Has anyone else ever noticed that men who are highly skilled at video games are the same men who are most respectful to women in the gaming community?

[milknhoneyy]

In the 20 or so years I've been gaming online, I've noticed a pattern: men who are rude or sexist to me (or other women in the lobby) are usually the ones who perform the worst. The men who don't infantilize or disrespect their female counterparts, on top of giving off major BDE, always seem to be the ones at the top of the scoreboard. This has been true for every online MP game I've ever played and is especially true of my partner (who is genuinely a god at everything he plays). Anyone else notice this correlation?

[TheSpaceGnome]

Sort of? It's more a case of specific types of guys raging when they lose.

It stops them from either practicing or being calm enough to memorize how to play well, and so they stay bad at the game.

A person who starts out bad, but ends up good, is less likely to be an asshole than a person who stays bad.

Those guys tend to be rude to everyone by the way, not just women.

Avoid realistic military shooters, sports games, and any game, thats casual. Stick to sci-fi games, fantasy games, anime games, and games that are hard to master. Its all I play, and I rarely run into anyone toxic. Games like call of duty are almost nothing but toxic people.

[milknhoneyy]

I like all those kinds of games, but I also like shooters & I'm not going to stop playing them just because people are childish. I was just wondering if anyone else had noticed a correlation.

[milknhoneyy]

Also my experience as someone who has tried hiding my gender and not hiding my gender has told me there is absolutely a difference in how women are treated overall.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I don't really ever reveal my gender in online gaming (outside of with friends). I also rarely ever use game chat, but my friends stream their game sessions and I see the toxic garbage from those.

As for there being a difference, again, certain genres attract assholes, including mysogenistic men.

I rarely run into them myself though, even in lobbies with women in chat, because my taste in games is usually stuff most morons hate playing. Though the reason for that isn't to avoid them, its because
I personally find realistic military shooters, sports, mmos, stuff like gta, casual gaming, and the other garbage genres those people tend to prefer to be boring af, so 99% of the trolls simply never join my lobbies out of preference based dumb luck alone.

In my circle, women are almost never treated differently, and men get trolled on average the same, but my circle is games idiots don't really play much sooo.. it's kinda like going to a bar vs an arcade. one place is full of scum most of the time, the other usually isn't.

[milknhoneyy]

I'm sorry for enjoying games you think are garbage lol. Like I said though I enjoy all kinds of games. I don't play CoD much anymore but I've always loved Halo, I play Overwatch, DayZ, Dead by Daylight, Rainbow Six... but I also play anything LoZ, Elder Scrolls, Minecraft, etc.

Misogyny hasn't ever turned me away from a game, I just find it interesting that the guys who seem the least aggressive and rude are the same ones who appear to perform the best.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Halo, zelda, elder scrolls, and minecraft are fun, and I'm sure there is stuff I like that you'd think is garbage, best not to take it personally.

I agree you shouldn't let anything turn you away from what you like. And yes its interesting they act that way when they suck, but it's also expected to me. People who have anger issues are almost always going to be bad at anything that requires practice, because their ego gets in the way.

[clampfan101]

If that’s true I must be pretty good! lol
Except I don’t have much experience with online multiplayer yet. They’re expensive and come and go so fast. (And are typically shooters, which I don’t have much practice with.)

[GreatBigCircles]

It kinda makes sense. Getting really good at something requires self-awareness to learn from little mistakes and adjust them, and actively think about getting better. People with that kind of skill and mindset probably aren't going to be emotionally lashing out and putting their mental energy into things that aren't what they're focusing on.

[milknhoneyy]

Or maybe it's that confident men are less aggressive in general, and skilled men are more confident.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Skilled men are often less aggressive in general, but because overconfidence exists, the same is not always true with confident men. Also a lot of guys who are skilled do not like lots of stranger attention, so you may not see any outward confidence boasting.

[NathanDavis]

that's kind of accurate, and in general too...

the best, authentic and actual men are way more respectful and considerate with everyone, not just women...

as they're rarely inadequate and insecure AF with themselves

[GOLDFISH_smile]

Oh yeah. Not always, but generally guys are more mean to women when they're insecure about themselves. Like bullies, but with sexism.

