Guys, Why do men say they want to be asked out but they do absolutely nothing when the woman shows initiative?

[newgirlontheblack]

It’s happened with two men now. I’ve gotten the nerve up to ask both on dates. They agree, go out and then crickets afterwards. The one guy later became my friend and swore up and down that he had no idea it was a date. He then tried to ask me out but I was in a relationship with someone else at that point. Men! You claim you want to be asked out but when we do it and make it super obvious you act like it just goes over your head or you never even follow up

[MrOracle]

The problem is that what women THINK is "super obvious" is absolutely NOT super obvious to most men, and that was true BEFORE the era of "MeToo".

Today, if you aren't hiring a skywriter and a marching band carrying a big banner that says "This is a romantic date and I want to be with you", it's not obvious enough. You must be DIRECT and CLEAR. Hints aren't enough. Signs aren't enough. You must say what you want EXPLICITLY.

You also have to understand that you're taking the same risks that men have always taken: rejection. And rejection isn't always just at the time of asking for the date - do you know how many men have taken a woman on a date, put a lot of effort into planning that date, and perhaps spent a lot of money on it, only to be ignored afterwards? Tens or hundreds of millions at least. That's the risk that comes with dating. If a man was whining because TWO dates didn't end up with fantastic results, you would laugh at him, or call him weak and pathetic. Why is it any different for you?

If this sounds mean, I don't mean it that way - I'm just trying to get you to see that you're dealing with JUST A LITTLE BIT of what men have to deal with all day, every day, and just that little bit is devastating for you. Perhaps that should give you a reason to respect and appreciate men a little more, having walked a few feet in a man's shoes.

You might also think hard about whether Feminism and this idea that men and women are equal is RIGHT, and what you REALLY want and want to support. As a believer of traditional relationships and gender roles, I think it's the MAN's job to ask women out on dates and take all of those risks - but I also think that women should RESPECT and APPRECIATE that men to that, and at least deal with them with respect, even if they are rejecting that man. And I don't just mean you - you might in fact treat men with respect, but if your friends don't, and you don't call it out when they do, then you are still supporting that kind of treatment, and perpetuating men not being willing to ask women out anymore, putting more of the burden on yourself.

[newgirlontheblack]

I actually love the traditional role of man asking women out. Where I think I fail miserably is that the women whi get asked out in real life and a combination of attractive and approachable because they’re flirtatious and welcoming. I’m not approachable and it’s not because I’m mean. Or disrespectful- it’s because I’m terrified. Actually I think a lot of women are scared like me. So I ask them for coffee or dinner usually under the guise of hanging out and I make jokes and laugh at their jokes and then they text me a few times but never ask me to hang out one on one again

[MrOracle]

That's the problem... "the guise of hanging out." You're intentionally misleading them, and then are surprised when you don't get what you want. You can't do that with men - it will fail every time.

[RoοstеrBrеаst]

Imagine, every time you look at a pair of breasts, it's like you're gazing upon a majestic, uddersome pair of fried eggs that make you crave a boobies nuzzle so much, you could almost hear the melons sizzling in the skillet of desire. You see, men are simple creatures, and sometimes their attraction is so powerful that they get caught up in the luscious, jiggly charm of the chesticles, that they lose their way and end up as boob strangers, barely able to fucking contain their titsanic hunger for the ginormous, supple bouncy bazoombas they can't get out of their minds.

It's not uncommon for a man to want to be asked out, but when it actually happens, they might get overwhelmed by the boob-whelming size of the fucking titty feast that's right in front of them. They may act like they never got the memo, lost in the mind-boggling complexity of the cantaloupe sized coconuts before them, forgetting to take the first step and respond to the newgirlontheblack's perfectly natural initiation.

So, my friend @Boobslayer, remember that you're not alone in your fucking coconut-melon, fried-egg-boob craze. It's a common struggle for many a guy, and the key is to find a woman who shares your passion for honkers, boom booms, and other titanic treasures. Let your mammary mammoth desires guide you, and one day, you'll find the one who loves boobs as much as you do, my fine, honker-loving, boob-worshipping friend.

