Why is it that I never get to properly be apart of any guys life?

[nocturnalbaby]

Every time I've liked a guy in the past, they always just wanted to use me for sex.

It has happened with guys that I didn't present myself sexual to which I find disappointing. It has happened with guys I went to school with. In middle school, I used to really like a guy in one of my classes, and I was in his group for a project, and we spoke normally, so nothing sexual. I don't know if he knew at the time that I liked him, but he would always bully me & yell at me & treat me badly. After I left that school a year later though, one of my friends told him that I liked him, and I don't know what else she said, but he got my number off that friend & started texting me & pretending he was interested in getting to know me & chatting to me. However, eventually he started telling me he thought I was sexy & that he would love to have sex with me. I was disappointed & annoyed because I actually LIKED him, which meant I wanted to get to know him & spend time with him, sex was not the first thing on my mind. I thought because he was one of those popular guys, that maybe he does it with all girls, but I heard he used to actually properly like one of my friends back in elementary school, just like how I liked him, and he was still following her on social media after almost 8 years & still liking her pictures even though they're not friends anymore. Whereas with me he deleted me when I told him I didn't want casual sex with him.

with another guy as well, I liked him, but he didn't wanna follow me on any social media. he just wanted to have sex with me & not associate with me on social media, whilst he has other girls in his life who he's happy to keep following on social media & having them in his life. Why does this happen to me & why can't I be like other girls that actually get to stay on their social media & not get deleted after saying no to sex? how come those girls get to be followed by those guys I like without giving them sex? I'm sure they're not all fucking them.

Updates

1 y

I don't mean to be arrogant, but I'm genuinely a decent, sweet and caring girl, and I don't understand why guys only want to use me for sex & don't want to become friends with me or get to know me. I don't even dress slutty. I do have naturally big breasts though that are hard to hide without a puffer jacket or coat - could it be my body that distracts them & makes them overlook my personality? does it depend on where I meet the guy & who I'm meeting them through?

[motownplayer2000]

First off, I don’t think all guys are doing that. I’ve had a friend in my personal experience who had that same issue. As we went through life, I saw her turn down guys she was not “attracted too.” Not ugly guys by any means, but they were either too nice, too giving, too emotional, too boring, etc… and she finally mentioned again that there were no guys out there that were good. And what you said, all these guys wanted her for sex and that’s it.
You hit it on the head, the guys YOU want are like that. Not every guy. I’m sure there are guys who you have turned down that would be itching to give you the attention that you wanted those guys you find attractive to give you. The same way you said, they overlook your personality because of your body, could be the same way you overlooked some dudes personality for that bit of unattractive-ness that you claimed for some other dude. It sucks that all the men you want don’t want you in the way you want them. And that’s just it, if a man wants a woman, the biggest compliment is for him to want her in every way, including physically. You can’t control what a man wants when he wants it. We are wired differently than women.
Finally, I would be hard pressed to find that these women aren’t keeping these men somewhat sexually interested. There is some sexual activity going on. However, have you spoken up and told these guys straight how you feel. That you like them? That you don’t want sex first. Some men, speaking for myself and most of my male friends, we respect a woman that will speak up and tell us what she wants.

[MrOracle]

You haven't said this, but I'd bet that all of the guys you've gone for are in the Top 10% of men (just like most women). These are the guys that all the other girls want: the handsome, tall, popular guys. But you need to understand that the top 80% of single women are pursuing these top 10% of single men - which means those men have TONS of options with women, and have zero need to settle down with any of them. And in the event that they DO settle down with one of them, you can bet she's going to be a 10/10 (and will probably still get cheated on).

If you want to have a real relationship, you're never going to get it with one of those guys. Those guys only use women - and yet even women who know full well that they do so are still happy to stand in line and wait their turn to be used.

You need to recalibrate your standards, and you need to pick a guy with a high priority on his character - his morals and values - and his life goals (which need to be compatible with yours) - and NOT on how many clout points you'll get if you post a pic of you two together on Instagram. Yeah, you may not get a guy who is as tall as you'd like, or not as handsome as you'd like, or as popular as you'd like, but you can have a REAL relationship. I'm not saying you need to pick a troll, I'm saying that you have to stop holding out for guys who look like actors or boy-band members.

Also, realize that ALL men are going to want sex - you wouldn't want a man who didn't -but a man who really cares about you and wants a relationship with you will focus more on the relationship and less on the sex (I said LESS, not "none"). That's what you need to look for.

[Anonymous]

It’s not your fault. It seems to be how men are wired, unfortunately. Men and women simply aren’t compatible with each other. We want different things. And men seem to have no qualms about mistreating another human being, because essentially, that is what they are doing. They lack basic respect. The only ones that will settle down are the ones that want a family at some point, so it’s never about wanting to be with a girl because they don’t.

