Why do guys value themselves by how much they make?

[Blue-love1]

As a woman, I don’t mind struggling with a man (if I really like you) especially if you have a solid plan. The things I want are free. But he said because of the circumstances things won’t get far.

A little bit of back story… I have been a hog with his time and have even nagged about it (a lot). It took a while to realize it was me not being mindful of what he wants to accomplish. By then, it seems like he felt defeated. We broke it off (mutual but leaning towards me) I self reflected, seeked counseling, and got other opinions. Now, I regret not being a soft space for him to land or being his peace to the highest degree. Recently I tried to talk things over with him and he said everything is just too much for him right now.

Men? What do you think? Have you ever felt this way?

[Jamesier]

Males in general (Animals, humans, spirits 😂, etc) are conditioned to provide for their family. As humans, men need money to take care of their family. Without money, everyone is sad. No money, no food, no clothing, no housing, no entertainment, no travels... Poverty! No one wants to be poor if they can help it. I believe this is one of the reasons females go for older guys; more experience, already settled to a great degree (financially, intellectually, emotionally, etc), meaning he is capable of raising and taking care of his family.

If money is an issue, he'll always seek ways to make his family happy by working extremely hard even if he doesn't take good care of himself and this most times result in other areas being poor... Little communication, frustration, anger, fatigue, not enough time to be around, disappointment, lack of commitment etc and we all know that women love attention and communication.

Will the man provide air for breakfast, attention for lunch and communication for dinner? Or count stones for entertainment? What about when there are health issues or when he needs to take care of his parents, etc? Having kids will be expensive too. Will you like to always have to ask or beg for help?

He loves you, but, when you're together, you'll most probably have arguments a lot and the root will be money. Not enough time? He is hustling, lack of communication? He's thinking of how to make you happy, absence? He's busy.

Patience is what will help the both of you. Try to understand him. Understand that he isn't joking around instead he wants to have a happy and healthy relationship and probably family with you.

It's something to be proud of, a man being able to take care of and defend his family. Without money, this will be extremely hard.

If you love him so much, don't let money be an issue, help him and be patient as he works on his plans. If he's got no plans, think twice, but, if he has, help each other and be patient.

No father will let his daughter get married to a poor man without a vision, and nowadays, most poor men are really struggling and trying but they have no solid plan or vision and no father will like to take such risk. If the man is smart, has a plan but poor and the daughter's father is wealthy, likes the young man because has the above attributes and more, he will surely help his daughter's man so that his daughter won't suffer.

Financial stability is one of the most important aspects in a man's life... Women are wired to go for financially stable guys, it's natural. In the wild, female animals go for the big guys, it's a survival instinct and natural.

I have much more to add, but, I'd stop here. I hope this helps out. And I'm sorry and not sorry for this long opinion 😂

[Blue-love1]

Omg thank you so much for your reply! I appreciate it. So what do you suggest I do?

[Blue-love1]

I believe in struggling with someone if they’re worth it. I believe in if I didn't want you while you were at the bottom I don’t deserve you while you’re at the top.

[aaron210419]

This is how women place value on men, so we're programmed to make as much as possible. Men do not know what is like to be loved unconditionally and purely for who they are, and women (in general) do not appreciate the value of being loved unconditionally.

[Blue-love1]

We are still quite young. I was raised by immigrant parents I watched them struggle together but still loved each other dearly. I wish things were different. I thought you help each other just out of love instead of gain.

[aaron210419]

Yes that's how it should be

[Blue-love1]

Can I ask your advice then? On how to make him think the same way

[Blue-love1]

he doesn’t want to continue the relationship while he’s still getting things together. And I understand that especially with all the pressure I put on him for time and communication (I honestly was bad, I was asking him if he even liked me being that he doesn’t give me time, also the things I would ask for… say if he would do it but not how I pictured it… I don't know why my mind would play tricks on me to where I would think he didn’t do it ). But what do you think I can do to try and reverse him feeling like he can't do both? I can tell I made him feel so defeated. To where he says it’s too much for him.

