Why does he kiss and hug me after sex then ghost?

Question

There’s this guy we’ve been talking for a year it’s complicated between us as we are not in a relationship because of long distance so when we are next to each other’s home town we met and he doesn’t want a long distance relationship. He’s always told me. But he took me out and couldn’t stop staring at me and touching my hair and hands and then we had sex before he went he said “give me a kiss.” So I did and he went and then next time I met him we had sex as when we are next to each other we can’t keep our ha dad off each other and there’s so much sexual tension. He couldn’t stop staring at my sexy lingerie and I can tell he kept on looking back and forth so we couldn’t help but be all over each other it always leads from touching to being all over each other. I don’t know what we are exactly but after sex he still shows affection by coming close to me wanting a simple kiss and messing around he also hugs me before he goes. However he always pulls away after sex? Why?

glutton4punishment · Accepted Answer

If it were (me) doin this to someone, for some inexplicable reason...

The only conceivable possibility for doing so, would be that I was preparing myself to lose her.. again. So by not allowing for any kind of (real) intimacy amidst the sex, it would then protect us from getting attached to one another. Least, I'd imagine that was the theory anyway. Cause one only need read your post, to see how well that shit worked out.

Which would be why, if it actually (were) me... I wouldn't conduct myself under that stupid premise, to begin with. Cause to be honest, I've all but given up on the notion of finding someone in general. Let alone, someone who's mind and body, I (literally) couldn't resist the urge to explore.

So if I did happen to come across my dream girl some day, the last thing I'd think to do, would be to pull out my score card. Much less, let her walk out of that "stadium" and my life... yet again. I'd even go so far as to call her that same night, just to say good night... call me crazy.

Not y'all, though... nope, that shit just makes me pathetic.

Why people would refer to themselves as a "playa" in a "game" we're all supposed to hate, instead of hating the idiots who played it. While all the while, they take absolutely no responsibility for the outcomes, those amazingly repugnant matches afforded them, throughout their entire, meaningless, sex-life careers... is just beyond me.

Don't get me wrong, everyone (should) experiment a little with their sex lives, before settling down... but not to the point of being the fuckin Philadelphia Experiment, ya know? Lol.. that shit, is just a bit much. Specially, with all the new little "playas in waiting" that ridiculous amount of experimenting, left in it's wake.

My point is, assuming I even had one, is... life is too short.

So if ya have a chance to knock it out of the park, rather then just rounding the bases... take it! Cause you'll never know just how many more turns at the plate, ya got left.

nonratracereality · Accepted Answer

This is intense there can be many answers for the same question but it all boils down to a general area. Its utterly selfish unless you're a real self loving person. They always understand where your coming from with no explanations necessary. But if your standards are down then so is your maturity integrity and responsibility to thy self is not up to par. So as a result we seem to find possibly the most suited person and then a serious flaw which hits home hard!!! Massive thought process and overall evaluation. Keep yourself up and only those who exhibit their all is to being humanly alive. Life is work so if you work you live if you don't you just get by. Also because instead of being on the same page you have commonalities and that replaces raw attraction but eventually it plays out. But once you are aware the likelihood of being in this phase will be minimal at the least but you'll have quality. Love you and real people will show you love to the extent the word isn't enough there has to be stronger it exists but its work but its infinitely worth it. I feel for you because most women who are with partners that can be totally intimate can be a shock and then immediate pleasure and satisfaction knowing their on your page.

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

Sex and affection are pretty straight-forward for most guys.
Sure, some need more of a connection with the girl, or they won't initiate sex, but most are happy to have that sexual experience and they can quite or more easily compartmentalize it. Which is not what females tend to typically do. (Though I think that is changing somewhat nowadays.)

Don't base the sex and the hugs and kisses as being the most telling or important factor.
What you have to do is look at how he treats you when not in those physical states.
Does he call you, check in, ask you how your day was? Basically, does he act like he cares about you?

The kissing part is easy. "Pulling away" is not a great sign, tbh.
If you want to find out how he really feels about you, what you mean to him, hold off on the sex for a bit, try and reprioritize your relationship so that it's focused on other things. If he is amenable to that, reciprocates, then you've got a potentially good guy. If not, you might want to consider moving on, as you don't seem to be as fulfilled as he is, with this somewhat limited situation.

