Why do people on this app believe men & women can be just friends with no intimate thoughts whatsoever?

[Anonymous]

No intimate thoughts whatsoever—platonic

It’s like meeting a group of flat-earthers, where you want to constantly show them evidence of their beliefs being not as factual as they feel they are—it’s the same for me and this topic amongst people here.


www.scientificamerican.com/.../

www.dailymail.co.uk/.../...-gets-things-chest.html

https://youtu.be/RLqK0DTevxA

medium.com/.../men-please-stop-trying-to-date-your-female-friends-619362b0df13

Updates

+1 y

Main Point:

-How men see their female friends is quite different than how females see their male friends.

•Women can keep it strictly platonic and don’t usually see their male friends as romantic or possibly romantic prospects.

The men are opposite, where they see women as more potential or hopefully potential romantic prospects.

How men treat their female friends is different from how they treat their male friends.

You can say, a more OBJECTIFYING manner.

Updates

+1 y

I think more men would be okay with their women having all or predominantly men friends if these men were gay men or thought more like women when it comes to friendships.

How would anyone feel if their partner was surrounded by people who feigned/faked being friends but wanted to have sex with them truly if possible?

Sick, uncomfortable, mad, etc.

[HighlyVolatile]

No intimate or sexual thoughts whatsoever seem rather challenging to me, but it's the norm here in Japan for men and women to be friends.

I do get excited when one of my attractive female friends bends over in a bikini, and it's a bit more exciting than when a complete stranger does it, but I don't infatuate or crush on her since I know we're not each other's types.

I think one thing that helps men and women become and stay friends here is that we tend to have a lot of banter going on. For example, it's common for one of my male friends in our group to tell one of the female friends that he wants to see her boobs. Then she might retort, "In your dreams!" and we all laugh together.

So that keeps some of the sexual interests from turning into an obsession/infatuation/crush. We tend to place maximum emphasis here on matching up by personality types. For example, one of my most attractive female friends in our group made it clear from the start exactly what sort of men she's interested in, so the guys attracted to her who don't fit that category don't get their hopes up.

[HighlyVolatile]

One thing I think also is that we value some degree of modesty and the highest degree of respecting people's boundaries. Japanese aren't immune to arrogance but it takes on a very different style from some of the more gung-ho attitudes of the West.

If I use an analogy of a door-to-door salesman in Japan, you can even say, "Hmm, I'll think about it," and they'll respect your wishes and politely leave. In the US, I've found many who won't ever leave even if you blatantly say you aren't interested until you practically slam the door in their face. There seems to be a value in the West to favor persistence in pursuing things from people even in the face of resistance, and that persistence even seems to be glorified rather than frowned upon.

Here that persistence is frowned upon. So if a woman states what type of man she's interested in (a common early conversation topic among Japanese getting to know each other), and we don't fit that category, it's not considered romantic or bold or manly to persist in being friends with the hopes of changing her mind.

So we just value the friendship and the fun we can have together without that sort of longing of becoming lovers. I think the sort of feelings that mess up friendships comes from when the man builds hopes and dreams of becoming lovers with one of his female friends. If we don't build those dreams in the first place, we can easily be friends with her even if we find her very attractive... and not just friends with her but any boyfriends she makes along the way.

[HighlyVolatile]

Actually, that's considered a very unmanly sort of thing to do here, like a desperate parasite lingering around a woman hoping she'll one day like him as more than a friend. Typically only the most desperate Japanese men do this.

[NathanDavis]

I have said it many times before but I can say it again and it is very simple...

those who are NOT capable of a genuine friendship with the other gender, and have had bad experiences or never got to experience it in the first place... are the ones who say this is NOT possible

meanwhile, those who are capable of a genuine friendship with the other gender, and of course have had, and still have great experiences with this... are telling you from first hand experience that of course it is very possible (not a belief)

now, in your case... I really doubt that you ever had, have or will have any healthy and genuine relationship with any person regardless of gender, so of course you would be on the side of those that are, not only ignorant about this... but also incredibly stupid and uncapable of managing any of this

[NathanDavis]

by the way... I did ignore your little tricky clause "no intimate thoughts WHATSOEVER"

because that's just an absolutism that has no place in real life and it doesn't address the actual complexity of what's implied in the premise

[Asker]

Did you see where I wrote beside it “platonic?”

That’s what is meant by “no intimate thoughts whatsover,” because once there are intimate thoughts then it is not simply “just friends.”

