Can a 25 year old date a 40 year old man?

[Anonymous]

I completed an internship somewhere and a guy who used to work there added me on LinkedIn. Then he messaged me to ask how I was and I didn’t even remember who it was at first. Then he said we worked in the same office and explained his position. He also said we made eye contact once. He said he never had the pleasure of meeting me. Then we started talking about work etc. from what I remember he was a decent looking guy, but he was definitely not my age. I actually looked up his CV and if I’m not mistaken he’s in his late 30s or around 40. Is that creepy?

[Anonymous]

I'd have to know more context behind what's going on exactly. He might be creepy but he also might not be.

However, if you're interested and not creeped out I'd say give it a try. In fact, I'm a 41 year old woman married to a 26 year old man (and currently pregnant with his twin babies). Before dating my husband I never even considered dating a guy more than 1 year (maybe two) younger than me. However, he's easily the best relationship I've ever had. I'm so super glad I didn't let his age get in the way of giving him a real shot (which is something I almost ended up doing). In fact, I actually think that (in terms of being married) him being so much younger is actually often a positive thing (for a variety of reasons)

With that being said, age gap relationships aren't going to work out for everyone. Firstly, there may be a major power imbalance in your relationship. He may have a more established better paying career/make a lot more money/be in a much bigger position of power than you. That inherently isn't a bad thing. However, there are older men who chase after younger women because they know the relationship will have a power imbalance that favors them (and will allow them to be very controlling in the relationship). This certainly isn't always the case, but it's definitely something to look out for. So long as he respects you (and your desires/goals) as an equal partner in the relationship than him making more money/having a better established career/position in life/etc. won't be a big deal. However, if he ever tries to use that to control you then get out. Actively look for those red flags if you're thinking of giving him a shot

Additionally, there's a few things you two are going to have to be on similar levels on a couple of things if the relationship is going to work out. You both have to have compatible maturity levels, compatible life goals/priorities (especially when it comes to kids). Additionally, you both have to be OK with/learn how to cope with the large amount of judgement you'll get from the age gap.

But if he's not controlling, you have compatible maturity levels, compatible life goals/priorities, and are able to deal with judgement you'll get from being in an age gap relationship then it could work out super well for you. That's certainly been the case for me!

[xColinx]

This is really awesome advice. I randomly found this site about a week ago and am somewhat amazed that there's such solid insight & perspectives from real people on here. Yeah there's a bunch of weird trolls, but still.

From your experience, has the judgment around the age gap been more prevalent from peeps you know or more from strangers/casual acquaintances?

[Opinion Owner]

@xColinx At first the judgement from family was way worse. It made a lot of things incredibly difficult even though we were doing great as an actual couple. However, over time our families gradually came around to accepting and supporting us (which I am so incredibly grateful for).

The judgement from strangers/casual acquaintances pretty much hasn't changed. We get some weird looks or glances. Sometimes someone will make a rude comment. However, I've found that dealing with that is pretty do-able. Sure, the judgement gets kind of annoying sometimes, but I've come to a place where their opinions really don't matter to me as I know it's rooted in a place of a fair amount of ignorance. Also, it's sometimes fun to give him a long, sexy smooch in front of a group of people I feel are being particularly judge-y. haha

[xColinx]

Haha I love that last part. Sounds like you've got a great attitude about the whole thing, even when having to deal with (like you said) the ignorance of some peeps.

[xColinx]

And at some point I'd imagine the age difference won't be that visually noticeable. Or does he have a baby face (I don't mean that in a bad way but not sure how else to put it) or just look noticeably younger for whatever reason?

[Anonymous]

Older guys have always liked younger girls, and vice-versa, and it will always be that way. There are gazillions of examples where it works out great. For me it has always worked out better than guys my own age. There is no right or wrong answer.

[normalice]

I suppose you can make your own decisions but chances are good you will outgrow him and end up moving on. That isn't to necessarily say you will regret wasting your time: perhaps what you need is some time spent secure in a relationship with someone too obsessed with your youth to risk losing you. You'll likely cocoon yourself safely in the thought that they are actually really into you for reasons besides your youth, so you can develop all the nuances of your personality without exposing all the vulnerabilities that would come with not being confident in your relationship, and that's fine - a white lie, of sorts. But if you don't actually need all that then I wouldn't bother with him.

[xColinx]

I don't think the age difference is a deal breaker but the overall circumstances are... interesting. The "hey we made eye contact once" part is an odd thing to say, but not necessarily creepy.

Anyway, maybe keep communicating via messaging for a while to keep it casual and get to know a little more about each other on a basic level, and then see where it goes from there. I'd imagine he would eventually suggest grabbing a drink together or something similar. Has he hinted about anything like that yet?

[Summeroflove]

Yeah. As long as both people agree to if. If you like him then ask him out. I don’t know what his intentions are and it doesn’t even seem like he said anything flirty. I don’t know.

if you’re uncomfortable by it. If he makes a move reject it. Like him. Ask him.

It’s more about what you feel comfortable with

[makarinooo]

I don't know if you are an unbeliever or a believer.
I can tell you that if you believe that man, he will use you and then throw you away.
He's probably married and just wanted you.
this much.
If you don't care about honor, you can sleep with him.
If you care about honor, you should get away from it immediately and hang out with your peers.

[Berethor]

He almost twice your age, it's mainly for you to decide as you are the one who compromise.

[20yearsolder]

Sure they can, but it's up to you. If you don't like older men then no don't try it

[Sparkie460]

You can date any age you want. If you wanted to date a 70 year old man you could. It all depends on how you feel about the person

[Twalli]

A bit, because he's d enough to be your father. Also the fact that he remembered you because of you teo making eye contact ONCE.

[bamesjond0069]

I'm 16 years older than my girlfriend and we've been together since she was 18. Works out just fine.

[HippieVeganJewslim]

Yes. I dated people older than 40 before my 25th birthday. Love judges by no ages.

[Zolly99999]

Yes absolutely.. as long as you 2 are happy who cares what others think...

[HighValue]

Sure, even for an exclusive LTR.

[Anonymous]

Picking up women on LinkedIn is definitely creepy.

[In_Trance]

Of course

[goodvibes4life247]

Yes they can

[Anonymous]

Yeah

[Opinion Owner]

A 40 year old can date a 25 year old