[Kaneki05]

People who are bad at something often try to hide their shame by putting others down.

[rigmarole]

That's bullshit. If you're any good at any multiplayer game and don't own the server the admins will start kicking your or ban you for hacking when you own everyone. Everyone will say he must be hacking. Then when you dome the admin and take out 3/4th of his team (s) he will lose their shit... As a result you will by default talk mad shit to anyone and everyone because they fucking suck and make all kinds of excuses as to why they can't compete.

[rigmarole]

People seriously hate on players that are good. They gang up on you and plot on your downfall. They will lie, cheat, and steal just to get rid of you so that one you are gone they can feel good one again in a group of subpar players.

[rigmarole]

*once

[milknhoneyy]

I don't know what this rant was about but it didn't seem to have anything to do with how misogyny correlates to lack of skill.

[rigmarole]

That's because you're brain dead. Anyone who has skills has to deal with all the crabs in the bucket that try to drag them down including girls. In fact girls are more likely to play the victim and beg an admin to spec someone that is good for cheating... It happens all the time. If you're any good at what you do, you're bound to hurt a lot of feelings. People will constantly attack you because you are too fucking good. So naturally if you're any good you will dish it back in a competitive environment. Basically all you're are admitting is that you don't know anyone that's good at video games and that's a fact jack...

[milknhoneyy]

I don't know why I'm still choosing to entertain your insecure rambling but I digress...
So what game is it that you're such a god at that you routinely receive hackusations (which apparently forces you to be a misogynist)?

[rigmarole]

You keep coming back to project your own inadequacy onto others. That's why... You love to project your negative emotions onto people because you suck at video games and need online validation on a web forum because you can't achieve success in the video game where players were mean to you and hurt your little feelings. It's pretty obvious. You couldn't win there, so you came here to talk smack about them. This is very typical of girls like you and proves my point. They kicked the crap out of you on the game you like and you starting whining because you hate to lose... They're hacking, omg he has walls, admin spec him, lets kick him. Dude turned around and said some mean things to you and know you're gossiping on an internet about how guys that are mean to you suck at video games. It's fucking pathetic. You're exhibiting the exact same behavior pattern with me. OMG he's mean to me he must suck at video games... I'm not even competitively playing anything right now. That said I was ranked number 4 in one of the largest multiplayer games in the world for a while. I'm currently ranked number 7 in smaller game of about 2 million people that I play casually a few times a week.

[rigmarole]

*started
*now

[rigmarole]

It's typical for guys to trash talk each other in a competitive environment tongue in cheek. No one takes it too serious. Guys troll each other all the time in a lot of video games for shits and giggles. But girls tend to be more sensitive and take it too personal. Girls like you think men like them are being misogynistic because you can't take a joke or deal with male bravado. So you get your little feelings hurt and stir up drama. That's why they don't want to play with you and they disrespect you. It's a direct result of your own personality. Suck it up buttercup and get good.

[milknhoneyy]

Why would you write me a novel? I'm bored just thinking about reading all that.

[rigmarole]

That's because your brain dead.. Thanks for proving my other point.

[milknhoneyy]

You seem to have a lot of really big feelings while lacking the tools to manage them. I hope therapy is available to you.

[milknhoneyy]

Also I'd like to point out the irony in telling me I'm braindead while simultaneously using "your" instead of "you're" 😂😂

[rigmarole]

All you do is project. You're bad a video games. You're mentally unstable, thus why you can't deal with the big men men that don't kiss your ass. I don't even get why you want them to kiss your ass to begin with. Your head is so far up your ass, wouldn't you want them to kiss your shoulders or something?

[rigmarole]

*mean

[rigmarole]

The bottom line is you can't win at video games and you personality hasn't won you any friends. You think 1,500 words is a book when children's books for early readers are roughly 3,500 words: Don't You think you should probably quit playing multiplayer video games? You're not a happy person. Spending your time socializing with people makes you unhappy. You can barely read. It seems like you might want to work on yourself.