Hangry22 · Accepted Answer

It's obvious. He is pushing you away because he doesn't want a ldr. You're in a situationship. It's a friends with benefits but with emotional connection. Obviously he has some liking towards you mentally and physically (more). He likes the physical closeness and intimacy he experiences with you that is why he is always ready to have sex with you. I mean guys are always ready to have sex.
It could also be that he has commitment and trust issues. If he has that, one part of his mind would push him to be with you and other part would push him away from you. Its complex. After he had sex with you, he could be afraid that if this goes on he will fall for you.
I think his way of showing affection is touch. Touching the one you like. That could be why he doesn't want a ldr. But if he really loved you or wanted you, the distance wouldn't have bothered him.
If you don't stop this situationship, you will miss out on guys who you might have a future with. So just ask him your doubts bluntly and see if there's true hope

WilliamO · Answer

He is probably conflicted on what you two are just like you are. Honestly the best thing I think you could do is just simply ask him what you two are. If you're just friends with benefits or if he actually has romantic feelings for you and not just physical ones. If he says he doesn't know then ask him if he'll think about it and give him some space and time to think it over. If he says he does have feelings for you then tell him you want to be in a real relationship. If he doesn't want a relationship then you're just friends with benefits and one of you might eventually find someone who wants a real relationship who wouldn't be long distance and when that time comes have a friends with benefits would only complicate things. Meaning if you two aren't gonna get serious it's eventually gonna end with one of you getting a real relationship, one of you ending up cheating, or both of you just stuck in a sort of purgatory cause you don't want a ldr but you don't want a relationship with someone besides them.

zeitgeist057 · Answer

I Kinda do this too, and I think it’s just a space thing, it doesn’t mean anything about not liking you or anything like that.

It’s just there’s a point where I need to stop, and regain my own space. Especially if I’m going to sleep, like I cannot sleep with some sexy girl next to me touching me and I’m touching her I’m just gonna end up wanting to have sex again at 1 AM or 4 AMOr both, and that’s fine, for a while. But eventually I’m gonna need to settle into a regular sleep pattern and that means I need lower levels of stimulation so that I can have proper rest. Another thing, which is maybe a little bit like this I don’t know call I’m curious if your dude does this. But I like it to be clean, so after sex I like to clean up. I’ll go wash my cock off, I’d like to clean the bed a little bit no wet spot, if it was a really long session and we’re all sweaty, I’m jumping in the shower probably five minutes later. Some people like to cuddle up all sweaty like that, but that is not appealing to me at all. Maybe for a minute or two, but I need some cleanliness. 😂

ohshee · Answer

I've done this to years ago , long distance sucks and beautiful at the same time, it sucks because you can't and don't sped time together, it's beautiful because when you do it's real time everything you have thought and dreamed of has the chance to happen if you make it happen in thst time there is nothing or no one big or loud enough to take you or ur heart and mind anywhere else i love the feeling of thst friendship and bond every second is used up doing something saying something even if your not saying a word ,, just holding each other and as that time passes and its time to go ur hearts begins to break kinda fall apart but you don't show it you hug and kiss and say good by and the dream starts again and as your dreaming you ask yourself why or you already know why it's either because one of you are holding a lie,, that can't be shared or one of you are scared and is afraid to let go of where they are at and start again I mean to be honest there are a hundred reason I do know this I love that bond thst is shared if you could bottle it and sell it you would be so wealthy I felt your words I felt your heart and I'm sorry thst you go through this but 1 day your going to find the guy that will give you that feeling every day and you will be the lucky one because it's something we all look for what do they say zGod only gives you what you can handle so this is a test for you you have it you don't you have it you don't and that's beautiful in so many ways. But when you don't have you perfect it so when the time comes. You will always have it

LittleTeaRose · Answer

I can't give you a guys look on it obviously but I have some food for thought on this behaviour from my own experiences.