I have healthy friendships all around and have and continue to do so, healthy working relationships with women.

That doesn’t mean I lie to myself or try to convince myself of things that are more than not false.

[Asker]

I put up links/sources showcasing that men & women platonic friendships have more beneath the surface than what many would think of or suggest.

[NathanDavis]

again... you're just an idiot that continues to fool himself

that's called denial

and that's why you insist so much on this and desperately try to "prove" that you are right about this, but the only people that agree with you from here are those "men" from the cesspool of putrefaction that G@G can lure from the sewers of civilization

but of course you don't like that... what you want is for real, actual, men to agree with you, but they just don't, smarter people, more mature people, people with actual experience will not agree with you, because they know better and they have had better... or even those who do not agree and are smart, well they can be smart enough to see different perspectives without agreeing for their own reasons whatsoever

but well, I think it is time that you accept it... you're also one with the mindset and experience of those in the cesspool... though shit

[Asker]

So, I’m a fool because I list sources that prove that seemingly platonic friendships between men and women are more complicated than they appear to be?

I think people want to convince themselves anything is possible, but this is not always the case.

I don’t think I’m in denial.

I just think, people like to think what’s on paper can translate well into actuality/reality. In other words, everything looks good on paper.

Theories, hypothesis, etc.

It’s only when you test these things out that their flaws come to light.

[NathanDavis]

again...

for the people who tell you, that this is true and it is possible... they're coming from years, even decades of personal experience

while, those people who are telling you is "not possible" they come from ignorance and a lack of actual experience

then all of you have nothing left but to grab links from the internet and call them "source of truth"

you cannot see it, because you just don't want to see it... that's all

[Asker]

How about the people who say it’s the reverse with years and even decades of the opposite personal experience?

Also, combined that with what we know about biology, the above sources talking about this topic, etc.

[NathanDavis]

your unprofessional interpretation of biology, biochemistry, neurobiology, long etcétera... is both limited and at the of the day, just a biased interpretation...

and yes, there's a lot of people who have had years of bad experiences... but that is because they are NOT capable of it... that is their personal situation and experience, but that doesn't negate the positive experiences of others

and that applies to many other things in life

that's what many things life are about, some people CAN and other people just can't

in your case... you can't... simple

[Asker]

You didn’t even read or look at the above sources.

So, how exactly do you know that my interpretation is a “biased interpretation.”

[NathanDavis]

because you googled exactly, the results you wanted to find...

which is not objective at all

and because of the very visible premise on the link

" men please stop trying to date your female friends "

see, from the very title it is already biased and laser focused on one thing males that are not trying to be friends, but they are trying to date women while pretending to be friends

now, I knot it is futile to even explain or try to make a point with you

because you're so broken in your inadequacy that none of this even matters to you, you're just not capable, that's all... and this is all a cycle... in a few days from now, we will go the same bit that comes next... you posing shirtless with your gun and asking women for some crumbs of validation

[Asker]

So, I typed in a number of things such as

“Men & women platonic friendships.”

“Can men and women be just friends.”

If you take the time to read the sources then you’ll see that it’s not entirely in my favor.

[NathanDavis]

your mindset is not in your favor either...

that's a shame

[Asker]

Read that again “entirely in my favor”

ENTIRELY

[NathanDavis]

let me ask you something, directly...

have you ever been truly happy and content in your life?

[Asker]

Mostly my life, 100%

Even right now, probably more so now than at any point.

[NathanDavis]

what are the things that make you this happy, and content?

[Asker]

So, I think it all starts with feelings about yourself, specifically who you are, how you look, and what your capabilities.

In short, I feel about myself positively in these categories.

It’s a very healthy love for myself, but nothing extreme. I have my own insecurities, issues, imperfections, etc.

I like to think I focus on what I can change and I do not focus on what I can’t and shouldn’t want to change.

So, that’s #1

[Asker]

Everything else, can be healthy and full family/support unit.

Career prospects—I haven’t really failed anything that I set my heart to. I’ve been fortunate with where and whom I was born under.

I’m very thankful.

I feel like I’m doing better at giving back to my family and to the world.

The more capable I become, the more I can give back.

I can, at the very least put money into charities, NGO, etc.

All of which I would support, so anti-sex trafficking for example

[NathanDavis]

have you ever had a happy, and actual, relationship... with a woman (or a man, who knows) ever?

and I mean a meaningful relationship... no hookups or dating women here and there

[joeldalton]

Don't women claim that you have to be friends first before a relationship starts?