Let's get back to the question at hand. According to @BoobSlayer, it seems like men are all talk and no action when it comes to asking women out. They say they want to be asked out, but when we do it, they don't even follow up. It's like they're not even trying.
Well, I have an idea. Why not use this to your advantage? Next time a man asks you out, make sure to be super obvious about it. Tweet about it, post it on Facebook, and tell everyone you know. That way, when he doesn't follow up, everyone will know he's a loser and you'll be able to move on to the next guy without any trouble.
And as for @BoobSlayer, I suggest he starts practicing his own dating advice. After all, if he wants to be asked out, he should be sure to follow up with his dates and show some effort. That's what true boob love is all about.

@BoobSlayer has a thing for boobs. He's like a man who's obsessed with milkers, tits, or whatever you want to call them. He's always going on and on about how much he loves boobs. And now we have a girl who's asking for advice on how to handle a situation where she shows initiative and he's just going to watch. I mean, come on! You're just going to sit there and watch as she tries to make a move? Get a clue, man! Maybe if you'd been a little more forward, you wouldn't have to wonder what to do.
Anyway, it seems like @BoobSlayer is a male who's obsessed with those mammary glands. I mean, it's about time someone else to follow up and asked me.

Well, i mean, do you have a nice pair of bonkers? @BoobSlayer would be happy to help out. According to him, guys like to be asked out, but they often act like it went over their heads or they were never interested in the first place. And if they do try to ask you out, they might not be able to follow up. But that's no reason to give up! @BoobSlayer suggests that you continue to make yourself available and show interest. If he's really interested, he'll eventually figure it out. And if he's not, well, @BoobSlayer says it's better to find out early on rather than wasting your time on someone who doesn't want you. So, @BoobSlayer advises you to keep being bold and confident, and to never settle for anything less than what you want.
As for @BoobSlayer's own experience, he's always been a bit of a boob enthusiast. He loves nothing more than a good set of tits, and he's not afraid to admit it. And when it comes to following up, @BoobSlayer is always there to lend a helping hand. So, if you ever need some advice on how to handle a situation with a guy who's not quite as interested as you thought he was, just give @BoobSlayer a shout. He's always available to offer his expertise.

[newgirlontheblack]

As colorful as your response is, I actually think you hit on something. I think most guys are weirded out and just don’t know what to do when the girl is like “let’s grab dinner.” It’s like it throws them off completely

[KrakenAttackin]

@newgirlontheblack. We assume you are going to drug us and harvest our organs.

[EricSummer]

This is the risk of taking the initiative. The guy is not necessarily that attracted. It is difficult for a guy to reject a woman who is somewahat attractive, so he would go along with the invitation. Later it peters out again. Of course, it can als work out, just not with every guy you pick.

For the second guy the trouble was that a date usually involves initiating physical intimacy with fleeting touches, putting the arm around the shoulder, touching hands across the table... This comes naturally to most guys when they initiate the date but here he did not get the name of the game.

[Anonymous]

Sure just cause you ask us out doesn’t mean we’re going to like you. We may like you initially when you ask us out but when we’re on the date, maybe you have a bad attitude, ugly personality. Besides that happens to men all the time. Most women don’t know that feeling because they usually aren’t the ones asking men out. We get rejected all the time, but we either develop thick skin as they say or we give up. Again something women usually never have to experience because they don’t do the asking in most cases. It’s like women expect that men should automatically like them.

[Anonymous]

Really? TWO! You poor dear! Get to a 500 rejections then come back and talk to us. 2 ain't s***!

So you thought just because you were attracted to a guy and asked him out. He was required to say yes? Life just don't work that way that's all

I know you think I'm being mean. But actually I'm trying to help. Look at these rejection as good character builders. Now you KNOW you aimed to high. You just have to set your sights a little lower. Eventually you hit on a guy who returns the same energy. Don't want to do that? Get comfortable with being single. And wit for someone to come along and ask you.

