What is up with the friendzone?

[shadyresidence]

I don't get the friendzone at all. My original understanding is that two people are friends, one person likes the other, but the other person only sees them as a friend and is not interested. Simple.
But I've seen primarily men and boys make a big deal out of it and act like it's the worst thing ever.
I also saw this post on instagram, and I don't even want to go into mtgow or @/mtgow_archer, but its like? We're not obligated to date someone we aren't interested in, and we're allowed to date other people and still maintain a friendship with the person we rejected if they still allow the friendship to continue.
I don't see how we're at fault or in the wrong. And what the big deal is.
Can anyone explain the logic?

[MrOracle]

When I was young, I didn't get it at all - and I spent a lot of time in the Friend Zone. As I got older, I realized that it was my own damn fault.

This is going to sound harsh, but it's the truth, and women especially need to understand this: men (and here, I'm talking mostly about SINGLE, STRAIGHT men who aren't the Top 10% of guys that all the girls want) do NOT want to be "just friends" with girls. That's like if you're starving to death, and someone "invites" you to work in a kitchen, but you won't be allowed anything to eat - you're essentially just increasing the torture you feel. I know most girls want "guy friends", but unless that guy is already in a happy, healthy relationship, OR if he's the relatively rare guy who gets all the girls he wants, a single guy simply can't be "just friends" with a girl. Any girl he would hang around with is going to be a girl he finds attractive - the reality is that few guys hang out with women they don't find attractive.

And if a guy finds you attractive, he's not going to be thinking of you as a true friend would, and he's not going to act like a true friend would. Most girls know this, even if they don't admit it to themselves, but many girls not only know it, but they use it to their advantage by using the guy for favors: handyman work, "loaning" her money that she'll never repay, and sometimes the ultimate slap in the face: "can you pick up my boyfriend and bring him over here?" Pathetic guys in the Friend Zone will often do this, in the hope that one day, she's going to give him a chance with her, because she realizes what a good guy he is. Of course, that almost never happens, but a guy in the Friend Zone lives on the hope that MAYBE, JUST MAYBE he'll eventually have a chance. And so he spends time with her - often being used and abused - on the hope that either she'll magically realize "oh, he's a really great guy", OR, that her boyfriend or some other guy will break her heart, and he'll be there to comfort her and maybe catch her on the day where she wants to feel better, and will let him be the one to make her feel good for a few minutes. We all know, though, that she will almost NEVER pick him.

If you're a guy in the Friend Zone, you need to realize that YOU put yourself there, not her. I know she told you she didn't feel that way about you, but she wanted to be "friends", but you weren't looking for "friends", so the correct answer is to be done with her and move on. Accepting a Friend Zone slot is never going to get you what you hope for, and is likely going to get you used, and is ABSOLUTELY going to waste your time and attention that you could be using to find a girl who actually WANTS you. So if you're in the Friend Zone, get the hell out of it and walk away.

And if you're a girl who has guys in your Friend Zone, you need to realize that those guys are NOT your "friend" - they're guys who want to fuck you, but don't know how to make it happen, or in rarer cases, who want to be in a relationship with you. Either way, they are only pretending to be "just friends", but they definitely have ulterior motives, and they're hoping to catch you at a weak moment. Don't be fooled - a normal guy who isn't getting laid all he wants cannot be your "friend."

[errorgoodnameunfound]

My man, you're one of the best users I know on this site, massive respect. But Imma have to disagree here. Guys and gals can 100% be juts friends. Completely possible. I have girls who'd I talk to casually. Borderline even flirt with. No intention of being with them whatsoever. And hell, I even make it known to them for fun :D

See, girls often think that saying things like "ew I'd never date you lol" will make me all putty like, chasing after them continuously and lending them a bit of power over you. Not always, but often, its a sort of denial of wanting attention even though they LOVE it.

The trick? Go right along with it with PRIDE. Retort back to them something like "pssh I was informed way back in the womb by metaphysical forces to avoid somebody like you, girl you cray cray JUST NOW realizing we aren't a match :D "

Now, they often won't admit it, but somewhere, some way, deep inside? That sorta line may hurt them WAY more than they show. BUT (and here's the kicker), you will be marked as UNIQUE in her book. Whether it leads to anything is unknown, but being marked as UNIQUE in a girl's mind can lead to good things. At the very least, you won't be seen as desperate and begging them for attention which is always a good move. (if in their mind they want you desperate for them, it means they're power hungry, STAY AWAY!)