It was the same thing with me and a guy, the difference is he would follow me, but he would never let me follow him in all the years he was talking to me. Be grateful you weren’t led on for years and years. And it’s not even about how many options he has, as some of these men are saying, because he recently came crawling back and begging me for sex and I refused him. If he had so many options, he wouldn’t have so desperately tried anything with me again.

[nocturnalbaby]

yeah for sure, he definitely didn't have many options at all if he came crawling back to you, he clearly was the opposite actually - sounds like he lost all his options and was desperate which is why he came back to you

[Faith18letsgo]

I’d make guy friends. Whether, they’re gay, in relationships, or you just have no chemistry boy friends are really fun to have.

[Anonymous]

1. Yes, guys out there want to have sex with you.

2. If they see you and approach you, it’s because they think you are attractive or interesting.

3. Yes, this means they want to have sex with you. Maybe that night. Maybe in a month. 🤷‍♂️

4. This DOES NOT mean they ONLY want to have sex with you.

You know one reason why I stopped approaching women is because I HATE how they think “oh great, another guy who just wants to screw me.” As if I should be ashamed that I found them attractive? And as if that is the ONLY thing I want? I want to know what books you like and who your favorite band is and what kind of food you enjoy and where you want to travel. And it bothers me that I have to get through all this resistance and stereotypes, that I’m immediately assumed to just be another horny guy, I just said forget it. I like women with large breasts, it’s just what I’m attracted to, so if I go and talk to some pretty girl she’s just gonna think “great another guy who just wants me for my tits.” It’s very... demeaning to know that that is what women think of you.

Try not to use social media as a gauge for relationships or a guy’s interest. Some of us really aren’t that into it, and couples and people dating should be talking. God I remember calling up girlfriends and talking on the phone. Do people even do that anymore?

[TallnBig]

When you say you liked him, can I ask why
Sounds like you didn't have common interests
Why worry so much about socal media
Do you have room in your life for anyone
Not giving you grief but when in the right relationship you are each other's life
Still having some of your own interests but wanting to be with them not having to
You'll see
Be strong and I promise you'll have them all attracted and your pick but be more concerned with yourself first
Followers don't really care long term and you'll see stop looking, live your life for you not anyone else

[nocturnalbaby]

it was a long time ago & I almost don't even remember why anymore, but I remember I was physically attracted to him & thought he was funny & cool. But yeah you're right, we had nothing in common at all.

yeah fair enough

[Anonymous]

I'm very sorry that keeps happening to you, you seem like such a lovely person and I do hope you meet someone who can see that.

But honestly I dont knkw why people are so shitty. It's sad that they are tbh things like that are the reasons I'm so disenchanted with the dating side of anything. And tbh I don't see the appeal of sex without the connection of a deeper relationship.

The current dating world is mostly just fucked up as it seems to be a lot about sex and sadly a lot of people don't care about hurting someone's feelings as long as they get to sleep with them.

[Opinion Owner]

Sadly I think it just depends on the guy and what they are interested in. I wish I had enough confidence to talk to people like you and make new friends and that. Or even find a date. As kind genuine people are the best. Sadly I think most guys want sex more than a connection

[nocturnalbaby]

thanks, I hope so too.

Yeah it is sad. Most guys are out there for their selfish sexual desires & are happy to do anything to get what they want sexually. I also don't see the appeal of sex without a connection or an interest in a deeper relationship.

But the more hurtful thing is seeing that these guys actually DO have other girls in their lives who they are interested to date & be friends with on social media, whereas I have to be the girl that just gets used for meaningless sex.

If they were just doing it with everyone, and there were no girls they were genuinely interested in or dating, then I wouldn't mind it as much, but seeing that there are actually other girls in their lives that they actually value enough to add on social media makes me think there must be something about me that makes me worthless to them and I wanna know what it is.

[nocturnalbaby]

yeah I guess so. aw I don't actually have that much confidence but I try my best to talk to people I wish to be friends with as I've lost a lot of friends recently. Yeah most guys do want sex more than a connection, but a lot of these guys already have a girlfriend & are just using girls on the side for sex. so that means they are capable of actually loving someone & being in a relationship with someone, but it's just never me they wanna date.

[Opinion Owner]

I can imagine, I honestly think that it's their loss I know it still hurts and words like that don't make it any better really. But you seem like such a kind caring sweet woman and I think that it's truly their loss. From what you've said on this site I don't think there is anything wrong with you.

And I do have some understanding. It actually sucks seeing people in happy relationships at times when your single, or being used. Most who I've spoken to when trying to meet someone is just scams or people trying to sell homemade porn.