He is using you as his sex supply and that's all he wants not to say he is or isn't being a player.
But that your providing him with his fix so he's going to make the most of that fact.

Some men I've noticed do this after sex they go into another mode of well that was satisfying now I've got other things to sort out or do.
Like they go into some sort of drive mode.
And some men just like to fall asleep after sex without contact just roll away from you and there fast on.
Personally I didn't really take any offence to any of these behaviours.. every man is different after sex.
So I tried not to overthink things and just enjoy the moment.
Because the way I see it is you both know it's long distance so your going to always be overthinking the connection between you two.
Just remember that this could become emotionally draining and a rollercoaster ride.
I wish you all the best in life. ❤️

shaunp801 · Answer

I think a lot of these answers are right. Its definitely fun for him and you, obviously he is attracted to you and so are you. I think what your looking for is the emotional connection, the deeper stuff, not the courtesy cuddle or lite kisses before he leaves. in my opinion this is attraction and lust over attraction and connection. Niether are wrong, just both have to be on the same page and i think you transitioned to the emotional side while he is still in the exciting fun side. Hopefully you can get clarity and ask him what it means to him.

PhilEvans · Answer

He's obviously really into you physically, but I think he's scared of committing to the distance thing. Once a man has orgasmed and isn't thinking with his dick, that's the time he's going to think about the emotional side of things. If he's pulling a way, it might be a sign he's scared of a relationship.

Like a lot of questions here, there's only one real solution, and that's communication. You're going to have to ask him.

MrOracle · Answer

He enjoys the intimacy - and I don't just mean the sex, but the touching and kissing and holding and cuddling - but he doesn't want to be tied down by a relationship commitment, especially since it is LD most of the time. He probably doesn't realize that he's kind of sending a mixed message, but in his mind, he can separate sex (and the other intimate things) from a relationship, and he's doing that by maintaining distance in communication when you are physically apart.

Things might be different if you two weren't LD, but for now, you are. This is, again, a place where a discussion of boundaries and expectations would have helped.

shadowfax456 · Answer

It sounds like he might be using you to fulfill his sexual desires. If he flat out ghosts and doesn't talk to you at all after sex and only hits you up when he's horny, he's probably just in it for sex.

Guys like affection too, so if he doesn't have anyone else to show affection to, he might be using you and his "relationship" as a catalyst to fulfill those wants and needs.

As much as the 'what are we' conversation is dreaded, it can be helpful if you're tormenting yourself trying to figure out where he's at.

SjE78 · Answer

sounds to me like he wanted to appear to want the serious side of being in a relationship but sounds like he was playing you...
the pulling away after sex sounds like one of two things...
1) he feels guilty for sleeping with you cos he has someone else in his life... and him sleeping with you feels good while he is but is reminded of who he's cheating on...
2) he's in the closet... a guy i was friends with many years ago, slept around and the women i knew who slept with him all said the same thing about him... he would pull away and ghost them until he wanted to convince himself he wasn't gay...

John_Galt · Answer

if you want more than sex from a guy... then you have stop giving him sex whenever he wants it. If what you want is a relationship, then your going to have to stop the sex and make it clear that you want a relationship.
“I’m not saying that you can’t start a sexual relationship and then it lead to a real relationship, because that does happen sometimes. BUT it’s the exception, not the rule”!
if your fine with causal sex, then of course just be safe and have fun! But if what you want is an actual relationship... then here's the deal
“sex with you is a benefit that YOU only give to men that are in a relationship with you”!! That’s the deal. And he can chose from there.

Vencam · Answer

I'm not sure why you would invite me to this question, since there are a lot of really good answers already, but I'll give my 2 cents
As I see it, you two have a really good chemistry. The "YOU HIM = SEX" kind of chemistry. And while that surely leads to great sex, it doesn't necessarily mean you can fall in love with each other.
Not to say that you CAN'T, just that you AREN'T now (at least, HE surely isn't) and having sex doesn't automatically change that
So, while he will surely come back for more, he's probably not interested in the "social" part of your relationship (which is chatting, or what else you do when you're far away)
I'd suggest you enjoy the sex if you can avoid becoming emotionally dependent on him, otherwise you may want to look for a more serious relationship (possibly with someone else)

Berethor · Answer

He told you that he doesn’t want a long distance relationship, and you had sex with him despite knowing that, now it looks like you are friends with benefits, but little more than a normal friends with benefits situation, because it looks like have some romantic tension and not "only" sexual tension, and the idea for a kiss come from him, even though he is the one who want to make it an official relationship. Looks like he pulls away because he don't want to get too attached and/or don't want you to get too attached, though it not easy for him to control it. Why didn't you offer to him to come living at his home? it would not be a long distance relationship then.