And especially if they're the type that are used got simps to suck up to them at one point or another, a good trolling of them, pushing them away as if they're no big deal, can lead to good things. This can work too whether good with girls or not as if they see you as a "loser" type, well... they just rejected by somebody lesser in their mind. Ouch. If you are good with girls, than you likely already do this sort of things because you got options.

This has actually worked for me before to get a girlfriend in the past. I know players that use the same methods. It works.

[errorgoodnameunfound]

To be a bit more on topic, a girl and guy can be just friends. If she is not interested in that way, WHO CARES? It's just a girl. Treat her as if another dude. Plain and simple. Why give special treatment?

[MrOracle]

@errorgoodnameunfound There are exceptions to any generalization, but it doesn't make the generalization untrue.

[errorgoodnameunfound]

So I guess I'm one of those rare exceptions? Look dude, with all due respect, you're making all single guys sound bad only because they are single. Most single guys have at least female acquaintances. I'm not the only single guy I know to have female friends with no urge to screw them. Yes, IN GENERAL if you look at the entire Earth population and sort males who have "want to fuck" intentions vs good ones, yah, you're going more of the first. But that's because the majority of the world is in poverty or with poor education. In places that its not as bad, the chances increase that there's a decent amount of guys more chill with anyone regardless of gender.

[errorgoodnameunfound]

How to avoid being friendzoned? Don't enter it. Not hard. The "friendzone" is all in one's head. If a girl doesn't like you like that, LEARN TO SAY "OK"! Don't be mad about it. There's millions of other people out there besides her. Don't show any signs to her of having relationship hope after she rejects. Not a single clue. You can curse about it in your head later, or perhaps to other guys,/online, as yah, its OK to be disappointed a bit, but any of that shown to her will likely cause aggravation so bottle it up. I know that's hard and perhaps unhealthy to keep it inside, but if its that bad, you don't have to talk to her anymore. Though if you don't say much to her after rejection, she may be annoyed out of suspicions and that may leave you with a bad mark she can inform a network of friends and such of.

Learn to be OK as just a friend with no feelings of romance whatsoever. Get stoic about it, as you may have to watch as she is taken by some other dude, causing her to talk to you less. If she is a real friend, she won't cut you off just because she is in a relationship. Getting stoic is hard, but is worth it in the end.

[swettannie]

the friendzone is a comcept used by some mens give them excuse for being rejected

[jerdanro]

It can alsi be true if you were friends first.

[FriendlyDrugDealer]

Friend zone from my understanding is when two people are friends, friend A wants to date friend B but friend B doesn’t want to change their friendship into that but Friend A keeps hope for the Friend B to change their mind on it.


Now as someone has been friend zoned and friendzoned others, I think the person in the friend zone has sometimes have to take accountability. After two attempts that they’re not seeing you in that light, why continue for a third chance?


It could stem from lack of confidence, fixation , entitlement, etc etc; but all those things are internal issues people choose to turn a blind eye on because of a warped reality they get their way.


Maybe that individual doesn’t see the value of dating you at the moment so continue with your dating life and if they see you in that aspect maybe it will shift their view of you in a light that benefits you.


Obviously it can get more complex and sometimes the person doing the friendzoning can be wrong by misleading and wants to take advantage of the situation. It’s all about seeing a situation and adjusting to a way that best suits you than trying to force honey out of a rock.

[WindAtMyBack]

You said it yourself.

"My original understanding is that two people are friends, one person likes the other, but the other person only sees them as a friend and is not interested."

That's exactly what it is. Yes it does tend to be something guys experience far more than girls. That's because guys rarely see women as just friends, or as someone they want a platonic relationship with. The reverse is not true. Most girls are perfectly fine with having men who are just friends.

Also, women have a lot more prospects than men. Men are still expected to make the move. Most guys suck at that. For many guys it's darn near impossible. So with most guys, there is no such thing as a line of prospects. Waiting for the next one to come along is not as viable an option as it is for women. They have someone they like, and that's who they want.

It's a big deal because relationships in general are a big deal. Unrequited love is not fun. Loving someone and not having it returned, or worse, loving someone who is with someone else, is one of the most hurtful things a person can experience in life. So yea, it's a big deal.

