So I’ve know for a while about a guy that likes me, apparently he has told a few of my friends that he finds me attractive, he keeps looking at me and so on…I also like him too, and I thought perhaps he is shy and it might be why he hasn’t talk to me. Well today, I tried talking to him and he kept avoiding me and when he saw me sitting at the same table, he stood up and went to sit at the other side of the room BUT kept looking at me. It really confuses me, I’d understand if he is shy but I cannot tell if that is the case. I generally hear guys say that women reject them and it’s the reason why they stop making a move or even try talking to women. So I’m trying to understand what are the main reasons why men decide to not make a move on the girl they like?
Guys: What are your main reasons to not make a move if you like a woman?
1. Don't feel like it or have the mental energy to (very likely) be rejected.
2. High likelihood of being rejected in a rude and aggressive way, especially it seems like she's out of our league (like I'm a 4 through 6, and she's an 8).
3. If she's with another male and it's not obvious that he's a relative or not her partner.
4. If she's with a group of friends, especially any males and it'd be really hard to find an opening (although I have flirted with girls in a group and been successful at getting their contact info, it's still rare)
5. Shyness/fear.
"I generally hear guys say that women reject them and it’s the reason why they stop making a move or even try talking to women."
100% correct. And it's not only that women reject us, but do so in the most vicious, cruel bitchy ways imaginable. The level of a guy's attraction is directly proportionate to how nice or mean she will reject you. If a guy is usually considered a 6 or 7, she's more likely to reject you in a nice way. If a guy is a 4 or under, she'll get offended that you dared to even talk to her, as if she would be on your level, and will try to harass you, MeToo you, or otherwise make you look like a threat to her safety in public, like you just flashed her your wang or something. All just for doing some inoffensive, very PG flirting with her.
THAT is how many, MANY women treat guys in public. Not even the sh*tty women like feminists, but just a lot of women in general. And then some women wonder why guys go MGTOW or even become incels. Because of over-the-top aggression and rudeness like that, that's not even looked down upon in society.
Here's a tip for women: Even if you don't feel like hitting on guys yourself, at least GIVE US SOME DAMN OPEN AND CLEAR SIGNALS! "The Green Light" approach. Smile at a guy, make eye contact, pull up an open chair for him to be able to come up to and sit down if you're sitting at a table... Just do SOMETHING to give the guy the go-ahead to approach!
And the women who say "A guy should just have the balls to come up and talk to me" are some absolute fools, if they think that! In today' age of fourth wave feminism, #MeToo, and "guilty before proven innocent" like with Johnny Depp. You're basically saying you only want a stupid, reckless man (a Chad) to come up to you, and then will complain that those are the only guys who ever talk to you; the 5% of dudes so good looking or ballsy, then have nothing to lose.
It's pure idiocy for a woman to think most men have the looks, confidence, or charm/game to take 100% of the shots he's given, despite all the numerous ways it can go wrong and how most modern women in general (honestly speaking) aren't very nice or empathetic when it comes to courtship.
So the TL;DR is: Give a guy visual clues and signals you want him to talk to you. We aren't all mind readers and MOST flirtations with women have a high failure rate, even amongst good looking men (who only succeed 30-40% of the time, at best).
I agree with someone who mentioned not having money. When I was 20s, if I was broke, I wouldn't date at all. I knew that would be having messed up priorities in life. Not all guys think that way tho. Also, I wouldn't be running around telling all of your friends I like you. That sounds like something a grade school kid would do. Or just a very inexperienced guy.
If you want to be a strong independent woman.. go ahead and take all the risk of rejection and chase him. But in the end you'll have a guy who never proved to himself that you were worth taking any risk for and who will also think you're not his first choice. The second he finds someone slightly better he will forget about you. If I'm you I would ignore him 100% if he doesn't have the balls to make any moves. Shy guys don't like this advice but as a guy who was shy when I was early 20s trust me. Even as a shy guy if I ran into a woman who really knocked my socks off I was suddenly not shy at all. I was shy with the ones who I wasn't interested enough in.
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1 Reply
Asker
8 mo
Thank you for your opinion, it was very helpful and clear! 💞
I'm just not looking. I'm happy on my own. If I really wanted a man I'd approach him, cause I know he wouldn't approach me. I've been rejected before but I don't think it would happen that badly again now that we're all adults.
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0 Reply
Anonymous
(18-24)
8 mo
tbh, i don't blame men for being scared to make a move today.
thanks for acknowledging that. The irony is that all the metoo crap years ago just scared well intentioned guys. The real scumbags could care less about marching, protesting, etc.
Women have more skin in the game if they want to make something happen nowadays. Most still prefer (and expect) that men approach them. That has to change.
There was a woman who went to the same church as me and had not had sex in 14 years. I was 32 turning 33 and she was 44 turning 45. She had two stunningly gorgeous daughters that were both in their 20's.
I was not physically attracted to the mother but I was attracted to her personality, smile, and her intelligence. She wanted me bad, but all I could think about was I did not want to be excommunicated from my church. I told her since she made all these covenants with God, that I will not make the first move because I do not want her to use me as a scapegoat to blame if she regrets it the next day. If she wants me, then she has to make the first move.
She actually told me she dreamed about me and fantasized about me, and even fingered herself about me. Which I did find hot. But in the end we just remained friends because I wanted children of my own and she was done having kids. She married a 60 something year old guy and I kept looking for someone who wants to have kids with me.
