that the guy was waiting for ur text
Or was thinking about u
Orr was missing you
Main thing is that the guy will never neglect u
All the best!!

[Hulkette86]

Thanks man!

[Sayanpaul]

No problem😃

[Infynis]

For me, it's generally coincidence. If you happen to send something while I'm browsing stuff on my phone, I'll react immediately. Doesn't necessarily mean anything.

[ritxi]

I sometimes respond instantly and sometimes I don't. It doesn't mean anything, it can depend on what am I doing while I receive it, how often they contact me, the intentions they have, etc.

[Sojex]

I respond immediately to everyone. Girlfriend, friends, family, my boss, etc. If I get a message and I have my phone with me, I send a response then and there. It's disrespectful not to in my opinion