In a July meta-analysis of seven studies published in Social, Psychological, and Personality Science, researchers examined results from 1,900 college students and older adults and found that 66 percent of people are platonic friends with their significant other prior to falling in love and starting a romantic relationship

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton many people do become friends first, before their relationship develops into a romantic relationship, yes... this happens all the time to many people

now, when you say that "women do claim you HAVE to be this or that" no, that is not accurate because not all women claim that, although some women would prefer that, there are men who would prefer that as well... so is not as generalized, nor as absolute and not as simple as just a "claim"

however your approach with this argument is not the same as the premise on this question, your observation is more accurate yes and I do agree with most of it... but is just not the same situation we have been discussing so far

[joeldalton]

@NathanDavis it’s absolutely relevant. Because these 60% were “friends” but still had a sexual attraction and became more than friends. So were they friends? The only difference between that relationship and a guy in a ‘friendship’ with a woman who complains about being friend zoned is that the woman doesn’t reciprocate the romantic feelings in the latter.

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton I agree that it is relevant yes... because it is part of this collective on different situations in which these things can happen

so yes, it is one angle, one approach and one of ~many~ ways in which these things can happen, but it is not the only way

and it is not addressing the core of the premise in which the original asker posted his own perception on these matters

besides that, the last bit of your last argument would be somewhat accurate in some situations, but not all of the situations

and that is the main problem with these kind of topics... there is no blanket proposal that will absolutely cover all of the situations under the same exact veil

and I can very easily prove that to you, because I myself had had very different in experience many times in life, and I am not the only one... there are so many others, men and women who have it the same as me or different than me, therefore, also different from what you are claiming here as well as the original poster

in short... not all relationships between women and me go exactly the same... NOT all of them

[joeldalton]

No, not every relationship is the same, but if 99% of them behave that way, it’s reasonable to assume it happens often enough to make a blanket statement. You would say humans have two ears. But there are people born without ears.

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton okay now I have to point out your blatant mistake here...

it is not 99% of the times

even by the account of the studies you brought up and I agreed to agree without questioning them, the figure is 60%

60% is full universes apart from 99%

it is 6 out of every 10... not 9.9999 out of every 10

so keep it rational, rather than biased and emotional...

and on your last sentence... there are lab rats that can grown human ears on their backs but what the heck does that have to do with what you just said... lmfao

[joeldalton]

@NathanDavis that’s 60% that turned into relationships. Plus the X% that don’t turn into relationships where the guy (or girl) doesn’t reciprocate feelings.

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton see... this is the problem

you single-handedly just determinate in an absolute manner what the circumstances are for almost half of the population

and that out of your own personal bias with no foundation whatsoever, other than your probably, bad experiences on these matters

and I thought you were actually going to be smarter than that... but oh well

[joeldalton]

@NathanDavis so you’re going to pretend that doesn’t happen? Are you serious? Bro, I’m married. Have been for 23 years. I think I have relationships settled pretty good.

This is the issue with you. I’ve shown 60% of relationships start as friendships. We have X% of relationships where the attraction isn’t reciprocated. We also have Y% of relationships where there may not be romantic desire, but if they’re both drunk and the chick is horny then sex happens. Then there’s Z% of guys who would bang their female friends even if they just asked for something to do. All three of these together add up to the vast majority of male/female “friendships” not really being friendships.

Instead of just admitting this is a good point, you lamely attempt to attack my relationships with women and intelligence.

That’s how we know you know you lost the discussion.

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton " since I cannot have it myself... then nobody else can have it either, so it does not actually exist at all, other than my own experience and my experience only"

typical childish and absolutely biased attitude

and of course you would think that this is just a contest to win, and only one side can win... lmfao

that is always the actual problem with biased people... they just can't see anything else that is beyond their own nose

and the fact that you have married one time to one person... does not mean anything to all others who have had different experiences so that kind of argument as your ears argument, in fact... I could marry two lab rats right away, and those two rats would stat married for as long as they live... but again what the hell does that have to do with this topic, nothing at all... lol

[joeldalton]

@NathanDavis you’re hilarious dude. You can continue to deny reality but that doesn’t change reality.

