Its like we have feelings for you, you dont want to date or be in a relationship with us, so we accept that and move on. But some women get annoyed when the guy gets involved with someone else. So you want him to not be with you, but not be with anyone else either? Whats the reason behind this, if you are jealous and like him, why friendzone him? My example is a girl who friendzoned me, but if im talking to a group of girls she runs up and stands next to me and immediately joins the conversation, or if I say I've been out she always asks who I was with and if there's a message on my phone from a girl she wants to know who she is.
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+1 y
Are you keeping us on the backburner for when your other dates or relationships dont work out? Do you secretly like us?
Girls why do you reject/friendzone us then get jealous when we talk to other girls or get a girlfriend?
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
What I've learned (and women will never admit to this) is that the friendzone is the place girls put guys they like but aren't sure they can be in a relationship with. It's the testing pool. There's just something about him that says no. In an ideal world all guys would be friend zoned until she gets to decide unfortunately many guys will leave before getting friend zoned and this causes girls to panic and make the premature decision to enter into a relationship. Which many later regret and try the whole let's breakup and just be friends move. The only reason I say this is because I have a lot of female friends. Many of which are now married and the difference between me and there SOs are obvious. Our traits are always extremely identical minus one or two very important differences. Simply put Guys pick women choose. My female friends get insanely jealous when I flirt with other women around them. So why not just date me? Because they're still not sure but they don't like the thought of me leaving for another girl either. As a guy friend you're not the back up date or the side guy your just in a different phase of being tested. When she runs through boyfriends those are the guys that may sexually excite her but don't make her feel secure and as a result they date for a month or two and leave. The friend appeals to her need for security and intimacy but he's just not sexy enough or in my case doesn't seem that sexually interested in them. There's no passion. Girls (and guys) need 3 things for a successful relationship commitment intimacy and passion. And like I said before guy friends usually lack passion. Either she thinks your not attracted to her or she knows she's not attracted to you. High passion no commitment no intimacy=one night stand. High passion high commitment no intimacy=empty relationship. No passion no intimacy high commitment=stalker. High passion no commitment high intimacy=most boyfriends. High intimacy high commitment no passion= friendzone.
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35 Reply
Asker
+1 y
Yes this rings very true. Whenever she had an issue with her boyfriend it was me she ran back to, "oh we've broken up" "we've fallen out" "we're not talking". My interpretation of it is the same as what you said. Im not sexually attractive enough or perhaps passionate for her to actively want to date me, but I provide the security and comfort of being there when she needs to talk about various problems, chat about stuff, care about her when she feels down. Indeed she has even joked that we're like an old couple. And another point is that her previous boyfriend was very similar to me - he even grew up in the same part of the country hundreds of miles away as I did and we both moved to the mountains for our love of the outdoor lifestyle.
Obviously she was missing the security and comfort in her BF, she got these missing pieces from you. He obviously filled in the missing pieces (innuendo intended) that existed with you. Women do this a lot. They find a guy they are sexually attracted to, but is not 100% compatible. They look to other men to round things out. She may change her mind sometime and see you differently. I wouldn't get your hopes up too high though.
I agree that you shouldn't get your hopes up. Intimacy and commitment are fairly easy to build with another person but passion is a little more difficult. You would essentially have to convince her that she wants to have sex with you without threatening the other parts of your relationship. It may help to let her know over time that you do find her attractive not in magnum opus style but more in subtle jokes and slightly flirty sayings every now and then. Make it ambiguous. Like you're not really sure just how attracted you are. This inspires curiosity and makes her feel like she's reading a mystery book that slowly builds. You want to inspire intrinsic motivation in her to be more passionate with you. But always try your best to be authentic. You don't want to end up living a lie.
I know this is late but this just happened to me. She had a guy in her life that consumed it but he was a jerk. I was her best friend from over a year and closer than he was. When he finally got out of her life she never aeemed to change how she felt about me until I met someone. Then the other girl left my friend instantly told me how she felt and now we're both happy.
you know its funny how no girls liked your answer except the asker, and one girl disliked. Girls hate the fact that we can work them out. Also girls use the word friendzone when we reject them. They can't accept rejection.
And i thought i wrote long answers, great stuff! Especially about the testing, most guys in my opinion are unaware about how much and how intricate the testing is. Perfect pitch about passion too
I actually understand what the Asker is saying, as I have witnessed this as well. But I think being friends with someone provides that security and comfort. Isn’t that what being friends is for, after all? She seeks that emotional comfort in her female friends as well. But she’s not going to date THEM. It’s because that’s what friends are for. If the man only comforts her because he has the hope of hopping in bed with her, that is one very distorted friendship.