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That guy is perrty much me 🤣😂🤣 That behabior stem from extremely low self esteem. He doesn't wanna be near u cuz he's afraid of making the wrong move that could scared u away. We liked u but its all in our head driven by low self esteem. All u can do is be patient, take it slowly and show that ur interested no matter what. Trust take awhile to build up so keep showing ur interests that its otay to talk with u. Eventually with time they will open up more. It will feel rewarding at the end of the day.
1. I know your boyfriend or know someone who know him. Maybe even avoid if say others keep telling me not to make a move because you have boyfriend, then social stigma may keep me at bay.
2. Shy and inexperienced, don't know how to make moves. Too afraid to make fool of himself.
3. Has trauma in relation to attraction. Like for example a witchhunt/canceled. That shame can sit deep and take years to work away. Even if he is actually innocent.
4. Already has someone or is about to be with someone else. He can still feel for you though.
5. Don't think he us worthy your admiration and is afraid you'll change your mind and reject him once he opens up with you.
6. Has heard dumb crap about you and is judgmental.
7. Is currently going through some shit and is overwhelmed with other issues.
I think you should have written "What are his main reasons to not make a move if you like a woman?
As most guys won't give you answers specific to your case... But seeing as that's not what you asked, I'll answer what you asked.. :)
I intend to go back home and get married as I don't see modern western society as a conducive environment to raise children anymore. So what would hold me back? I've checked out romantically from dating in the west. By no fault of women.
How old is this guy? If he’s in his 30s that’s very bizarre behavior. The best possible reason is he finds you attractive to the point your intimidating. He’s shy about how he looks around you.
But that’s something guys usually master after they hit their mid 20s. Of I good vibes I would just for it at that point and every once in a while the hot girl liked me too.
Another legitimate reason he might act that is he already has a girlfriend you don’t know about yet he still likes you (but feels conflicted).
Other than that he just so happened to have something much more pressing on his mind when you ran into him.
First thought. Fear of rejection. Second thought, fear of NOT being rejected.
Fear of rejection is self explanatory.
Fear of not being rejected means the start of dating, expectations, time/resource commitments, deletion of other activities (friends/hobbies), trying to figure the other person out, do you really like her, does she really like you, does she have any substance beyond looking pretty and smelling good, what is her past, red flags, etc. Lastly l, what will the almost inevitable breakup look like and how will it effect me going back to my old life (does she work in my office so I still have to see her every day?), Etc
The last woman I had in my life was verbally and emotionally abusive towards both me and my kid. I also suffered a huge financial loss because of her. I would love to have a woman in my life, but I'd be afraid of facing something similar again if I did.
There are some women I have met that would genuinely be actually really good for me if they weren't already taken. My friendship with them is nice and easy.
I can get shy, nervous, and awkward, and I don’t want to approach someone I think is interesting in public, because I don’t wanna be seen as weird or creepy or anything like that. The few times I was gonna attempt to approach a girl I’ve seen around and made very small talk with every now and then, my hands got sweaty and my stomach was churning and I felt overheated.
I also don’t make moves on women I do know, because I don’t want to misread the situation and accidentally ruin a good friendship by telling them how I feel.
Hii. 1. A bad moment in their live. For instance I liked a girl very much in the past, but because I was depressed i didn't want to try anything to not dissapoint her with my sadness. 2. Bad schedule. If you are tryng to make important things in your life and dont have time for developing a relationship.
Okay, if you're 30-35 then you are no school girl.. and this type of behavior from a man is pretty childish and at that point I would not care what his issues are. I mean I don't know why you'd be interest in a guy after doing that to you.
I would assume that he is either emotionally immature and not date worthy, or totally not in to you. Let this one go, he's not the one.
Honestly, if you like the guy, just walk up to him and tell him! The whole stereotype that it only has to be guys who ask the girls out even if you yourself like the guy is really old and stupid. If you like the guy, work up the courage and tell it to him. The worst he can say is no.
I'm just not in a situation in life where I could realistically date her. Or, sometimes I don't know that I actually like her enough to try dating her.
He's either doesn't want to go through another relationship and get hurt all over again after getting his hopes up or he thinks he is going to be rejected or even accused of sexual harassment.
Frankly as a man I fucking hate making the first move and if I could sit on my ass and have women ask me out I would happily do so.
@SunshyneHi I determine my own behavior, not society's standards of my bio sex. A man is a bitch when he lets others dictate his behavior in my opinion.
Well if I am already involved elsewhere - that won't stop me finding an attractive girl attractive but I won't do anything about it.
I could think you out of my league. But you made it easy for him to engage with you and it seems to have made him uncomfortable to the point of being rude.
I'm puzzled too unless he is otherwise involved. Do you know his status in that respect?
Fear of rejection mostly, but for me I won't move in on a girl if she think she's just gonna play games. Like if she's super nice to me one moment and a total bitch the next (most girls know exactly what I'm talking about), I stay clear of those women
Number one main reason is that I already know she's a mess internally and know that the relationship won't last long. As men get older we start to recognize that lots of women are beautiful but no way in hell worth the effort and the subsequent bullshit. Look, but don't tough. Just eye-candy.
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1 Reply
Asker
8 mo
Lol I agree except the part of “look but don’t touch”, I would really like that the guy I like would actually touch.
I have no money, car, savings, am awkward and usually making a move doesn't go well, fear of her being coocoo, the fact that if she decides to she can instantly ruin my life with a false claim and no evidence. It's simply far too stressful and not worth it.
Superb Opinion