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton one thing is for sure... your biased perception of life does not have any effect on my reality

other than that, you're just another inadequate mitch just like the original poster of this question but just sadder because according to you, you have been married for this long and you're still sour AF for whatever reasons but well, to each their own

[joeldalton]

@NathanDavis bro you’re projecting. Absolutely nothing I’ve stated indicates I’m sour. It sounds like you’re projecting a bit. Lol.

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton you are both sour, salty and a sad show... typical of any other mitches around G@G

if you do not like that to be pointed out, then don't come around, as simple as that...

because I will sure call it out as I see it

[joeldalton]

@NathanDavis yeah, except you’re full of shit. I stated facts, no bitterness at all. Again, you’re projecting.

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton you just projected a 60% figure... all the way to a 99% figure, and only because it serves your purpose and to push your biased narrative lmfao...

and you think I am the one that is full of shit, well that certainly is rich...

not even @embracethepain is that much of a dumbass to state such a BS argument pulled out of your ass, lol

[joeldalton]

You are full of shit. From your first answer to this one. I proved the majority of friendships are not “friendships” as you’re stating them. And your response is to try to be insulting and pretending you’ve achieved some enlightenment others haven’t. It’s not working. Sure I’m speculating. But I’m closer to being right than your garbage.

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton "I prove the majority..."

just because you have a perception... it does not you have proved anything, it is as simple as that, none of your biased bullshit perception will ever mean anything to whoever has it different by their own experience... the only thing you are proving in here is, how damaged and biases some people can become about something they cannot even start to comprehend because they just never ever had it coming their way, therefore... they just cannot accept that there are so many out there who are different to them, that is the only one thing you are proving here

none of what you say or think will ever change the experience of so many others

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton when you say that "I have achieved enlightenment above others" that is also some more insecure bullshit from your part, I have not achieved any secret knowledge or realizations, I just have simply experienced something different in life and it is just not me... so many other users on this site, so many other people out there are just so damned normal as to be friends with other people... but you cannot get that because you do not WANT to get that, for whatever messed up reasons, you are just too damaged to want to accept that... why are you so bitter and salty and so sour about this, who knows? I don't know... I only know that you obviously are because here you are... making a fool out of yourself, and in denial, with your bullshit arguments of "X, Y, and Z therefore... 60% is actually 99% because I think so and I agree with myself so I how I cannot be right"

nobody is buying that... not even you buy it, but now you're so deep into your own ass that you just cannot back up on your stupidity. Now you're just trying to see if you get me to argue and make it about something else, but we are back to square one in which you simply are wrong and simply because you are in NO position to know better because you have never had it better, you have never had it different. So choke on that one... as much as you want, you're the one who's gonna dread it

[joeldalton]

@NathanDavis you're an idiot. You've created this fantasy of me that has no basis in reality.

[NathanDavis]

and the most pathetic of all... is your rampant insecurity...

" sure I am speculating... but I am closer to being right than you are "

why is for you to be "right" and for me to be "wrong" so god damned important to you anyway? and why are you backing down now? you come here with your attitude and convinced that you are just right

and now you step back and accept you just speculate? and then you claim that now being right is about percentages as well and that in that case you are closer than me to be right? is this just a contest to win for you to feel whatever you want to feel other than insecure?

I am not speculating any shit... and I am not trying to claim that I have any sort of absolute truth over all others, I just simply stated a very simple truth, some people will have it different than you and can be friends indeed... and again is not speculation, is just an account of my true experiences and those of my friends which of course I know first hand

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton and the account of my own experience is the same as many others in here who will tell you similar, they are just ABLE to be friends with other people of different gender and that is it...

now the only question here is this... why the two of you dickheads are so damaged and insecure and damned bitter about this, why? is it because something you always wanted and could never had? is it because the only things you have had is not what you wanted? in any case why do the two of you numbnuts have to be so insecure about others being able to have it differently... such fools the two of you

and the funny thing is that from all the people who have the same opinion as me because they have had the same experiences as me... you pick me to argue about this shit, lmfao... it is funny because I will sure call you out on your bullshit every single time and that without a single bother, it's almost as if you just want to become even more bitter about this and you just have to feel like if you "win" this argument then "all the friendships others have won't be real"

grow up dude...

[joeldalton]

@NathanDavis lmao, you're just comical at this point.

