I confessed to my friend. after that I noticed he doesn’t view my stories and haven’t called ever since. Is he ignoring me?

[Anonymous]

We were classmates and I kinda had a crush on him but I always brushed it off and we started talking as friends but I already had a boyfriend that time. We got closer as years went by and during this time I was on off in relationships and finally when I was single we started to flirt? Well that’s what I thought we were doing, as jokes he’d say that he’ll marry me and what not. I kinda knew it would always stay as that and so I got into another relationship and when he knew about it he kinda drifted away (not chatty like before) but we still stayed in touch (fyi long distance friendship) and catches up with life and this is when I realised that I like him, I really do and I decided to let him know I always had a crush on him and that this feeling of mine was getting problematic. And I knew what his answer would be too. But I had to do it for me, to get it off my chest. He said he was cool with it but after that day we’ve never talked again, he never called n I never did either and I noticed that he likes our mutuals posts but doesn’t even view my story. So my question is, is he ignoring me? Did our friendship mean nothing to him? Or is it because I have a boyfriend and this whole thing is awkward for him? Or what exactly is it that he’s being this way.

[HollyK21]

You weighed the odds and already considered this outcome may happen, so why the surprise? Why even confess to romantic feelings for another man while in a relationship? You moved the friendship from platonic to something more when you confessed, so now he can’t carry on with you since you’re taken. He knows that and you should know better than to do that as well. Like how would your boyfriend feel knowing you have romantic attraction for the man you claim is your friend? Do you even care what he thinks when you were willing to leave him for someone else?

[Asker]

Maybe I did not explain properly but I never approached him telling him to be with me or that I wanted to date him. i just wanted to get it off my chest and move on from it. I don't know how it works for other people but for me I just say whatever I feel whenever I feel and move on it’s not that serious, but the more I keep it inside it gets in my way. It really was not the right time to tell him as I was already in a relationship but I thought it was best to do, once I told him I felt like a weight lifted from my life and that honestly helped me focus on more important things. He understood too, well that’s what he said, he said he wanted to remain friends but from his actions ever since that day I’m just questioning if that was not the case for him.

[HollyK21]

On the contrary, I feel like you explained it perfectly. I guess it’s just a matter of perception, and while I can totally understand wanting to speak your mind or get something off your chest, in this situation it didn’t feel appropriate. In my mind, I wonder what would’ve happened if the feelings were reciprocated? What if he was like ‘I feel the same and would be interested in trying to date’, was it your intention to turn him down if something like this was his response? I think it just comes down to what you said: it wasn’t the right time. After what you confessed, it wouldn’t be appropriate to continue being friends as you were prior to the revelation, and I think that is what he understands. Personally I can respect men like this, because while yes it may feel like a loss for you, he’s respecting your relationship in his own way. This is just my perspective of the situation, it’s ok if you don’t agree with all of it, because we are just speculating. I’m simply trying to look at things from all sides.

[Asker]

I would’ve turned him down. I liked him, but not in a way or enough that I wanted or needed to date him. And such a situation would not have happened as I know he doesn’t feel the same way about me, he wouldn’t really be interested to date. I understand if things cannot be like prior and whatever decisions he make, I would respect it too. But since he told me that he was cool with it, I honestly thought he was. But as you said, maybe he doesn’t view it as appropriate anymore or maybe this is his way of respecting my relationship. Thank you for your response and thanks to you I am able to think of the different ways of what it could it. I appreciate your response.

[socially_confused]

It is an uncomfortable situation you put him in. He may need time to process the information you told him. Imagine a guy you had been friends with for a long time confessed his feeling towards you, even though he had a girlfriend. It's a lot to take in. There is a good chance he IS ignoring you, but that doesn't necessarily mean he hates you, or that your friendship is over. The way you described the situation makes me think he liked you, and when you broke up with your first partner he started to feel more comfortable flirting, but after you got into another relationship, he decided to keep a respectful distance. I DO think his friendship meant a lot to him, but as you put it "this whole thing is awkward for him"
Good luck

[strateguy632]

because you have a boyfriend, it was awkward time to tell him. and he can't write to you while you are dating someone else.

[devilish-cutie]

he either likes you too and doesn't know what he wants and is not ready for anything

or he doesn't like you and feels awkward about your confession

[Anonymous]

Oh, no, he doesn't view your stories!

How do you sleep at night? 🤦‍♀️

[Avicenna]

He may be trying to orocess everything

[barn_stormer]

he's ignoring you