Was he trying to say I look old?

[Anonymous]

I went to a restaurant today with my boyfriend. I’m 20 and wear makeup and I think some people think I’m a few years older than my age. I don’t wear a lot of makeup or cake it on and I think I look my age or younger. Most my older coworkers assume I’m in my early 20s I think but old enough to drink. I have the body of a 12 year old lol I still get called young lady but I get maamed a lot but it’s ok because I live in the south and have heard it happen to other people my age. This guy recently at my job said I looked like I was in college. But I do get treated like an adult. Anyways when we were at the restaurant I was ordering something to drink and the man went over the drink options and mentioned beer. He then said if I wanted a beer to not worry because he wouldn’t card me. I thought that was weird and offensive and that he was trying to say I looked older. What did this mean?

[MrOracle]

The man works for tips, and was trying to give you the option of having an alcoholic drink, even if you weren't quite 21 yet. You are overthinking thing and, as women always do, trying to find the absolute worst way to spin what he said, so that you can be offended by it. That's a very bad habit. Instead, if you are trying to figure out what someone meant, and that someone has a penis instead of a vagina, start by asking yourself "what's the most innocent, least-offensive way what he said can be taken?" and that's likely to be what he actually meant.

Unlike women, who LOVE to use subtext and speak flowery words at you that are really dripping with poison, MEN DON'T DO THAT. If a man thinks you look old, he'll say "you look old." If he thinks you're fat, he'll say "you're fat." We don't try to encode our thoughts into pleasant words - we have no time and patience for that, and in fact, it drives most men crazy to try to think that way. Men are DIRECT and TO THE POINT. If a man is trying to offend you, you will NEVER have to wonder if he's doing so - you'll be absolutely, 100% certain in less than a millisecond, because it will be clear to everyone. If he's saying words that seem nice, and he's doing it in a nice way, then he's TRYING TO BE NICE.

Men are NOT women. There's rarely any need to "decode" what we mean - use the literal meaning of the words we spoke, and that's nearly always exactly what we meant - nothing more and nothing less.

[Xhuy_006]

Nah he's just trying to get a tip and serve drinks lol

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

No… It wasn’t offensive, and he wasn’t trying to call you old. It seems like he knew you weren’t of legal age to drink yet, but to not worry because he won’t check your ID card, or he thought you were of age but again, won’t check your ID card.


Don’t overthink it, it was just him trying to be friendly and give you a drink if you wanted one regardless if you weren’t of age to drink.