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton

" you are an idiot "

" you created an illusion "

" you comical "

well well... I see your big mouth just ran out of delusion and anything else to say

are you okay there? do you want some more bitter truth to swallow? or have you had enough and just prefer to throw insults till you just can go and quit your bullshit

if you want to go a few more rounds just let me know... because I can sure give you more

[joeldalton]

@NathanDavis I just like watching you pontificate your nonsense.

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton sure buddy... and I can sure tell how much fun you're having...

[joeldalton]

@NathanDavis you have a big issue overestimating your importance.

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton the only issue in here is YOU... undermining your own self-esteem

but you're the one who has to deal with that, not me...

so good luck with that one

[joeldalton]

@NathanDavis lmao.. all this free therapy, I'm honored.

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton that would imply you do have a fix...

I do not think that is the case... there's alway hope though, but that would be for your poor wife to have, not me

[joeldalton]

@NathanDavis I’ll be sure to tell her some dweeb on the internet says she’s got to fix me.

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton I am sure she quit that about 20 years ago...

[joeldalton]

@NathanDavis well now that a licensed GaG therapist says so, that may re-energize her.

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton not to worry though... if she's been stuck with you for 23 years.. she already found a way to keep up

but you however... lol

[joeldalton]

Yeah, how's your wife doing?

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton that's what I could have asked you... but you know what studies say...

48 to 60% of people that marriage very young, as it was your case at age 17, apparently... those marriages end up failing and broken over time

and according to your logic you know what 60% means... 99% of people that marry at age 17, have a failed and miserable marriage... because of the rule of X, Y and Z

so my condolences to your wife, because she sure got the worst part of this deal

[joeldalton]

Yeah, I'll be sure to tell her how miserable you think she is. Again. how's your wife doing?

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton not her... you're the miserable one, that is for sure, but you knew that already...

which is exactly you're here being a bittersaltysadshow and making a fool out of yourself

[joeldalton]

@NathanDavis and your wife?

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton don't have enough with yours? lol

or have you had enough of it... what do you care about others'

[joeldalton]

@NathanDavis you're awfully concerned about mine, so I'm interested in finding out how your wife is doing.

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton by the way... would you say that are good friends with your wife?

do you see her as a partner as well? or just your spouse?

[joeldalton]

@NathanDavis how would you describe your relationship with your wife?

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton I see... touchy subject

well well well... you sure are quite the big mouth and come with the attitude when it comes to talking shit

but the moment you have to face your own reality and experience you rather hide and not address it

cannot say I am surprised by that level of insecurity

[joeldalton]

@NathanDavis is there a psychological condition where someone deflects a question 4 times? Is it known as fullofshititis?

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton don't be shy... go ahead and tell us how great, and rich, satisfying and fulfilling your life and marriage is...

[joeldalton]

I want to hear about your wife. How did you meet?

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton how did you ever convince yours... is the real question

[joeldalton]

@NathanDavis No , the real question is "how is your wife?" That you seem unable to answer. If people didn't know better, they'd think you were single.

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton other people here are actually smarter... and could see right through this, lol

were the two of you knocked up before finishing high-school, was that it?

[joeldalton]

@NathanDavis I mean you've been doling out relationship advice left and right for two days. Surely you've found that special someone who wants to spend their life with you, right? What day is your anniversary? Mine's coming up, May 1.

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton to remain stuck with you for that long... she sure has to be special, quite the saint

can't argue with that

[joeldalton]

@NathanDavis and what will you get your wife for your anniversary this year? What's that date? I'd like to send a card.

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton and speaking about being special... do you even have friends at all?

since you're not capable nor adequate to have a female friend... how many male friends do you have, or ever had one? none?, plenty? many?

or will you also avoid this question as well

[joeldalton]

Answer mine, and I'll answer yours. When were you married?

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton ha... that's interesting...

you felt way more defensive and willing when I mentioned males... than when it is about your wife and your "happy" marriage

[joeldalton]

@NathanDavis boy, if someone didn't know any better, they'd think you're trying to compensate for something. Can't quite put my finger on it.

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton says the one that brought up his wife into a discussion about friendships, when he ran out or bullshit arguments that could not keep up...

[joeldalton]

@NathanDavis I mean are you sexting girls on this site and don't want them to find out you're married? I can see why that would be embarrassing.

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton so you want to make it about sexting now... I see

so, unless you cheated on your wife, chances are you only have sex with one woman... which could possibly explain why you are just not capable of having a female friend

maybe you just can't control yourself and stop wondering how sex would be like, with other women...

now it makes more sense

but of course, I am just speculating... maybe you two are into threesomes and stuff so who knows...

