Guys, My husband doesn't introduce me as his wife?

[Coder17]

We got married 1 month ago. Today we went to my husband's tournament, he was standing with a woman (40+) he's been knowing for a long time as she would always run tournaments. When i saw them, my husband went"Oh, by the way, it's Kaija." NOT A WORD about us being related.
I feel like he is ashamed of me? Like, maybe if he had somebody hotter he would introduce me to everybody. I don't know. Or he doesn't want to say he is married cause we are both 19 and he is afraid of judgement. It happened before at social events, but when we are together he behaves differently and pays attention to me. I would appreciate honesty from you guys, what you think.

[funguy90]

I think it honestly might be an oversight or that he felt he didn't need to introduce you as his wife because he's known her a long time. He could feel like people might judge him for being married so young but he shouldn't. If it bothers you I would say something to him about how it makes you feel. Based on your profile picture I would think he would want to show you off or be proud he's married to you.

[Coder17]

Thank you for the compliment, i sometimes become insecure about my looks after situations like that. Maybe you are right. But i think guys who marry at a young age should act like adults and not be afraid say they have a wife.

[funguy90]

You're welcome. And I agree. If he had the balls/confidence to propose and marry you then he shouldn't be afraid to introduce you as his wife with out being told. Maybe it's because you are a month into it and he is young that he hasn't gotten that so maybe give him a little time. You shouldn't be worried or insecure about your looks. You are definitely sexy and beautiful and found someone who thinks the same and married you :p

[Coder17]

Thank you. You made me feel better and i think you are right.

[funguy90]

Glad I could help :)

[Nomadic1973]

Give the stupid fucker the cold shoulder and make him feel it. A wife is a treasure not an embaressment

[Jupiter1]

Absolutely true

[EpicDweeb]

How old is he though? Cause that's kind of significant. If he's much older than you he could want to protect his reputation as people will often look down on men who marry younger women.

If he's closer to your age it's possible he's just brain dead at times. If, as ought to be the case, you're his best friend (I think you should never marry someone if they aren't your best friend) then it's possible he doesn't think of you as his wife. Not that he's not loyal, simply that you are first and foremost "Kaija," his best friend. I don't go telling someone that my best friend is my best friend.

It's possible he's simply not wanting people to think of him as being married but I'd give him the benefit of the doubt by assuming the best until the worst is proven. I can assure you however that he's not ashamed of your looks as no man possibly could be.

[Coder17]

Both 19 and best friends, no doubt. Nonetheless he's very romantic and treats me very much like his wife when we are not in publuc. I think it's brain death at times, yes. Stuff like that happens about once a month, and i know he is smart, usually. I guess you are right. I'll talk to him. Thank you much for the compliment, he barely ever tells me compliments, that's why i am bit insecure.

[EpicDweeb]

Lol, don't feel scared to blatantly ask him for compliments xD I've been a boyfriend before and I can assure you he's more than willing to give you compliments if you ask.

[EpicDweeb]

If he doesn't compliment you a whole lot it may be because he has a hard time coming up with good compliments that don't sound super cheesy, feel free to assure him that you don't care if they're cheesy.

[Coder17]

I will never ask for conpliments, i am not needy and i have some pride. All I'm saying is it's normal for a girl to expect to be complimented by her boyfriend or husband. I'll never ask for it though.

[EpicDweeb]

Well, that's up to you. Just realize he won't think you're prideful or desperate if you do. :) I hope everything works out well for you two.

[Coder17]

Thank you:)

[MrOracle]

It may be that he's talked to her about you and getting married, etc., and knows that she already knows ABOUT you, and just needed to meet you to put a face together with the story.

Or, maybe he's just a dumbass about things like this.

Guys, especially young guys, are often lousy with social situations and "rules". They certainly don't see them as being anywhere near as important as most women do, generally, so you may need to explain things to him and help him understand why those things are important to you.

[Coder17]

She didn't know we were married. She's never heard of me. I'm inclined to believe your "dumbass" version.

[abc3643]

Give him a slight break. He needs to get in the habit of saying "wife". For instance, my buddy just got married. I have to correct myself from saying "girlfriend" when talking about her with him even though he's been married for a month or so now.

HOWEVER, DO bring it up with your husband.
This will become an issue if he doesn't at least make an effort.

[Coder17]

Well I'd happily give him a break but when he doesn't introduce me as *anybody*- that's another issue, that's too much.

[abc3643]

He introduces you by your name apparently.

[Coder17]

I could be his sister or his cat "Kaija".

[abc3643]

I understand your very justified frustration.
Men are like dogs. They mean no harm usually, but they need training.
So, you make sure he learns what he needs to do and you can be subtle about it...
For instance, let's say he introduces you as Kaija to another woman, Mary.

HUSBAND:
"Hi, Mary, blah blah blah... This is Kaija."

What YOU do:
"Hi, Mary. I'm his _wife_ Kaija."

You stress the "wife". Mary will pick up on your annoyance and he will pick up on it too and that Mary picked up on it. A few more times, and he won't ever do that again.

[Coder17]

Thank you, its a good advice. However i always try to avoid training when it comes to relationships. If i do what you say, next time he'll say I'm his wife only 'cause he knows that otherwise I'll get annoyed at him. But it won't be his sincere "desire" to say that. I fear that in every situation.

[abc3643]

In time, he will be fine.
He should be doing it soon. If he loved you he would because he'd have no shame in you being his wife and implying his "I'm off the market" monogamy with you.

[PrettyRegular]

There can be a lot of reasons. What comes to my mind is that he wants to tell it, when it feels like a right moment. Congratz! I think it's only nice that you are married in such a young age.

[JellyDonutguy96]

well you were married at 19

it's going to take him a while to regard to you as his wife,

I'd know that If I married at 19
I'd have trouble with saying it as well

[Coder17]

We were dating long distance for 3 years, and he proposed me, so what's the issue, i wonder

[JellyDonutguy96]

maybe he's insecure about it

I'd ask him about it, and why he doesn't refer to you as his wife

[JellyDonutguy96]

if I were you

[Coder17]

Thanks, gonna try

[JellyDonutguy96]

glad I could help

[Joker8]

Guys don't go around yelling I'm married, he introduced you with your name...

[Coder17]

Like I'm just a girl-next-door? His neighbor? Or his cat, maybe?

[Joker8]

That's how all men introduce their wife
For example "that's Lara" no need to go on saying oh that's my wife and that woman probably already knew he got married and they can see the wedding rings in your hands... he's not ashamed of you

[Coder17]

Lol. He was late ordering the rings and we still don't have them all. Actually, i think if you had a hot girlfriend with a face and body you would literally show her off in every possible social situation. So why should it be different with a wife.

[Joker8]

I understand your point of view, I know women love when guys show them off but guys don't always remember that so please consider that and don't overreact and make him a bad guy, your new wedds... saying he's ashamed of you is a bit of a stretch

[Coder17]

I disagree. If a guy WANTS to show his girl off, he will always do. This is an urge just from the same nature as going to the bathroom or getting an ice cream on a hot day. You just can't help it.

[Joker8]

Whatever you want

[Decentguy]

only your husband can tell why he does that, it could be multiple reasons

[Zimthewrath]

Beat him with a lead pipe

[vaibhav29]

he is fool@Coder17