Guys, Married Guy Is Tempting me?

[SexyBrunetteNY]

Guys, please provide input. I know this man through a past work project and suddenly months later, online, after I posted a nice picture, he messaged me. We 'noticed' each other, and it's been 'on' ever since.

He's in LA, I'm not, so there's nothing in person but this man is just, in his own way, is paying loads of attention to me online. I did not know that he was married but then I looked on his social media and just recently that saw he got married just about 3 years ago.

Knowing he's married, I'm trying to stop feeling so attracted to him, but he views my stories the second he wakes up, before he sleeps, posts things to me and vice versa - we go back and forth like this NON-STOP recently. It is abundantly obvious that we like each other a lot.

Please tell me that as a guy who's married, you'd just be looking for some side piece so I can stop myself and just somehow disconnect from him, lol.

[DaveJord]

Guys that do this, I think, are missing or not getting some type of emotional fullfillment from their wives. Now this could be for a varity of reasons, he could just be a player, or his wife coudl be a terrible person, and/or everything and anything inbetween.

I will assure you that he is most definitely doing this because he as empty place in life and he is trying to fill it. Could he just be looking for a outlet or side peice? ABSOLUTELY, YES! This difineately and clearly is one possibitly amoung many others. But that does not mean that is 100% what he is doing. Maybe he is just looking for a way out of his relationship.

One thing is 100% true, and you must not ever forget this one truth. Once a cheater always a cheater, if he is willing to cheat once on his current wife to be with you, then he would be 100% more likely to consdier doing it again. Even if he never cheats again he is still a cheater who has cheated. This is not an absolute truth, meaning if he cheats once he would do it again. But its 100% more likely to happen again if he is able to do it sucessfully with you.

In the end even if you have never physically hooked up with him, he is still cheating on his wife with you on a emotional level. So the cheating is happening.

[SexyBrunetteNY]

You are so right with literally everything you said, and I feel like SUCH an IDIOT like how am I **this** stupid and I can't help how much I like him, love his voice, stare at his pictures, etc. So, obviously, I know that it's wrong and I want it to stop.

But I agree that something is lacking because he's obviously missing something in the marriage, and this is not an 'old' marriage. I have pretty much managed to control myself on social media today and I only posted 2 romantic songs, lol.

Anyway, this is so unlike me. I'm generally so picky and usually see through men with bad intentions but with him, that's not how I feel at all :(

[DaveJord]

Yeah, it's easy to get sucked in online, because even though it is happening it is only happening in that cyber space, and that for some reason makes it less real. Even when that is literally what is happening, but it's so flattering and then you imagination takes over and you want to believe it's not what it is. It can be intoxicating, and then there are 100s of scammers out there trying to take advantage of lonely hearts like us.

I do not fault you in anyway, but the fact that you asked this question says that your head is in the right place. And if you are not cheater then you need to cut contact. If want to indulge yourself in this fantasy, then you should do so at your own risk.

No judgment from me either way, but please do move forward with caution.

[SexyBrunetteNY]

Well, this isn't going to be easy. But you're right again, it all taking place online/cyberspace makes it feel like 'harmless' fun and flirting. But I DO know this guy in real life because we had worked together (albeit remotely) on a short project in the past, and our paths crossed even way before then where his kid was involved with one of my early projects - so we have ties in the real world. I just didn't realize that he was married and that's the only issue here. Had he been single, it'd all be wonderful. And yes, my head is in the right place, the trouble is my heart isn't. I'm kind of crazy about him.

[DaveJord]

Well honestly then, I would tell him just that. Seriously, if it was me and I was dealing with a woman. I would tell her, that I think she is amazing and the type of person I could fall in love with, but the only thing stopping me form seriously pursuing this is the fact she is married.

So, I would tell her straight out, the only thing that is stopping me is the fact that she is married with children. Therefore, I could no longer continue with the online friendship and would need to part ways.