It does happen with women, but not as commonly as with men. My sister was hurt so badly by it that she never dated again after her mid-30s. She never wanted to go through it again, so she would not even give anyone else a chance.

It really is a big deal.

[NathanDavis]

To be in the friendzone is some sort of denial.

For this to happen, usually... one person will be a friend, and the other will pretend to be a friend but in reality, just wants to get the other for more than a friendship.

So this is when the denial state starts... whether it was talked openly or not, the one pretending to be a friend, will stay anyway and accept the "just friends" status and perhaps in hope that one day in the future the situation will change and they will become something more. Also, the "friendzoned" person might do "friendly" things but that's no genuine friendship, that's just an act done with the intention to "gain" something more from the other, and it can/wll create a sense of "entitlement"

The usual is for this not to happen, the person won't get out of the "friendzone" therefore the frustration, resentment and other kinds on negative emotions start to build up.

So that's what it really is, a Pretend/DenialZone in which they have decided to stay.

[0112358]

Generally the root issue is this - the way male friends treat each other and the way female friends treat each other is not the same. Male - female friendships often adopt the style of female-female friendships... and it confuses men because it includes a lot of behaviour that men view as "relationship" like.

so often women just think they're being friends while to men it seems like they're dating without sex. Add to that that a lot of male female friendships form because the guy was actually hoping to date her. So he was trying to build a relationship and if he's inexperienced, her reactions make it seem like she maybe is interested. Then at some point she's like "oh no we are just friends" and he feels used and bitter.

I guess the closest equivalent is some younger women who don't realize guys can separate having sex from any romantic feelings and have sex with a guy and are then dismayed to find out he's not interested in them beyond sex at all.

in both cases nobody necessarily tried to lead the other on, but their assumptions that the other people must be feeling the same way based on their behaviour leas to it happening.

[loveslongnails]

There are variations on how guys end up in the friend zone.

A) You start out as friends from the beginning where neither person has a romantic interest in the other. Then, one of them develops romantic notions and the other doesn't. Is this really GETTING friend zoned, when that's where you started?

B) One person has romantic interest in the other from the start, but the other doesn't at all. So - instant friend zone.

C) Both people have some sort of romantic interest and are open to further exploration, but it doesn't work out for one of them, so - friend zone.

D) Same as "C" except it doesn't work out for either of them, so it's mutual, and so - friends?

The only one that doesn't sting is "D", but it's nobody's fault in A, B or C. There's just a lack of romantic desire or long term boyfriend/girlfriend interest by one of the parties. It's called "life" and you either accept it gracefully and move on, or you do it without grace. Either way, you're going to end up accepting it. One way will tear you up, the other won't.

[normalice]

I imagine the friend zone is what girls do with guys they aren't attracted to but lack the nerve to just tell them to piss off. Of course, this assumes girls' only interest in guys is to find one to bang, which is a decidedly male way of thinking. It's far more likely that girls dont think of sex all the time in the way guys do, which is to say they don't think of doing every visible guy at any given time. And so the idea of banging every guy who talks to them doesn't actually occur, so it is taken at face value that guys who act friendly just want to be friends.

In so many words, the friend zone is men with high expectations for themselves coming up with a reason for why the world doesn't seem to agree that they've already met that expectation effortlessly.

[sirderpsalot123]

Some women purposely make a guy feel like he might have a chance even though she knows she will never be interested. This might be because she's vindictive OR she just isn't good at being blunt and doesn't want to hurt his feelings. But some women make it very clear that she will never be interested and the man doesn't want to accept that so he tricks himself into believing that she might change her mind one day. You can either be put into the friendzone or you could put yourself into the friendzone.

[boggboss]

What the issue is that many retarded guys become friends with women with no intention off actuly being there friend but because they intend for more when they don't get more they become bitter that they are just friends equally tho many women will take advantage off guys they know want more then friendship and pretend they have a chance because they enjoy the attention

[Anonymous]

Most girls exploit there guy friends for getting favours , emotional support and don’t reciprocate anything at all (even if sex is out of the table ) . If she knows you have a crush on her and she don’t , she has more power and you can be easily manipulated. Plus if the guy want to set some boundaries as there will be no dating , girls generally get angry as they can’t exploit them more. Friendzone and being friends are different. No guy should stay in friendzone , even if they have to put off all contact with the girl...