[milknhoneyy]

You'll hurt your own feelings before you ever manage to hurt mine 🤣 I appreciate the effort though, since you worked so hard writing all that.

You might get some of your points across better if you're less emotional about it though, just an observation. Hope that helps. 🙂

[rigmarole]

Keep working on your reading in Ms Smith's remedial English class. Maybe one day you will be able to read a children's book.

[rigmarole]

You're the only one being emotion. You really need to work on that projection...

[milknhoneyy]

Meh, that one was just lazy honestly, 3/10

[rigmarole]

I know, it was very lazy of you to not read 1,500 words. I see kindergartners slam through 2-3 picture books in a few minutes and they are usually 500-750 words. Those little tikes are really showing you up.

[milknhoneyy]

You're really stuck on trying to convince me that my literacy level is subpar despite no evidence that it's something that might hurt my feelings. Interesting.

[rigmarole]

I'm just quoting you. If you can't face your own words, then be careful what you say in the future.

[milknhoneyy]

I don't think you know what "quoting" means. I also don't think you're very good at word counts.
I'm sure there's something you're good at though!

[rigmarole]

Who cares what you think? You're brain dead, mentally ill, and have no redeeming qualities. You haven't exhibited any characteristic that creates value.

[milknhoneyy]

That's weird, since you haven't exhibited any characteristics that would indicate you're worthy of deciding anyone else's value. Sorry about your mommy issues. 😕 Hopefully one day you can learn how to regulate your big emotions.

[rigmarole]

You’re definitely a narcissist. You started out with playing the victim to seek attention. When your ideas were challenged you instantly tried a smear campaign to seek revenge for your perceived slights. You compulsively lied about things. You repeated projected your emotions and personal situations onto me. You tried to gaslight me. The only things you haven’t tried so far that is a core of narcissistic manipulation is love bombing and triangulation. You're a real nutcase.

[milknhoneyy]

This has been very entertaining for me so if I haven't already I want to thank you for that 😂

[rigmarole]

I know anything that gets you attention feeds your fragile ego.

[rigmarole]

What you have exhibited during this entire interaction is what is referred to as "Narcissistic Injury". Go look it up after you learn to read.

[MackBoy]

Wow! I thought women don't play games. i used to simple games which I can manage like burrito bison revenge, stickman hero wars, bloons tower defense, west eternal fury, dragon city am so many games.

[milknhoneyy]

Why would you think women didn't play games lol do you live under a rock?

[MackBoy]

No I am living outside a rock

[Anonymous]

I generally find that the people at the top of the scoreboard suck monkey balls but I mostly play team games.

The score board doesn't tell you the real story it is just a bunch of stats that the dev chose to track and the stat farmers who enslaves themselves to this validation are incapable of developing beyond its boundaries.

Winning is often a matter of throwing your corpse at the objective.

[milknhoneyy]

I wasn't talking about stats as a measure of skill

[Opinion Owner]

Quote 'always seem to be the ones at the top of the scoreboard'

[milknhoneyy]

I mean that's a pretty broad statement because I could be talking about any game. Stats have a varied significance depending on what kind of game it is. In TDM game modes it's literally how you win, for example. In something like ESO, not so much. So I wasn't saying that stats always directly correlate to skill, I just said "top of the scoreboard" as a colloquialism.

[Opinion Owner]

Stats NEVER tell the real story because there are many different skills being tested but the only skills that easy to MEASURE are things like k/d.

The significance of the clicking on heads skill varies between games, in a game like Counterstrike it is the only skill that matters, unless or until everyone is equally good at clicking on heads.

In a game like Team Fortress clicking on heads isn't what matters, in that game things like team work and positioning or whatever matter far more.

I am not good at clicking on heads but I like to flatter myself by thinking that isn't the only reason that i think games which pretty much exclusively celebrate this single skill are universally shit, I don't play them and I have a pretty dim view of people who do play them.