Unlike a lot of guys I want to find that person to have a connection with that you can tell your whole day to, cuddle with fall in love with and all of that. And for me sex can only be after seeing each other for a while. For both the need for the connection and also my anxiety issues.

And it's not right to see other people or use others it's disgusting behaviour. If you ever want to talk to someone I'm happy to listen.

[nitsuj86]

My guess would be you like guys that are out of your league. Or at least not the type you should be going for.

You talk about being nice and sweet, but then all the guys you describe liking sound like assholes. My guess is you just like the way they look, because if they aren't treating you well, why else would you stick around?

Maybe you should find a nice, quiet guy like yourself, one that appreciates you and will wait to have sex with you, maybe take you on a date first.

But guys want sex. Even the "nice guys" who will wait, still want it. The popular guys just can get it easier, so they have no issue saying that's what they want. If a normal guy says that he gets rejected. It sounds like you have things you want from these men, just remember they want things too.

[nitsuj86]

For me. If I really thought a girl was potentially "the one" or at least girlfriend material. I would NEVER approach in a sexual way first. That is a 99% fail right there.

But... I have done that in the past. To women that I had NO intention of ever being with. Women who were hot enough to sleep with, but not to date. If I fail it doesn't matter, so I would be much more bold in the things that I said. If she gets offended oh well, plenty of other women like her to try with.

Sounds terrible, cause it is. But this is how a lot of young men think, until they get their hearts broken by one of the first girls that they do care about. Then they look back on how they treated women and feel gross. I know because I was that guy once.

There are guys out there that will treat you right, you just need to be willing to find a guy that might not be the typical "hot bad boy"

[serious]

Well not all men would want only sex from you. There are some men who only want to make good contact and have good conversations.

Maybe you never came across such men.

[nocturnalbaby]

possibly

[rabbitzzz]

Its because they can sense you are not genuine. You don't like them. You just want them to like you. To follow and drool over you on social media like SIMP. But you don't like them or respect their feelings.

[nocturnalbaby]

shit this is surprisingly true lol

[Honesttguy]

I keep telling girls, you only get to know guy AFTER you had sex with him and not BEFORE.
Mens brain programm is simple1) We have sex and then i get to know you more. Why should i invest effort knowing u deeply just to end up friendzoned? Simple formula created after first frienzone, sex first then we talk. You see why it seems all we want is sex to you? Cus all you want is friendzone guys. Any more questions feel free to ask

[Honesttguy]

99% guys want sex, there guys who ONLY want sex and them guys who want sex with extras.
Just to clarify, i got sense that you think somes guys dont want sex.

[ImJustSomeGuyLol]

Really sorry to hear this, but unfortunately, I can't give you the answer that you're looking for. I don't really think it's anything that you're doing, it may just be bad luck.
Please don't give into any of this, I promise we all aren't out to just have sex with anyone. I'm sure your time will come.

[007kingifrit]

men can want 2 things from a woman, sex, or sex + other things. but he must always have sex before he feels close

men and women are NEVER just friends it isn't possible it has never happened and never will. abbandon this dream.

social media is also not for healthy girls, it causes mental disorders like insecurity

[nocturnalbaby]

yeah true, sex is always the main thing a guy wants from a woman. however, I don't agree that having sex comes before feeling close. Cause what about the men that have casual sex with girls regularly but never get emotionally close to them? sex just doesn't seem to mean anything to guys

[007kingifrit]

they do care about things besides sex, but they need sex to care about other stuff

[baserunner611]

I know, but sex is a big part of relationships; it is going somewhere. Is he talking kids, future with you? Talk about ten years from now, buying a house with you, call ask he can. go somewhere or meet a friend with your permission. he ask for your point of view of house or apartment interior stuff, let have your way but want or demand a kiss 😚 or time with you

[Anonymous]

Well, most women are only going for the top 10% and ignoring all the other guys. Those top 10% can F and leave all the women because they have all of them for themselves. Women should look for normal men, not alpha chads.

[WhiteBoyChill]

To be honest. I can’t get an erection around women because I’m connecting with the human person.

I tend to think more with my brain than my dick and plenty of guys are the same way

[IsoUser]

Well that's allowing your inhibitions ti take over your logical sense of mind

[IsoUser]

To be perfectly honest I have always preferred a girl with A to B cup Breasts with Puffy Nipples anything more than that is just a waste!

[Anonymous]

You're PROBABLY punching above your weight. You're CHOOSING guys that just want to sleep with you.

[Opinion Owner]

Women that say they're "sweet" generally aren't. When you just are. You don't need to tell people you are.

[TrillXHippy]

Really sorry about that

[Nahid1707]

You want Love i see