[DaveJord]

It would not be easy, but if you are morally opposed to cheating then it's the only way... because technically on an emotional level, albeit unintentional, you are cheating.

[SexyBrunetteNY]

Yes all true but they don't have children. His kids are from the first marriage, now grown, no babies with this one. But you're right. I will tell him.

[SexyBrunetteNY]

Anyway, thanks again for the comments, all so helpful!

[DaveJord]

Good luck, I know it sucks... at my age all the good ones are either married or taken or have a lot of baggage. Its supper disappointing when find someone and then it's things like this that get in the way. But don't get discouraged... if nothing else you now have a better idea of what you want and are looking for in a potential partner. Eventually you will find it with someone... as for me the search continures.

[SexyBrunetteNY]

Dating is hard, and mind you, literally no one has gotten my interest in a VERY long time, I just didn't care to be bothered. For today and yesterday, it's been much of the same. I posted a pic, he liked it. I like his, I post stories, he views them instantly and vice-versa.

The thing is, before all of this nonsense, when we talked IRL, things were just normal but obviously now we're both shy and messaging is minimal and while we give each other signs, attention and signals, a REAL discussion has NOT been had. He just posted that he's about to fly on some very small plane for a work thing and I sent him a shocked emoji because planes that small are dangerous. Now I guess he'll be busy with work when he lands.

I do want to talk to him but I'm going to let him sort of lead the way here... and when the time is right, I'll do it.

[DaveJord]

Well indulge with caution. That's literally what I do ever time I step into the dating game. But I am attracted to all types of women... so online dating definitely has its pros and cons, and its exhausting! 😰

[SexyBrunetteNY]

Oh, you said a mouthful. It IS exhausting. I mostly prioritize work and rarely feel strong attraction so when it happens, it's hard for me to not take it seriously.

I sure hope that things are good on your end. In terms of an update from my side, he's obviously confused. He did post that the wife needed to 'come home' so she's NOT there with him - but still, I NEVER messaged him or said anything just to stay out of whatever is going on in his marriage. So, here we are nearly a whole MONTH later and he's STILL doing it. Still watching my all my stories soon after I post them, even when I avoid all of his.

*Shrugs shoulders* Oh well, whatever floats your boat, lol. I'm not saying anything to him.

[jahaims]

You have such low self esteem that you take sloppy seconds of a married man's attention. He obviously isn't a good person when he is a cheater. Gain some self worth so men don't use you like a cum rag.

[SexyBrunetteNY]

I find that when men speak in this tone/manner to a woman it is because they themselves are jealous that other men actually attract women, but they can't. Here's hoping you get laid soon. Based on your sour mood, seems like it's been AGES.

[jahaims]

Good theory, but I am married with children. It is sad that you place such importance on sex. Getting laid isn't impressive. Is that how you justify being a whore? The more guys inside of you, the better you can feel about yourself? "I am important because guys use me for a cum rag". That is why you are where you are in life and I am where I am. You are such a loser that your insults don't even work. They only work on people with the same dog shit value system as you. The best part is that you are too ignorant to understand all of the layers of this conversation.

[SexyBrunetteNY]

I pity your wife and kids. Go get back on your meds psycho.

[SexyBrunetteNY]

And this ain't f**king Afghanistan, loser. Get with the program. You probably beat your wife and wanna throw acid on her face when she steps out of line.

[riverrat3]

What would you be comfortable doing

[SexyBrunetteNY]

In what regard? I may not be intellectually comfortable with much given he's married but with that said, I'd like to have him for breakfast, lunch, dinner and my midnight snack, lolololol!!

[riverrat3]

Then go for that

[SexyBrunetteNY]

And what's so wild is, he's not even handsome in the traditional sense. I mean, yes, he's tall and his voice is amazing but other than that, I'm still wondering how the f**k we got here, lmfao!!

[Anonymous]

It's no brainer that you will be side chick...