If you introduce a guy friend to another one of your guy friends, do they like you if they're jealous or standoffish?

[Anonymous]

So this one guy friend that I do like is the one I talk to the most. Despite always asking him to hang out or go on a date etc., he's always guarded. Has to do things on his terms.

This past weekend I had a party and had a mixture of people there, one of which was my childhood friend growing up. One of them was my first boyfriend which i had told the guy friend about a while ago. Since then, as adults, there's nothing there on my side which I made clear. Just an old friend and nothing more. (This happened 15 years ago) Besides, what does he care?

So, at the party, I introduced them thinking that they would have so much in common. They both love to travel, love culture, hiking, outdoors etc. My childhood friend was very kind and friendly. The guy friend? Cordially smiled but wouldn't really talk to him. There was a few od us sitting down and I had mentioned that my childhood friend had just backpacked in the same area he did. That he does all that stuff too. He just smiled and said "cool" and then just ignored us and continued talking to the others. Perhaps he didn't like my attempt? Or the fact he was sitting next to me? As when my old friend got up to get food etc., the guy friend got up and sat next to me. We didn't have conversation which was interesting. My childhood friend later asked me if the guy had feelings for me and he felt terrible if the guy assumed otherwise.

So in that type of situation, do I just come out with it on how he feels or just leave him be?

Updates

1 y

I think what is so confusing is that my guy friend seems to have feelings for me or at least cares for me as he will randomly do very thoughtful things for me. He even surprised me for my birthday with a picnic with just the two of us. He tells me he's private and only chats with me... but he's a man of few words. I always feel like he's more forthcoming with everyone else. He prefers to be so mysterious with me.

[Dboy97]

Ok, so this probably has a lot to do with the fact that guys and girls can’t be friends (except for very specific circumstances). Guys won’t be legitimate non-sexually-interested friends with girls unless they find the girl unattractive but like them as a person. The only other exception I’ve ever seen or heard from a guy’s mouth or my own experience is when the 2 people were friends since early childhood. Then sometimes it’s possible for there not to be sexual interest. Otherwise, there’s always a thought in the back of the guys head of “maybe just maybe I’ll get a shot sometime.” ALL guys know this, and I’ve explained it much further on other posts if you’re interested. The point is your guy friend that you like, is aware of this reality as are all other guys (some just refuse to admit it for obvious reasons). He probably believes you believe that your old friend isn’t interested but doesn’t believe it himself, and as a result sees the guy as competition. You also mentioned he’s a guarded person in general. This makes it even more likely that this is what’s going on. Extroverted guys would usually talk it up with the old friend and make sure you thought they were cool and not bothered by the competitor. Introverted/guarded guys would do more along the lines of exactly what you described. As soon as the old friend got up, he came and sat down next to you without talking….. staking territory lol.

i hope this helps

[Asker]

This is helpful. Thank you. I should give some context to help with the guy friend vs childhood. A few weeks ago, he surprised me for my birthday by taking me on a picnic. It was quite sweet. Nothing happened physically (kiss or anything like that) but he was extremely thoughtful by getting all my favorite things. I asked him to do something since and he said no. He's guarded but clearly things need to be done on his terms. So... perhaps he's making baby steps to be closer to me but struggles with it.
The funny thing is that he can be quite social. I thought he would have chatted w my old friend and even brag. Compare and contrast where they've traveled, backpacker at etc. Yet... nothing.
Another thing I noticed is that this guy friend hugged me (he's very careful about touch with me). He hugged me per my request and I was brief and then I pulled away and he then pulled me back and squeezed me and then let go. He had a big smile on his face. It took me aback and I tried to act cool like I didn't notice. He hugged me again before he left too. Perhaps this strange situation will give him Incentive to do more?

[Dboy97]

So, one thing is very clear. He definitely likes you. It sounds like he’s just kinda unsure. I truly have never met a single guy who gets uninterested because something happens to fast. That’s a girl thing not a guy thing. However, some guys will take things very slow/cautious and others won’t. I would say you should probably just make a small but obvious move and see what he does. I’d be seriously shocked if it scared him away. Like make it obvious you want him to kiss you, or hell even just kiss him. If he realllllllly pulled back (which again would surprise me) ask him why. Have a conversation and tell him how you feel. At the end of the day he might also just be very unsure lol and have a voice in the back of his head that you really might only like him as a close friend. I was oblivious to obvious signs for a long time, and some of my friends still are and I have to point stuff out to them. At the end of the day he’s a guy and he clearly likes you. The ball is in your court

[Asker]

So should I acknowledge things more? He's always been very clear that he is non committal, down to even lunch plans etc. To ask once and never mention repeatedly etc. So with my annual summer party, I was expecting to just send invite and stress (as usual) of was going to come or not. In the last 2 years, he's always only confirmed day of. This year, and just shortly after the picnic, I sent my invite a month in advance like I always do. I was not expecting for him to IMMEDIATELY confirm that he's coming per the invite but to also text me right after saying he confirmed. A month in advance! I've debated whether or not I should say something... like hey, that was really special that committed to coming to the party so far in advance. That meant a lot to me. Or would that freak him out. He's so standoffish that it can be easily mistaken as easily frazzled and making him want to retract. What do you recommend?

[Dboy97]

Oh wow, I didn’t realize this had been going on for 2 years, that’s a long time. If he’s THAT standoffish about it then there’s gotta be something else going on. Not necessarily with another women, I just mean like there’s something else going on in his head. To be honest if he’s maintained that level of reservation for a whole two years I would think you owe it to yourself to get some answers. That’s a LONG time for things to not really go anywhere. You obviously must like him a lot if you’re put up with it for that long too. If I were you I’d approach him about it in person, tell him how you feel, tell him how much you appreciated him rsvp’ing and what he did for your birthday. Then just explain that you want to know what he wants and what you can do to help him be comfortable enough to move forward. The key will be to make sure that the entire time it’s obvious to him that you’re coming from a place of wanting him and wanting to know what that’s going to take, rather then a place of confrontation. Like you want it to be you and him vs whatever his issue is, rather then you vs him.