What does it mean when a guy says he likes you at the 4th date mark, but he only texts you 4 times a week. Should I ask what our status is?

[cdimples99]

[SteveSmith1985]

Yes. You should. But don't just ask him your status. What you need is to have a conversation. It's a conversation everyone needs to have at some point to go from "dating" or "seeing each other" to an exclusive couple.

I made up my own term for it. The "exclusivity conversation."

This is an honest and direct conversation. You need to not ask. What you need to do is to be open, honest and vulnerable.

You say something like: "I think things have been going well between us, and you mentioned you like me on our last date. I was wondering if you might want to take things to the next stage and be exclusive? (or whatever words you want to substitute).

The point is, you aren't just ASKING him if he wants to be exclusive. You are TELLING him that you want to be exclusive... FIRST.

Take the risk yourself. FIRST.

It's not even really a risk. You know he likes you. So if, for whatever reason you're wrong, and that's not what he wants yet. He still likes you. You aren't going to scare him off. Not if he's ever going to be ok with being exclusive.

More likely than not, you'll get a positive answer. And by doing it this way, you make sure that HE doesn't hedge.

If you ask him "what's our stautus"... what's he going to think?

Is he going to just say: "Oh, well, what I meant the other day was that I liked you and wanted to be a couple. Sorry if I wasn't clear about that."

Unlikely.

Let's say he DID in fact mean exactly that. He meant he wanted to be more serious and be exclusive with you.

So his answer to "what's our status" really is "I want to be with you"

But people are people.

As soon as you ask that. Without taking the risk of telling him that's what YOU want... as you're asking... he's going to quite possibly assume that:

If you're asking, it's because you DON'T want him liking you to mean anything about being exclusive.

It throws people off. It gives someone another chance to chicken-out and go with the safe answer.

Do you have any idea how many people on here, I have to tell to "quit trying not to seem overeager". People think it's a good idea to "play it cool" and downplay (on purpose) how much they actually like someone in these situations. Shit, you might be doing it yourself with this dude for all I know. Anyway, it's common.

If you have some balls, and take the risk by being open honest and vulnerable FIRST: You can expect the other person to return an open honest and vulnerable reply. It opens up a real talk. About how people actually really feel. It breaks through that wall that makes you feel you can't just talk openly and honestly about things like this. You can. It's easy. And you really feel like you know exactly what's going on in your situation.

Also. You need to talk about expectations around fre

[SteveSmith1985]

(sorry, didn't mean to post that yet).

.. frequency around how often you'll be texting. Just talk about all that good stuff. Anything you've got on your mind. Bring it up, and get it answered during that conversation. Just get things cleared up. But be vulnerable FIRST.