[aaron210419]

Unfortunately, you can't make him feel the same. You can try to explain to him about your parents and maybe it'll help but if he wants to leave then he is going to. He doesn't realize how rare it is to find someone who's willing to stick out the hard times like you are. It's sad but true that sometimes you don't know what you have until you lose it.

[Blue-love1]

True. If it’s in the cards…..

[Anonymous]

Because women tend to value a man based on his worth as far as what he has. Most men know it’s their responsibility to take care of the family financially so a man feels less of a man if he can’t do that. That’s something that is usually engrained in our heads growing up. Plus a lot of women won’t date a man who is worthless.

[Blue-love1]

I’m sure most men learn it’s their responsibility to take care of the family. And if I’m being honest I lean more towards the traditional sense of family. I want to be a housewife that takes care of the home and family BUT when it’s time. I don’t mind building with someone.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes we’re taught that growing up. May not be right but we for the lost part accept that. That’s good I’m sure you will make some special man happy someday. A lot of men want that but won’t say it because society, mainly women look down on a man for wanting that.

[MCheetah]

We don't. But most women do value us, based on how much we make. And many men value themselves based on how many women/what quality of women, they can get.

[Blue-love1]

Interesting

[AmeerX]

Men were meant to provide for the family. Even if you were his rich hot girlfriend, no man would want your money but you. You should understand we love to take care of our friends and lovers this way. Men are not valued for looks anyway

[Blue-love1]

I just realized all my replies are about my mindset and how I view being with someone who doesn’t have much. But I really should be asking for more advice. I don’t mind building with someone. We are quite young still, why would someone are age expect someone to have it all figured out? But he doesn’t want to continue the relationship while he’s still getting things together. And I understand that especially with all the pressure I put on him for time and communication (I honestly was bad, I was asking him if he even liked me being that he doesn’t give me time, also the things I would ask for… say if he would do it but not how I pictured it… I don't know why my mind would play tricks on me to where I would think he didn’t do it 😩). But what do you think I can do to try and reverse him feeling like he can't do both? I can tell I made him feel so defeated. To where he says it’s too much for him.

[AmeerX]

Blue-Love1 not everyone likes to think like you. Actually, a lot of girls turned to women of 30-40 blame the husband for economic reasons and ask for a divorce. It's actually quite good that you think you want to help him with whatever he is doing. You should go to him and talk face to face about your feelings for him and that you are willing to be his neck and basically do your part in life together.

You should understand you are not like other girls. If you had been you would have not cared about that guy or be content living with a poor person. It's not bad in itself though.

I will give you personal example where I like this girl but I can't be with her because 1. She is older than me
2. She is at same economic level
3. Her parents will think I am after the money 💰.
So, I didn't even try to get to know her. Basically I chickened out if you want me to say it.

[HighValue]

The majority of women value a man's financial status and looks above all else. A man's financial status is about 40% of his attractiveness to the majority of women. That is why.

[ThatCanucker]

https://www.youtube.com/embed/aLRl14axhAM

Pretty much this

[aaron210419]

Word

[Blue-love1]

This is actually a very sad reality.

[Blue-love1]

If you look at my other replies in this post. You’ll see that I don’t think this way and I’m sure a lot of women are willing to stick it out and love unconditionally even if you don’t have anything.

[Bklynbadboy12]

I don't measure success by how much money I make I measure by the legacy I leave behind and by the lives I've touched

[Anonymous]

Because that is all we are

I make 6k a year and know for that I'll be single forever

[Jamesier]

You won't if you work smart (not hard alone) or move someplace economically cheap

[Opinion Owner]

I'm working smart, no taxes and move would leave me earning nothing

[Anonymous]

It gives them something to brag about.

[Jamesier]

To brag about... Nah. But, to be proud of... Yeah!

[Anonymous]

We don't, you (women) do.