Is he just using me for a few hook ups?

[Anonymous]

Hi guys! I’ve been seeing this guy for 4 dates now. After the 3rd date, we hooked up (no sex), and I asked him to stay the night. He declined, and texted the next day saying things were moving too quick, and that he was not ready for a relationship. I stopped texting him for a bit, and he reached out to me later in the week. We agreed to have a 4th date, which was this past Friday. Again, we started hooking up. He asked for sex, I said no because I wasn’t ready for that quite yet. Instead we did other things, cuddled, spooned and just talked in bed for 3 hours. I thought it was really fun and brought us closer together. He asked me to spend the night, and I declined because I had thought he wanted to slow things down. I haven’t heard from him since Friday. This happened last time too, but he reached out later in the week. What do you guys think is going on? He obviously enjoys spending time, but I can’t quite read him. Any thoughts?

[nachosaresexy]

Sounds like he's genuinely interested in you and wants to let things play out gradually rather than rushing into it. As long as communication is happening at a somewhat regular pace, I'd say just keep going with the flow and trust your instincts.

I'd also suggest figuring out how/when to discuss sex, so that you both know what each other's expectations are with timing. Does that make sense?

[Asker]

How do you think I should proceed? Let him text me? Text him later this week and see if he’d like to actually go out? (Instead of staying in)

[nachosaresexy]

Yeah... maybe wait a couple days to see if he contacts you, and if not then you could send a casual message to figure out next plans. He might have similar thoughts going through his head. Try not to overthink it 😃

[nachosaresexy]

Can I get your opinion on a different topic? If you don't mind I could message you to try to explain.

[AviatorTom]

You completely confused this guy. First, you ask him to spend the night (meaning you want to have sex) and then, a few days later you turn him down. He said he wanted to take it slower and then changed his mind. Why are you reminding him to take it slower. Is that really what you want? He wants you. Enjoy!

[jailbreak]

Well he wants sex for sure, he's a man so thats that. He doesn't want a relationship either but he wants the booty. Im not sure about the long pauses in communication but either he's really busy, which no one is, or he's giving u space to see what u do

[King_Dive]

He wanted to take it slow, then realised that that may have put you off, he then sped up and then you backed off per his original request; now he's trying to fix all that by speeding up. Basically, he wants you for sex, isn't sure about a relationship but he's hoping that being intimate with you will make him want you more. He probably isn't intending on being a jerk, but you are his test subject whether he knows it or not.

[Asker]

How do you think I should proceed? Let him text me? Text him later this week and see if he’d like to actually go out? (Instead of staying in)

[King_Dive]

He's making this hard for you so let him do the work, wait for him to text you and if he doesn't then it just proves that he wasn't ready for you after all

[Anonymous]

He said he doesn’t want a relationship but keeps pushing for sex. Decent chicane help disappear after he gets what he wants.

If you want a relationship. Stop any fooling around. Then definitively state. Sex it’s off the table for several months.

Then you’ll see if he likes being around you or is just looking for sex.

[Opinion Owner]

I hate the iPhone's swipe keyboard. It totally butchered what I wrote.

[Spookydood]

For one, if you didn't have any sexual contact, you didn't hook up. Seems like he's interested in you, both sexually and interpersonally. Don't hold out on him forever, if you're interested.

[Browneye57]

What exactly are you waiting for? This is a giant red flag IMHO.
If you don't know what you want or you don't want sex, you're not really ready for dating. PERIOD.

[Wise4myage]

Yep, it sure sounds like that and he will likely keep trying. But to be honest, your actions are confusing him.

[Asker]

But aren’t his actions confusing too? He said he wanted to slow things down which is why I said no to sex and staying over. I thought that was what he wanted

[Wise4myage]

I suggest you stop inviting him over for the time being.

[Guardian45]

I CAN'T read EITHER of you! Just get it out of the way and DO IT ALREADY! STOP PLAYING MINDGAMES with each other!

[Jamie05rhs]

What does hooking up and no sex mean? I thought hooking up was sex.

(Sorry; I'm old.)

[egarcia1360]

"Hooking up" is an intentionally vague term used to describe anything from making out to sex. Hooking up and no sex probably just means that they kissed and touched each other a bit and that's it.

[Jamie05rhs]

@egarcia1360 Oh. Interesting. Thank you.

[noohair]

He wants sex, I don't know what else might be going on.

[In_Trance]

probably