Am I overthinking how long he takes to text back?

[Anonymous]

I met this guy when travelling and he was quite obviously interested in me. We exchanged social medias and after over a week of spending time together I left to go to a different country and less than 2 hours later he had messaged me. Sometimes he replies quite quickly, other times it is hours and sometimes it is a day or slightly longer. His replies are never blunt though, although he is active on social media without replying to me. I'm only questioning this because in my last relationship my boyfriend gaslighted me by using his texting habits. He consistently told me that he wasn't a texter and tried to reassure me every time his texting habits were brought up, but when things were bad his attitude would change and I 'should have known' that this texting habits were a clear sign of his disinterest in me. I'm trying to set boundaries this time, but am unsure of if I'm being too harsh or the opposite and not having firm enough boundaries :/

Updates

1 y

He is also still travelling by the way..

[Serenity_87]

Ohhh MAAANNNNNN there is absolutely NOTHING more annoying than when a guy you like and who likes you is CLEARLY ONLINE and isn't even trying to hide it by turning off his active light status or anything.. and yet, he won't respond for hours even tho he's online that whole time. Even worse is when u can see that he IS INFACT reading your messages right as u send them.. and yet still doesn't reply for hours. Its only annoyingcause it leaves you wondering WHAT THE F*CK could he POSSIBLEY be doing ONLINE for this long that is so consuming that he can READ my messages but not find a few seconds to write back? SUPER annoying, and rude. I feel u completel y. In fact, the guy i been seein for a whole yr now i finally broke up with last week and it was over this type of stupid BS that i'd kindly talk to him about having better communication THATS ALL i ask from him, i litterally do EVERYTHING else & pay for everything, give him everything. So if he can't even just do me the courtesy of not ignoring me while clearly online talking to others then he's just not puttin as much effort into making things work as I am, and a relationship should be a two way street. I've had too many ex's like that as well, so i just won't even mess with it anymore so i just ended it.

HOWEVER... l you did JUST meet this guy, so althought its just an irritating im sure, at I would try to keep ur cool with him and act like it doesn't bother you.. u guys have no commitiments to eachother right? Not dating? Not even living in the same country it sounds like! So he might be realizing that things could never really go anywhere serious, so why allow himself to dive all in or get too attached.. maybe he's a bit hesitant now that he is back home & reality is setting in. It sucks. Im sorry. Its always the good ones that are too far or married or addicted to drugs or SOMETHING! I wish i had some more advice for ya! I would if this were a guy you lived or something.. but with him being in another country, trying to treat things or look at them as if this was the start of a new relationship could just end with pain. I wish i could tell u what to say to him, but all i know is most likely what NOT to do and that is show too much concern about him not replying fast enough or being onine and not talking. I imagine it would just concern him that u might be expecting things to aotually be going somewhere when they can't. But I'd say after at least 3 or 4 weeks of him doing this it would be fair enough and warrant some kind of explanation as to why he ignores u (even if u guys were just being friends) but i just wouldn't just give it a while and not do that too quickly OR too often. I know this is totally off topic and personal and u dont have to answer, but the whole situation makes me wonder if u guys ended up having sex or not while on this vaca?

[Asker]

No we didn’t and we do live in the same country but he’s still travelling at the moment and I’ve just got back home.

[Serenity_87]

ohhh i see. well is he traveling for work? maybe he's just really busy still out on his vaca or with work or whatever he is doing. But even if he is from another state he might have concerns about gettin in too deep emotionally. I know i would anyways.. hell, i get that way these days even with guys who do live in my area! So many different things have to fall in line for a relationship to form and work and location is just one small part.. if i meet a guy in person who lives not too far away but i see he has recently gotten out of a very serious relationship (for one example) i will go into it and kinda see where things go but emotionally i keep myself locked up tight cuz i dont wanna get hurt, im not gonna give a guy my all untill i know and have seen that he means business and is serious about a relationship and has shown me this in his actions, not just says it. and even THEN it doesn't always work out. Love has a lot fighting against it... unfortunitly. If u think it would make u feel any better than u do right now just sittin here not doing anything about it then u could just write to him and just breifly kinda tell him how ur feeling and just tell him ur really not tryin to come off as clingly but thats why ur just tryin to make sure u understand the nature of ur guys friendship/relationship before hand, so that u can just make sure and get urself onto the same page so that neither one of u gets hurt. When u guys were together did he at all imply or act like he wanted to see u again or couldnt wait to talk to u when u get home or did he ever at any point talk about visiting you some time, etc?

[spartan55]

Your relying on texting to keep this going? Lol... dont even bother. It won't work.