[joeldalton]

@NathanDavis You're trying really hard here to avoid a simple question. Weird.

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton meanwhile we just discovered why are you such an inadequate and not capable to be friends with other people

typical horny 40 year old boy that can't get his urges under control

what a cliché

[joeldalton]

@NathanDavis I mean, it's ok if you're single. It's gotta be tough out there for you.

[NathanDavis]

@joeldalton just remember to repeat that to yourself tonight before you sleep... you only have to convince yourself that you are all alright... not others, everyone else... do not care about you (=

[NathanDavis]

by the way @embracethepain just look at this joke of a sadshow @joeldalton

take a good look at him because this could be your future if you keep up with this mindset of "men just can't be friends with women" way too old and bitter to be able to make anything about such obtuse perspectives, and then all they have is to go around spreading bullshit so foolish they can't even make sense out it, like a dumbass high- schooler that was never able to grow up

[joeldalton]

Or @embracethepain you could be single in your 30s and pretend you know about relationships. The choice is yours.

[NathanDavis]

@embracethepain for the grace of all gods... pick him...

his self-esteem depends on validation and "winning" this contest... I am sure you can relate to that

[desidoll]

I have said this too but eh, maybe they experienced something different so let’s just agree to disagree. I used to believe the same thing until I realize that I am just way to friendly/bubbly that my guy friends turned out to have feeling for me despite them tried not showing it. It makes me sad because I felt like we had great connection in many ways but I know we can’t control attraction. It is just human nature.

[yourmancallsme]

Because we know what our gender is like and how they think

[nice-girl]

Not only on this site, it seems like this is the predominant opinion among people. Even my fiance told me that they can be friends one time. And my sister has a lot of male friends. But I strongly disagree. Let's not be naive.
I'm not comfortable with my fiance having female friends, but I think he got "friendzoned" all his life.
I simply see myself as a woman and I can't just "leave my femininity home" when I go out with male friends, it's always there. And at the "right" circumstances a friend can become a lover. I'm being a little extreme here but, let's say a man and a woman would get stuck in a remote island, they would most likely end up a couple and something will be there with time. So he's never a friend, unless he's gay (or she's lesbian).
And what can a woman talk about with a male friend? Her partner? It's one thing two women talking with each other about their partners, but a man a a woman friend?
For example, my fiance told me that one of this female friends told him that her husband doesn't do housework, and he replied "I do". This might not be sexual but this might be something that that woman "needs" from her partner as "grass is always greener on the other side of the fence".

[alderoth]

The way men or women treat the opposite sex has been debated forever, but here is a question. The women that you don't find attractive. Do you treat them the same as the women in your social circle that are attractive? Do you feel differently towards women you do not have an attraction to? You probably do. You see them as just a friend. Well, attractive women, or the women that WE find attractive, since attractiveness is subjective, may feel the same way about you, especially if they aren't interested in you. The only time something happens between people is either by force, or because of attraction. So to challenge you and Steve Harvey, yes, you can be friends with anyone or anything. Their gender, physical appearance, doesn't matter. If their appearance compromises your friendship then that is because of YOU, not them. Sorry bud!!

[Squaresquirrel]

I don't know why other people think that.
I only know that I can't be friends only with a man I share very intimate things, try a lot of firsts, spends weekends and holidays together and I practically trust him with my life.
For me, male friends are more like mates I meet in group setting, we go out, drink and have some fun in a group, something light and "superficial"
but if we meet one on one, going on dinner dates, having deep conversations, etc it's more than friendship in my book.

[zeitgeist057]

1. Some men and women are related to each other. So either your hypothesis is incorrect, or incestual thoughts are a given, not an anomaly. EVERY sibling, every parent, every cousin, aunt and uncle thinks "intimate" (i. e. sexual) thoughts about their relatives.

2. I have personal experience with many females whom I have zero sexual attraction to, and am friends with. I also have many female friends whom I believe do not think of me sexually.

3. Some people are asexual. Again, this disproves the hypothesis, since these people do not have "intimate" thoughts whatsoever about ANYONE.

Anyway, I'm sure I could come up with a couple more holes in this hypothesis, but it seems simply and obviously false. I think the only reason it's been posted is perhaps OP has some personal dynamics that he imagines that the entire world must also have.

