He went from telling me he really cared about me and didn’t want to lose my friendship to “you never trusted me. I only wanted you for sex”. Why?

[Anonymous]

Long story short, I have major trust issues. No, I’ve never been in a relationship but family matters have ruined any type of trust I could have in someone. Anyway… I met a guy about three weeks ago. He was nice to me but I always felt like something was off. He would tell me about his guy friends hooking up with girls but he wanted to wait till marriage etc. Anyway, we’ve had our ups and downs these past two days but today he asked me… do you want to be my friend yes or no? Along with other stuff. I told him, no. I told him I wanted to keep it strictly homework related. That’s when he changed.

he told me…. you didn’t trust me from the beginning. I’ll be honest, when I met you I only wanted sex because I thought you were pretty but I didn’t get it. You live near me and I wanted to be your friend and your lover but I didn’t get it.

then he proceeds to offer to send a pic of his dic* and sends something (I didn’t open) but he quickly deletes it and deletes every other message where he said he only wanted me for sex. No, he hasn’t blocked me on Snapchat.

what happened? Was he playing me all along?

[Saramad_Hill]

Without really knowing you or him, the only advice I can currently give is act according to how he makes you feel. If he makes you feel like you should second-guess everything, maybe it's best to back off a bit.

It's okay to have friends, but true friends won't send dick-pics unsolicited.

Honestly three weeks isn't an incredibly long time to know someone, but it is long enough to get a first impression about them. If he's making you feel this way now, it would probably get worse if you actually got in a relationship with him.

My advice is follow your gut.

[Asker]

Why do you think he erased everything that was related to him saying he only wanted to sleep with me etc?

[Saramad_Hill]

Sure! There's a couple of different reasons.

1) He regretted sending it. (Doesn't excuse it)
2) He didn't regret sending it, but wanted to delete it before you had proof to possibly use against him in the future if needed
3) Testing the waters to see how you'd react. (Maybe he was hoping you'd ask. Oh, please send me more! Etc)

It doesn't change the fact that he sent that stuff in the first place. Was he drunk? Was he just joking? Who knows. If it's a joke, I'm not laughing.

Sending a nude and deleting it might as well be considered as flashing someone.

If you ask him about it, and he says what are you talking about, that's gaslighting.

It's up to you whether or not you want to ask him about it. People make mistakes, but you've got to set the boundaries you want. If he keeps pestering you for something you're not comfortable with, maybe reevaluate what you two are even friends for.

[Asker]

I didn’t bother opening his snap or replying to his messages. I just let it be. He hasn’t removed me from Snapchat…maybe later on he’ll do it? I don’t know. I’m grossed out by his words and I’m disappointed in me for even being nice to him. Sure, we’ve been bickering these past two days but nothing excuses his behavior with me today. I haven’t been disrespectful to him in any way shape or form.

[Saramad_Hill]

Once again, I am sorry this has happened. It's aggravating when a promising friendship begins, only for the other person to do something problematic before the first month is even over.

I'm just going to guess he was playing nice, waiting to see how you'd respond, or hoping you'd be "easy."

Deleting the snaps is basically the smoking gun here, he knew it was probably a bad idea to send them. And honestly, it was.

Currently, I say you should either confront him (calmly) about it if you want to work things out, or, call it a done deal and move on.

The entire thing just seems disappointing, at a glance from my end.

[Asker]

You’re absolutely right! Thank you 🙏🏻

[Saramad_Hill]

You're welcome. Good luck with sorting it out, and please take care.

[Sugarberry37]

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