What does it mean when a guy wants to sit on the same side of the booth?

[Anonymous]

My married boss took me out to lunch and insisted that I sit next to him on the same side of the booth when I went to sit across from him. When we were talking, he rested his arm along the top of the booth towards me. He didn't put his arm around me but it was along the top of the booth behind my back.

[one1wild00]

Depends with your boss he could be attracted to you, makes it easier to look down a loose top, or put a hand on a hip, it also could be so that you two could talk about work things in lower volume so it wouldn't necessarily be heard around you. only two areas I can think of why sitting on the same side.

[Asker]

We didn't end up talking about work at all🥲

[one1wild00]

Sounds like he likes you for you, not for work.

[spartan55]

"what does it mean"... you girls can be so dense sometimes.

Answer: it means he was being INAPPROPRIATE.

[alytaylor]

oh girl, he has a crush on you. Next time, firmly state that you are uncomfortable sitting next to him.

[Asker]

Why do you think that? What is the sign?

[alytaylor]

He wants to sit NEXT to you. that's creepy. Then he drapes his arm along the booth, also unnecessary. I hang out with entirely guys, please take my word for this one and be clear with him! Stay safe!

[Asker]

Thank you girl. I'll be cautious... He wants to get dinner soon...

[alytaylor]

Be careful!! If it's not a work function say no. Be straightforward and tell him that it would not be appropriate. In my experience this is the only way a guy understands, as we tend to like to be nicer and hint towards things or say "no' kindly, but men tend to steamroll that. Stand your ground, you got this!

[Asker]

I'm currently the top employee... I'm afraid this will cause problems for my job

[alytaylor]

If he's a decent guy he would understand that his actions are making you uncomfortable. Unfortunately, he doesn't sound that way. It will cause problems either way, one if he tries to leverage his position as a boss over you. The second because other people will think you're sucking up to him if they see you put up with his flirting. If you tell him now that he's making you uncomfortable, that is unmistakable. That way if anything happens you can say "I told him it made me uncomfortable", instead of them taking your word for it.

[Asker]

you make a great point. I just don't want to come off as an idiot because what if this is just his personality and he is also acting this way with the other employees and not just me?

[alytaylor]

I understand 100%!! I'm in the military, and have had my fair share of creeps. Your boss sounds like one of them. I used to be worried about the same thing, and if he has any sort of self-preservation instinct, he will likely try to flip the script and say that you're over reacting, just trying to be friendly, etc. It doesn't matter what he says, because it's not true. I have heard every excuse under the sun. The best thing to do is be unmistakable and direct. "____ makes me uncomfortable". Confidently and with eye contact, show you mean business. No matter what he says back, ("I'm just trying to be friendly!") reiterate again until he shows he understands. Don't back down or try to respond to whatever he says next, because you risk having the conversation derailed and missing your shot.

[Asker]

You know part of our conversation was literally him telling me about the time he had a 5 month long affair and how his wife found out?

[alytaylor]

He was watching for your reaction. You're smart though! Listen to your instincts you'll be fine!

[Asker]

The more I talk to you, the
more I realize how manipulative he is... Jeez did he not learn his lesson? He has kids too... Are you saying he'd cheat on his wife again? He'd sleep with me if I let him? That's messed up

[alytaylor]

I don't know him personally of course, but the only reason for a married man to be wanting to have dinner with an employee and acting the way he is in an incredibly unprofessional manner is to sleep with them. In no way is that a reflection of your personality of course, but logistically if he's got kids and has had an affair already, he knows how it goes. Dating would be hard. It is not normal for a grown man to tell an employee about an affair he has had, as that is incredibly personal. Some men are just disgusting :/

[Asker]

I agree. Moving forward, I'm just going to make excuses for not being able to meet up with him and if he says it's for work, I'll ask him to invite other employees

[alytaylor]

Heck yeah!! Proud of you girl! It takes guts---you're a badass!!!

[MTC29]

Totally unprofessional for a boss and a subordinate to be seated next to each other in a booth.

He has ideas.

[Asker]

I really did not think sitting on the same side of the booth was this big of a deal😳

[MTC29]

It's a big deal. I managed an engineering staff of men and women for many years. A male supervisor/manager will never sit next to a female subordinate in a booth. His resting his arm along the top of the booth towards you was over the top. That simply doesn't happen, except by design.

The question is, what do you want to do about it? Do you like him? Do you want to become involved with him? Remember, he has a wife. The rest is up to you.

[Asker]

I'm just thrown off. I wanted to believe he was just overly friendly. I do not want to get involved in that way but not sure how to navigate this without coming off as an idiot because what if he acts this way with other employees and I just don't know it?

[Asker]

He also talked to me about all the nice cars he has (he's rich) and was like "you can drive it if you'd like"

[MTC29]

Rich or not, he has a wife. Keep in mind that the richer he is the less likely he is to ever leave her. This is based on my experience with guys my own age who are in positions of authority. They won't leave their wives because it would cost far too much money. All that I can say is that at your stated age (25-29) you are not a little girl right out of high school. You are a grown woman who is able to look at life events realistically.

[Asker]

Thanks, I know.
I won't allow any more funny business. Thanks for
your input :)

[Anonymous]

It might mean something, or it might not.

[UniquelyBasic]

Awkward situation