[Lionman95]

Because some of us made the experience that it worked. Steve Harvey is an entertainer with life experience but doesn´t mean that other people couldn´t make other experiences.
Yes it´s not necessarily the majority of occasions but it still can happen just because it never happened to you.
Not every guy thinks that about sex when sees a woman he finds attractive. That´s so in my case because of parental education growing up with girls from an early age meaning most kids in the neighborhood were girls plus I have an under-average libido.
So I would argue that it depends on how much your life is focused and controlled by sex/porn.

[Slartybartfast]

What? I have female friends I've known for 30+ years. I've literally slept in the same bed (as in close my eyes and sleep. Years ago I came home one day after a 36 hour shift and found my wife and my friends wife sleeping in my bed. I crawled in between and was about to fall asleep when her husband called and asked what I was doing. "I'm in bed about to go to sleep" he replied "Is my wife there?" I said yes she's sleeping next to me. He just said "Put her on the phone" . No big deal when you're an actual adult.

I lived in florida for ten years, my best friend there is a lesbian, I have no interest in her sexually. I introduced her to her wife. She messaged me yesterday we keep in touch.

[NoUsernameSelected]

You are right in some sense.
You can only be friends with people you are not sexually attracted to, that means you can even be friends with women as a straight man, if you don't find them attractive at all.
If you are in any way romantically interested in them, confess asap. If they don't share that feeling end that friendship right there. "Just be friends" is not possible. Since you have romantic feelings, her finding a boyfriend will hurt your feelings.
No good friend would ever be ok with their friend's feelings being toyed like that. If she really were a friend and had your well being in mind, in fact SHE would tell you that it's better to end the friendship.

Don't be friends with a person you are romantically interest in. Ever. Ask yourself: "Where do these nice guys come from?" Right there, that's where they are born. Just don't.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Because we can and have done so. I still have decades long platonic female friends.

Why do some people still think that straight men are attracted to anything with a vagina?

It's far more likely to be platonic than romantic/sexual.

If she is taken, I'm not attracted, and that alone is a huge chunk of women.

if she's not my type physically, I'm not attracted, and thats an even larger chunk.

if she's not mentally compatible enough to live with and spend all my time with, I'm not attracted, and the percentage of women who are artists who play challenging video games, watch anime and sci-fi, and dont drink acohol, don't smoke or do other drugs, and don't want or have kids, and are cute af, and are single, and are near my age, is VERY small.

Also, I tend to only get along with women who have mostly male friends, since online gaming is mostly guys.

[sp33d]

I'm assuming you are talking about straight guys.

No, flat earth is Known to be false. What you are talking is conjecture. If you can't be friends with women, that's fine, your insecurities are yours to deal with. Being delusional is not a healthy solution. Insisting otherwise and cherry picking quotes from people You might agree with is definitely not convincing.

I think the potential for romance has some guys going haywire, because they've never experienced a romantic relationship before, so whomever they meet (that's attractive enough) triggers the same reaction. It could also be that he's had experience and refuses to believe that he shouldn't be getting some..

Of course, the elephant in the room is porn. Especially dangerous to the weak-minded.

[bolverk]

Sorry you think that I'm the relationship equivalent of a 'flat-earther', but maybe it is because I come from a different country - age, that I can have female friends and not think about them sexually, for I cherish them as the people they are.
As for Mr. Harvey saying that men and women cannot be friends he must have a very limited pool of people around him if he comes to that conclusion, which will have been contributed to by the way he way he was brought up if he has only ever saw women as sexual partners and never friends which is a sad state of affairs.

[Zenit93]

It's an emotional stance rather than a logical one. We live amongst a society and culture that prizes individuality, independence, and to be frank-- selfishness. Relationships don't have really many boundaries today. The concept of monogomy and marriage were once help in a religious structure, and today people do not follow religion like they used to. If a man says he feels uncomfortable with another man in his spouses life, then he's ridiculed and looked at as lesser value. Men as a result have taken a submissive stance in this regard, and now there's a lack of order and boundaries. When you mention things such as friends of the opposite sex, you're in a sense attacking the ethos of what modern culture stands for. When you go against the grain of culture, you're going to receive negative feedback and disapproval. Culture is cyclical and therefore fluid. Logic almost always prevails and holds truth at the end of the day.

[Wsx2wsx2ws]

Because some men can and some men can't. Just that simple.
Why are all people not thin, fat, healthy, sick, smoke, stop smoking... because we all have different strengths and weaknesses.
IF you know its a weakness then avoid the opportunity. But don't judge others by your own weakness.