Derekk · Answer

Guys often take a long time to commit, especially when they have opportunities for sex still open to them. A relationship means only one girl indefinitely, and it takes a while to warm up to that. The question is, what do you want in all of this? It sounds like maybe you're feeling something for him, and would like him to reciprocate. It can be hard for a girl to develop feelings and then leave, especially when a little bit of contact is better than no contact. But you deserve a relationship that makes you happy!

If I had to guess about what's on his mind, I'd say that he's still not sure about what he wants, and is enjoying the sex in the meantime.

RJJ33666 · Answer

Well, it is possible that he is feeling a little nervous to become more affectionate to you. Many have said that having sex is easier than building up the courage to accept the feelings. It can also be that he is just coming to you have sex and all, but it is more possible for him to be nervous. Next time you meet, instead of having sex try and talk to him. I know it might be an awkward situation but you have to do it. If you confront him at the time, then he can't come up with plausible excuses and then will tell you the truth. If he has been doing this for sex only then screw him, if he is nervous then let him know that it is alright and that you may reciprocate those feelings.

Cynicaldreamer · Answer

" ... he doesn’t want a long distance relationship " There you go.  You answered your own question... He probably does care for you, but he's mostly using you for sex, you're a "friend with benefit" so to speak :| He told you he doesn't want a relationship, and he's being honest with you. I'm not saying he's not attracted to you, trust me, he wouldn't be sleeping with you if he didn't. But sex does NOT always equate love! He knows you like him and he's using that to get physical gratification from you.  Now if you both lived closer would he date you? Possibly. You should ask him that. But honestly it sounds like he's just using you for sex, and when you try to get too close to him, he pulls away, or ghosts you- but not too far to keep you from leaving him or losing interest.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Probably because he said he doesn't want a long-distance relationship. So he only wants to see you when you guys are in close proximity to one another. It's a relationship of convenience. He may like you, but he doesn't care enough to be a part of your life full-time. (That doesn't necessarily make him a bad person, though. It could just be that he doesn't want to get attached because he doesn't see this relationship lasting long-term. ... Though if he's having sex with other girls then maybe he is a bad person.)

Savage_Wisdom · Answer

You said it in your explanation, he doesn't want a ling distance relationship, he was saying that to himself as much as to you. He obviously feels something for you, something strong enough that he can't help but maintain some kind of relationship with you. However, he pulls away from you after sex because he's most likely trying to prevent those feelings from growing stronger, from growing to strong to deny any longer.

SirBearon · Answer

He loves having sex with you but he doesn't like being around you. If he says he'll come back and you don't hear from him at all, that's a problem. If he has a busy schedule and random jobs that pop up, I get that but he should relay that to you. He loves fucking you and he may even have a girlfriend or something already. Don't be stupid and fall for his bullshit about "we'll just not have sex then ". If he doesn't care about you then it doesn't matter to him if fucks you or can't anymore. It will be over for him.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

If a guy has respect for partners and is not looking just for casual sex, then having sex makes them feel closer to a woman. I suspect that after sex, it is like standing on the edge of a cliff. He is at a point where he could just let himself go and want you even more and start falling in love, or he can back away before that happens.

JPrez · Answer

He’s getting overwhelmed by his feelings and his sexual urges so he will probably be a bit drunk with those combinations going through his head. After sex some of that stuff is dialed back and he is thinking a bit clearer so he tends to take a step back and try and think things through.

Why does he kiss and hug me after sex then ghost?

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Why does he kiss and hug me after sex then ghost?

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