Am I being unreasonable to disengage with him?

Question

I met a great guy in his mid-40s. Funny, charming, interesting, sexy, single, and a veteran. Sounds awesome, right! Here is the problem. He texts me and DMs me (occasionally calls) but he doesn't ask to see me. The texts and DMs range from very silly to extremely sexually explicit. For example, I woke up this morning at 3am, and he texted me at 2am and also sent a DM. I didn't respond, and went back to sleep. Then later the same day while running errands, he DMs at 1pm. No response. Then later the same day while back at home, he DMs again at 4pm. No response. Why aren't I responding? Because this behavior has gone on every day for 4 weeks. I have seen him within those 4 weeks. I saw him two by coincidence. We chatted. He bought me drinks. We danced. Then, back to daily texts and DMs. I hoped because he is older that I would get more assertive behavior from him. What do you think is going on? Why reach out to me every day and not ask to go to dinner or drinks or lunch or a comedy show or anything?

Vegasrunner · Accepted Answer

This is an excellent question and is another example of guys making mistakes w/ women and he's made several.

1. Never send multiple text to women. If a women really likes you she'll eventually respond. When he text at 2am he should of just waited for your reply, instead he's sending a bunch of messages which makes him look desperate.

2. When he saw you out "by coincidence" he should have either ignored you or tried to get you to sleep with him. Instead he displayed simpish behavior by buying you drinks and giving free attention

3. Women make the mistake of thinking that age is a factor in a man's dating habits it is not. Whether he's 28 of 58 its all the same. He is a beta male that is scared of rejection that's why he's not asking you out. I would bet he probably stalked you to be at the place he "ran into you" and he's sending the DM's because he's braver in writing.

Pegases · Accepted Answer

I usually don't get updates on posts I comment on but for whatever reason I got yours. It's interesting that in the same paragraph of you saying you don't ignore him, you're explaining to me how you ignored him today. Do you really not see the contradiction there? Communication is key. If you're the type of girl that expects a man to just read your mind, then that actually says a lot about your Communication skills, or the lack thereof. You've gotta be realistic about what you're asking of a man that you don't even really know. Expecting a man to read your mind is the kind of thing you maybe do with a husband, not a man you've haven't formally been on a date with.

Haha456 · Accepted Answer

If you sense someone is wasting your time, there is a good chance they are wasting your time. Don't waste your energy on people who will not give you what you want. Don't continue talking to guys who won't take you out. Don't try to get uninterested guys to become interested in you. Stop trying to get guys to change for you. Don't talk to people who won't put you on their priority list. Because throughout my life, I have come to realize that your energy / effort/ time is precious and isn't endless. Eventually you run out of energy, you can get burn out from doing all this work. Dedicate your precious time / effort / attention to people who actually want you and actually care about you. If you feel like you need to disengage, it likely means you already know this person adds no value to your life.

meetkitty123 · Accepted Answer

This is rather confusing behavior only thing I can think of is he suffers from some sort of PTSD honestly it's up to you whether you want to take it slow or you just want to cut it off.

I personally would be quite direct send him a message listen we're flirty to talk all the time we had a good time over drinks and dancing I would like to have an official date. Then select the movie and give him a couple dates and times that you're available... If he doesn't select any of those dates then tell him to choose one that's convenient for him and if he cannot come up with a time and date then I would simply cut him off if he cannot come up with an alternative activity.

Some people are just not ready to date even though they want to.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

It's not unreasonable, it's just ignoring a huge problem. He's probably not asking to meet up with you because you aren't engaging with him or giving him any sign that you're receptive to being pursued.

Why on earth would any socially adept man ask to meet up with a woman who doesn't play along with his attempts at banter?

Anonymous · Answer

You are “something” that makes him feel good and feed his mid 40s ego. I don’t see any dates on the horizon and also he is acting like he cares for you as IF he do not want to reject a lady” he is still on a formula milk and probably can’t digest a good latte.
Don’t waste your time as you can already see days fly like a mf. Make yourself a favor and keep finding guys that at least match your goals and can’t resist linear life every day same shit no improvement etc.
Do not listen to comments here blaming you and how you should ask etc etc. he is not a kid he can throw a word here and there —hey let’s meet up ! Ehh high schools kids be doing this every week like come on man..
yeah it’s not your fault feeling this way and rejecting his message follow your intuition.
Get out of this dark feeling quickly.

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

You're ignoring him now but you only met him a few times. You can always take an initiative as well. If you wanna go out speak on it. You're so worked up about something that's actually nothing. Maybe you're not engaging to talk to or perhaps he could be full of it. We don't know but you do.
He's still messaging you, so I'm pretty sure you're still talking to him, otherwise he would've been stopped.

Little_Bumblebee · Answer

You need to ask HIM this. Be direct, and show that you know what you want.  Maybe you invite him out?

spartan55 · Answer

Maybe hex isn't asking you out because you ignore him half the time. You seem to put about nothing into dating him.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

He IS being assertive! Wtf is wrong with you? You're the one not being assertive. If you want to go out with him more, just say so. Or at the very least don't signal the EXACT OPPOSITE by ignoring his messages!

SecretsofKB · Answer

Honestly, could he ask you on a date? Yeah... but so could you.

BlueScorpio · Answer

30 days? He should of asked you out by now? And it says you suggested date options, what did he say?

Redhead1981 · Answer

I would ask him if he wants to go do something.

aaron210419 · Answer

Maybe he suffers from PTSD or another condition. He could also just be a man child that never had to mature and grow up. Either way I don't blame you for not engaging when he's being so off putting.

ZenJen444 · Answer

He's not interested in you nor does he respect you. So im not understanding why you're asking us for the green light when this is literally common sense and laid out in front of you

Anonymous · Answer

Maybe. But it sounds like you're doing him a favor.

Tyrael · Answer

Can't you ask him out if you want to see him?

Jltakk · Answer

Why not take the initiative

jimmy2 · Answer

Lose him come to me I show you real love

Am I being unreasonable to disengage with him?

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