[shadyresidence]

I disagree with "most girls", but even when it comes down to a guy being used, obviously the girl is wrong but there is accountability to be taken on the guy's part. isn't he willingly staying in that situation to be used in hopes of eventually getting with her? Like , to me it seems that could all be avoided. And i think what you're describing is one scenario of friendzone, i think there are others where the guy being friendzoned is totally in the wrong as well

[Opinion Owner]

That’s why he never should be friends with that girl anymore , either take a temporary or permanent break from her. It may not be her fault and she can chose whoever she likes but guy should take care of his feelings too

[Anonymous]

What you described isn't "Friendzoning" that's just being someone's friend.
The phenomenon of friendzoning refers to the categorization of someone as a friend itself being the barrier to something more happening. It's mostly a thing girls do to guys, while by contrast guys don't think about girls in the same way.

It's not really a girl's fault. It's just frustrating for guys to have to dance around this weird thing girls do. Guys find themselves forced to act in all sorts of ways that bother them and that's annoying to deal with the more things that have to be juggled. But there's no way to "convince" women out of that behaviours. It's just girl-brain stuff that's weird but we have to deal with.

[RawIronhide]

Yeah it's kind of ridiculous but you really have to be on the other side to understand it. It is really frustrating when someone you like doesn't see you that way and it's not that they don't like you so it comes down to that person isn't attracted to you, that can really hurt. Of course a mature experienced person will move on immediately simply because they know better but I do still feel bad for people in that headspace or situation. There is no friend zone, she just don't like you bro.

[MikeKachowski]

Guys get mad at the friendzone if it keeps happening to them. They keep being told they're the right guy... But for someone else. It gives you that feeling where you wanna know wtf is wrong with you but everyone keeps saying you're a good person. Then guys can get into that incel territory if the same girls go after a guy who's not even as good of a friend, let alone a potential mate

[FilmGuy93]

Frequently the guys who get bitter about the friend zone feel as though they have either made their intentions clear and that the woman is just using them, or that the woman does not truly behave the way a friend should. The friend zone has never really bothered me, but I will say that there have definitely been times when the woman claims to want to be friends, but then treats me quite poorly. I don't take people's behavior personally anymore though. 🤷🏻‍♂️

[genericname85]

well unreciprocated feelings feel like "the worst thing ever", when you have them. and if you're so into someone, it's hard to let them go, even if that would be better for you. specially if they're actively still trying to be your friend. i mean i don't even understand why you're asking this question. aren't women supposed so be so empathic and emotionally intelligent? i'm sure women also have those emotions, not just men.

[KrakenAttackin]

Women create their "Fried zone bench" as potential alternate men for when they monkey branch from their current boyfriend/husband. Also, the friend zone bench includes Simps and White Knights she would never, ever, date but they have skills that are useful to her and they will come when called like faithful dogs.

In short, a females "friend zone bench" is a way she always gets what she wants without costs and only having to smile and occasionally shed a fake tear.

Only a SIMP allows himself to be sitting on a girls friend zone bench.

[shadyresidence]

You're 41, please seek help

[KrakenAttackin]

@shadyresidence I guess the truth hurts or you aren't attractive/skilled enough to build your own simp-filled-friend-zone-bench. Sorry, not sorry.

[Brownbored]

That pic is just perfect. If the guy/girl has shown intent for a relationship and got turned down... They have the full right to reject the friendship offer.. it sucks and the other person is just misusing their feelings, they like the person enough to accept the friendship offer cuz they still wish for it to grow into smth more..

[Clarke498]

It's not your fault, but that doesn't make anything any easier. You still have to look at the same person you like without being able to do anything about it.

[shadyresidence]

But that's a choice you're making. If it pains you that much, you shouldn't be friends with that person. People are well within their right to not want to be friends after rejection

[Clarke498]

Yes. I know. It's hard, but usually worth it.

[jerdanro]

No one is at fault but it is painful if you have strong feelings for them. And disappointing if you are very attracted to them, but no one is owed sex or live from someone who doesn't want to give it.

[Shihab91]

Do you realize that there are kids here? even if you covered some part of the picture...

[shadyresidence]

This isn't my picture at all, i didn't make it or cover anything. But you're right, I didn't think about the being kids cause my brain didn't make the connection that this issteven universe. My bad😭

[JohnGarcia]

I don’t get hurt at the friendzone. I just become their friend.