Why would a guy, only keep you around just for sex when he has the potential of actually getting him a girlfriend?

[Erica686]

So, like say, for the guy he's not Okay with you having other sex partners or maybe you start to date someone. But he also has other options too. And if you want out of the friends with benefits zone or maybe despise decides that you wanted to date someone. He seems to respect your decision and your choice. I do think and believe that it is possible to Transformer from friends with benefits to being just friends. But you guys definitely, have to fight the urges and act strictly just friends, if both really do want that. But anyways, I was reading some articles and stuff online, about how a man will keep a woman around just for the sex. Like, he will wait until she gets out of a relationship or when she gives him the green light. And to me, that's absolutely crazy, but it's like. Well this person who is keeping you around for the benefit. They can actually have the potential to actually meet a really good girl. And. I am sure, they talked to plenty of girls, but just because a woman's vagina is that good to man. I mean, he shouldn't keep it around, especially if he's not trying to cuff and commit. Any thoughts and opinions?

[MrOracle]

You are projecting your own priorities on this (hypothetical?) man, rather than understanding what HIS priorities are.

You say he could get an actual girlfriend for a relationship, and you may well be right about that - but does he WANT a relationship? You assume that he must, because that's how YOU feel, but the reality is that women get far more benefit out of a relationship, at least most of the time, then men do. For men, a relationship means a lot of work, expense, time, effort, and responsibility. Most men have to really, REALLY have strong feelings for a girl to be willing to take all that on, and they must be open to the idea of being in a relationship in general.

Many men today are in periods of their lives when they just don't have all of that extra to give - maybe they're building their career or their business or have some other responsibilities that are taking up their time. It might be that a year or two later on, he's in a better position with a more stable life, and he's able to now devote that time and energy to a relationship (understanding that the beginning of a relationship is an especially demanding time on the man).

The point being: you absolutely should not assume that a man's goal - at least for the time being - is having a relationship, because often, that's not the case. Men who are looking for a relationship will usually make that quite clear - and men who are NOT looking for a relationship tend to make THAT quite clear too, but many women refuse to believe it, even if he tells her outright, simply because SHE believes she would feel differently in his shoes.

Being in a friends with benefits means he's getting his sexual needs fulfilled without having a huge cost in time, energy, and responsibility. For a lot of men, this is an ideal situation, so why would they want this to change? To be sure, some men absolutely WANT a relationship, but again, those men make that clear from the beginning, which tells you that a man who doesn't make his relationship wishes clear probably isn't looking for one.

Women often ignore what the man says to her, even when his behavior matches those words perfectly, and instead projects her OWN agenda on to him, and then is confused when things don't work the way she expects. It's the same kind of communication error that might, for example, result in you getting a vacuum or a cordless drill or a video game for a Valentine's day gift despite you strongly hinting about a necklace - that would be the guy projecting his agenda and priorities onto you.

Men are not women - we're DIFFERENT. For most men, sex is an end unto itself - we're fully capable of enjoying sex just for the sake of sex, without needing to be in love to want it or enjoy it - even if we're having sex with the same girl for years. Most women can't have sex with a man without developing feelings for him, especially if the sex is ongoing, but men absolutely CAN have ongoing sex without developing feelings. We're DIFFERENT, and you cannot project a woman's desires and priorities on a man and expect a successful outcome. You need to learn to see things from a male perspective if you ever hope to understand men - and our perspective is amazingly simple and straightforward - so much so that women often have trouble believing just how simple we really are.

[Erica686]

Well thank you very much for explaining,, you are very detailed and very insight. It's just my friend she's been friends with benefits with this guy for years. They both find each other attractive but it seems to be that she may want more than him. But also she told him most recently that she likes somebody else and she said he wasn't mad or anything like that but said I respect that. Then she asked the f w b where does that put them at so he pacifically said that we can be friends I'm cool with that. So she's like why would an friends with benefits keep you around if they know you have a boyfriend and be there not getting sex from you. And everything you said I agree with you a hundred percent usually if a guy tells me I'm not looking for a relationship I assume that they're looking for a hookup or either they're already in a relationship.

[Erica686]

And she did tell her friends with benefits that it's possible for her and this other dude may start to date. And she said again he wasn't mad but yeah I'm cool with being friends. He said he definitely doesn't reach out to her like that but she said why would he keep me around just as a friend if we're not having sex and what reason would he keep me around in general.

[MrOracle]

Well, the friends with benefits guy knows that it isn't likely that they're going to remain friends if she gets a boyfriend, because she won't really want to be and her boyfriend wouldn't like it, but saying that they CAN be makes it easier for her to move on.

[Erica686]

Ohhhh I see now. She's also like, why don't he just move on all together. She's like, he has mention to her how he didn't plan on leaving her life. So now she's in a limbo to why he would want to stay. She's like, is he in the hope of some SEX from her later if her boyfriend and her DON'T work out. SHe said typically, if a guy isn't able to bang that chick, of course she moves on to the next best thing or better yet. Cut ties off with you.

[MrOracle]

And maybe he will, or maybe he will try and fail. Either way, if things don't work out for her and her boyfriend, why burn that bridge?

[Vegasrunner]

You broke that down perfectly. Really enjoyed the read

[Erica686]

Damn I like that answer too 😊😊😊. Thank You. So it is a real thing, that a guy will keep you around in need of sum pussy. And also.. My friend, said Thank You!! 😊😂😊. And thank you as well.

[Erica686]

@Vegasrunner frfr he really did

[MrOracle]

I appreciate the feedback, and am happy I could help. :)

[Erica686]

🙃😊😊

[Anonymous]

Well everyone is different in all ways, meaning you are different from any other woman. So there could be any number of various reasons why he might prefer you over them (just like women with guys). So while there might be other options for him, for whatever reason he wants you as one of them. And yes maybe he can meet someone (ie "great girl", but is also subjective, like you might think she is, but she's not right for him), but maybe he doesn't want a relationship period, great girl or not. There's so many things that can influence this, only he can say. Maybe he truly "isn't ready" for a relationship?

[Chaddahoochie]

Chances are if he just got out of a relationship and calls you he's just looking for easy sex. And if you've been friends with benefits for a while, he only wants sex... he's doesn't want to deal with the drama of a relationship... Hopefully that helps?

[Erica686]

Thank You!!

[thesperm]

well i think its about the priorities of the guy at that point.. he might just have lust and might want something more than masturbation.. like sex.. but dosent want to get serious just yet.. nothing wrong in that

[Erica686]

So meaning he may want something with later

[thesperm]

correct

[hahahmm]

You're making the assumption that he thinks you are relationship material. Actually for many guys, the fact you are easily having sex with lots of guys rules you out as a potential serious partner. For the same reason that if a guy wants a commuter car he doesn't buy a school bus or a clown car. They all have wheels & chairs and might be fun to drive... but they aren't all suited for daily commute.

[feelsbadman]

Because for most men having sex is more important than having a relationship. If a woman gives man access to sex, then he'll be willing to give her access to a relationship and some resources, give her special treatment.. Etc. That's it (:

[Anonymous]

You're assuming he wants a girlfriend. I understand what you're saying but relationships are work, even good ones.

[Wise4myage]

Because your probably really good in bed and he's just not into being in a relationship at this time.

[Andres77]

Doesn't want the complications of a relationship... wants sex.

[Anonymous]

This is becoming pretty sad.

[Erica686]

This isn't about me. Just a General question

[anylolone]

Same as for chicks.