@silverqueen i was and am assuming that the girls has feelings towards the guy that have some nature above just plutonic friendship since the question also added "... then get jealous...". It is distorted like you say, yet i witness girls all the time who are very aware of it yet let it go on since they reap something out of it or there's something missing but dont have the backbone to tell him what. I also have guy friends and i dont date THEM. I also expect them to be happy for me when i get a girlfriend and not a jealous bitch throwing a tantrum cause they now may recieve less attention
Oh, yes. I’m sorry. In that case yeah that’s definitely why. But she shouldn’t feel that way; he isn’t her possession. She should change the way she views him
@asyouwereekt it’s not really because it misses out how negative girls are. Instead of being brave, they immediately feel rejection and don’t want to keep feeling rejected. It’s like the guy has to put himself out their completely and risk rejection and sexual harrasment charges. If she doesn’t try to give us better signals then she friend zoned herself.
@silverqueen true but it’s part of being submissive and it’s in your character to lose self esteem unless you want to be the dominant one which most girls refuse and lose attraction over.
@Sociopathvictim That has nothing to do with submission... and it’s not how “most” girls are. As I said, don’t generalize. It comes down to the individual. Not whether they’re a girl or a guy.
@silverqueen i can generalise because i know what girls do. You won't know because you're not a guy and haven't been on the receiving end of 100s of girl have you? ;)
@Sociopathvictim You can’t generalize because you are not a woman. You don’t know what their thought process is, and everyone has individual characteristics whether they’re male or female.
@Sociopathvictim That’s only within your experiences and assumptions. Also lots of men get angry at rejection too, to the point of murdering the fucking woman.
@silverqueen you shouldn't generalise that only men commit crime of passion, haven't you seen Basic Instinct? Thats video evidence right there. Also you have a foul mouth ;D pm me if you want to talk like that, someone here is mortally wounded LOL
I see this has already been answered to exhaustion, and mine is pretty much the same, but with a visual representation.
So, below (I think, first time using an image) (also never mind the politicalness) is basically how girls like to use the friend zone, conscious of it or not. Keeping you at arms length. Not to close that she'll make you her boyfriend, but close enough that she resents you trying to find something else that might end up being real. Its logical to keep a harem of prospects, seeing it from their perspective. But its pretty messed up from ours; denying his advances is one thing, certainly your right, but killing his chances of happiness with anyone else too?
I read that one answerer here did it to play 'hard to get', to see if the guy would fight for her. Trick is, you gotta give /some/ indication that you do have interest, that he's not trying to woo a brick wall. Ladies, of course he would want to find someone who demonstrates they're more receptive to his love.
So asker you have a couple options. You can, as another answerer suggested, fight harder for that brick wall, see where that gets you. Or, you can ask her very kindly to stay the fck out of your business. I get she's a friend but a friend doesn't keep you under her heel and foil you at every turn. I dunno, up to you.
I've done this to a couple guys before and when I first rejected them I was expecting them to keep fighting for me but they just gave up almost instantly. I liked playing hard to get but he would move on and in reality I actually liked him. So she probably likes you and wants you to put your attention towards her and keep chasing her. Either that or she's the kind of girl that needs constant attention from men. But I would say you should either start chasing after her again or confront her but in a nice way that might get her to open up to you
10
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Asker
+1 y
Thanks for the answer, I really dont know if I should keep chasing her or accept that she just wants to be friends. I dont want to push her away by constantly persuing her and it ends up annoying her. We are good friends as it stands so I dont want to ruin that which is why im hesitant.
That makes sense I totally understand but the only way you can solve the problem is by addressing it. If you still really like her then I'd talk to her about it but if your fine with staying friends with her then do what is most comfortable for you:)
I have said to her on fb recently "I love you ****" and something to that effect on a night out we went on when I hugged her from behind. I only do it when drunk though because it lowers my inhibitions enough to tell her. I dont want her to think its just drunk speak because I'd love to tell her sober face to face. I dunno, maybe i'll just take a keen interest in her and how she's feeling and drop hints other ways like putting my arm round her, touching her hair, offering to help and stuff (which tbh I kinda do now)? She tells me most things that are bothering her so obviously confides in me a lot and has allready said she really cares about me.
This is awfully immature behavior. You can't reject a guy and expect him to keep chasing. You don't want a culture of where "no" can sometimes mean "yes". It creates too much confusion where a guy doesn't know if he's being a creep or romantic.
I don’t really care for women who play hard to get. I don’t mind chasing you.. and I don’t mind a little mind play sometimes... but I’m personally focused on my overall success. After a couple tries I don’t have the time to be chasing you and this money... I got to have myself in order. And the woman that wants to come along for the ride needs to understand that.. and make her mind up quick!
This is probabaly why there is rape... between girls and men who are friends... If you reject me do you think I'm fucking retarded to keep chasing someone who have said they don't like me that way or should I just be like "Oh she fucking loves me? Well shit lets bang" and shit is become rape...