You do what you want obviously, I don't have an issue with people who want to click on heads I have an issue with people who believe that they are better at all of the skills being tested than everyone else because they happen to be good at clicking on heads and the game they are playing disproportionately rewards that single skill.

I don't give a single fuck what your k/d is, what your score is or what sort of genitals you have.

[milknhoneyy]

What I'm saying is that I used it as a colloquialism. It doesn't change the overall point of the question.

[Opinion Owner]

The last time i saw sexism in gaming was probably 20 years ago and it was 'positive sexism', if people knew that a player was female and they ask for ammo they get a million ammo packs thrown at them for example.

It is simply not something that I see and it's not because I'm blind it's because it isn't there.

So I guess it depends what you play.

How would I even know what sort of genitals you have anyway?

Voice?

If it is a problem you could disguise your voice, if you sounded like a robot I personally wouldn't think 'that is a woman disguising their voice', I would think 'that person is really into robots' but maybe that's just me.

[milknhoneyy]

Not a man telling a woman that sexism in gaming doesn't exist because HE doesn't see it. 😒 Obviously my experience is going to be wildly different from yours because I am both a woman and lifelong gamer and this is my lived experience. I have ascertained that as a female I must be twice as good to be considered half as good, and even then I'm generally not taken seriously. Most men either infantilize me or they're rude to me and there's very little in between. I'm honestly grateful for the handful I've run into who simply treat me the way they would anybody else and make no mention of my gender at all—even if they're talking shit I still appreciate when the fact that I'm female is not brought up as it's rarely (if ever) relevant.

My solution has just been to not speak in voice chat at all. Which is fine since I'm not super into talking anyway, but also I shouldn't feel like I have to do that just to not receive the disrespect I've become accustomed to receiving. Simps and white knights aren't any better, either.

[Opinion Owner]

You really are a fucking ignorant moron.

You think whatever you want to think, your ideas are not linked to reality you didn't even read what i said to you, so go fuck yourself.

[milknhoneyy]

You ok? I'm really asking because the disproportionately emotional response is giving "needs therapy" tbh. 😕 Hope your day gets better.

[Opinion Owner]

I simply have zero tolerance for people like you.

You are a fucking sexist cunt complaining about sexism.

You couldn't be more fucking stupid.

[milknhoneyy]

What I said wasn't sexist, so I have to assume you're just upset because you feel like you might be one of the disrespectful unskilled men I was talking about, and it's triggered some deep-seated insecurity and resentment you apparently have of women.

Sorry for whatever you're going through and for hurting your feelings. It wasn't my intent to do so. I thought we were just having a discussion, but it appears you've let your emotions get in the way of productive discourse at this point.

[Opinion Owner]

Get back to me if you ever have even a single original thought of your own.

[milknhoneyy]

Get back to me when you can be reasonable instead of crumbling into an angry emotional mess when someone politely disagrees with you.

[Opinion Owner]

Polite?

You think that spewing a bunch of feminist bullshit at me and ignoring what was said to you is polite?

You must be brain damaged.

[Opinion Owner]

You threw the first stone.

[milknhoneyy]

Please show me where I threw the first stone. Nothing I said even had anything to do with you, until you tried to tell me that my experience as a woman is invalid because you as a man can't corroborate it with your own lived experience (which, duh, of course you can't?).

All I did was suggest that perhaps my lifetime of experience being female holds more weight than things you have or have not witnessed secondhand as a male. You then came completely unglued and started calling me names and shit—which I didn't even reciprocate after being called a cunt. I understand your desire to justify losing your shit over what began as a very benign interaction, but I promise I wasn't rude to you at all until you started attacking me (and even then I didn't even come close to matching your energy).

If you're this angry about a random woman describing her experiences with men who are not you, perhaps you should be asking yourself why that is.

[Opinion Owner]

It's all there already, go back and read it again with new eyes if you don't get it.

[Girlsontop]

Yea I realized that too (my boyfriend is also a hardcore gamer) ;-;

[Dat-Alpha-Lion]

It’s because both have one key thing in common: discipline.

[Kelly6]

didn't know that

[Truckfan01]

Check your dms