[DaveJord]

Because there are a lot losers men out there that think they have to be friends with a girl before they can get laid. Or these guys would get zero female attention if not for their ability groovel for friendship. Or maintaining a friendship allows 5hem to maintain false hope that women actually find them appealing.

Its great deal for women, but dude is a loser.

[Fion3il]

Please explain further, I thought it was possible to actually just have friends.

[DaveJord]

@Fion3il Of course it's possible to be friends with women. If you are not physically attracted her, some guys just think they need to be friends with a women before dating... and that totally is NOT true.

If you want to be in a romantic relationship with a women, then you need to approached her and gear everything toward that goal. Once a women says she just wants to be friends... thats a rejection and you need to bail. Just being friends with a women after she rejects you without sex... is 100% more beneficial to her and debtermental to you. And its a death sentence to the guy... its called the friend zone trap. She gets the emotional attachment and benefits of being friends and you get no sex and probably never will. At the same time hovering around her orbit, makes twice as hard for you to move on and find a better girl to date

These dumbass guys fool themselves into believing that eventually if they stay friends she will change her mind... and in about 95% NEVER the cases. Once they see you as a freind, that means basically every other guy is a potential sexual partner, but you because your just friends. Once girl says she only wants to be friends, sever contact, don't hang around with her, text or contact her. Maybe after some time, like months/years if you come back round and ask if she still is only interested in being friends, you might have a change. But if you keep hanging out in friendship zone you will never escape the trap.

[Fion3il]

Just sounds like you use women and want women for sex. I agree that you don't need to be friends with a women before you date though. Its not a requirement. However you can still have attractive opposite gender friends. Not everyone wants to fuck their friends all the time and sees that as their only purpose in being their friend. For example I've been rejected by friends when I asked them out. We are still good friends today though. I have also rejected friends who were female and im still friends with them. For multiple years I have been friends with them. Im not friends with them to fuck them, im friends because I enjoy hanging out with them and think they are a fun friend.

[DaveJord]

@Fion3il thanks for making assumptions about me. I guess it depends on what you define or consider someone as a freind to mean. Most people agree with me on this, but of course there are always others that have strong opinions and I respect that.

[genericname85]

i don't think so. i have many female friends with no intentions of being sexual with them.
Steve Harvey is harldy an authority on relationships. he just can't keep his dick in his pants and will cheat on his wife whenever he gets the chance. so naturally, a guy like him would not have female friends, if he wants to keep a wife...

[Fion3il]

Its very much possible. I have some "girl friends" who I haven't considered romantically or thought about attraction. However these aren't very close friends I have spent lots of time with. I believe with close friends, attraction or thoughts of possible romantic feelings will come up unwanted eventually. But it's not like we are monkeys and can't maintain a friendship platonically even if we are attracted to them or have considered romantic feelings.

[Lookingforthetruth]

Most women consider 80% of the males subpar or below average in physical attraction. Thus, women can very easily keep things platonic. Men in this category that later in life get women, don't get them because the woman is in fact actually physically attracted to him.

[zagor]

You are blatantly WRONG. I've had female friends I enjoyed hanging out with, because they were fun, interesting people. Sometimes they were in relationships at the time, some were married. It probably helped that in the majority of cases, I did not find them attractive, but some were. One I went on a multi-day backpack with, together with a married couple she knew.

Yeah, probably not everyone can do this, but some people can't do their own taxes. Others have more complex abilities.

[zagor]

As far as no intimate thoughts whatsoever, you seem to be assuming that men are unable to control themselves if they do have intimate thoughts, which is ridiculous.

[Nata2496]

I have no idea! I would have thought that it's natural to assume somewhere along the line, natural attraction to the opposite sex coupled with an already close bond will give rise to feelings on at least one person's half.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Because it's very possible Straight Guys Being Friends With Girls Is Very Possible And It's Way More Common Than You Think!

[Aiko_E_Lara]

And people like you can't speak for themselves

[cookiecrusher]

Because women think that men view them as women view their male friends.

And a lot of guys are really feminine here. Lack of testosterone and/or manliness in general. To drive a mans normal sexual interest in beautiful women.

A man doesn't have to do it, choose not to. But the drive will always be there.

So no, a man can't be just friends with an attractive woman. Ugly ones, sure.