Yeah, but there's no point in chasing any woman who has friendzoned/cockblocked/rejected you because they never change their mind. In their mind the guy they've friendzoned will never be good enough to think of in a romantic way.
The reason they didn't fight for you after friendzoning them was because trying to win the heart after being friendzoned is nearly ALWAYS a losing proposition for the guy who has been rejected. And there's no way of knowing whether you're being tested by the woman or if she's just turned off by you. No guy in his right mind wants to keep trying for the heart of any woman who will never want him under any circumstances.
There is a different between "playing hard to get" and shutting someone down. I'm pretty sure those women that do that, end up doing it in the rudest of ways. While that shouldn't really detour a guy with a healthy level of security in themselves, it can be very much a turn off! For me, I'm not going to fight for someone that I'm with if they want to leave.. because if they wanted to leave while they were with me, that is the time to have been fighting, not as they are breaking up with me. So if I'm not going to fight for someone that I'm actually with that wants to leave, I'm damn sure not fight for some girl that I just met.. it's pointless to me!
*Girl has a jealous personality type and/or attention seeking personality. When the attention and chase is no longer on her, she gets uspet that all the attention and focus is not on her. Everyone likes feeling wanted and for some this is a obsessive thing and when they don't feel wanted - they act out.
*Girl may have "grass is greener" syndrome where now that she has rejected the guy, she suddenly second guesses her decision and is conflicted about what happened and the outcome of it.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Two reasons:
A) You date the wrong girls. B) Many girls in our time a mostly egoistic.
That girl wants to have you as a an option to fall back too.
Unless you really want her as a friend ask her the following:
Do you want to be my girl friend?
If she says anything other yes say this:
Then fuck off and get out of my life, don't waste my time.
Then turn around and walk away, don't look back. She will either run after you, because you just showed manly attitude or she is hurt and your time not worth to begin with.
Careful this is basically an ultimatum, if you want to be just friends with her you will lose her this way.
Generally stop watching the lies of the media, they tell you women are more than men, they are not. If a woman treats you with disrespect, call her on her bad behaviour. You are the guy, find your principles you want to follow in your life and stick to them like iron. Any girl who wants to be with you should follow those rules, if not leave her behind.
Seems to be a way to see if you will chase/not sure about you. Problem is that unlike most women most guys have no interest in playing games. if you play hard to get he will 100% move on minutes later because most guys don't have time for that shit. I have had 1 female friend who tried this and I stopped it real fast. she got jealous I was talking to another woman not even flirting I can't flirt to save my life. I was talking to her about a personal project I was doing because she asked what hobbies I had. She tried to insert herself and I said excuse me a moment and dragged her out of earshot and said "You turned me down you have no right to get jealous if I go talk to another woman unless you are trying to say you made a mistake and if that is the case I better hear those words come out of your mouth in the next 5 seconds I don't have time for games or I am going back to talk to her because she at least was genuinely interested in what I was talking about and was adding input." We are still friends but she has brought up several times how she may have made a mistake. Oh well should have thought of that before turning me down. If I approach someone for a romantic relationship and they shoot me down that is that they aren't interested so I move on
It's a control issue for girls. This ranges from initial attraction to a relationship itself.
I've seen some girls go as extreme as to flip out if their boyfriend had the lightest conversation with another girl.
As for your situation, she is probably another girl like the many out there who expected you to "keep trying" and since you have common sense and are going for a real mutual attraction, you're trying things with other girls and she's seeing that you're not obsessing over her and getting mad.
5
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
Because they want to keep you around as an option. If you get involved with someone, you are no longer an option. It truly sucks and have been through it and seen it happen to other more often than I would like to admit.
The most recent one I went through.. she tried to give me a million reasons to break up with this woman. When I challenged every single one of her reasons, she stopped and started in with the "I love yous". Once upon a time I would have done anything to hear those words from her.. now they are worthless words.
I think it's because people want things they can't have. I think we can all agree that girls would want a guy with a lot of value. Basically a guy that offers a lot. I'd say when girls friendzone a guy, they either don't see that value right away or believe that they can date the guy at anytime so they don't feel any pressure or need to pursue the guy. Once the guy starts flirting with other girls or gets a girlfriend, the fact that someone else values the guy adds to their own perception that the guy has value and thus makes him more desirable. That coupled with the fact that the guy may be out of her reach now that he's taken probably makes the girl feel like she's lost something important and thus want to pursue him.
Lol. You don't realise that what you're describing is exactly how you climb OUT of the friendzone you put yourself in. Lack of self esteem or being in demand is why you allow yourself to be available to someone who doesn't like you romantically. If you don't value yourself, and no other women do either, then why should she? The simple act of saying "sorry. I can't make time. I have a date." instantly changes your status.
