He says he still wants to see me but as friends now after we dated for long time. will it never go anywhere? Why does he want to keep contact?

[Anonymous]

He said nothing wrong happened between us so there's no hate and that I'm a sweet nice girl he kept saying "I really like you" and likes talking to me and enjoys spending time with me. He said if I don't want to be friends I don't have to. I want to remain friends but at the same time I feel I'm just going to give myself false hopes. I keep thinking what if he changes his mind later on? But at the same time I don't know. He told me to not get attached to anyone since I will just get hurt and to just love myself and do things for myself find hobbies that I like for me.

[dynamicyandere]

If he means friends as in platonic friends (not friends with benefits), then it’s probably just an incompatibility thing. Maybe there’s something that he’s looking for that you might not have and he doesn’t want to force you to change for him.


For example, I remember breaking up with a girl because our chemistry wasn’t quite at the level I wanted it to be. We got along alright, but the chemistry wasn’t strong enough for me to want to spend the rest of my life together with her. She was into me but the more I got to know her the more incompatibility I noticed. I thought she should find some that is mutually as fulfilled being with her as she is with him. After all, how can she truly be happy being with someone who isn’t truly happy being with her? So, I thought it would be best to part ways.

[Asker]

He called me yesterday and he said he's really attracted to me but doesn't feel we connect as I dont talk as much and dont understand his jokes well. The part that didn't make sense he kept asking if im moving. I kept saying not sure and said why does it matter you said we not dating. Then he said "I never said we stopped dating forever we can still go on dates just not as often but thats if you live here. Why do you want to live with your parents? I might bring a girl here but not having sex or anything and you can see whoever you want. I never said i will stop dating you".

[Asker]

I'm so confused like huh? I feel he's playing mind games

[Asker]

But then he said he doesn't think he will find his match at all anymore because he will be 35 and is getting older and that he just wants to date people but isn't looking for anything serious just wants to fill up time until the day he dies. Then says "I would still like to see you you're a great girl"

[dynamicyandere]

I see… So, it sounds like to me, he wants to go from exclusive to non-exclusive. He wants to start seeing other people and he wants you to start seeing other people too. But, he still hopes to still go on dates with you occasionally without committing to anything long term or serious.

Basically, it’s like he wants to rewind time to a point where you weren’t his girlfriend yet but you two liked each other and haven’t committed to anything.

It also sounds like you’re not the right match for him to be in a LTR, and it also sounds like he’s given up on LTRs in general—he’s given up on love—now just wanting to kill time with casual dating until he dies.

[Asker]

Yes just that we were never boyfriend/girlfriend only dated. Its weird because I was hanging out with a guy friend couple weeks ago and he kept asking who is that guy is. I just feel he keeps contradicting what he says then he gives me reasons why I shouldn't move out and im stressing out dont know what to do. He also said to focus on myself but that he wants to see me and maybe it can go somewhere but that he is just a waste of time. Never felt this confused

[Asker]

He said if I stay we can stay friends. So I feel its like an ultimatum or something. I want to stay but same time I dont.. I font want to see him with another girl and what if he says that and if I stay he acts rude

[dynamicyandere]

I think you should focus on yourself and do what you think is best for you. He sounds like he’s given up on serious relationships so if you want a serious relationship with him, that’s no longer an option.

As for him, he sounds conflicted. He sounds like he still likes you and wants to hold onto you yet refuses to commit to exclusivity.

[Asker]

While we were talking on phone last night I was more quiet because I want to give up and he was saying "this is what gets me frustrated and annoyed you dont talk and I really tried hard for you!". So I said "for what you already said we aren't dating anymore" then he said "I never said that just said we can be friends and still go on dates". You as a guy do you think he's worth my time? He will be 35 and I will be 26

[dynamicyandere]

I don’t think he’s worth your time. He’s 35 and had given up on LTR and serious relationships, now he just wants to date people casually and not commit to exclusivity, and he’s still wishy washy about his direction in life, and he wants to keep you around even though it’s not going to go anywhere. He’s with you to kill time. You have better things to do.

Even if you’re going to kill time with someone, I think it would be better kill time with someone who you have a meaningful relationship with, like a really good friend or close family members.

So yeah, I don’t think he’s worth your time. Don’t waste your final years in your 20’s on his uncommitted wishy wishy dilly dallying.

[Asker]

You're 100% right on that. Then I'm gonna regret wasting time with him when I could have done something for me like go back to school to get a degree. I been spending more time with my siblings and parents since they are there for me when I need them and I would feel terrible to turn my back on them just for them because then I'm gonna end up alone with no support. I agree I feel like he wants me to stay with a leash to be his last option which is pretty messed up

[Asker]

Do you also think its best i move with my parents? If I stay with him I'm gonna be sad and have low self esteem because I would want how it used to be and it would bother me hearing him talking to someone else. No way I would be okay with that. Then I would be spending $850 on rent a month, spending more gas to go to work but nice neighborhood and private room, freedom can go out come home anytime. Compared to my moms I dont have much privacy and lose freedom although I can go out but my mom starts calling asking when im coming home and she starts getting mad. When im at my parents I tend to focus more on me and family. I can also save up on money maybe pay 200 rent and closer to my job. But my parents argue a lot with each other and my mom is schizo and she talks about a lot of nonsense which drives me crazy. I feel no matter what im screwed at this point

[dynamicyandere]

That’s a tough choice. If I were you, I’d probably work on my career at least until I can afford my own studio, whichever environment would help you the best with that is what I’d choose. Of course finding love during this may be nice, but I think achieving your financial independence would be a good main focus to have. That’s my two cents on it at least.

[Asker]

Ugh I'm so scared to make the wrong choice but hopefully everything works out

[dynamicyandere]

If you are determined and resourceful, you’ll be able to get out of any challenge life throws at you. Trust you gut. Run with it. Everything will work out. ☺️

[dynamicyandere]

Trust your gut*

[Asker]

I feel really depressed. I just feel I'm gonna die alone. I can never keep a man interested in me I'm just too boring with no personality. I try to be different but then I don't feel like myself. Then I think why would I want to be in a relationship im just going to get hurt I rather just be alone and don't have to worry if they will leave me. I dont even know what I want anymore

[ronaldo75]

What are you confused about?

You're good enough to be a friend, but not a girlfriend. Simple.

[Asker]

I'm not in the right state of mind thats why I was confused :( I guess my mind keeps overthinking because I really like him more than that

[Dmit5hybt]

she's worth more than that. THE MALE is whos subpar trash not worth much of anything.

[dynamicyandere]

It may not be a “good enough” issue. Maybe he’s changed or maybe she’s changed or maybe they’ve both changed and it has made the spark go out. It could be a incompatibility thing. Sometimes people just drift apart.

[FilmGuy93]

He wants to stay in touch because he's already come to terms with the fact that he doesn't see you romantically. It wouldn't be a struggle for him.

[Dmit5hybt]

LIKE MOST MALES HE WANTS TO GET FREE CHEAP EASY SEX. HE WOULD RATHER TRICK YOU INTO GIVING IT UP THAN PAYING A HOOKER.

[Dmit5hybt]

he's completely full of garbage. I do advise stay totally away from him and forget he exists like he's dead.