Is it true guys would rather have a girl that is slightly insecure about her looks rather than too confident?

[Anonymous]

If you have time pls read and answer this too. As a teen I used to be EXTREMELY down on myself. No confidence or self esteem, name any physical attribute on my body at all and I will tell you what I thought was wrong with it. Everyone around me would scold me for criticizing myself so harshly. Now that I have FINALLY grown out of those insecurities and accept myself as I am, I feel confident, I like how I look, but I NEVER express it in any way, so the response from others has been very strange. In my new workplace of about 50ppl I hear comments from guys talking to eachother, things like ''oh she thinks she's so sexy...'', ''she thinks all the guys are inlove with her...'', ''she thinks she is hotter than other girls...'' nothing close to what I actually think lol, I feel like I just recently grew out of years of self hate and learned how to love myself, but I don't love myself THAT MUCH. And the thing is this is not the first time, last place I worked I heard similar comments. I've been trying hard to understand how am I sending this vibe? I dress very casually, not revealing, I hardly ever wear makeup, I don't talk about my own or other appearances at all, I am not stuck up, nice to everyone, the only thing I can think of is I am a bit shy and quiet so perhaps they think I'm stuck up. So what could it be? How could they possibly come to conclusions like this?

Insecure, she will be less likely to cheat

Insecure, I'd like to make her feel beautiful

Insecure, I don't want a conceited girl

Insecure other reason

Confident, I don't want to deal with the insecurities

Confident, because her feeling sexy turns me on too

Confident other reason

Updates

+1 y

Surprised at the results, thanks for voting

[Kyle_Apricot]

I didn't do the poll cause it over complicates things.
In short, everyone wants someone confident who's dealt with their own shit and is capable of taking care of themselves. After all, if you can't take care of yourself, what you gonna do with someone else?
Here's the problem, women marry up, men marry down. Women look for the highest value man they can get, that isn't so much higher above them that they don't see a chance except for a quick pump and dump. Men look for the highest value women they can get, that is still beneath them.

What you've done is developed the same problem successful PUAs get, you've made yourself too high value to the point you've made yourself out of reach for many of the opposite sex. In short, look for some guys that are slightly more confident than you are and you'll do find.

[Asker]

I don't agree. Regardless of the gender some people marry up, some just want to be married so they settle with whoever they see good enough. Many men I know are always looking for someone better and women are settling cause their biological clock is ticking.
As for the second part, thanks for taking the time to read. I really haven't made myself too high value, many would say I am average I am simply accepting of how I look. And men hit on me frequently so they don't think I am out of their league either. There is something else weird happening

[Kyle_Apricot]

If a 20 year old man with no job marries a successful career women because she's an out of time wasting her years on a career over her desire for a family, he is still marrying down... really, really low down. That's why they rarely last, before she can even get kids to trap them with, by that point the men find a better deal and move on.
As for men, boy would they like to marry up it'd be like being taken care of mum again. That's why it's not surprising that also without fail given enough time, men who marry up either get handed divorce papers one day, or they one day wake up and find themselves in cuckold relationship, where he pays and some younger man plays.

Trust me, you'd be surprised how far a little confidence goes. Of course men chatting you up are going to tell you you're average, you don't barter by overestimating the others product. And on top of that, unless you're a loser as a man, there's no such thing as too out of your league to approach, all that does is increase the challenge The only real question is, can you make them submit with enough time and effort?

[Asker]

marrying up and down is more than just who is younger or older. but we can talk all day about that, there is no point really it was not the question I was curious about today.
''can you make them submit with enough time and effort?'' Can you explain what you meant by that? Submit what? Themselves? Why would I want that?

[Kyle_Apricot]

Unless you're a loser as a man, there's no such thing as too out of your league to approach, all that does is increase the challenge. The only real question is to you as a man, is can you make this high value woman looking down her noise at you eventually submit to you with enough time and effort?

[Asker]

ahh, I got it now. well apparently some of them think they can. which only means they REALLY don't think of me as high value since the methods they use are so cheap and almost disrespectful. but again I always say the way you treat someone shows who you are not who they are, so I guess the treatment I am getting shows the value of them, not me. thanks again.

[Matthieu-G]

Oh this one is easy: You are shy so they think you don't include yourself in the group because you are better than them.

Now I know you don't think this but perception vs. reality is another thing. See it from their angle: confident hot girl that never talks to them. Smile at them, include yourself in conversations and, this is the critical part, be SUPPORTIVE of people. "I think you can do it!" goes a long way when it comes from a stranger. It's empowering! Be the person that empowers others!

[Asker]

Thanks, firstly I don't think I am hot, but not ugly either. And I took your advice, tried to smile more and be friendlier, the girls don't care and the guys now think I want them lol. Oh well

[Matthieu-G]

No, they are just responding to your smile. You can be friends with them if you don't want them back.

[Whocouldibe]

I think it depends. Some guys are insecure & dig the confidence some are insecure & crave the same in a partner. Some men are confident & don’t want to reassure a woman a lot others see it as a fault

[Kurαȷ]

I would rather have a partner who is realistic about their appearance.
Ironic narcissism and self-deprecation is fine, legitimate insecurities and issues with self-image are much less desirable.

Someone who is so insecure that they would take unintentional remarks to heart is a little too much, likewise, someone who constantly boasts about how beautiful they are to the point where it becomes obvious that they are compensating, that's also a little too much.
So- "Confident, I don't want to deal with the insecurities "

[HereIbe]

Insecure women have shorter tempers, are more likely to cheat, are more demanding, and just overall bad to be around.

[Asker]

More demanding? I doubt that since they would be too insecure to ask too much. And shorter tempers have nothing to do with insecurity. I agree with the cheating one, most cheaters are insecure in many ways

[HereIbe]

They are very passive-aggressive about their demands. They are extremely demanding, but they don't do it openly. Instead, they "hint" or get moody if you don't read their minds. Why? They lack the confidence to honestly ask. Likewise, short temper comes from unfulfilled desires that never get fulfilled because they're not confident enough to ask or to set limits.

[DWD94]

Guys dont really care about insecurity the way women do.

[Asker]

So what did you vote for? How about the issue in the description, care to share an opinion on that?

[zagor]

I would prefer someone with a balanced, realistic outlook.

[JamesPond]

Confidence is good - arrogance is bad.

[Reddwolf]

That's not a problem I can't fix

[blondfrog]

Yes very true.