What goes through guys’ heads when a girl rejects them?

[Anonymous]

[OpenClose]

I'm usually just glad I made the effort. I also feel free. My mind isn't occupied on this girl. I know that door is closed so I widen my view again. I'm not going to "try to change her mind".

But otherwise let's be real, it sucks. But at this point I've got a bit of recoil protection. Like I've been with girls I didn't have chemistry with. It isn't worth it. It feels like a waste of time and effort. If she isn't into me, there's no sense trying to "change her mind" because it would probably involve pretending, and then being in a relationship where I have to pretend in order to keep her. That's suffocating. By asking her out, I put the ball in her court. If she somehow changes her mind later, it's her job to come to me. Not my job to keep her on my mind.

The big one I learned to process better is if she rejects me in favor of another guy. That stings even more. But I've learned a couple ways of processing this.

1. If she is questionable, and chose someone who is obviously an asshole, she clearly has bad taste and her rejection is kind of a compliment. In practice, this has been surprisingly rare.

2. If she is, say, a long time friend or I otherwise know she is genuinely good, I immediately try to think of good things about the other guy.

If you just indulge the jealousy and let your mind go to a dark place about the other guy, you start to see a world in which a "good guy" is being rejected in favor of a "bad guy". It's simultaneously self-righteous and self-deprecating. You assume you're "so much better". Or you assume trying to be a good person is making you less desirable, and that you are being "punished for being good." This is toxic thinking can be devastating for your mental health.

And what if you are better for her? You aren't responsible for her decisions nor consequences of those decisions. Collective guilt is also toxic.

In some cases, I've actually met the other guy and we had a lot in common (the "lost crush" in this case is usually a friend, so I'm not just hopping up to a stranger like "I have a crush on your girlfriend." lol). It's really nice when you have stuff in common, because you know that girls you like actually do like guys like you. If you see the good in the other guy, you see girls as liking the good qualities of other guys.

It took a while for this to click, and it doesn't eliminate the pain, but it helps you heal a lot faster and not fill your mind with toxicity.

I'm actually friends with a few of my exes. One became a published author. One is married with 2 kids building her first house. Another met a guy in Brazil who had a LOT in common with me.

Right now I'm dating a girl who, well frankly, I didn't know a girl like that existed. She's gorgeous, an engineer like myself (but with better qualifications, lol), and we geek out on science and history together, share our ADHD stories, etc. So I think about her and then remember all the times I had to play pretend or thought I needed to "change myself", and it seems like it was pointless.

[Stickykuza]

"I should throw acid at her face cuz she didn't reciprocate my feelings"...

Okay jokes aside, "oh damn, I got rejected, time to cry with a booze on my right hand and a pack of cigarette on my left hand" * heading to the bathroom..

I don't drink or smoke and crying over a girl, hurts my ego, so I was really sad... other then that I couldn't aim my frustration, anxiety, low self esteem and all the other things on anyone else but my self... so you can imagine that I was sad.

[dustybiker]

Probably a lot more than should. Can’t match with everyone.

[Curiosity2006]

...

[coachTanthony]

Why doesn't she like me? Damn I should of said this or screw her. Basically a range of emotions because they failed to do one thing. Go in without any expectations. Too many guys put expectations on what should happen in the meeting. You can't be everyone's cup of tea and thinking so is just arrogant.

[FilmGuy93]

Frustration, disappointment.

[Guy13]

Hmm 🤔, what did I misread? She did all those nervous things…and twisted her hair 🤷🏻‍♂️…and listening 👂 to me and Craig talking🤷🏻‍♂️….
🦇 💩 Crazy women. Don’t be angry-smile…. don’t be angry-smile 🚶‍♀️. I know I wasn’t wrong, damn-Crazy…probably better anyway‼️

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

Depends on how you reject him. Many instances are there. I will tell mine.

I asked a girl out when I was in 12th standard. She said no, and I could sense honesty in her answer. That's it. I was happy that at least I asked an honest girl out of all the girls.

[PainusNdeeAnus]

Even paid the tab. What a boss🔥💪

https://www.youtube.com/embed/T9W_jW4e_uY

Wish my dad took me to a shoe store😂

https://www.youtube.com/embed/N7FVmeJXwCY

[SnowedIn]

Very much depends on the rejection and how it was phrased and delivered but often times "I'm not good enough" or "why"? Particularly because it's often rejection and she's quickly seen with the jock or the cool or rich kid.

[Anonymous]

Well guys don't generally ask a girl out unless they've read some interest in her. Guys don't like rejection🤣. So typically guys are trying to figure out what signal the read wrong. And if they don't feel they got any signal wrong, knowing how women will flirt just for sport, then the guy can turn to anger and retribution.

[pers0n]

I don't recall getting rejected, how could I know?

If anything it must be like from the "chop your balls off and die" song, "get rejected, like a boss".

[AviatorTom]

In order, there are two things:

1. Why did she reject me? What did I do.

... quickly followed with...

2. Time to go get a new girl!

[JPresidente]

A person in your age group would probably take rejection pretty hard and be depressed and angry for a while, especially if its a girl they like. As guys get older, you learn to handle rejection better and you just move on to the next one.

[ShadezMcgee]

"Fuck, this sucks. Well, take time to recover, pull yourself up and move on. Don't take her if she comes crawling back."

[JHNS98]

For me it's "oh, well... I guess that's just another rejection"

Yeah, that's just my life since ever. Either getting rejected or falling for non-singles.

[blissinanarchy1]

In my head I’m thinking “Okay, on to the next bitch.” In person, I just say “It is what it is.”

[Truthatanycost]

If anything like that happened, my first thought would be 'oh well her loss'

[TroyDT2]

"On to the next one." Rejection is part of life, and the sooner one accepts it the better off he will be.

[mstbooblover]

Plain disappointment in my case. Who doesn't risk anything can't get anything either.

[Luopio27]

What do you think goes through anyones head when faced rejection?


The heart gets broken and mind gets depressed.

[Batz2u]

The same as what goes through yours when you're rejected. its not joy. So take that under consideration next time a average boy you don't think is totally hot is asking you out, be gentle.

[DarkWinterNights]

“Welp. I misread that sign. That was embarrassing. won't do that again.”

[libsaretards]

I just think "Well that's her loss" and move on.