Stop caring so much for people who couldn't care less about you, and look out for yourself first.
Yeah when I chased this blonde girl she kept talking me down out of flirting her like that talking about age gap and her failed marriages blab blah. But when I told her I had a new girl in my sight and we were dating then she started to act wild getting jealous didn't want to communicate with the girl I liked - a brunette chick. When it comes to competitive minds the claws will come out for women. At least that's what I can see. Now I blocked all of them because they kept talking about me negatively as if I was the one causing the drama. Lol
It's nice to know that somebody likes you that much, even if you don't really feel the same about them. Some girls don't realize how much it hurts to be on the receiving end of this behavior, some do and do it anyway for attention, and some legitimately don't realize how much they like you until they lose you (this happens to us with guys too).
Guys do this too not just girls. The reason is that they dont like oyu enough to date you but they like the attention they get from you. So when you go off and give that attention to someone else it drives girls/guys crazy. men do this to me too. just move on and tell her to find someone else to fill that void.
Some girls just have very huge, but fragile egos. They require validation of their existence in the form of male attention, even if they're into someone else and/or taken.
Though what you have described just sounds like curiosity, nothing else. I'm always nosy about my friends' dating lives.
About being curious is different to cockblocking I disagree. I had a friend who came when I was dating and said things like... uh... is her? I dont understand how she goes out with you...
I've done this before. I've friend zoned a guy or showed disinterest but then when he stops showering me with affection I get offended... I guess we like the attention even if we don't want to pursue a relationship. Nobody's perfect. We probably shouldn't do it but we do. Sometimes we like to feel wanted at the expense of others...
I have a female friend who told me she like to feel wanted rather it's in her personal life or work. So she tries to be the best worker she can be for that reason.
I think a lot of girls just like the attention. It's pleasing to know that there's someone who still likes us even though we don't return the favor, and if that person moves on, then it's a blow to their self-esteem. They want everything, even if it's selfish
because you were her back up. that I've done all my party and drug life now lets settle and have kids. if your not her first choice tell her she's a dumb cunt for wanting to blur your friendship. throw it back at her that by acting that way she's not being a good friend let her stew dont apologize if she can't get over it erase her number if she can and does become just a friend then its no longer friend zone its "bros" zone
Women do this because they're terrified not to have a beta Momma's boy fag orbiter. By talking to other girls you're letting her know you have options and an abundance mentality, Bravo ! If she persist in in trying to cock block you say, "Look
toots, what gives? You say you want to be just friends. Yet you act jealous henever I talk to other girls? You ain't having your cake and eating too. Do you want to date or not? If not leave me alone to pursue my own happiness". Most women who friend zone are attention whores. She's panic stricken you won't be her Plan B. You're above that,
She probably does like you and might not be ready for any kind of relationship yet. You may have been coming off a little to strong and it could have made her nervous. I would ask her for her honest truth as to why she acts like this all of the sudden.
You definitely need to have an open honest conversation about this with her. My suggestion for starting the conversation is actually really simple. Find away for her to see your post on here, and say you want to talk to her about it.
I was like that with a boy but I really did like him and we had a really close relationship like so close that no one could break it. But I saw him making out with a my bestfriend so yea I was really jealous. It's all because girls just dont want that one boy they really like to fall in love with someone else and just ditch that girl they had a really good relationship with. Maybe some girl just dont want other people to see her with that boy because of whatever reasons. That's just how girls can be, there are some girls that are the jealous type.
Dude do you hear yourself right now you sound like a fucking pussy. If the bitch is friendzoning you, you give her the finger (yes actually tell her to go fuck herself I've done this to a few) and move on. Make the women chase you not the other way around. Dont act like a little bitch around her grow some balls give her the finger (yes actually do it) and move on and wait and see how she reacts. At first she might argue with you but stand your ground and dog her until you get so fed up you block her and dont talk to her then wait and see she will come running to you or even stalk you at that point
It's because they want to get to know you and whether your relationship would be possible. They like you, but they don't want to hesitate. And when you start to date another girl they see you didn't want to make the effort, they will be disappointed and jealous, because they could have been that girl.
Its simple, girls want what they can't have , for exemple if she can get you to go out with her or talk to her anytime she wants she will definitly lose interest , BUT if your unavailable busy or just in a relationship she will try to get you all you have to do is play hard to get.
People get jealous all the time because of ego. I do get spontaneously jealous when my guy friends, whom I know had an interest in me, get a girlfriend. But then I think that it is selfish of me and they deserve to be happy, since I don't intend to be with them. And then I'm happy for them. Most don't think much of it though. In your particular case though, it is may not be because of ego, but because of interest. Search it more or/and ask her.
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