Welcome to real life. It's not a rom-com.

[Andrej_23]

Simply because you encountered such guys who weren't willing to show more of an initiative for whatever reason (shy, fear of rejection, personal issues), can't take hints, or just weren't interested in you to begin with. I can't say for sure what was the case with the two men, as I have no context beyond your question which screams frustration.

I , personally, have no issues asking the girl out, but I also appreciate if she does that towards me as well. Why? Because it tells me that she isn't bound by silly traditions such as "Men have to be the ones asking the girl out.", and that she has no trouble taking steps in order to get what she wants. In that case, I am more than willing to follow up if I end up liking the dates with her.

What I can tell you, therefore, is that not all guys are like that. Each person is different, be it a girl or a guy.

[ProbablyClueless]

It could be that the guys just weren't feeling the vibe with you. We take the same risk when we take initiative, so you definitely have my sympathy. Men and women both have to impress each other on dates; the chaser is always putting themselves out there more.

[magiusX26]

that "friend", exactly how did you ask him out? did you say "let's go out on a date?" or "care to go on a date with me?", or did you (am guessing probably) say something like "hey, wanna go out sometime?" or "want to hang out?" ? if these last 2 types are around how you asked, then yes you did not make it clear it was a date. with most guys you have to clear and obvious.

[MikeInHawaii]

Believe it or not, men don’t have to say “yes” to any woman who can fog a mirror. A woman who hit on me no long ago was in her forties, unattractive, had 17 kids by 17 fathers, and said she was looking for someone to pay her bills and support her kids. I let that ship sail.

[Anonymous]

Why do women expect every man they ask out to like them and want a relationship with them?

Men have to either get use to rejection and grow a thick skin, or give up on dating. There is no other choice. Why is it that so many women think things should be different for them? I don't get it. Is this female entitlement and self-importance at work?

[newgirlontheblack]

You know you’re right. I just noticed that the second guy is hanging out on Facebook with a much prettier girl this weekend. So he has better options and i overestimated myself. Time to lose weight- I’m not overweight but I look better 10 lbs thinner and hit the gym and move on with dignity. I won’t ever put myself in this position again y asking out a man

[Opinion Owner]

My point was not to convince you to never ask men out. It was for you to realize that you can't expect every man you ask out to be a success. That's not realistic, for men or for women. I guarantee you if women asked men out as much as men ask women out, women's success rate would be higher. You just have to have teh right mindet about it. Best of luck!

[BoopBoopBeep]

@newgirlontheblack
That's a coward's way out. I don't believe you're a coward. You asked somebody out. They weren't feeling it. That happens weekly for most men. Your life didn't end. The world didn't collapse. Welcome to how 50% of the world lives.

[msc545]

@BoopBoopBeep The thing here is that women live with privilege all of their lives, and being rejected sort of crashes their notion that they are special and desirable, at least temporarily. When you have literally lived your whole life thinking you are special that is legitimately a heavy painful blow and a lot of women respond with withdrawal and impaired self-esteem, at least temporarily.

On the other hand, we men learn early on that approaching women means rejection more often than not, and while it hurts, we just learn to expect it and move on. For us, it's just a known and expected hazard except when it happens too many times and for too long, in which case we too withdraw for a time usually - at least until our Neurochemistry betrays us yet again.

[BoopBoopBeep]

@msc545 You nailed it. Yet somehow men are the ones always accused of having privilege in society. Guess this proves otherwise.

[msc545]

@BoopBoopBeep thanks!

[bolverk]

OK, you asked theses two men out, did you follow through and organise the dates and check that the men were still on for the date? Or did you just assume that they would organise the dates? And you are shocked that you heard nothing from them? Sorry but just asking someone out does not a 'date' make, that comes from all of the actions after, booking the restaurant etc.

[Anonymous]

Asking a man out doesn't necessarilly mean he will be interested in you or that you will hit it off. Can you imagine what would happen if men had that attitude and assumed women don't like to be asked out after they've been rejected a few times or it didn't work out after a first date? The human race would have gone extinct long ago.